Boy, it is going to take some time to adjust to the new way things are, isn’t it, especially when we don’t even know what the new way is yet because the new way keeps changing. I have found I keep getting my anxiety ramped up about some issue (“How is this online schooling supposed to work??” “What are we supposed to do about grocery shopping when our supplies run out??” “What about orthodontics??” “Is it safe to work in the closed library if they ask me to or is that still not worth the risk?? and if not, am I going to lose all the thigh strength I gained by getting down to the floor and back up again hundreds of times every shift??”) and then thinking that actually we can just let this unfold for awhile without trying to figure out every little future thing RIGHT NOW. Various people are working on things like how will graduation work and what will we do about funeral attendance and will there be normal school again by autumn (and what if not) and how will this whole thing affect when kids get their braces off and what about the airlines, and for MOST of these things there is nothing I need to figure out; all I have to do is wait and see. It’s a big mess and we all know it, and it’s going to take some time for the systems to figure out how to cope, and I suspect some of our current concerns are later going to seem naive/cute, but there’s no benefit to imagining that right now.
Here is one of my more minor fret traps, if you are interested, and you can tell me your minor fret traps if you want to:
1. I fret that we will run low on something like, say, Little Debbie cakes, or yeast.
2. I look online to see if we can order it there, and find that we can.
3. I remember the poor overwhelmed online stores / delivery people, and decide not to order now, because we don’t need the yeast yet, and in fact wouldn’t yet have even put it on the shopping list in ordinary times. We can wait.
4. But…what if by the time we DO need it, it’s no longer available, and I wish I’d ordered it now??
5. But reports from other countries indicate that grocery stores will stay open, and in fact soon we will be able to shop again fairly normally, and our local stores will need our support.
6. And we don’t NEED the yeast yet. There is no need to increase the burden/profit for online stores.
7. But what if when we DO need it, we can’t get it??
8. That would be okay: we don’t HAVE to have yeast.
9. I fretfully go online again, just to LOOK at the yeast, and find it is NOW SOLD OUT.
10. OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO
11. But there is every reason to believe that it is sold out only because of people like me who are fretful and/or thinking ahead, and that soon it will be widely and easily available again.
12. BUT WHAT IF NOT
And so on.
I find another type of fretting can be dealt with by remembering we are all in this together. This is not just happening to my personal household or your personal household, it is ALL of us—each in our own personal combination of ways based on our own set-ups, but still we are all in this same world where this is happening. Everyone’s schooling is getting messed up. Everyone’s work is getting messed up. Everyone’s orthodontic/surgical/therapy schedule is getting messed up. All of us are missing appointments. All of us are having plans ruined. All of us are going to have to figure out groceries. None of us know what things are going to look like in the upcoming months, and so all of us are having trouble making decisions. And some of this stuff is changing from day to day, and so we Really Can’t figure it out right now. In the best case scenario, we are all going to enjoy telling our Pandemic stories as much as we enjoy telling our Where Were You When Kennedy/Challenger stories and our Pregnancy/Labor/Delivery stories.
Rob was freaking out a little about the deposit we put down for his fall college housing, and that is something I am not really fretting about at all: it’s not that MY FAMILY put down a college deposit and now the future is uncertain; ALL ACROSS THE WORLD families have put down college deposits and now the future is uncertain. The college will have to figure that out, and the college KNOWS it will have to figure that out, and no one has the information to make a decision yet, and so we don’t have to (and in fact should not) contact the college RIGHT NOW and ask what the plan is (which is what Rob wants to do). We can instead safely fret about the theoretical future need for yeast.
I’m a Canadian, just feel that should be said before I mention medical care of any kind. We are also in a state of emergency in my province though and are under self-isolation and have similar public facility closures.
I have a scheduled c-section in four weeks. I fret because my hospital keeps putting out small protocol changes each day (visiting hours 12-8, next day visiting hours 4-7 pm only and no one under 18 allowed, one support person in maternity ward, etc). Just new little hospital announcements daily — as is expected in this evolving situation.
BUT, I keep telling myself FOUR weeks in this current situation is short AND long. I am trying not to pay attention to every current protocol, as I need to wait and see what the most current one will be when my delivery is coming up.
