Paul, yesterday, drying his hands after washing them at the kitchen sink: “Do we all just share this one gross dishtowel?”
My dude. Do you see a line of seven labeled dish towels? Have you EVER seen such a thing, in all our years of living in the same apartment/house together? Then you have your answer without needing to bring me into it. Also: please feel free to take the dish towel and toss it into the laundry and replace it with a fresh one from the giant stack of freshly-laundered dish towels ANY TIME YOU WANT. I am so pleased to see others suddenly wanting to help with one of my million invisible tasks! That “one gross dishtowel” was replaced by me a mere hour ago, when it seemed like it was getting too damp!
I want to talk about one of our household’s pandemic dilemmas, but it involves a service we are lucky and privileged to have, and I think that makes it a little tricky. Like, people have been laid off / are dealing with the problem of working from home while caring for young children / have jobs in healthcare and are quarantined from their families, and here I am wringing my hands over what to do about our housecleaning service—a problem many people would perhaps love to have instead of the problems they do have. Well, but here we are. We all have our own batch of issues to deal with and this is one of mine, and here is the question: What do we do?
Actually, here is our temporary answer: We tell them not to come next week, and we pay them anyway. I found that one of my first reactive feelings to this idea was that we couldn’t afford to pay for a service we weren’t receiving—but the fact is, at this point we are in very nearly the same financial situation as before, and so we are nearly identically able to afford the money. It only FEELS like we can’t afford it, because it feels weird to pay money and get nothing in exchange. But buying a cleaning service isn’t like buying a product: it’s not like buying groceries or a car repair, where a person might not be able to afford to pay for food they can’t consume or a repair that didn’t fix their otherwise unusable car. In the case of housecleaning, whether we pay for it or not, we’re not getting something that was consumable/”usable” anyway. Do you see what I mean? I feel like I’m not putting this well.
The upshot is that at least in the short term, paying for housecleaning we don’t receive is exactly as affordable as paying for housecleaning we do receive. The only difference is in how much housecleaning we then need to do ourselves, and we are able-bodied and there are seven of us and we have some time on our hands. Meanwhile, for our housecleaners, this is an urgent crisis. Their situation (losing clients means enormous financial peril) outweighs ours (it’s uncomfortable and feels odd/wrong to pay for something you don’t get).
Furthermore, we pay for things we don’t get ALL THE TIME. We just got our 20-year certificate from our car insurance company: we pay thousands a year for insurance we have been fortunate never to have had to use. That’s a little different because we ARE getting something: we’re getting protection that’s there if we DO need it. But we’ve never used it. It’s like if we paid the housecleaners in case we wanted to call them to come clean, but then didn’t call them to come clean.
Or to reach a little further: it’s a little like when we buy something we then never use. Clothing we thought would work but it doesn’t, or a hair-straightening device that yanks our hair too hard, or jewelry we never end up wearing. We paid for something we then didn’t get value out of.
I know those aren’t great/comparable examples, but I’m trying to grasp all the threads of how I’m making it easier for myself to do what I think is the right thing in our case, where our income has not changed, but where it still feels a little painful to pay for something we’re not getting.
Furthermore, this is an excellent opportunity for a liberal/progressive to put her money where her mouth is. Do I think people should have enough money to survive on, even if they are unable to work for some reason (elderly, temporarily/permanently disabled, laid off, single parent of small children deserted by the other parent, global pandemic, etc.)? Why, yes I do! I am not in charge, and I don’t get to make those big decisions, but I can decide to personally pay the housecleaning service I personally use, even when we are experiencing an unexpected global pandemic and it is unwise for them/us to interact in our usual way. If Paul had lost his job and we really couldn’t pay the housecleaners anymore (which would be true whatever reason he lost his job), we’d have to stop paying them, and we would feel terrible, and we would wish our society was different, and we would continue to vote for legislation that works for us all. But Paul has not lost his job. We can still pay the housecleaners.
Long-term, I don’t know what this will look like: would we really just keep writing a check every two weeks for months/years? And what if our financial situation DOES change?? But this is one of those situations I was talking about yesterday, where I can get all worked up about something, and then I realize I don’t have to (and in fact can’t) make a decision right now. I can tell the housecleaners not to come next week, and I can tell them they will be paid anyway for next week; I don’t have to make long-term plans about that, or tell them what the long-term plans are. I can just make this immediate decision, and then wait and see.
