I felt sad and weird yesterday. I have not been doing any of the useful productive things on my list, even when I am bored. I keep seeing people sharing fun things to do with the kids at home, and the ideas look fun and cool, and I am not doing any of that. I wonder if that will come later, or if some people are active! fun! productive! shelterers-in-place and others are not.
I did go to the grocery store, after saying I wouldn’t. It was distressing to be in the store: I felt jumpy about being near other people, and I was overwhelmed and less able than usual to make decisions. It is nice to have those groceries, but I felt like I broke the seal on our house—which is exactly what I DID DO. It’s not like the virus is saying, “Hmm, let’s see, this is officially considered a LEGITIMATE reason to leave your house, so you’re okay, you can pass unscathed.” I realize that doesn’t mean we can just stop acquiring food: there is a certain level of seal-breaking that has to happen no matter what. But I still felt squirrelly and unhappy for the rest of the day.
We received some deliveries and I felt similarly about those: everything felt contaminated.
Yesterday’s cleaning tasks: none. Well, except wiping down steering wheel, door handles, etc., after my trip out. But those don’t count because they’re not in my Housecleaning Tasks I Am Trying To Keep Up With. I will see if I can make myself do twice as many tasks today. Or it might have to be I do lots of tasks on nights I have something to drink, and no tasks on the days I have no drinks and instead eat a pint of ice cream.
I am trying to think of a safe, easy way a local friend group could help each other with shortages. Like for example: if you live near me and you need almonds, I have so many almonds. I was on an almond kick recently; during that kick, I found several good sales and a good online deal, and I thought “I eat so many almonds, I’ll go through these no trouble!” Then I got kind of tired of almonds, and also Paul ate way too many in one sitting and felt really sick and now won’t eat them, and none of the kids like them. So if I had a local friend who was thinking wistfully, “I sure wish I had some ALMONDS right now!” or “I could make that really good granola/pastry/whatever if only I had ALMONDS,” I would want to know about it. I could put on gloves, put the unopened bag of almonds in a disposable bag (perhaps spraying a cloud of Lysol into the bag before briskly tying it closed), and drop it off in the friend’s driveway.
One of the barriers, I think, is a reluctance to ask. Another issue is that if someone asks, but it’s not something anyone has extra of, it seems like that could lead to an uncomfortable feeling: the asker might regret asking, and the askees might feel guilty about not sharing. Another issue is that some people might need to ask more than others, and some might be able to give more than others, and that might lead to feelings; it would be nice if there was a way it could be made a little more private. Like if people could make the request anonymously somehow, and the recipient would be revealed only if someone clicked “Yes, I can give some of this!”—and then the giver was kept anonymous? I don’t know, this is getting kind of complicated. Probably we just need to get to that stage where all of this is so familiar that our usual social things (not asking for things we need, feeling awkward about giving things, etc.) breaks down on its own.
I’m stressed because tomorrow we are driving into the big city to get Edward his Remicade infusion. Speaking of breaking seals, this just feels like a very bad one to break. Driving to a hospital! in a big city! with an immunocompromised child! during a pandemic! But I called and left a message for the doctor asking what we should do, and the nurse called me back and said this qualifies as urgent medical care and that we should still come in; she says they have canceled nearly all other appointments, but not Remicade appointments. I will be talking with the doctor at the appointment about whether there is LITERALLY ANY OTHER WAY WE COULD DO THIS. I remember when the doctor was getting this medication approved through our insurance, he mentioned that some insurance companies preferred to pay for a method given by daily shots at home, instead of IV infusions at a hospital. THAT SEEMS IDEAL FOR A PANDEMIC.
Normally we take a commuter bus into the city, and then walk the rest of the way; this time we will drive directly to the parking garage, even though driving in the city makes me cry. I suspect the traffic will be significantly less weepy than usual. I don’t know if we should wear gloves/masks. I have seen such conflicting things, from “DON’T wear them unless you have been trained or it’s WORSE THAN NOTHING” to “The reason this wasn’t so bad in Other Country is because they are quick to wear gloves/masks.” I also worry about looking like someone who is taking medical supplies that should be reserved for healthcare employees. (These are not the N95 masks, just the little paper ones that allegedly help protect others from the wearer, rather than the wearer from others.)
