I’d Say at This Point it Would Be Reasonable To Feel Flutters of Real Panic

Both of my older kids’ colleges have closed. Both schools started out by saying classes would go online but students could either go home or stay on campus, as they chose. Both schools then pivoted within days of that decision, saying all students must leave, and must remove their possessions; both of my kids were home by then, with only some of their stuff, and we had to decide whether to go back for the stuff or abandon it. In one case, we went back: the college was in a lower-risk area, and the stuff left behind was more extensive and important. In the other case, we chose to abandon the stuff: the college is in a big city / higher-risk area, and the kid had come home later on in this process so had brought home everything of real value/importance. If you have a college kid coming home for spring break or for some situation the college says will be temporary, it would not be overdoing it to have them take as much of their stuff home as they can, ideally all of it; if they can’t take home all their stuff (if, for example, they are flying home), they should prioritize bringing home the stuff they can least abandon/replace.

(I hope I don’t sound critical of the way the colleges made these decisions; things changed so fast and it was so hard to know what would be best, and these were decisions with enormous impact and very little precedence. You can’t just impulsively send away tens of thousands of students, many of whom CAN’T “just go home” as easily as Rob and William could. Not to mention the tremendous financial implications for the school, and the impact on the professors, and the even more serious impact on, for example, the food service staff.)

My three younger kids all go to public school. First the school system said they would close for one day, for a thorough cleaning—but then they sent home several online surveys asking about each family’s computer/internet access and dependence on school food. Now they have closed for three weeks, but I think the “three weeks” is about as likely as the “one day.”

The library where I work has not (yet) closed. But Paul had some items holding for him at a library near where he works, and when he went to pick them up, there was a sign on the door saying “Closed until further notice.”

Paul’s office has not closed, but they are making rapid plans for people to work from home if possible. Paul can’t do all of his work from home, but he can do some of it.

We have a decent supply of food, but we also now have seven people at home eating it. Paul and I talked a little yesterday about what the plan is. Normally I would make two packs of ground meat for tacos, but should we make one pack and bulk it up with rice? It’s hard to know what’s going to happen with grocery stores. My assumption is that that the shelves will be replenished and that it will still be possible to go out to acquire food if we’re not sick ourselves, but I don’t want to lean too hard into that assumption—and of course, even if the assumption about replenishment is correct, we may be sick. We’re going to talk with the kids today about the potentially limited nature of things such as milk.

Speaking of maybe being sick ourselves: I have a sore throat and a light cough. In ordinary times, I would take a couple of ibuprofen, put some cough drops in my pocket, and go to work. I don’t need to tell you these are not ordinary times, and there is no way I am bringing whatever this is into a public library. My hope is that my boss will be 100% in agreement with this decision—but my job involves doing the grunt work, and if I don’t do the work other people have to do it and nobody likes to, and already everyone’s workload is much higher with the cleaning of all incoming materials—so it will not be GOOD news to her. I was hoping they’d decide to close before I had to tell her I wasn’t coming in. Now I am hoping they decide to close before I have to tell her I’m not coming in tomorrow either.

We are worried about Edward, who is on immunosuppressant medication for Crohn’s disease, and who gets medication by IV every seven weeks in (1) a hospital in (2) a big city. He is supposed to go in a week and a half. I am going to have to call his doctor’s office and find out what to do, but I am giving them a little time to figure it out, since this is happening fast to everyone, and Edward is not the only one in this situation.

I don’t want to overstate the personal panicky feelings here: looking at almost every aspect, my particular family is particularly well-placed to handle this situation. (Just at the very bare minimum, all our kids are old enough not to need childcare.) But every time Paul and I are discussing how we’re going to handle one thing or another, even a small thing like whether to stretch the taco meat with rice or just assume food supplies will be fine, we keep ending back at societal panicky feelings: wondering what is going to happen to everyone who works in all the businesses currently being closed or about to be closed, and how those people will manage, and there is no way to comprehend it. And of course all the healthcare workers. And soon we will start to hear news of celebrity deaths, which will make it feel both more real and more like a movie/book. And everything continues to change/develop so fast.

