I just dropped one of my kids back at college, and Christmas is over, and the get-together I was looking forward to this weekend as a post-holiday pick-me-up is over, and now I am An Entire Mood.
Add to that Mood the fact that we are now in An Election Year. William is 18, and so last week he registered to vote. He knew more than I did about our president’s recent decision to assassinate a top Iranian commander, and mentioned it in the context of being worried about being drafted. I decided NOT to attempt to comfort him with something I read about how we don’t actually need to worry about another draft, because all of us would die from nuclear explosion/fallout LONG before there would be any call for involuntary soldiers.
I have been having a weird few weeks. Christmas is always a little fraught anyway, with all the work and stress and expectations and so forth, plus of course the pressure to reduce work/stress/expectations and Really Be In The Moment and Truly Cherish the Things That Truly Matter and so forth. My two college kids were home for winter break, which was a strange mix of SO DELIGHTFUL (having them near; seeing them safe and well; patting their tall flannelly shoulders as I passed by; hearing them talking with and teasing their siblings; having Christmas and New Year’s with all seven of us together) and very non-great (hearing their cynical takes on my parenting; worrying that one of them is literally up all night and sleeping the entire day away and also talking to himself at a level that might be fine or might be An Early Warning Sign; being irritated/enraged that I guess I still have to tell them NOT to leave their nighttime cooking dishes for ME to do). I pre-mourned bringing them back to school, and now I am at one-half still pre-mourning plus one-half present-tense mourning. While simultaneously looking forward to getting back to normal, and feeling stressed that “normal” now means “without 40% of my children.” It is all such a rich tapestry. And we never did do gingerbread houses, and the bags and bags of supplies are taking up space in my china cabinet.
Listen, do we feel like we can hang on until Galentine’s Day? It’s only five and a half weeks away. Last year I had friends over, and we did a classroom-style valentine exchange, and for my valentines I taped little paper Wonder Woman valentines to cans of sparkling seltzer in pink/red flavors, which I’m going to do again this year, and which I recommend if you are looking for an idea. Furthermore, I highly recommend THE WHOLE THING: I highly recommend hosting a Galentine’s party, and inviting your gals, and seeing if everyone can get rides so that you can drink a lot of cans of spiked seltzer. (You will have leftover non-pink/red flavors.) (Especially if you deliberately buy a bunch of non-pink/red flavors.) Make it an appetizer/dessert potluck. Bring a big heart-shaped box of chocolates.
I feel ya. Totally different specifics, but this was an especially rushed/fretted/ unsatisfying holiday season for me. My only solution…maybe make the gingerbread house at the Galentines party? Just add Red Hots, call them Love Shacks!
!!!!!!!!!
Brilliant! Cinnamon hearts and Sweet Tarts, too.
Time for a trip to the candy aisle at Target!
Get yerself a hot beverage to sip as you make swoopy, inefficient trips through the aisles.
Emily is a genius.
THAT IS BRILLIANT.
I am at the stage at which I am already feeling like I’ve had enough of 2020. After 5 days. I had a fairly grim Christmas: took my warring teenage daughters to my very aged dad’s in Scotland where there was much fraughtness – he and I are politically diametrically opposed and we argued a LOT, even though we were only there for 4.5 days. Came back drained. And have been ill ever since. Now have a double ear infection making me essentially deaf, a hacking cough that prevents me from sleeping (and makes me cough so much I vomit) and I’ve also lost my voice. I’m drowning in work but can’t focus because of feeling so awful. One of my cats (always antisocial in nature, but not generally any trouble) is peeing daily (at least) on the sofa, also pooing occasionally. And an unknown cat is walking nonchalantly into the house while my two useless cats do NOTHING. My elder daughter is being even more distant than ever – she turned 18 on 27 Dec and I didn’t even see her that day (she chose to drink champagne and go out to dinner with her dad (my ex), her best friend and her sister rather than even see me. Bearing in mind we’ve never fought about anything); we went out for lunch on 28 Dec and since then, I’ve had nothing but a succinct “Happy New Year!” text on 1 Jan. She went back to her college town (only 30 min away) yesterday, so I haven’t even seen her “this year”. My flat is falling apart – leaky toilet, unpredictable oven, dodgy boiler, dying computer – and I have neither the energy nor the funds to do much about it. I’ve done little to no housework since mid-December and you can tell. I have no appetite, despite being surrounded by all kinds of yummy things brought back from Scotland. I have 3 interns starting tomorrow morning and I’ve prepared nothing. And all this comes on the back of the worst 10-year period of my life. I’m exhausted, drained, depressed, miserable and incredibly tearful. And on top of everything, the world as a whole is going insane – my native UK is a mess, Trump is setting us up for WW3 and my native government are SUPPORTING it, my home country (France) is being held to ransom by strikes and social unrest, the whole of Australia is on fire… I feel AWFUL and HOPELESS.