I just keep telling myself, the hospital will make plans for labour & delivery / maternity…they can’t leave the mothers and new infants out to dry, we’d be on their minds. It isn’t like I got pregnant last week and had a choice to be having a baby during a pandemic! August 2019 looked waaaay different in the world…
Due in June with twins, also in Canada, and same. You’re doing a great job staying calm.
I’m so sorry, both of you. Being pregnant right now must be unimaginably stressful. Fervent good thoughts.
My fret is about daycare. They’re still open, which on the one hand I understand since like, hospital workers need daycare for their kids in order to go work… but on the other hand, WHY IS THAT GERM-INFESTED FACILITY STILL UP AND RUNNING?! I have pulled my kids out, but unless I want to dis-enroll them, we still have to pay over $500/week for a service we’re not using. Part of me doesn’t mind paying, because I want the employees to get paid and keep their health insurance and I don’t want the business to shut down. But on the other hand…that’s a lot of money.
What I want is to pay 50% of our regular tuition, and I would prefer if they closed. But it’s not up to me. I can’t do anything about it. I’m sure they’re fielding tons of emails and phone calls and in-person confrontations from people who are upset and fretting. It wouldn’t be helpful for me to call and voice my opinion.
I’m fretting that my 5yo isn’t having any interactions with people aside from our household and my parents, so she’s missing important play time with kids her age.
I’m fretting that the early intervention services are suspended until further notice, so my 18mo isn’t getting the physical therapy he needs. He’s been getting PT for 6 months though so at least I know what I should be doing with him at home. We missed his first speech therapy appointment so I have no idea what to do on that front.
And I have lots of other frets too, about bread and cereal and medications and so forth.
Mostly daycare though. And also my husband’s office, which is STILL MAKING HIM GO TO WORK. And my other friends with office jobs, too. They CAN work from home but their companies aren’t letting them. It’s total BS and makes me angry so I can’t think about it.
Oh, that daycare thing is tough, one I hadn’t thought of. Hope it gets resolved in some way. :/
Re: PT and ST, can you do Face Time with the therapists?
Re: Daycare, If you can afford the $500, think of it as a gift to them, and that keeping your kid home helps do social distancing in the group. Ask if you can Face Time in during story time or other group activitiy, if it wont be too upsetting for your kids to see everyone else there while they’re at home.
I’m fretting a lot about potential loss of the school year. My oldest is in Grade 11 and this was to be the critical semester for him – all his math and science classes are this semester and he hopes to study that at university.
But my husband reassured me a lot when he said what you said above – that we shouldn’t think of it as a problem for just us, but for everyone. That the schools will have to figure out what this means, and if it means that everyone loses a whole semester, then EVERYONE will lose it, and universities will handle the shifted applications somehow because EVERYONE will be shifted.
I can still find room to fret about it but at least it is comforting to know everyone is in the same boat.
Oldest is a HS junior and I’m having this same fret as well as the fact that they cancelled his SAT and now he may never take it. Colleges may waive it but what about the kids who already took it? There’s just a lot of uncertainty and I really have to work hard to remover this is happening to all of the juniors. I’m successful maybe 1/2 the time 😂
Around here the stores are completely empty and you can’t get a delivery OR pickup slot for the next 2 weeks, which is not helping me on the “but what will I do when we run out of meat…??” fret, but also there are pretty much 0 things I can do about it, so I have decided to shrug mentally and just deal with that situation when it happens, by which time presumably stores will have stocked back up. [Fret brain: BUT MAYBE THEY WON’T! MAYBE THE SAME HOARDERS WILL COME BUY ALL THE MEAT AND MILK AGAIN THE SECOND IT’S RESTOCKED! Regular brain: we won’t die if we don’t have milk or meat for a few weeks. Fret brain: MAYBE WE WIIILLLLLL!!!!]
What I’m trying to say is, I hear ya :)
Also! For parents whose kids are out of school and missing interactions (little kids especially) I cannot recommend the Marco Polo app enough. A friend recommended it this week and my littles are LOVING it. It’s like sending little facetimes, but as video voicemails.
Wait what? Empty shelves?
Yikes!
Not to take away your yeast fret, but I bought a big bag of it a month or so ago, and someone on my Buy Nothing group was looking for yeast, so I gave her some, and now we are both happy. Although it’s active dry yeast, not instant yeast, so if you need a yeast fret, there’s that.