We are attempting right now to think about things in smaller, more immediate pieces. We are together. Right now we are okay. We can’t opt out of what is happening or what is about to happen; we are all going to be exposed eventually and the only goal is to slow it down so the health care system can cope; this school semester is going to be a write-off for all the kids but that’s going to have to be something we deal with later; everyone is going to face disappointments and inconveniences and that’s if we’re the lucky ones; so in the meantime let’s put together a puzzle and/or finally sort the bookshelves.

41 thoughts on “I’d Say at This Point it Would Be Reasonable To Feel Flutters of Real Panic

  1. Melanie

    I work in food service at a school. The school is closed but food service is open to take care of the food insecure in our district, breakfast and lunch every day. But I have a 6 year old. I have to be home. My 14 year old is a reliable sitter but 6 hrs a day every day is too much. When 4 of those hours are dedicated to “distance learning” – I just can’t expect 14 to homeschool 6. That’s ridiculous. So I’m not working now. I truly hope our state makes a plan for this because I can not afford to not work. I can’t get a sitter, I can’t send them to my parents. They’re older. This is my biggest hurdle right now 😔

    Reply
  2. JMV

    I gave up Facebook for Lent. I have never been so happy about a Lent sacrifice. Hmm, perhaps more sacrifices will be coming.

    I catch myself occasionally soothing myself with the idea that epidemics are good for humanity. Only the strong survive and that’s better for the species. I’m reading a book called Empty Planet and it may be fueling these Machiavellian thoughts. I’m sure this is some emotional distancing technique that is not healthy.

    More practically, we’re dealing with little and medium impacts to daily life. 40 memes sent to the work group text. Can we socially distance if you never leave me alone? Employees who don’t work at my office freaking out about possible positives at their work location. Do I give them permission to work from another office? Um, no. Don’t infect a different group if you think you may have been exposed.

    School is closed for three weeks. Daycare giving guidance today. Hubs works from home and I work in a disease epicenter. We’ll alter our schedules so that we can be home with the baby and the kindergartener. I wanted a professional to teach her how to read. I don’t remember learning to read; I just have memories of feeling bad for the poor readers forced to read aloud during class. I’m happy to do art and science and reading together. Ug, but the mechanics of teaching reading, I planned to leave to the professionals.

    The social worker will be coming in to do the last check for my son’s adoption. With all of us here ALL the time, what state will my house be in when she arrives? Haha. I know already. She will be fine with it, but Ug.

    Obviously there are lots of people hit worse by this crisis than I have been. I was slow in understanding that everything was going to halt. I think I can’t really grasp how many people are going to die. It’s clear we’re all going to be affected.

    Reply
    1. Jennifer

      If it makes you feel any better, I was an adoption caseworker for a while and s/he will expect daily house mess (ESPECIALLY during this situation). No worries. :)

      Reply
    2. Christa

      All About Reading is an awesome program to teach kids how to read. Even if you don’t buy the program, they have great resources and helpful blog posts on their website.

      Reply
    3. Slim

      To echo what Liz said below, read to kids, don’t try to teach them how to read. You were a very empathetic child, which is sweet, but put those issues on hold.
      Read to your kid.
      See if they’re making connections between sounds and letters. We used to play “what letter does [word] end with?” because they knew, from memorizing alphabet books, what letter all sorts of words started with. The downside of this game is that you will start losing all patience with silent e. DAMN YOU SILENT E.
      Show your kids words, such as titles of books or street signs, and tell them what they say, but don’t ask if they know, because it puts them on the spot. Once they’re expecting it, they’ll tell you if they know.

      No one ever had trouble learning to read because their education got held up for three months. It will be fine.

      Reply
  3. Alison C

    Just one tiny bit of advice. Change your ibuprofen to a paracetamol based medicine. Reports from France are saying that in the case of Coronavirus anti inflammatory treatments make the symptoms worse.

    Stay well

    Reply
    1. Katie

      Yes, please use Tylenol instead of the motrin/naproxen/etc medications as there does appear to be a link between NSAID use and worse symptoms. {{Stay well, Swistle family and readers.}}

      Reply
  4. Anonymous

    It was discovered this weekend that someone from out of town attended a wedding in my medium sized town last weekend and tested positive a few days after they got back home. Now all schools are closed, large churches cancelled services, and my family opted to skip services at my small church yesterday that had not cancelled. I have an older parent with terrible chest congestion and a cough lingering from a recent cold, and we are being very cautious. My parent is basically self isolating for the next two weeks until we see how this will play out. I will do all grocery shopping for her, but thankfully we’re all well stocked for now.