Sorry to be such a moaner, but this is just the pits, at every level.
I want to say something supportive but I do not know what that is. Wishing for you that things start looking up soon!
Thank you, that’s so kind…
I hope you feel better soon, the interns are amazing, your child is just being a typical child and returns to fabulousness soon.
On the state of the world, I am less optimistic. We’re all still here? I cannot decide if that’s helpful (to me or anyone else) or not.
I am definitely feeling the post-holiday blues here. My daughter is heading back to college later this week and I am SO SO sad about it. Her friend stayed with us for most of the break, and I am feeling petty and jealous like I didn’t get enough time with just her, which I can’t really expect at this point in her life. But I am still sad. She makes things easier for me when she is here in a way her siblings do not. My youngest is going through an extremely difficult “phase” although it has lasted so long I am beginning to think it is permanent. And I got a court date for my divorce, which is a good thing, but still sad. My tree is still up, and is likely to remain that way until I am ready to take it down, which I am not. I am burning lots of candles, and since I just saw this post, I invited my sisters to a Galentine’s day weekend which will occur right after the court date. So that will help.
I would like to suggest doing an advent calendar type thingummy until your Galentine’s Day, which all sounds delightful. Chocolates, or bath bombs, or something else little that you enjoy.
(I’m personally more glad than sad that the Christmas/New Year period is over, for various reasons – but it’s like 60/40, and like you I don’t expect my experiences to be universal, so I can still absolutely have sympathy for you!)
I wrote a whole long thing about how BLEAK everything seems but we all know how bleak it feels and plus now the work bleak is just meaningless onomatopoeia.
Your Galentine’s Day bash sounds lovely. What a fun idea!
I like your idea of hosting a Galentine’s Day party! Exchanging valentines was always such a high point for me as a kid.
Foreign policy always riles me up and confuses me too. Politically, we’re different, so this might not be as helpful for you, but if anybody wants a lively, entertaining look at the backstory to our involvement in other parts of the world, check out Danielle Pletka on AEI’s What the Hell is Going On podcast. She is a Jewish woman from Australia, a child of Holocaust survivors, a centrist but hawkish Republican that can speak in depth about how our recent presidents have handled foreign policy. They’ve done a lot of talking about Iran lately.
I initially started listening because she is a sharp critic of Donald Trump. She finds him boorish and misguided but if she feels he makes a good decision in a specific instance, she explains why she agrees. Not for everyone, but it’s definitely helped me fill in the black box that used to be my understanding of our movements in the world. Check out their Top Ten Things Donald Trump Did Wrong list.
***oops, double checking my facts. I don’t think her parents were in Europe during WWII. Sorry!
Thanks, Jessemy. Always looking for another perspective on world issues, and I admit to being woefully uninformed.
Good call not telling him he was more likely to die in a nuclear attack than be drafted.
Can I tell you a secret? We’ve taken most of our scant decorations down and I may finish the job today, but I’m still playing Christmas music. Johnny Mathis right now as I type. I think I’m trying to make myself think it’s still Christmastime so N won’t leave and I have two weeks left, which i realize is later than a lot of college students go back.
We have our annual Trip South coming up soon. I would have preferred later in the year to break up the post-Christmas, pre-Easter Winter of Discontent, but my husband coaches my daughter’s hockey team and had signed up the team for a tournament during the weekend I wanted to be gone (coincidentally, Valentine’s Day weekend). Then after I booked tickets the tournament was cancelled, and we could have gone that weekend after all. Phooey.