My oldest decided not to come home from college, and that is objectively a reasonable decision that I for a range of reasons hate. I have figured out how I could drive to get him if necessary, the fastest route and the hotels with digital keys so I wouldn’t have to have contact with anyone other than said kid.
Spouse and I are able to telework, so we are, but there are certain nonurgent presentations that I am now expected to give remotely, and I hate that. Like, I am happy to have a way for people to Skype in while I give the presentation from work, but all of us remotely doing this nonurgent thing? Let’s not, how about that?
My spouse and I are not agreeing about what shopping needs to be done vs what does not, and while i freely admit we both have our little ways, this is totally driving home how self-absorbedly inflexible he is on certain things. We have plenty to eat and drink at the moment; if we are out of your favorite beverage, put it on the list and we can get it when we need to go to the store for multiple things. In the interim, have something else. Few opportunities to be coughed on = better.
My daughters are both seniors, one in college and one in high school. I’m fretting over my older daughter’s need for an internship this summer in order to graduate in August, and about her being able to find a full time job in the fall. The store where she works part-time could have served as that internship in a pinch, but it’s now closed for the foreseeable future and she’s coming home Saturday so she doesn’t have to ride this out alone in her apartment . . .
And I’m fretting about my younger daughter losing out on her senior year of high school and all its attendant pomp/circumstance/rituals. Of course I was ALREADY emotional about it all, but now that is ramped up to eleven and on top of being emotional about her graduating I’m emotional about all the things she’ll miss out on due to this. Like you said, it brings some comfort to know that literally everyone else in the world is experiencing the same thing, but these are once-in-a-lifetime things and I’m sad for her.
BUT ANYWAY THINGS COULD BE WORSE, RIGHT? Ugh.
We have the same situation as Alice re: meat/groceries. My fret is about my tween and teen. They want to be independent and responsible and I want to encourage that, so I’m not dictating their schedule on these school-at-home days. They’re doing their work. But I don’t think they’re doing it RIGHT. Not taking the recommended breaks. Trying to do allll the work instead of parsing it out over the days. Still doing too much TikTok and dumb stuff. I should advise them. I should let them be. But they NEED my advice. They resent my advice.
And so on and so forth and what have you.
My son’s a senior in High School and, ironically, he’s attended every high school graduation since he was a freshman because he is taking ASL and they sign the National Anthem while the chorus sings. He and his friends think it’s highly probable that their graduation will look something like this: https://www.tiktok.com/@snarkymarky/video/6803851347297897734
or this:
https://www.tiktok.com/@kristinejecha/video/6804078419463130374
I am experiencing the same issue with him as @Lee in terms of him not wanting me to advise him. So…I’m trying not? But I am getting him up at 11:00 and asking him to do the grocery shopping or do a wash or whatever, just to get him out of the darned bed.
I haven’t had the chance to do real grocery shopping for a while. I went on Saturday and wasn’t really prepared to do ’emergency shopping’. I’m going tomorrow morning since I had already planned leave from work. I’m getting curious how it is going to be. I’m hoping to get enough to last me a few weeks, but it doesn’t help that this situation is definitely leading to some comfort eating. ;) I haven’t been out in public since Saturday afternoon and I’m hoping to get my groceries and stay in for another whole week.
My frets: we are doing very well overall, but I hate to share that because what if I’m too braggy and/or jinx myself? Fret 2: My husband is very big picture, looking ahead kind of guy, which means he is talking too much about future stuff around the kids and freaking them out while I am trying to find silver linings.
Oh, and there was a major earthquake near us, and we didn’t get any damage, but just felt an aftershock so that’s not comforting.
And I can’t get my kids to shower.
Today’s kiddo-related fret: I’m a young-ish single mom in with health at approx 6/10. I was spitballing my survival chances and I scared my 13-year-old to death. She’s NOT an adult, and I have to remember that. All the other days I mostly fret about my lack of qualifications to home-school, especially as I’m still going to work every day.
Today’s first-world-fret: I bought too much quarantine ice cream. I know that was a stupid thing to buy.
Oh, for me it was quarantine cereal—I do not need to consume this many boxes of cereal, even over the course of 8 weeks.