    I work at a bank which is unlikely to close (essential service), but worst case scenario they have discussed drive-thru service only. I’m not sure how many of us can realistically work from home, so I have a sinking feeling that we will be required to come in and work behind closed doors. I would feel so much better if everyone could just safely isolate at home for two weeks, but I know this isn’t feasible for a lot of people.

    Oh yeah, and the CDC just banned gatherings of more than 50 people for the next 8 weeks. It’s getting real, y’all.

    Reply
    1. Liz

      Re: reading. the best way to learn to read is to have a parent read to you with their finger following along with the words. Read to your child A LOT. Read Dr. Seuss and do stuff like, read a whole line, then read some of the next line and pause…and have your child finish the line. It’s mostly memorization but it helps them feel they are reading, and confidence in reading, familiarity with reading, is super important to building reading skills, according to what I read years ago.

      Reply
    2. Liz

      If the bank is doing drive-through-only, then the interior will be pretty empty and you’ll be able to maintain distance. Clean down the surfaces with a bleach solution often and wash your hands A LOT.

      Reply
      1. Anonymous

        Yes, we have a large airy lobby, so thank goodness for that.

        Just got an email from my manager saying we’ll be offering some new loan products for those that are financially strapped because of the virus. We’re just a small regional bank, but I would imagine most other banks will quickly follow suit. That’s an encouraging step for those worried about finances.

        Reply
  5. Lisa

    I’m trying very hard to keep my small waves of panic from becoming a tsunami. I’m “lucky” in the sense I don’t have children/childcare or elderly parents to worry about but I do worry about everyone else. And have never been so appreciative of the people in the grocery supply chain.

    Reply
  6. Ann

    I’m still waiting for my youngest to come home from her study abroad in Ireland and I’m getting more anxious by the day. Her program is setting up the flight, and for some reason, decided to wait until later this week. I saw the pictures of chaos at the airport, so I’m hoping that will be resolved by the time she flies, but I want her home. She was doing fine, planning a last blast trip to Galway, then they closed all the pubs in Ireland (!!) and now she’s mad and wants to be home. I have no control, so I’m doing a lot of deep breathing.

    Otherwise, we’re in somewhat good shape. I’m a teacher, now on extended spring break. I stocked up (not hoarded – 1 extra 12 pack of TP!) and my older son lives with us. I’m going shopping today for my 73 year old mother in law, who has done underlying health concerns, but is at least listening to advice to stay home. That’s all the positive. My husband owns a brewery which will not make it through an extended closure. I’m trying to be glad that I have a good paycheck and hope that the government will help small businesses to come back from this.

    Please keep posting if you can. I always enjoy your writing and you have the best commenters.

    Reply
  7. Jessemy

    Swistle, you’d smile if you saw how many times I checked for an update on your family! I feel happy knowing the Swistles are all together in one place.

    What’s everybody reading? I’m starting a Very Stable Genius by Philip Rucker and Carol Leonnig. Paradoxically, I find it distracting and entertaining, which surprises me.

    How’s everybody using technology to keep in touch with family and friends? I’m nudging my circles to get WhatsApp so we can get some face-to-face interactions as well as family time. Hugs, everyone!

    Reply
    1. gwen

      I’m leaning in hard on the cozy mysteries. I’ve got Magpie Murders that I’m reading right now, but I had heard that the Maisie Dobbs books were good and got a bunch of those out this weekend. I can’t take anything but the English countryside and a homicidal maniac.

      Just finished The Word is Murder and The Sentence is Death. Excellent. Highly recommended.

      Reply
      1. phancymama

        Cozy Mysteries are right up my alley right now too. I’ve really enjoyed the Kurland St Mary mysteries by Catherine Lloyd and The Royal Spyness Mysteries by Rhys Bowen.