Ugh…I hear you with the Remicade. Remicade stopped working for my son in December. We tried a pill starting in January and he had a major flare (lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks). So we’ve been fighting for 4 weeks to get another infusion med approved by insurance. Fighting to be able to go to a hospital to give him immune system suppressing drugs in a pandemic. Seems like the opposite of what you should do…but he can’t just keep being on high levels of steroids or losing weight.
I’m taking him today for an MRE. Considered necessary so he can get infusions approved. Feels unnecessary. So dumb.
Ordering curbside pick up groceries feels
Less like breaking the seal so I’ve been doing that when delivery times aren’t available (but I’ve generally had good luck with scheduling grocery deliveries as long as you can wait a couple of days). We also walk to a convince store for more urgent needs. It’s small and less crowded, and it eliminates the parking garage/grocery cart/bigger store complications. It’s hard no matter what.
Hugs Swistle, and good luck with Edward’s appointment. I had a really hard day 2 days ago when I watched Trumps presser and it was made even more apparent we have no federal leadership. I am beside myself for the healthcare workers, my FRIENDS, who are begging on FB for masks, and filled with rage at a Congress – both sides – that wasted days getting money into the hands that need it. I have returned to praying, something I have struggled to do since the 2016 election. Ugh. Need another low tech day, I can tell already. For the love of god, I just want news today about healthcare workers getting PPE.
I keep thinking this is a perfect time to work on x, y, and z and then the next day I wake up and think the same thing – but alas, my list is not getting done. It is frustrating. Where does all the time go?
Before dinner last night I told everyone they had to clean one toilet or two bathroom sinks/counter tops. I think the toilets would look better if I cleaned them, but my kids have more time on their hands than they know what to do with. That is how I am handling the cleaning. Over the weekend they had to vacuum their rooms and the hallway and my room. I wash the clothes (lots an lots of them) but I ask them to help sort them. I loaded the dishwashers last night – both dishwashers totally full and that is a job that only I can do because I can fit more than anyone and I don’t stack things up so they don’t get clean. It was leftover night and there were so many Pyrex containers. Plus my kids are eating constantly and they use so many dishes and cups throughout the day , it always looks like we just had a party. I am constantly asking – ‘Whose plate is this – load it yourself’. Unreal. The kids will have to unload both dishwashers today.
We have refrained from going to the grocery store since Sunday but we have to go today. I will just be careful not to touch my face and then wash my hands and my phone when I get home. I have a very specific list and I hope that helps me get in and out faster.
Your ‘who needs what idea’ sounds like something that you might be able to offer on the Next-door website. Do you use that? I wouldn’t worry if no one wanted what you offered, because it was just nice to offer.
Coach is a physical therapist and is still treating patients. He does not wear gloves or a mask. He says they would need to be changed constantly and that it would defeat the purpose. I hope he is right.
Good luck with the hospital visit. Traffic should be a breeze. I hope the doc has a better solution for you for the next time he needs the IV treatment.
As i work from home anyway, and am basically a hermit, my life-in-lockdown is barely any different. I have nevertheless been unable to do anything productive/fun/creative… I have almost no work to do (just grading work by my students, all translation work has dried up completely) yet feel totally unable to do anything other than Candy Crush and watch reruns of The Office. I wasn’t feeling depressed (well, no more than usual) until i started seeing all the posts of people doing interesting/productive/fun/creative stuff, and now I feel miserable for being such a waste of space. My flat is a mess, my 15yo daughter is showing clear signs of hermitness too, and I just want to crawl back into bed… (By the way, here in France they say you should only wear a mask if you are a healthcare worker or someone who is sick – the masks protect others from you, not the other way round. Also, there aren’t nearly enough masks even for those who should be wearing them – a doctor died yesterday – so there are none to buy anyway)
Oh Swistle. It is all so much. Hoping your trip with Edward is smooth and traffic free and that you don’t encounter anyone but his medical team at the hospital.
