I am back from an assortment of short vacations/road-trips (people who chose the postcard subscription in the fundraiser will get this month’s postcard from the road), and so today I am feeling mixed feelings: the fun is over and so is the vacation/road-trip food, but on the other hand I have my familiar shower and my non-travel-size hairbrush and my full assortment of clothing.
I’d ordered some earrings from Etsy before I left (I ordered a duplicate pair to go into one of the fundraiser care packages), and they were waiting for me when I returned. It is challenging to take a picture of one’s own ear, but I persevered until I got at least a mediocre picture:
One of the things I find discouraging on road trips is getting a glimpse into how very many women feel comfortable peeing all over toilet seats. I remember learning in psychology class that the human brain will work very hard to take a person’s behavior and force an explanation for it that lets it align with their concept of themselves as a good person doing the right thing, and I am wondering how anyone’s brain manages that feat in the case of peeing all over a toilet seat and then leaving that pee for someone else to have to clean up. Perhaps we should have a couple of special stalls reserved for people who don’t want to sit down, so that we are not wasting nice clean seats for other people, and to minimize the number of peed-on seats for the people who clean the bathrooms.
While I’m complaining (I am drinking black coffee after a week of adding, for example, Hershey’s syrup and heavy cream, so my mood is iffy), I would like to complain about how frustrating it can be to share the road with other people. I’ve noticed that if the speed limit is 55mph, I can usually cruise along contentedly in the same lane without needing to pass—but when the limit is 65mph, I have to keep passing people in order to go the speed I’d like to go. And it happens again and again that I am stuck behind someone going about 60mph, and then as I attempt to pass, their speed climbs and climbs until we are twinning it along the road at 75mph and I still can’t pass them. I am familiar with the right-lane phenomenon of “Oops, someone is passing me and that makes me notice I am going slower than I want to be going, better pick up the pace!” so I try to be understanding, but it happens SO OFTEN! How can SO MANY people just be noticing their speed as I pass them? And could they perhaps let me pass them and THEN pick up the pace? That’s what I do when it is me in the right lane, because I am ALSO familiar with the left-lane phenomenon of trying to pass someone who is going faster and faster. EMPATHY, everyone; EMPATHY.
Another complaint: people who are UP IN MY TRUNK as I am in the passing lane, when I am going Nice and Fast but also can’t go any faster than the person in front of me in the same lane, and/or can’t get over to the right because there are cars there. If I could say ONE THING to The Car Behind Me, it would be something like: Look WIDER than just the back of my car. This is not a case of my one single car unfairly blocking someone’s way by going deliberately slow in the fast lane. I CANNOT go faster than the person in front of me. I CANNOT get over to the right if there is a car to my right. I am JUST AS STUCK as the person behind me, so could I have A LITTLE SPACE. We are going VERY VERY FAST and it seems like the safety distance should be more than three feet.
The last time I was on a road trip, there was a scary situation where someone switched into my lane without looking, and luckily I had noticed that it looked like they were about to do that, and luckily I had time and space to scooch over to the lane to my left and avoid the crash. It was a lot closer than I would usually like to cut it, but it was an emergency. The guy I cut in front of LEANED on his horn, pulled so close behind me I was sure he was going to hit me, swerved his truck back and forth, was visibly flailing his arm and shouting. He did this for several minutes. Like, was he attempting to communicate that he felt my driving had been unsafe? In that case, why was he communicating it by being WAY WAY WAY MORE UNSAFE? It is a mystery. When I was finally able to get back into my own lane, he drove beside me for another minute or so, continuing to honk and shout and gesture. My good sir, you are teaching me nothing about road safety/manners.
I hate driving for all of these reasons. I could feel my blood pressure going up as I read this.
And how about the ZIPPER MERGE?!? Why are people such idiots about the zipper merge? Don’t they understand that it’s better for EVERYONE if we all do it properly and yes, sometimes one lane will go faster than the other and that’s not cheating, that’s just how roads work and it all evens out in the end?
There are a lot of zipper merges near me, I have strong feelings.
I can’t even with the flagrant disregard for zipper merges. They make so much sense!! Why are people NOT ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE to merge?? Why are THREE PEOPLE zooming in front of me??? Why is this guy creeeeeeping ahead of me pretending not to see me when it is MY TURN?? ZIPPER. MERGE.
The problem with the zipper merge is many, many people don’t understand that’s how it should be done. So they think you’re just being a pine hole and not waiting your turn, when in fact you are Doing It the Right Way. So, do you go ahead and do it properly and hope they get a clue? Or endure the evil eye/people blocking the road so you can’t move through both lanes? The zipper merge needs some serious PR work.
I’m white knuckling my mouse just reading this! I hate driving for all of these reasons.
