I am back from taking Rob back to college for his summer job, which gave me the worst case of Sunday Afternoon Syndrome ever: not only was it Sunday afternoon, but it was Sunday afternoon and my very-looked-forward-to overnight trip was over. Plus I was tired and cranky from driving the last hour-and-a-half in some inexplicable traffic with the sun at a glaring angle.
Plus I may have hit a squirrel. I’d slowed down to avoid hitting it, even though I know you’re not supposed to do that but there was no one close behind me, and then the little idiot doubled back and ran right under my car. There was a little bonking sound of something hitting the underside of the car; the sound was soft enough for hope but not for denial. When I looked in the rearview mirror, I didn’t see the squirrel in the road or anywhere else. If you know of any possibility that the squirrel stuck to the underside of my car, I don’t want to hear about it.
Well, but aside from those things, it was a great trip. I’d had various frets, such as that his housing wouldn’t actually be available when we arrived, or that it would turn out he was supposed to have submitted a form and now it was too late, but those frets all came to naught. I helped carry in his stuff and then I was free. I did a little shopping, checked into my motel, and then went back out to have dinner. While I was eating, Rob texted me that he’d forgotten to bring his sheets. So I went back and picked him up and we went to Target and bought some. And oh yeah he needed shampoo. And body wash. And floss. And he was low on toothpaste.
I wondered if perhaps he is using mind-altering substances these days, because I asked him about all these things before we left home, TWICE. First, a few days before we left, as I was heading out to Target, I asked if he needed anything like that, and he said he didn’t; second, on the morning we left, I had the storage cabinet open, and I said “Oh, how are you on shampoo and deodorant and stuff?,” and he said he was all set. I remember reading an article long ago about how bad it is for people psychologically to screw around with their sleep schedules, so let’s hope that’s all it is.
I dropped him back off at school, and went to my motel room and changed into pajamas and re-watched Bridesmaids. It is really, really not my type of movie (I don’t like gross-out humor, horrifying-awkward-situation humor, or raunch), but I liked it better the second time through when I knew what to expect, and it was the right kind of movie for half-watching while I played on my phone and ate snacks. I stayed up late and it was fun.
The motel I was staying at was not the kind with breakfast. I’d been thinking I’d get a Sausage McMuffin and a coffee at the drive-through on my way out of town, but then impulsively stopped at IHOP instead. Here were my anxieties, before stopping:
1. I haven’t been there in a couple of decades and I don’t really remember what it’s like
2. What if on Sunday mornings it’s really crowded?
3. Maybe they’ll resent me taking up a whole table
4. Maybe it’ll be expensive and disappointing and I’ll wish I’d spent $2 at McDonald’s instead
But it was so perfect. It was not AT ALL crowded, in fact if anything it was worryingly empty, just me and three families with kids in a huge empty restaurant. It was totally fine for me to take up a whole table. And I was not at all disappointed:
(I would have tipped the camera a little higher so you could see the coffee pot, but I didn’t want the family at the next table to think I was taking pictures of them)
I was in a daring mood, so I ordered the stuffed French toast even though it said it was made with cinnamon-raisin bread and I don’t like warm raisins; but there was not one single perceptible raisin in it, and the cinnamon flavor was unexpectedly good with the strawberries and whipped cream. I got the sourdough toast and it was so good; the last time I had breakfast out I ordered wheat toast and it was all dried and crunchy, but this was chewy and soft. The waitress asked if I wanted two sausage or two bacon, then added “…or one of each?,” as if she knew my secret heart. I got my own entire pot of coffee and she brought a little bowl of assorted creamers so I could try multiple flavors. I just kept eating a bite of each thing in turn like Albert in Bread and Jam for Frances, and kept adding more hot coffee to my mug, and it was so so wonderful and I want to eat there every morning.