Seconding this. Hang in there, Swistle. If Big City is anything like where I live, the traffic will be way, way down and hopefully no trouble at all. Also parking should be a cinch for the same reason. Fingers crossed.
I keep seeing posts about how my friends are baking and starting their gardens and doing craft projects and I was thinking that might be us (well, not the craft projects), but that’s not how it’s going down. The adults are swamped with work (more than usual) and working under less than ideal conditions, so we’re very busy and stressed. One kid is back to online school and that’s keeping him just about the right amount of busy, but the other one is at loose ends and, as far as I can tell, not doing much on their list of fun, wholesome activities (e.g. learn Japanese!) they made when school was cancelled. We let them take long walks with a friend most afternoons, though, so they’re getting some exercise and social contact, but I worry we’ll eventually have to put the kibosh on that and then they will perish of sadness.
I’m sorry you have to drive into the city, but if your city is anything like ours the traffic will be very very light. You shouldn’t have any trouble. Remember to use your knuckles to press elevator buttons and parking garage buttons and you should be fine. :)
Does your neighborhood use the Nextdoor website, or a Facebook page? Maybe start a “trading post” where you offer your almonds, and someone else can offer extra crafting supplies, and someone else can gladly accept your almonds. Be the change you wish to see in the world, etc. My neighborhood has done that with crafting supplies, I thought it was a nice idea.
Hang in there, everyone. I will say that one nice side benefit from all this is that we get to hear from our lovely Swistle more often. :)
I think a lot of the hubbub around the gloves/masks is not wanting folks to hoard the PPE. I would 100% wear them if we were having to go in for an infusion.
My kiddo (16) stopped Remicade last summer, but our insurance company was *REALLY* pushing us to have a nurse come to the house to administer the infusion, so that could be an option. She’s now doing Humira injections every two weeks which is working so far. Sending good wishes for a smooth trip to the city.
I get the same feeling about contamination when I go to a grocery store. The most annoying thing is that I’ve (quickly, and often without touching anything) been to ten more stores than I otherwise would’ve been, in search of toilet paper. Because when everyone went crazy, I thought “Oh, I have enough to last me two weeks easy, by then the panicky people will have had their fill and the supply chain will have caught up.”
Apparently, they did not, and it did not, or people who were non-panicky before also went panicky when they saw that those shelves just stayed empty.
Either way, no toilet-paper for me, and plenty more visits to places with lots of people who may have heard of physical distancing but so far do not consider it a thing in which they ought to partake. And even if they did, I’m still keenly aware that I’m rebreathing air that has been in and out of thousands of other people’s lungs.
I very much like the idea of your sharing system, including the anonymous part. I’ve actually wished for something like that, too. And we had Facebook groups were people give away things and ask for them, including one for food stuff, but those have all closed up for now because people ignored the part about social distancing, too.
About the mask and gloves: you probably found out by now, but if not, it’s better to share anyway. The masks that you have at home are only good to protect your surroundings from the wearer, because they don’t create a seal and don’t filter finely enough to keep the virus out. What they are good at is keeping the wearer from breathing or coughing/sneezing directly on the people or surfaces around them. So ideally, everyone around you would be wearing them when you go to the appointment, including any other patients that may be waiting, too.
The reason why they can be considered “worse than nothing” is because if you wear them, you also are breathing in with a little more strength and pressure because you get the air only from around the sides. Though tbh, I’m not sure why exactly that is worse, since you still take in the same amount of air as before which should have the same chance of being contaminated than otherwise. Maybe the breath has more force and is deeper? That might be it.