        Reply
    2. Lee

      I just started World Without End by Ken Follett. The title is hopeful, and it’s 1,000+ pages so it should keep me occupied through this thing! I was thinking it’d be a good time to set up a “free little library” in my neighborhood, actually, since people may not be able to go to the real library soon.

      Reply
      1. Shawna

        Lee, it’s a lovely thought, but the virus can survive on surfaces. Perhaps encouraging passing of material from hand-to-hand might not be a good idea? I’ve never been so grateful for online systems and apps to sign out electronic reading material in my life!

        Reply
    3. Shawna

      I’m really enjoying audiobooks by Abbi Waxman! Light, soothing, witty banter… perfect antidote for these tumultuous times!

      Reply
  8. Sian

    As someone who works for a very large consumer packaged goods company, I can tell you that it is our intention to keep our supply chains flowing and we are receiving a great deal of pressure from retailers to do so. I expect there will be products that will be harder to get for a time, especially anything imported, but the hope is that anything produced in North America with North American components will continue as usual. We are all working very closely with our retailers to get them what they need and said retailers are doing their damnedest to get it onto shelves so you can buy it.

    This is another reason why social distancing is so important! We have to keep the people who keep these supply chains running healthy so they can do their work (work production lines, drive trucks, unload in warehouses, stock grocery store shelves).

    Reply
  9. ccr in MA

    It’s so stressful, and the stress is exponentially worse every day. Yesterday I learned a friend is being tested for it, which brings things home more, and the balance between informed/prepared and stressed/panicked is so hard right now.

    Reply
  10. Nicole MacPherson

    Our city has now declared a state of emergency and pretty much everything optional has shut down. It’s devastating to our already-devastated energy-related economy, which is alarming on so many levels. For me it’s an inconvenience for sure but I am a lucky one, everyone is healthy and here. My son is in high school but grade ten, so time to get things caught up for the semester. I guess we will see, the situation changes hourly it seems.

    Reply
  11. StephLove

    Our schools are closed for two weeks, starting today. College student was home for break when the college said stay home three extra weeks. He’d brought the essentials home, because my wife guessed it might go down like that. (He did leave prescription meds there, but we were able to get a new prescription.) We’re still hoping he’ll go back at some point this semester.

    Have the colleges that shut down for the remainder of the semester (your kids’ and commenters’ kids) said if they can pick up their things in the fall?

    Reply
    1. JMH

      We got a notice last night with a time to go pick up all of my daughter’s items from her college dorm. They are working with families to try to stagger when people can come and move everything out. Luckily, we anticipated this so she already brought the bulk of it home last weekend (start of her Spring Break). We are fortunate in that we only live 90 minutes away from her campus, so it’s just a day trip for us. I would be concerned for the families who live 10-12 hours away. Who knows if they will be able to get a hotel or find a place to eat? It’s all so crazy…

      Reply
  12. KeraLinnea

    There is reason to believe that this advice is not accurate. It was put out by the french minister of health, but seems to based on questionable info, according to Angela Rasmussen, a virologist. I’m going to trust her over the French minister of health., who is a neurologist. Both are doctors, but in very different fields of study, and it seems the virologists experience is more relevant. Read Dr. Rasmussen’s thread on this subject. It sounds like most patients have no need to worry about NSAIDS.
    https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1238946937916682241.html

    Reply
  13. Shawna

    We’re well-provisioned for now. I told my kids that it’s entirely likely school will be out for longer than the 3 weeks they’re projecting right now. The gym that I work at has shut down, and my office is having everyone that can telework. What I can’t telework for I’m going to try to stagger my hours in the office so I can go in after most people have left. We have enough food and TP for a couple of weeks for sure, and I renewed prescriptions last week.

    My mother and stepfather are both elderly and have health problems and so we’re not going to be visiting them for awhile unless/until they need us for something as we don’t want to unwittingly bring infection into their house. My husband owns a business that’s an essential service so he can’t self-isolate and has to interact with the public, and he takes a medication that compromises his immune system and he already has granulomas in his lungs, so there’s that to worry about.

    I hate this, but recognize how much better we have it than so many other people and am grateful for that.