Make gingerbread houses this coming weekend! Candy is cheap, and there’s no stress about making them Christmassy.
And I totally feel you about the bittersweetness of grown men in your house in the place of small boys. I only have the one, but I am sooooo happy about his independence while mourning the baby he was and being utterly aggravated about his refusal to put his dishes into the dishwasher instead of the sink. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?
GOD THIS “with all the work and stress and expectations and so forth, plus of course the pressure to reduce work/stress/expectations and Really Be In The Moment and Truly Cherish the Things That Truly Matter and so forth.” I hate how not okay I am with The Boy being grown up and not living here anymore – I feel like such a cliche, but shit, I guess it’s a cliche for a reason. He was wholly delightful when he was here, but then left half his shit behind when he left, which annoys me but then I was exactly the same at his age, so … I’m actually doing quite well for this time of year – I have a little bit of work (not a lot) which helps, and we were a little busier over the holiday than usual, which I think means I”m worse off physically but better off mentally – I always want a ton of sitting and reading time, but if I get too much I get too in my head and it’s not good. Galentines day is genius – we usually have a thing with our friend group where the men cook, which is also pretty good. I’ve booked up all the Saturdays in January with fun things so I’m a little overwhelmed but I think it will be good for me.
This is random but did you ever write about the kid’s room arrangements in the new house? Are any of them sharing a room or do the older boys share when they are home from college? How is the rest of the family adjusting to the new house?
Definitely make the gingerbread houses this week! Why not?
My 8th grade guitar class was asking if they were going to be drafted today. I told them no because they’re not 18. They asked what if it was a really big war and they needed so many people they even needed not 18 year olds. I told them if it was a 4 year long war, then sure, maybe they would be drafted when they were 18, and can we please play the guitar now? They asked what if they want to be drafted, and I told them that’s called enlisting. Eventually we played guitar.
I know that’s not inspiring, but it’s kind of funny.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/05/us/iran-world-war-3-draft.html
Good article if you are asked again!
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/no-applying-for-federal-student-loans-doesnt-register-you-for-the-military-draft-2020-01-03
Specifics about FAFSA vs. Selective Service
I am no help with the seasonal stuff except to say I hear you BUT — I just saw your tweet about cake, and while I don’t tweet, let me just say that making Ghiardelli brownie mix in a cake pan (you can make a 1- or 2-layer cake with the stuff, depending whether you use 1 or 2 bags of mix — can you tell I shop at Costco? — and of course the size of the pans) is THE BEST. The best. OMG, so, so, so very rich.
Personally I am a fan of chocolate sour cream icing, which is a real (and delicious) thing but which seems to have to be made from scratch. However, doing so is not hard, and when I need to I just google for a recipe and have not had any trouble (I cannot even tell you what recipe, I just grab whatever shows up).
The political situation leaves me feeling so bleak and stressed, and it’s only January. And I feel particularly overwhelmed when I think about climate change.
But!! I’ve been channeling this anxiety into doing some small acts that hopefully will make a difference. Have you heard of Postcards to Voters (postcardstovoters.org)? The idea is that handwritten postcards to voters in key areas can help people remember to vote. You can sign up for a little as 4 postcards at a time, or up to 20. I just did 10, to registered voters who just moved to a flippable Texas district, and who haven’t reregistered in that new district. So many people forget, or don’t know you need to register with your new address. You can fancy up the postcard as much as you want, or you can keep it plain. It just has to be readable, and they provide what to write. I find it a great way to use different postcards, fun colored pens, etc.
Alas, I’m grim as well. Not sure if others will enjoy but this song on repeat is keeping me going today.
The both- nothing left to do
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LPcpjtBMJIs
2020 started with Oldest and I getting a truly awful stomach bug then transitioned into depressing rainy/gray/dark weather just as I had to go back to work causing me to wonder, yet again, why on earth I’ve chosen to live someplace where the weather is a walking advertisement for SAD. Needless to say I feel like 2020 has massive room for improvement and it’s only 7 days old. BAH