With the gloves, first question would be if any of the gloves you have even fit Edward. Gloves as such could be helpful, if only to remind both of you to not touch your face. But when I tried using some in the grocery store, I realized I still need to touch many of my belongings that could then later transfer anything to me that got on their surface. Like my handbag and its handles, my wallet, my jacket. If you take a distraction for Edward like a video game or even just a phone; that, too. In the end, it might be more effective to wrap the handles of your purse in something (that is easy to rip off later) and put the purse itself in a plastic or bag, then throw your keys into the purse after locking the car (all your hands are still “clean” at that point) and have some disinfectant wipes and spray in the outer bag of the purse.
Then, after the appointment, when back at the car but before touching it or your keys, you both use disinfectant on your hands and wipe down the entertainment with wipes, open the car, lift the purse out and put it on your seat, turning the plastic bag inside out, remove the handle-protection and throw it inside the now inside-out plastic bag along with any other potentially-contaminated wiping stuff, disinfect your hands again, and get in. I realize that it sounds a bit complicated and still leaves jackets and shoes, but it would at least take care of anything we touch frequently without realizing.
I hope your appointment and the driving goes well, and also that the at-home injections become an option again, because those do sound PERFECT for a pandemic.
You know Renea Frey’s post about how we’re all stick-footin’ it now?
https://twitter.com/RodalLab/status/1238975171341549576/photo/1
That’s me. All stick-foot, all the time. The only thing I’m managing at all as normal is dinner. I cook dinner most nights, and if we get takeout, it’s because I want to support local businesses.
I am trying to exercise regularly, but I give myself full credit for a good workout if I even get on the thing in the basement, regardless of how strenuous it is. Oh well.
I am on my work computer during my normal working hours, but I had a slow week last week and I did not care. At all. Oh well.
My kids are probably doing their schoolwork. They’re in high school, so it’s their problem.
I tried planting my windowsill basil outside, and I think it’s dead now. Oh well.
I am washing my hands and shrugging.
Sending hugs.
If you have a neighborhood FaceBook page, I would announce on it: “Here are things I have too many of UNOPENED in my pantry, please call out if you need any of these. I will leave them on my porch with your name on it. I have not touched them since (date), here’s a video of the method I will use to bag them up.”
The method EYE would use, BTW, is to grab a paper or plastic grocery bag (while wearing gloves) and slip it over the item in question. Grab the item through the bag, and flip it so that it is soundly in the bag.
If they are in sealed packaging, I would just leave them on the porch and encourage the picker-upper to bring a clorox wipe and give them a once-over :) Bagging them just traps anything that might be floating around from your breath etc that would otherwise float away on the breeze while waiting on the porch.
But also I am not wiping down my groceries when they come home, so :shrug:
*virtual hug*
This is a really weird time for everyone, and there will be good days and bad days. We are doing almost no “super fun family activities” right now and that’s okay. Our jobs are challenging to do from home and I SUPER LOVE going into the office, so trying to figure that out AND teach kids AND do special cleaning or fun projects?! Nope. One day at a time.
Personally, I recommend not watching Trump because nothing good can come of it. We can all read about what happened moments later and stay informed without the increased blood pressure/rage/despair of hearing his stupid voice. Sadly, neither my husband nor my parents share my opinion, and then they are mad at me for not joining them in their sputtering outrage. I’M OUTRAGED! But I don’t need to hear that voice IN. MY. HOUSE. or react to it in real time with you OMIGOD.
Finally, I know your big city isn’t my big city, but FWIW my big city is a ghost town in the big, downtown, hospital areas. Obviously the ERs are busy, but everything non-essential has been postponed, and the people there are the best trained to keep things are sterile as possible. So you may be pleasantly relieved about the drive and the getting to the hospital and the overall experience – the big cities are quite serious about no crowds. (The grocery stores and the neighborhoods can be less so.)
Good luck. Be well.
May I say that while the REASON you are blogging so much lately is unfortunate, I am nevertheless enjoying these more frequent posts. It’s good to hear how other people are coping.
While I won’t speak to wearing a mask or not, I will speak to Aggressively Defensive Social Distancing. When you have to go to the hospital, make a game plan with Edward to go Out of Your Way to give other people 10+ of space. Avoid elevators if you can. Wait for an empty elevator if you can’t. Don’t play on your phone if you can help it. Maybe bring disposable chopsticks to push buttons with?