    Reply
  14. Susan

    My adult daughter has ulcerative colitis, and has had multiple surgeries in the last year (illeostomy, jpouch). She is self-isolating. My husband’s job puts him in contact with a lot of people, so we are staying away. I’m really worried about her. I’m also stretching the groceries. We can manage on less, and it feels like the right thing to do. Also thinking about the foodbank. We are lucky, so lucky, to have jobs that will keep paying us.

    My biggest challenge is that my sister and her family took a trip to Disneyland, only coming home after it was closed down. I am so angry with them I have no words.

    Reply
  15. Michelle

    I am a first time commenter, but looooong time reader. I love your wording that we will all face disappointments and inconveniences if we are LUCKY enough. It gives a really good perspective that the worst case scenario far outweighs the gravity of pretty much all other issues.

    I am similar to you on just starting to have tendrils of panic creep in…I am a healthcare worker and as more info has come out over the last week have joined many of my colleagues in doing a full pivot on our opinion of the situation. The economic ramifications are pretty darn scary, too. Buuuut, I am prone to mild to moderate anxiety during the best of times, so the whole world shutting down is definitely playing up my anxiety!! Stay safe and healthy!

    Reply
  16. jenny

    I fluctuate between panic and periods of ‘this can’t be really happening’.

    I work for the Federal government and so far our response hasn’t been that great. I already work from home 2 days a week and we were given permission to work from home 100% of the time “if we felt we needed to” but it was said in a way that made it seem like it shouldn’t be needed. A lot of our travel is still on the schedule. I have MANY thoughts on this, but I should probably keep my mouth shut.

    In Iowa, we have had 3 cases of community spread and after 1 case, the governor said that schools didn’t need to be shut down, but after 3 she recommends 4 weeks. I agree but it is sort of scary to think about how bad they must think it is to make that recommendation. I think we have tested so few people. We haven’t shut down bars or restaurants yet, but I’m hoping that is next.

    I haven’t really done much for grocery shopping yet. I went Saturday, but wasn’t in a place mentally to stock up. I think I’ll go on Wednesday. I’m single and I get Blue Apron so I haven’t had to shop much for groceries for years. I need to come up with a plan.

    Reply
  17. Blythe

    I am so, so, so lucky. I teach in the same district where my two (foster) kids go to school. Not that the district thing matters much right now, since schools are closed throughout the state until April 27 (although there are definitely whisperings that this might be it for the school year).

    Childcare won’t be an issue (I’m home).
    Income isn’t an issue (the district will continue to pay me).
    Education is a relatively minor issue (I never wanted to homeschool, but I certainly know how to teach and assess).

    I’m grateful like I’ve never been before.

    But I am heartbroken and panicked for the millions of people who don’t share this position.

    Reply
  18. Portia

    It is such a surreal time, isn’t it? I think one of the things that makes it odd for me is that I’ve gone through similar-feeling scenarios, but with completely different causes. I lived in New Orleans during Katrina; I live in Houston now and was here for Harvey. So the feeling of impending disaster!/stock up on food/be ready to stay inside/everything is closing is very familiar. But what I keep trying to remind myself of is, the fact that everything is closing is GOOD, counter-intuitively. It feels MORE panic-inducing to be hearing daily updates of “this school district is closed now”; “that retail store is closed now”; “the public libraries are closed now.” Because when everything closes due to a hurricane or other type of disaster, it means the disaster is here and stuff has truly hit the fan. We are closing things as a response to something awful. This time, we are closing everything as a control measure to try to PREVENT something awful. Even though it would feel much more nice and normal for stores and schools and libraries to be open, the fact that they are closed is hopefully a sign that things are not going to get that bad.

    My selfish concern is that I’m due to give birth in two weeks, and not only has that put the kibosh on family coming into town, taking baby out to meet friends, etc, but I’m also worried that the hospital is going to be in a totally different place in two weeks. I’m wondering if I can ask my doctor about inducing a week early to try to get ahead of the chaos. But I don’t know if that’s actually a good plan and what’s best for the baby, or if that’s just me trying to seize some control in an uncertain time. My own version of TP hoarding, I guess.

    Reply
  19. rlbelle

    Yesterday, my husband talked to his mother (74-years-old, diabetes, just went through an episode of illness the doctors think might have been “mini-strokes”) and discovered that she was out shopping in the thrift store. Just for fun. We are in a highly populated area of a highly populated state that already has some substantial outbreaks (not yet in our county, but the numbers are climbing and community spread has arrived). Aaargmrhrmsfhr.