Favorite bit: “While I’m complaining (I am drinking black coffee after a week of adding, for example, Hershey’s syrup and heavy cream, so my mood is iffy), I would like to complain”
OMG that guy! That is awful! I hate driving so very much and THIS is one of the reasons!
Love your earring/s, by the way. Very summery and cute and cheerful.
I don’t drive all that often since we are city dwellers, but every time I do drive (usually outside of the city and in other states), I am astonished at how terrible people’s road behavior has become. I don’t recall it always being this way. Sure, there used to be the occasional a-hole, but now it’s like if another driver dislikes something, they have to express it to you in the rudest and MOST UNSAFE WAY possible. Yours is a terrifying example. Why do people think this is necessary? And the cars who crawl up my tailpipe when I am going a reasonable speed or stuck behind another car make me want to set everything on fire. BACK OFF, DUDE.
This isn’t nearly that extreme, but it shows the HAIR TRIGGER drivers are on these days: Last night I drove up to a small town upstate. I was waiting at a red light. In my city, turning right on a red light is illegal, so I usually don’t do it unless I’m in a place where I KNOW it is legal (i.e., my home state). In addition, there was sufficient traffic that even if I’d been inclined to turn on the red light, I was inclined to wait. So I waited. The driver behind me LAID on the horn and was making flailing gestures and then honked AGAIN and gestured when the light changed and I started to go. WTF man. W.T.F.
We are normally allowed to turn right on red in our area, but we have a couple of lights where there is a “No right turn on red” sign. I have had people honking and gesturing at me at those lights, and it gives me such a feeling of impotent rage. I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING. THERE IS A SIGN, VISIBLE TO YOU, THAT CONFIRMS THIS. I am often tempted to get out of my car and go over and tell them about the sign.
Oh the right turn on red! I live where the roads are always icy in the winter-they don’t salt the roads but we are allowed studs. So I am waiting to turn right, at a red light-I am on enough of an incline that I worry even my studs won’t give me enough traction-and I see cars coming at a good clip on my left. So ice, incline, red light-yet the man behind me (who I am sure couldn’t see the traffic from his spot) lays on the horn, and starts making obscene hand gestures. I have never had this response before-but I absolutely lost it! To this day, I don’t know why-if it was a straw that broke the camel’s back or what-but I went INSANE! I never use my horn, but I laid on the horn, threw my own hands up-starting shouting. Of course he couldn’t hear-it was subzero and our windows were up. I have never been so close to getting out of a car and confronting someone. Luckily-my haze cleared and I realized I was being totally irrational. One funny thing, when I made the turn and the guy was following me-he stayed WAY back-like he knew I was a woman on the edge!!
Oh I haaaaaate that when you finally decide to pass someone and they speed up. It’s actually my husband’s big pet peeve when we are driving through the mountains: someone will go like 20km under the speed limit on curvy parts, and then when there is a passing lane they will go 20-30km OVER the speed limit so it’s almost impossible to pass them.
Also? That guy is objectively TERRIBLE.
My husband and I laugh about this because it happens EVERY TIME. There you are, stuck behind someone who’s going slow. Get to a passing lane and without fail, everyone speeds up to 75-80 mph, including the slow one in front. Every. Time.
Minnesota just passed a law that prohibits driving too slow in the left lane for all these reasons!
And yes, why can’t we all just zipper like normal humans?
And yes, tailgaters back to F off!
I rage easily, so we adopted a mantra, “I wish you well,” with raised St. Francis hand. It helps me remember that I sincerely don’t want to escalate tensions!
In the vein of Minnesotan passive-aggressiveness, I give people a thumbs up or a cheerful wave with a big smile.
LOL! I know people who do that!
Just last night I was driving Curly home from dancing on a busy highway that has major construction- or from the looks of it, very littel work being done but major traffic reconfigurations from 3 lanes to 1. We all took turns. One car merge – then me- WAIT HOLD ON . . . A GUY DRIVING A LEXUS SEDAN FELT HE WAS MORE IMPORTANT SO HE TRIED TO TAKE MY MERGING TURN. What!? I honked and sped up so he could not take my turn. Then he sped up and went around the guy in front of me. And that wimpus let him in. Later closer to my home I pulled up next to ass wipe at a stop light and yelled at him ‘oh so you are more important than everyone else? You are supposed to take turns. Loser!’ The whole time I was correcting him he was screaming profanity at me. I felt totally satisfied after I drove away. I hate stupid drivers and the oh-someone-wants-to-pass-me-so-I-will-speed-up thing burns me uo too.
Those are all my EXACT feelings about driving! Why can’t people just be considerate?