Also, I have heard buzz that the U.S. government may be cutting checks to citizens, to alleviate the current financial burden of Covid-19. I saw a tweet saying that to help with the issue of “What about people who don’t need the checks?,” there should be a huge campaign suggesting that if you yourself are not currently financially affected by the pandemic, you can pick someone else to give your check to:
That idea instantly appealed to me. Since we are so far not much currently financially affected (I am sorry for that tangley phrase, I will see what I can do in future proofreads), we could use our checks to continue to pay our housecleaners to not clean our house.
What a wonderful idea. Everybody wins! Your house cleaners are not exposed to you; you’re not exposed to them; they don’t lose that income (wouldn’t it be great if ALL their clients would be so thoughtful!). My husband is not going to get his haircut; I can do it (not well, but adequately) and he can send the money to his haircutter. We are working on getting gift cards for restaurants that we frequent; even if doing takeout with them is not in our plans this week, as least we can send some money their way TODAY.
I live in Germany, and this is what I (and my sister) have done with our respective house cleaners. We are both civil servants and so far not financially affected, and to me it absolutely seems like the right thing to do. A small show of solidarity, but I think it counts.
Have you seen Frozen 2 (maybe your kids are too old, but I’d still see it without kids). Anyway, Anna’s song “The Next RIght Thing” really speaks to me. Especially this part:
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won’t look too far ahead
It’s too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
I thought of those lyrics as I was reading your post.
I was sitting on my porch yesterday and overheard my elderly neighbor telling her lawn service guys that she wants to keep them on the same schedule as last year. One of them kept trying to sell her additional services, even though she said no multiple times. Finally she yelled, “We’ll talk about that when we get our thousand bucks!”
Thank you for posting this.
I am in the exact same situation and was really torn about what to do and I’m gonna do the thing.
I’m a little anxious about having enough cash on hand, but that is solvable.
Thank you
I texted my house cleaner last night and told her that I would continue paying them as usual and she said no. So now I am struggling again with what to do. I think I will offer to pay ahead instead now so she keeps getting income right now, kind of like a gift cards at restaurants situation.
Can you re-frame it as paid leave like a lot of people get? Or paying to hold your spot?
My house cleaner also said no and offered to bring us food (we are quarantining). I insisted, told her to think of it as PTO and she acquiesced.
Maybe you can pay her half if that is something she would be more comfortable with?
I get massages once a month. My next one is cancelled, I need to send her a check. I’m not sure I’d do it for 6 months but I could for a few.
I joked about donating my $1000 check to a presidential candidate. I might do that.
I told my house cleaner not to come today. I will not be paying her, though, as she has just come back from a 3 month visit to her family overseas so I especially don’t want her in my house. She takes this vacation every year. She is fortunate to be able to do that and I don’t begrudge her as she has elderly parents and grandchildren she loves to see. She always finds someone to sub for her. (though that lady is exhausted from doing her cleaning as well as my lady’s cleaning and sometimes cancels)
I’m a real estate agent so I’m not sure what the future holds for me. Right now, no one is shopping for homes in this resort area and sellers don’t want people in their homes. Fortunately, my husband works from home and gets paid regularly and we have no children living at home. We will manage.
Such a good idea. My mom is also paying her cleaner, to not come and clean. She said, “I’m paying you to be able to stay healthy. I’m paying you to be able to continue cleaning for me when this is over. A lot of people get paid leave and so should you”.
Her cleaner accepted.
We havevdone this with my son’s weekly drum lessons. We have some credits from previously missed classes so had them apply them to the next few weeks so the teacher can keep getting paid. I get fretful about after that but have to just keep taking one step at a time.
We just did a virtual piano lesson at our house yesterday through FaceTime! I was worried about my son’s piano teacher and offered for us to be the test case if he wanted to try it. He accepted, it went well, and he is now offering it to any families that want it.
We did one via Facebook messenger. It went really well!
We used Zoom for my son’s ukulele lesson, and it went really smooth too! Another advantage (that I could have thought of before, too!) is that the instructor is emailing me the music, instead of printing it off and depending on my 8 year old not to get it dirty/crumpled/lost!
Yep, just did piano as well today, via Zoom. It went surprisingly well, and my kids actually paid MORE attention to their teacher, because they couldn’t noodle on the keyboard while she was talking. They actually had to look at the computer screen and listen to what she was saying to hear her, like the respectful children I once imagined I’d raise.
We were also in the “we’ll pay her for lessons whether we get them or not camp” because we’re fortunate to not be losing income and probably won’t, unless things get really, really bad (my husband’s clients are water/sewer districts and thus essential, and thus in continuing need of his company’s services). I viewed it as keeping the spot open. Fortunately, we won’t be having to make that choice thanks to technology. It also helps that we pay for all lessons at the beginning of the month. So if I venmo her on the 1st and she has to cancel lessons for whatever reason in April (including getting sick herself), I won’t have to worry about what to do again until the NEXT month.