So many things! Lots of big picture stuff: my work team (and many other teams in my org) are currently teleworking for the next 2 weeks, which does not seem like it will be sufficient. Will the powers that be let it persist? They seemed really, really hesitant before starting this period of telework (I’ll say somewhat understandably), so will they endanger a lot of people bc they feel we’re not at peak productivity? I have no kids and no real distractions, but I’m also a big ball of anxiety right now so I’m definitely not bringing my A game. Also, I can’t afford to park at my office, but I really don’t want to take public transit.
Second, I bought more groceries than are strictly necessary (like, I did a Costco-sized shop instead of a regular grocery shop, so I shouldn’t need to restock on some non-perishables for a while; not a doomsday prepper-sized or hoarder-sized shop, but PLENTY of comfort foods), but my produce is gonna run out soon. Then what?? Should I go to the grocery? Is that OK? Will it-being-OK change?
And lastly, I have a condition that can flare up really suddenly and needs immediate treatment and frequent check-ins, and I’m so, so nervous about not being able to see the specialist I’d need to see (who has been wonderful and accommodating but is also going to be dealing with this whole weird world, too). It’s unfortunately completely unpredictable, and also can cause me to go blind if not treated. So. That’s that.
My husband is able to work from home, and I’m a teacher so I’m at home, which is great, none of the 5 of us in my family are out there spreading/contracting anything. BUT – oh my goodness, these people and their snacking! We are going to run out of all the snacky type things I stocked up on in no time, and when we’re down to just raisins and apples they’re going to be screwed. And cranky. (I hid all of my good snacks, don’t worry!)
I’m fretting because my daughter and niece are nurses in big hospitals in a big cities and my daughter has 3 little ones and my niece, two. Every time they return home, they could be handing it to those we love. .
I’ve skipped past minor fret to full blown panic. Today a coworker who works in the office directly beside me (we share a common area with printer/fax, etc) came back after being out last week with a sick baby. Babies are always sick, so no big deal. But when I stopped by her door to ask if things were better, she proceeded to tell me that she was now currently sick and went on to describe, wait for it, FLU LIKE SYMPTOMS.
She said she had been feeling blah and achey, kind of sweaty and weird, and started to cough a little bit the night before, but didn’t have any sick time built up so she came in ANYWAY, despite the fact that our employer has asked us to stay home if feeling sick.
I cordially finished the conversation (from a distance) and then FLED to my office and shut the door, frantically trying to reach higher ups/HR. Lots of meetings this morning and it took some time to reach the appropriate people. From the time coworker arrived until the time she was sent home was roughly 3 hours, during which she walked to and from Her office and our common printer NUMEROUS times with MUCH coughing and broadcasting of germs.
This coworker is a pleasant, lovely person, but I am so angry with her foolish behavior right now that I can hardly see straight.
And she had been to the doctor, been tested for normal stuff (all negative), but because our area has literally NO coronavirus tests, the doctor just told her she had “some kind of virus” and sent her away. (Swistle, feel free to delete my comments if they’re too much for this post. Because yeah. Way beyond fretting.)
Here in France, the country is on lockdown for at least 2 weeks. We need a form to go out, and only then we can only do food shopping, medical care, walk dogs or go to work that can’t be done from home. Fines of up to €300 (that’s roughly $300) if you get caught either without the form or out when you shoukdn’t be. My daughter is in high school and the online teaching is working pretty well. I work mostly from home anyway, so nothing has changed there, but I also teach English to architecture students and all that is now having to be done online, which has taken up hours of my time and resulted in way more grading than I would usually have. Otherwise, I don’t really feel any panic. I’m fairly hermit-like at the best of times, and there’s just the 2 of us in the house… I think these drastic measures are what’s needed, and that they will work. I’ve read reams of stuff about the virus and am confident that it’s not the end of the world, as long as traditionally undisciplined French people play the game and respect the confinement.
Just curious…how do you get the form?
I find this post re-assuring – not quite sure why I do but thank you for sharing. My frets are different (single, no kids) but I feel better know we are all in this together???
Most important thing to do is stay as healthy as possible, both mentally + physically. Get some sleep, drink water and eat some veggies (if you got ’em!) Shut off the tv, put down the phone and breathe.