Ugh. The other day I was driving to work, and there was a highways truck parked by the side of the road, so I went round it (the road is single-carriageway, but wide enough for three cars easily). As I went past it it started moving (thanks!!!), so it took me longer than I expected to pass it, and a van coming the other way had to move about a metre over (it had plenty of room! The road is wide!) to avoid me and made hand gestures at me the entire time. WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THAT
I went on an extended (like, almost a month) roadtrip this summer and I have SO MANY COMPLAINTS about women and there bathroom behavior. In addition to the “thanks for peeing all over the seat with your toilet germophobia and making it worse for the rest of us” thing you noticed, there is also:
the “I like to cover the toilet seat with toilet paper and then LEAVE IT THERE” woman (I don’t want to touch your butt paper, lady.)
the “Rip off little bits of toilet paper and drop it on the floor so I can have an untouched piece” lady (Has she never cleaned a bathroom? Why are you doing this to the cleaning people?)
the non-flusher (ARE YOU SECRETLY A NINE-YEAR-OLD BOY?)
and the “take ten minutes to pee even though there is a line” woman (Get in! Pee! Get out! What are you doing in there?)
I could go on, but I’ll stop there.
Somehow it never occurred to me that the bits of toilet paper on the floor were people trying to get an untouched piece. Ew. Ew.
Occasionally I encounter a wet toilet seat in my office, where they clean the bathrooms like 4x a day. Why. WHY. This is not a gas station.
YES! why not put that toilet paper in to the thing for which it is named?
The fact that, what feels like, vast portions of the population have never bought into the “leave it as good as you found it” mantra, nevermind BETTER actually makes me ragey. Pick up after yourself. Don’t step over/onto that thing on the ground, pick it up too! The rest of the world is not your personal cleaner and THE ENVIRONMENT CANNOT TAKE MORE OF YOUR TRASH.
I am currently on a bit of a ridiculous, extended road trip and these things are making me crazy. I have also decided extra tipping is in order bc those I am tipping have to deal with more of these people than I do and they deserve it.
I went on a trip last year to China (first time in Asia!) and got to experience the Chinese Toilet: a hole in the floor with traction treads where a person squats to pee, and then flushes. Perfectly clean and modern looking, in a stall with a full door, it’s not like an outhouse or porta potty at all.
At first I HATED it — ugh! Squatting! Feels so weird! What are we, camping!?! But after a few days, I actually preferred the Chinese style to the Western style for public toilets. No sitting in other women’s pee! No toilet seats with paper left on them! Because if I think about it too hard — even sitting on a dry, clean (looking) toilet seat makes me a little squeamish. Chinese squatting toilet, no need to sit where the unwashed masses have put their butts. A++, would use again.
I was in line at an on-ramp the other day and there was a serious amount of traffic – so much that the car in the front of the line had stopped completely, rather than merge onto the highway like you normally do. There were 5 or 6 cars backed up and the guy in front of me decided he didn’t want to wait for the guy in the front of the line to go. He pulled off onto the right shoulder and went around the whole line and blazed up onto the highway. Unfortunately, a cop was in the line too, saw the whole thing, whipped out after him and pulled him over in front of everyone who was waiting in line. It was extremely satisfying to drive on by him as he was getting a ticket.
Kristin-don’t you mean “fortunately” there was a cop in line!! Unfortunately for him, but fortunate for everyone else to see him get his comeuppance!! I love when this happens because it feels like instant karmic retribution!
LOL. Yes, exactly. Unfortunate for him, happiness for the rest of us.
MAN, that is SO SATISFYING.
The way someone drives in traffic is a fair indicator of what kind of person they truly are, like it’s a form of truth they can’t hide. That is why I try to remember people who drive like jerks. If I see them in real life, I know to keep my guard up no matter how “nice” they seem. This worked for me when a woman in my carpool was sooo nice, but she repeatedly used an exit only lane to fly ahead and cut off other drivers to save 30 seconds on our commute. Her selfishness revealed itself in several other ways over the following months. Very glad I kept our relationship strictly as carpool mates.
My most satisfying traffic story: once I was driving along next to the exit lane I needed to be in. It’s a very long lane, which continues from the previous highway entrance, if that makes sense, so sometimes people just stay in it for a while. There was a guy driving exactly, right next to me. I had my blinker on and he was just oblivious or pointedly ignoring. I was not aggressive, not trying to cut him off or anything, I just needed him to EITHER speed up or slow down a little, which he was perfectly capable of doing. I could get behind or in front, I did not care. He did not heed. I gave him the tiniest of swerves – didn’t even leave my lane – and he paid attention real quick and sped up so I could get behind him.
Ugh, the driving! I face all of that EVERY.SINGLE.DAY on my 15 minute drive to work! People here have no idea about zipper merging – even though it makes perfect sense! I was actually forced to drive on the shoulder of the road recently because not one but TWO cars refused to let me in!