I have an appointment in 2 weeks with my hairstylist. Unless they lift the ban in MN, it won’t happen. If that’s the case, I still plan on sending her money via Venmo. She works 3 jobs and all of them are either shut down (part-time teacher’s assistant) or seriously affected by this (freelance photographer, makeup artist/hairstylist) and she’s not eligible for unemployment.
Yes! This! Our cleaner has a fever and a very tight budget. I went ahead with Venmo, calling it an advance. But I don’t plan to keep track of the hours.
Our small, in-home daycare is closed and Chris just asked what was going to happen with payments. I was like.. dude. We are both still working (from home). Our pay is unaffected. On the other hand if we don’t pay her, she can’t pay her mortgage. We are inconvenienced by this, but not financially. Let’s not ruin someone’s livelihood if we don’t need to.
I’m now very stressed about our cleaners, though. We pay them in cash/check when they come so I don’t have a great way to pay them off cycle. Maybe we can mail them a check…
Our cleaners were supposed to come yesterday. We have only a phone number for them, no email or way to transfer money to them; we normally pay cash or cheque. On Friday last week, I texted and asked them not to come but said that I would pay them anyway. We usually pay by cheque, so I asked them for either an email or PayPal to send them money. They replied that they were cleaning to Health Canada standards, and they’re not usually in contact with many people anyway. So yesterday I texted them again to confirm they didn’t need to come and asked again how could I get them the money. They replied saying they are fine and only one other client has cancelled anyway. So! They are quite resistant to being paid anyway. Maybe in two weeks when they are supposed to come again it will be a different story as perhaps more people will have cancelled then. I would definitely like to continue paying them.
Any time we cancel our housekeeper, for whatever reason, we pay her anyway. We figure this was already in our budget, and I think of it as akin to paid time off or sick leave. (And every time she tells me how much she appreciates us.) If our income changed and we had to cancel service, I would stop paying. That would be like laying her off, right? But, right now, I just want to halt service for a month while I figure our plans out. So, I’m paying her. Longer term, my husband is going to be working from the in law suite, and I think the kids and I can hang out in the yard or something while she’s here. Given the products she uses, I’m not worried she’s leaving germs, as long as we can get out of the way.
We discussed this last night. We haven’t had a community outbreak in New Zealand yet but when it does happen we will do the same. We both have government jobs and financial security, it’s our responsibility to share that fortune around and help the economy where we can.
I attend fitness classes at a small boutique studio that has to close for the foreseeable future. I will continue to let that 65 bucks direct debit until I can go back. The though of taking that away from then hurts my heart :(
This is lovely. I am a yoga teacher and I’m just hoping I’ll have a studio to go back to when this is all over. The owner is desperately hoping that not everyone will suspend their monthly payments, so she can pay her rent. Thank you for this.
Well you could think of it like your insurance payment. If you don’t continue to pay your cleaners now they might not be around to clean your house when you do want them again. (I don’t mean that in the morbid sense of not being around, just in the business sense. Let’s not go to the morbid sense yet.)
I also thought about donating our check, should we get one, but I realized that the people who will actually be paying all those checks will probably be our kids so I think I’ll invest it for them instead. That will help economic recovery too, right?
We are in the same boat. My husbands suggestion is to pay our house cleaner for a month (while we’re social distancing) and then if/when this whole thing continues to offer to keep paying her weekly, as credit for when she can come back. Does that sound reasonable? I’m so frazzled from working from home while trying to homeschool 2 kids that I don’t know what is what anymore.
Someone on my FB also is paying for cleaning, but not having the cleaners come to her house. I think that’s a lovely gesture. No need to think too hard about what’s coming down the pipe – I myself can’t think more than a day or two in advance right now. It’s too overwhelming. If I think about how our schools – for example – are closed “indefinitely,” if someone gives me more bad news – which happens a lot – I feel like I really cannot handle it. I am generally a calm and zen person but if I think too hard about the near future I find myself feeling panicky and anxious. We can’t control that part. Day by day, step by step. So, I think it’s lovely that you can pay your cleaners, no need to wonder for how long. One foot in front of the other.
Thank you so much to all of you continuing to pay for services. I run a children’s class/preschool facility, and we’ve been closed all week (and will be for the foreseeable future). The floods of cancellations, refund requests, credit card charge backs, and demands on how we’re going to make good on the services we’re not legally allowed to provide right now has been incredibly disheartening. I understand it might not be within everyone’s budget to maintain these services right now, but if your income has not changed, I can promise you that it means all the world to your maids, drum instructors, yoga studios etc that you’re keeping things going.