Neither of us are immunocompromised, well, except I’m pregnant. On our daily fresh air walk, my husband and I actively cross the street, “pull over” into the bushes, and otherwise give the few neighbors out getting fresh air or walking their dogs the widest possible berth. It helps both of us feel better about leaving our theoretically corona-free isolation unit, aka condo.
Yes to this! We were trying to take a walk and crossed the street to avoid another family. Grocery stores are challenging! I have also backed up from people invading my space, and even had to tell one co-worker (before we all started working from home), to stop. Every time I moved, so did she…closer and closer. We will get through this, but I wish people would think.
Just want to comment on the gloves/mask topic… I wear gloves while grocery shopping only to prevent myself from touching my face (I’m a face toucher!). I do not wear a mask. Wearing a mask would make me touch my face more (adjusting it). Not that I have a mask anyway, but I know they can be made with fabric. Point being – do what you are comfortable with!
I’m an antsy driver in a city with a lot of traffic and the driving’s been so much easier. Like, so so much better. So, hopefully that will also be the case on your trip.
I’m looking forward to listening to the latest podcast from David Burns. His work on reframing thoughts has gotten me through many crises.
https://feelinggood.com/2020/03/22/corona-cast-1-honoring-your-angst/
Good luck on your appointment. So you know, I have to drive into DC once a week now and it is usually a whole Thing, but nowadays it is very chill and there is parking everywhere and left turns are easy and so I think the driving part of your day might be less stressful than you’d imagined.
Call the nurse back and ask for an appropriate protocol regarding gloves and masks. I know of several similar situations and the doctor had definite opinions on how to most safely receive the care. In one case, the doctor was clear this was not an abuse of a N95 mask, because the consequences of infection would be so high.
Good luck tomorrow!
Just chiming in to add how much I relate to this post. I wasn’t hoarding (or even thinking about coronavirus at all), but around 4-5 weeks ago I bought 2 huge Costco packs of TP. Even now we still have like 30 rolls! In any case, I would be happy to give some of them to someone who needs them…but only really want them to go to someone who needs them because at some point our own supply will dwindle and who knows what the state of affairs will be then.
I took my first trip to the grocery store in a week and wound up really rattled. Between the empty shelves everywhere and the face mask wearing people, it really shook me. I couldn’t buy some of the key things I wanted to buy, had to buy some super high priced substitutions, and even then left with some random bags of food that have made for weird meals.
You didn’t ask for advice, so feel free to ignore!
Would one of your older sons relish the drive into the city? (Only a good idea if putting him behind the wheel would reduce your stress.) Then he could wait in the van while you and Edward go into the appointment. You could even pay him or buy his favorite drive-through treat. Might make him feel less stir-crazy to get out of the house a bit, too.
Good luck!
Chiming in to say our pediatrician has put out the word, that there are no seats available in the waiting areas as you are to wait in your car until you are to be seen. You call when you get to the office to check in and stay in your car. Then they call you when it is your turn and you go directly into the recently disinfected room where you are to be seen. We haven’t needed to be seen since all this started (knock wood) but I think that’s a great way to keep from congregating/stay away from others.
Maybe if you call back, they have something like that in place?
I’m mostly laying in bed on my heating pad, eating buttered tortillas, reading YA romance novels, and scrolling The NY Times website, whilst permitting my children unlimited screen time and snacks. I guess that’s my coping mechanism, rather than all the productive stuff the moms on Instagram are doing.
I think that sounds like you’re coping splendidly. My daughter is 15 and has online classes from her high school. I have so far done little to verify that she is **actually** doing any work and not just watching Korean pop music videos and Korean soap dramas (no, we’re not Korean – we’re in France). I have done many, many craft projects in my head but in reality all I’ve done is watch The Office reruns and up my game on Candy Crush. I’m lucky if dinner is anything that isn’t just heated up. And the flat is a mess. So yeah. Those Insta mums and their crafts, gardening, music recitals, baking etc. are… not me.