And of course, wash your hands!!
Be well all –
I keep telling myself that the stores will re-stock and, hopefully, the hoarders will be ashamed of themselves and stay home leaving the wares for the rest of us sensible people. I find it concerning to hear that you all are being told to skip/miss appointments while I was told to keep my doctor’s appointment yesterday and just received a text asking me to confirm my dental appointment next week. I suppose I should call the dentist to see what is what tomorrow.
My fret is: I am six states away from my 92 year old mother, who has COPD. I keep thinking that I will never see her again. My husband and I have been housebound for 11 days: our gym is closed, our library is closed, but our work and volunteer stuff can all be done from home. We, personally, are in pretty good shape. But I worry (A LOT) about family members who have a house for sale (now plummeting in value), or are elderly, or have precarious job situations or or or or or. I keep trying to let it go but I am not sleeping well and the wine levels are dropping significantly.
My 12 year old son has invisaligners. No problem, except he is on his last three. His appointment to scan his teeth and order the last six months worth was cancelled. He should “ wear them only 12 hours “ and “ until they break”. Scanning is great but it will take three weeks to get new ones. I had to do a lot of deep breathing to come to the realization of : if his teeth move a little it is fine. And: if has to have liners for a few more months, he is fine.
Not to mention I am an elementary teacher suddenly tasked with distance learning for an unknown time for third graders. Stress level at 10.
We are all together, remembering this affects everyone, not just me, is helpful. We will get through this.
My baby is teething, so his cheeks are ruddy and he occasionally coughs on his drool. This is normal, not viral, but I’ve checked his temp twice today and give him a half dozen side eyes throughout the day. He giggles at me, so he’s a happy, little, drool-sopped thing. A blessing.
I had purchased an online art class about a month ago. My 6 yo and I dug into it more today. We were painting “chaos layers” today when she told me, “My middle name should be chaos.” Hilarious. Also we’re at like Day 3 of At-Home Kindergarten, so simmer down, snookums. I think we’ll make it.
My husband in a spy-like level of intrigue (or so he is pretending) figured out the Walgreen delivery van schedule. I did not ask too many questions, but I showed up at 1102 and got 2 packages! Score! Clean butts in our household. I don’t wanna brag, but I was down to 4 rolls before we switched to baby wipes, so I’m celebrating a bit!
I now know several people who are quarantined because they have had close contact with a positive test. This is a level closer than yesterday and I’m sure it will be at most days before I get news of someone I know who has the virus. Worrisome.
My FIL who still lives alone in his 80s refuses to come stay with us. He’s not worried because he has a cat and canned goods in the basement. I have visions of him breaking a hip while going to get green beans. When we speak over the phone, would he even mention it if he had any symptoms? Fret.
Oh, I have so many frets lately.
We adopted a dog about 3 weeks ago. He still watches our cats like he wants to pounce them and consequently needs to be leashed at all times when near them. He also seems increasingly anxious/overly excited around my 4 year old. He’s mouthy (the dog, not the child…most of the time) and he bit my son yesterday. Not aggressively, but I’m worried how this could escalate. No bleeding, but he left a mark. The constant vigilance is wearing on me and I’m waiting to hear back from the shelter’s behavioralist. I think we’re done, but I feel bad about returning him during such a chaotic time.
I’m also pregnant and going for some extra scans due to a umbilical cord anomaly. It’s tomorrow. Can’t say I’m not a bit nervous about that.
I don’t work and my husband is now working from home, for which I’m really grateful. But being at home with all the chaos is difficult for him and he’s having to teach online for the first time. We’re all stressed, but trying to remember how lucky we truly are.
A, if it helps you to feel better about bringing the dog back to the shelter during Times Like These, the local shelter where I volunteer has seen a big uptick this week in adoption and foster applications. The dog might not be the right fit for your family, but I’m sure there’s someone with some extra time on their hands who he’ll be perfect for.
I have been comforting myself with the same thought – sometimes something terrible happens and someone has to leave school or something else in their life, and the world moves on without them, which must feel so lonely in addition to the bad thing that has happened. That is not the case here – it’s happening to everyone somehow. If our kids can’t go back to school for a year and a half, that is big, and scary, and will be a lot to deal with, but they won’t be alone in it. And amen to the yeast fret – I was vaguely annoyed that there was only pizza dough yeast left the last time I was at the grocery store. I can barely remember the last time I used yeast, and it WAS pizza dough yeast.