It is my opinion that a good portion of the population feels to entitled to “share” the road. And unfortunately, those people possibly have children who are witnessing their behavior and will likely copy it when they learn to drive.
I have been trying so very hard to be a more considerate, kinder driver in hopes that it might rub off on some of these people (I know the likelihood is slim, don’t burst my bubble of hope!) ;-)
Dang it! “…population feels TOO entitled to “share” the road.”
Yes to the modelling….when my girls started to drive I referred to it as Car Karma. Let someone merge, be nice, one day it will be you in that position. And forgive someone’s stupid last minute lane change — maybe they were totally lost. As they got older, we did get kind of snarky. Like of someone was speeding up the highway, we’d say, “I bet his wife is in labour in the back seat.” I hope those conversations pay off.
A story about peeing on the toilet seat: when I was a sophomore in college, I got crabs while living in the dorms. I don’t know how; I was not having sex with anyone. The doctor clearly did not believe me, but I really didn’t get it by having sex. I wasn’t getting naked in any way, with anyone, at the time. I asked him, could I have gotten it from a toilet seat? He verrry reluctantly said that maybe if there was a stray hair on the toilet seat, that could have done it. But he thought it unlikely, and I agree that it seems unlikely. I don’t know if that’s how it happened to me or not. All I know is, I was completely freaked out and disgusted and had no idea how it happened.
Fast forward to my senior year of college. I was doing my student teaching and had thoroughly internalized my fear of sitting on public toilet seats. At this new school I was teaching at, I hovered above the toilet seat as always. In between classes, there was always a line of female teachers because time and toilets were both in short supply at that school. Anyway, hovering was normal for me. I didn’t think anything of it, being the clueless 22-year-old that I was. I had never, ever realized that was leaving grossness behind me. But the teachers who went into the stalls after me sure noticed. One day I went in like usual and there was an outraged note on the door for me (and everyone else) to see about how gross it was, and can’t we trust each other, and please FTLOG don’t leave pee on the seat! It was so embarrassing. I’m sure everyone knew I was the person doing it, and it wasn’t that I meant to. I was just a clueless girl right out of school. Not an excuse because – ew! – but it wasn’t on purpose.
PS: I have gotten over my fear of sitting on public toilet seats and really hate sitting in other people’s pee.
In my home town on a road I used all the time there was a spot where the traffic zipper merged. The city put up a sign “alternate your merge”. There may have been a “please” or “be considerate” but it’s been a long time since I’ve lived or even driven in that area so I don’t remember for sure. I do remember that there was very little inconsiderate merging at that spot while there was plenty of mean mergers in areas that did not have that sign. Living in a city with not one, not two, but THREE major interstates along with associated loops and spurs I think I would gladly help pay for some of those signs around here. As I type this I’m thinking of the LED information signs (the changeabLe ones – 3 lanes ahead, slow down before exit whatever, Amber alert, don’t drink and drive) that are on our roadways. As they’ve taken citizen recommendations for those signs before, I believe I shall make a recommendation.
I, too, get enraged by pee on toilet seats BUT one time I was muttering to myself while wiping down the seat before using it and then when I stood up and flushed I saw that the flush was so strong it sprayed droplets of water all over the seat. So then I had to wipe the seat again because I was horrified that the next person would think I had peed everywhere.
Re: driving we recently moved to South Korea and the drivers here are INSANE. Like, I’m-stopped-at-a-red-light-because-it’s-red-but-then-they-honk-and-drive-around-me-through-the-light insane. Taxis and mopeds are the worst offenders of this but the general population also seems to have zero regard for traffic lights and lane markers.
I think I’ve likely put this comment here before, but I’ve quite literally broken up with someone after witnessing his merge behavior. He drove up to the front of the merge line every single time and aggressively slipped in front of all the other cars who had been patiently (and properly) merging. His reasoning was that it wasn’t his fault if no one else was “smart enough” to realize this was faster/better. I clearly remember thinking to myself: I cannot have children with this man, because I will murder him if he passes this type of thinking onto my offspring.
I have been lucky enough to manage my life such that I mostly drive surface roads. However, for three years driving Oldest home from school required me to drive on the highway for ONE EXIT. In that short stretch of highway tho it went from 4 lanes to 3 and went through a heavily populated area. The upshot is that driving this one 3/4 mile stretch of highway every day involved witnessing and unfortunately being involved in some of the most assinine behavior imaginable. Oldest got his drivers license in February and I’m so darned happy that I almost never have to drive that stretch of road anymore. Nothing makes me feel like humanity is terrible and should be scrubbed from the face of the earth like driving on the highway.
I think you should get a hoop for your cartilage piercing, and also a tiny nose stud.