I have a good update on the situation with Rob’s summer job, which is that the professor who referred him to that job felt pretty terrible about how things went, and said he’d see if any of the projects he was currently working on and/or developing needed a computer/math kid, and one of the projects DID need such a person, and the funding for that project hadn’t quite firmed up but the professor went to the college and said under the circumstances could we perhaps get that going a little faster, and the college agreed and handled it immediately, and so now Rob will be working the rest of the summer on that project. Rob sent emails to several different college officials asking them to confirm his understanding of all the details of the job, which seemed a little salty but on the other hand there had been more than one remark of the “This is why we get things in writing” variety from various officials during the investigation, and those remarks rankled, considering there was nothing Rob did or failed to do that would have made a difference in this particular situation, and considering how even grown-ups with extensive experience (SUCH AS THE PROFESSOR AND THE COLLEGE OFFICIALS) were tricked by the other job. So a little salt seems appropriate.
I was sad to miss my road trip to go pick him up and bring him home (I’d already bought the Pringles and Junior Mints and Entenmann’s snack cakes), but happy to have things resolved so relatively quickly and without him having to work in fast food again (the grease smell in my washing machine and dryer!). And I’m happy to have him staying there for summer: I don’t feel he is very happy when he lives at home, and then that makes me a little sad even though I know it’s developmentally normal/appropriate, and so it is nicer for everyone to have him living semi-independently elsewhere.
I need to go look in the archives to see what Rob was like the summer before he went to college, because I’ve already forgotten, and I’d be interested to know if he was as bad-tempered and weird as William is being. William, usually my mild-mannered and funny de-escalator, has been doing things such as suddenly yelling a very loud swear word over something going wrong on a computer game, or storming around being unreasonable about how he got locked out when he didn’t have his keys with him (he absolutely should have had his keys with him), or sighing loudly because someone else’s laundry is in the dryer and he has to do ALL THE WORK of shoveling it into the waiting laundry basket.
Oh thank you for sharing! I was very worried about Rob and I’m so glad that there has been a somewhat satisfactory next chapter in this story.
Well, this is an excellent resolution. Except I feel like you are owed a night alone in a hotel room to properly enjoy your road snacks.
My teenaged/young adult daughters yell more and are more easily upset when they’re nervous about something big; I’d suspect that may be what’s going on with your William. Another parent once told me that those sort of Big Feelings in the teenage years are God’s plan for making it easier on parents when the kids leave home, and I think there’s something to that theory.
I remember quite clearly someone saying basically this on the post about how terrible Rob was being. So, can confirm he was also terrible.
I AM SO RELIEVED FOR ROB. That is a very tidy resolution all around, except for the part where he should also still be paid for the work he did, but I realize that may just be Not In The Cards.
Ugh on the William front. Perhaps it is a June Thing and will dissipate into July? I am hopeful for you all.
Yay on the Rob front!
Re: William, we had a similar issue with our son the week after school got out. Turns out, he gets really cranky when he doesn’t eat, and he was sleeping until noon and then lazing around before heading downstairs to find something to eat. And the. He would eat junk.
We insisted he be up and eating something by 10:30 the latest, and then again by 2:00, and things went much smoother.
My mom always said that my sister and I were prone to “bad byes”, and I see it in my kids too. A lot of fighting, short tempers and frazzled nerves around big and little changes. She always argued that it was rational because it made the separation easier but that it wasn’t a great way to end things. Maybe William is just having a bad bye.
Our high school English teacher told us this senior year, but I’ve never heard the awesome terminology “bad bye” ( I love that!). Basically it’s realizing that transitions and leaving are forthcoming and it’s difficult to leave people you love so our brain’s response is to quarrel or shut down on our relationships and make it easier to leave.
Good news about Rob!
I wonder if William is like my mom who, it became apparent somewhere in my sophomore year of college, was so bad at processing her feelings of sadness about me leaving/going back to school etc that she became intensely ill-tempered just before I left – it was almost like some kind of buffer for her feelings: rather than feel sad I was leaving, she could be angry about something random I did or that was happening. Since my mom was a full-grown adult at the time, when I mentioned to her that this seemed to be the pattern and that I didn’t like it she realized that was the case and improved. With a teenager this immediate development seems less likely but at it might at least help you have different feelings about the situation.
I am glad something worked out for Rob, and I am sorry he is not getting paid for his previous work. I know what a big deal it is for college kids to maximize their summer earning.
I do not remember Lad being extra grouchy before freshman year, but then he rransferred out east as a sophomore and the summer leading up to that new school was a NIGHTMARE. It did not dawn on me until we drove away from his new school. Then a giant light bulb appeared over my head and I thought: ‘oh, he was anxious/ nervous because if this school doesn’t work- then what?’ My guess is William getting jitters about college.
Yay! on Rob’s new job. I work at a college and have to find, or at least to try to find, students to work on projects with faculty and let me just tell you, students with math/computer skills are in high demand and hard to find. Even for jobs that have budgets (many student jobs where I work do not, or not adequate ones), so — yeah. Rob should always have work opportunities, as far as i am concerned, if that is his skill set and he is decent/serious about work.
No other words of wisdom though please add me to those very excited about Elizabeth’s scoliosis update even if I didn’t take the time to say so earlier.
^PHEW!* SO glad things worked out for Rob.
No need to head to the archives – not that I remember specifics from your experience, but I recall that Man-Child was pretty much unbearable before he headed out for his freshman year of college. Hind sight being twenty-twenty, I can now say it was nerves on his part. As they say, life makes them crazy so we might not miss them so much when they are gone…this is a lie but that’s what “they” say.