I listen to a podcast by a well-known self-help author and on her pandemic episode she was suggesting a multi-tiered system of NEW PROJECTS! And like LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES during this time, and I am like, DUDE NO. I am not going to RELEARN FRENCH while there is a pandemic on. I’m not baking or doing clever science experiments or visiting the national parks online. I am having to do QUITE ENOUGH (literally the work of four people) between working from home and parenting, plus obviously leaving time to connect with friends because otherwise I will GO INSANE, and keeping some semblance of my daily schedule so that I can exercise (again, without that I will lose it) and prepare meals AND SO FORTH.
This is not the time for additional pressure to take on hobbies that I hadn’t found time for before being shut into my house with the possibility of DEATH LOOMING at all times.
Ok but I did start blogging again because I needed that outlet and also so there will be a Plague Diary to look back upon or for my survivors to read. FUN TIMES.
This made my day – Thanks for the laugh!
I haven’t read past the almonds paragraph because I was so excited to talk about an app that a friend from high school developed- https://olioex.com/. It does exactly what you’re talking about- allows neighbors to share unused food and household items. I am proud to report that I was the first American user (she started it in the UK) after a potluck dinner that left us with a lot of pies.
Ok, back to the rest of your post.
I’m enjoying this pandemic quite a bit. I’m not enjoying the death obviously, or the loss of jobs, or the empty shelves. I am loving that I don’t have to commute, my main frustration with my life currently. I am loving witnessing my daughter’s learning. I was able to have a lengthy WTH conversation with my husband about the sloth’s pace of his dissertation and how his career choices have opportunity costs for our family. The pandemic means more at home time for me so I can see he is sitting in front of a computer. Idk if that means he will finish the writing in this decade or not, but I’ll ask next week. I am lucky to live in the country where social isolation still involves long walks outside and geocaching. This pandemic allows me to use NO more often. “Can I swing by after work to chat?” No. “Wanna do xyz?” No.
The telework has been fantastic. I am taking a retirement seminar I’ve been meaning to listen to for a couple of years. I’m finally doing it.
Notice I’m not cleaning anything more? I probably should, but I’m practicing my “No’s” right now. 😂
I have actually had a harder time driving lately because where I live (Southern California, but one of the many, many, “smaller” suburban-type cities rather than any of the big, well-known ones), either there are just too many people or (and I vote this more likely) people are still being really stupid/lax about social distancing. So I am expecting the streets to be empty and they are not. I am hoping at the least for something akin to early Sunday morning traffic, and instead, I’m getting Saturday morning traffic, or maybe, traffic during a school day when many people are at work/school and I’m out shopping, but still with plenty of people around. I try not to be judgmental – after all, I am out on the road, too. Maybe these people are just driving around like me, trying to get out of the house while still social distancing by doing a little in-car reconnaissance to find out how busy the grocery stores are at particular times. But based on the people I see loitering around outside stores, and the many cars in front of businesses I personally would not deem essential, I am doubting it. Anyway, it all makes me feel jumpy and irritated, and that directly affects my driving reactions. And this is in places I drive ALL THE TIME. But I suspect/hope I am an outlier and that you get the traffic-free city streets you should.
Great article about food/feeding kids/groceries and food resources for those that are food insecure. I found it to be quite reassuring (eat carbs if you want!)
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/26/parenting/coronavirus-kids-cooking.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
I have heard that stopping and starting a biologic (like Remicade) is bad. I had to do it with an injectable biologic (thanks insurance for screwing that up!!) and it stopped working. If he is getting results from the Remicade I would not stop it. I just had my two infusions (15 days apart, I get them every four months) last month. I’m nervous as my particular drug puts me in a high/very high risk category, and that’s before I take my asthma into account. Remicade works really well for so many people, I’m still bummed I had a side effect that was a deal breaker when I tried it. Good luck! I know you can do it, we do the hardest things for our kids. <3