    Reply
  20. Ernie

    I have a college kid who goes to school in New Rochelle, NY. His stuff is still there – the place with the most concentrated cases in the nation. No idea when we will be able to get out there to pick up the rest of it. The other kid goes to school in Indiana, closer to Chicago. He brought most of his stuff home. I worry about the food supply. With all 6 kids home now, we eat a lot of food. I sent a few kids to the grocery store today to get a few staples and they had to go to two stores to get bananas and eggs and cheese. The whole thing is so surreal.

    Stay healthy.

    Reply
  21. Jill

    A bit of perspective on groceries after 3.5 weeks home in Korea: the stores are all stocked and I don’t feel concerned about running out of necessities. There were a couple of days of initial panic when everything started exploding here (it was building for a couple of weeks and things like masks and hand sanitizer were impossible to find) and every store was packed and stuff was cleared out. Then within a couple of days all the stores were open and stocked but total ghost towns. It has remained that way, so when I do have to go to the store I have no trouble finding anything I need (except masks b/c those are now being rationed by the government) and the stores are typically pretty empty so there is no problem keeping away from other people. Most Koreans tend to get groceries and such delivered anyway so I think that has helped. Hopefully in a month the US will look more like Korea than, say, Italy, but either way just stock basic pantry items if possible and then get creative with stretching dinners. We only have 6 of us, not 7, and mine are younger so they probably don’t eat as much as yours but they snack all. damn. day. so my biggest problem is keeping snacks around.
    My biggest problem right now is finding ways to keep my kids active. We live in a high rise apartment in a big city so if they are loud at home the neighbors complain, and I don’t really like taking them to touch everything on the playground especially if there are other kids around. Plus we are expected to wear masks outside and wearing a mask sucks so mostly we just stay home and do screen time.

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  22. Laura

    I work for a public library that is now closed. We are taking in materials but they are all going straight into quarantine in a storage area for 7 days. The city is requiring all 60 of us to report for work or use all paid time off to be at home. We don’t have enough gloves or cleaning supplies on hand right now. I have sent my college age child (who has severe asthma) to a cabin in a remote area. It broke my heart not to know when I will see him again, but he should be safer there. My husband travels for work and his company has not pulled the plug on an upcoming trip. I live in a community that still has the predominant attitude that this is all an over reaction (thanks Fox News!) People seem to be struggling with the concept of social distancing and want to help in ways that aren’t helpful such as group gatherings in homes, frequenting small businesses, home school as groups, etc. I get that it comes from a good intentions but stay home and social distancing seems like pretty simple directives. If people don’t start to understand that life has changed – that it’s not about doing the same things (gathering or swapping books) in a different way (neighbor to neighbor instead of through the library/socializing in homes instead of bars) I don’t see how we will flatten the curve.

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  23. Karen L

    The way I’m describing it is “I am sometimes unnerved.” And I consider myself and DH to be much less prone to worry that most people. Though, even “being unnerved” is waning as we have come to a clearer understanding of how strictly we will be social distancing, which is very strictly.

    We are in the very fortunate position that none of us (F44, M44, M12, F10, M8) is at risk of health complications or a poor outcome. Our financial well-being should not be jeopardized by even months of mass social-distancing. And so, because we can do so without much sacrifice, we are taking social distancing VERY seriously to flatten the curve, if not to avoid picking up the virus ourselves.

    Reply
  24. Alice

    I am freaking out a few times a day, less about the health situation, more about the disruption and not knowing when or how things will settle out. My own work has dropped down to almost nothing because it’s built on things that aren’t happening right now. My husband is working from home, but he’s doing less than usual on the kid front. My daughter’s daycare is still open, but the schools, county government, libraries, rec centers, etc. are all closed. Despite daycare being open, I’ve been keeping my daughter home because I feel like I ought to, and am running out of mental stamina for kid things by around 1:00 each day. I need to figure out a day schedule for a 4-year-old only child that gives me some downtime. And I would like to have a sense of what the next few months are going to look like. I am not managing my imagination very well at the moment.

    Reply

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