Fretting at 3 am…daughter is at the airport in Ireland, coming home early from study abroad- devastated that her long planned trip was cut so short, but happy that she’s on her way. Waiting for her to text me that she has boarded, then maybe I can sleep. Or not, since a big snowstorm is predicted, her flights have been cancelled and rescheduled twice, and she now has 2 connections to make instead of one. Along with similar frets that everyone has…
Current fret: trying to live in a staged house while homeschooling a kindergartener so as not to be saddled with two mortgages. Constant discussions about whether we should lower our listing price.
Grateful that we’re healthy, we have work that is almost too abundant, we have technology to stay connected.
My loudest (in my head) fret: Husband works with people and their computers all day long. He doesn’t seem to see the seriousness of the situation, and when he comes home he wanders around putting his stuff away, using light switches/doorknobs, etc…then washes his hands for 5 seconds. He is the only one with contact with the outside world, so if we get sick, he will have brought it to us. It feels extremely disrespectful to me: I’m doing my part by staying home with 4 children, and will be homeschooling them next week…why can’t he do his best to keep us virus free??!!
The major fret at our house is that my husband is afraid his small, highly tuition-dependent college might not survive the coronavirus situation. He is tenured, but that only works so long as there is actually a school to be tenured at. The school’s finances have not been great since he first arrived, and they already had one round of staff layoffs this year. Will students come back next Fall, is the big question?
Plus he was up for both a) promotion to Full Professor and b) a sabbatical, which he desperately, desperately needs. His college has an ethos of providing all kinds of personal attention to students – that’s what they have to sell, not shiny new labs – but seven years of that without a break for an introvert like him is wearing. So even if the college survives, will he be getting his sabbatical?
My own job is possibly among the most coronavirus-resistant out there. I work in research administration/compliance at the big R1 university in town. Research still needs to get done, and PIs still need us to do all of their bureaucratic stuff that goes along with that. However, my office is teleworking for the first time ever and our bosses have given us this stupid timesheet where we are supposed to account for every single minute of how we spend our day working at home. 🙄They don’t trust us to actually do our work without goofing off all day.
My impulse is to spend money to help all of the small businesses around us try to weather the storm. Husband’s impulse is to lock down spending because he is worried about long-term prospects for his college. I foresee this will be a source of arguments over the next few weeks.
I’m currently in a fret cycle about signing Youngest up for camps. H and I both work FT outside the home (usually, not at this time due to the pandemic,) so Youngest has to go somewhere for the 11 weeks of summer and usually by this time I’ve signed her up for almost all the camps we’ll need. BUT I can’t seem to bring myself to do that yet this year. I just keep worrying: what if they extend school past the time I signed her up for camps? What if this is still going on and I don’t feel comfortable sending her to camp? What if I don’t sign her up and everyone else does and then they are no camps? WON’T SOMEONE GIVE ME A LOOK INTO THE FUTURE SO I KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT CAMPS?? *heavy breathing* Look, I’m pretty sure that camps will refund my money if school goes into the summer and if this is still going on and no one should be going to camp. I know that, but I can’t stop fretting about this and actually do something. Have I mentioned that I’m not good with uncertainty? What? You already knew that? Well….
My tween foster child just arrived YESTERDAY, so not only am I trying to get to know a difficult 12 year old under difficult circumstances while teleworking from home, but she needs direct supervision at all times when using electronics because of a history of accessing inappropriate content. And there’s nothing else she wants to do. Did I mention I’m trying to telework?
I had the bright idea – along with everyone else apparently – that I’d try my hand at making bread this weekend… and there is no yeast to be found anywhere on the grocery shelves.
I work for a college and I will say don’t encourage Rob to call. We are figuring out what to do and our students are first and foremost. But we also have to be upfront about some flexibility and uncertainty what will happen in the near and far future. Communication is key (if he has an email with his school make sure he checks that, and also check their website). I know that our student support staff is doing their best to stay in touch and try to figure out the best way to do what needs to be done.