The only way it could have been better is if there had been a jelly caddy on the table, instead of the toast being delivered with one strawberry and one grape. I LOVE a good jelly caddy. I like trying the flavors I wouldn’t usually choose, like apple jelly or orange marmalade. I just spent some time researching this topic (I wanted to make sure “caddy” was the right word; it turns out it can be called a caddy or a rack), and did you know you can buy these little jam packets and caddies for your very own house? I didn’t see any variety packs that included all the different flavors, but there are 200-packet packs of strawberry/grape/marmalade, strawberry/grape/apple, strawberry/grape/mixed, or just peach, or just blackberry—and there may be others but that was just about the point where sanity returned. Plus I got discouraged because the jam rack I wanted was only in packs of twelve, which is twelve more jam racks than my house can use. The Smuckers site has the other kind of jam caddy I like, and they’re only $3.49 each, but that’s when I started thinking was I actually going to place any such order and realized the answer was no I was not. (But if your answer is yes, Smucker’s also has a cherry/blackberry/strawberry assortment I didn’t find on Amazon.)
I’m so sorry to hear about Rob’s case of Mother Deafness. It’s such a dreadful experience for the mothers; there really should be a telethon.
I can’t speak to whether or not Rob is using mind-altering substances, but I do have two teenage sons and, for all their wonderful qualities, they’re both like that. It’s maddening.
Yes! I can attest to college aged young men losing their minds. In fact, the very summer that Rob is now (post-freshman-year) my son and I took a trip. We arrived at the airport, at which point he realized his packed suitcase was on his bed. At home. I was so mad! I made him buy enough clothes for the week with his own money when we got to Maine. And *that* is when I discovered that while he might be ridiculously inept, he is also remarkably frugal when his own money is at stake. The More You Know!
I’m so glad to hear it’s not just my teenage son. I was coming to say the only mind-altering substance he’s on is teenage boy brain (maybe girl brain too, I don’t know I’ve only had a teenage so so far).
Such a satisfying breakfast experience! We love IHOP but the ones near us are always SO crowded on weekend mornings it is not worth it. My favorite jam on the rare occasion we DO go is blackberry.
I had to close my eyes and breathe for several restorative seconds after reading about Rob saying “I’m all set” and then not, in fact, being all set.
I love your jam caddy research and the conclusion. And I love the reference to Bread and Jam for Francis, and the Albert-eating scene which is so lovely to read.
Also, you would have DEFINITELY seen the squirrel in your rearview had you hit it; the soft thud was a coincidental rock under your tires that you wouldn’t have heard if you weren’t already listening for squished-squirrel sounds.
Swistle, you are a delight. This was exactly what I wanted to read this morning. It made me wish we could enjoy breakfast at IHOP together every day, even though I have never been to an IHOP before in my life.
A bonking on the undercarriage, followed by no squirrel in your rear-view mirror are very positive signs. A bump under your wheel (like, your car goes up and down as if you just ran over a small rock) is Squirrel Doom.
Sounds like he escaped to me.
Listen, my husband is an extremely responsible, conscientious 37-year-old man who does not use mind-altering substances, and even he never has any idea that he’s about to run out of toiletries until he has already done so. This is just A Dude Thing.
My wife does the same thing, so I have to keep one extra of every toiletry item in the bathroom. I think it might be the Casual Nonchalance of the Person Who Doesn’t do the Shopping.
Also I knew I was an adult when I got excited about somebody else paying for my deodorant and shampoo. It wasn’t exciting in high school, but it was very exciting when it happened in college.
I always worry that I will feel awkward going places like restaurants or movie theaters alone. Then I get there and realize I get to do it 100% my way, and it’s an awesome experience. That is why I plan on driving my daughter the 2.5 hours to and from camp this summer instead of putting her on the bus. I fully intend to make the solo time all about me.
Also, I ate at an IHOP for the very first time a couple months ago and ordered stuffed french toast. It was yummy. I might find an IHOP along the route to camp.
The Albert reference was everything to me. :) <3
I think it's just a guy thing, but anything is possible. It's legal here so it's become normal.
Terribly jealous of your road trip/hotel stay.
I just ran over a squirrel (I tried very hard not to!) and it was much more definitive than what you’ve described. I felt a little bump and I definitely could see the squirrel in the rear view mirror and it was not skipping away happily. (And then since it was in my neighborhood, I also got to have confirmation of its squishedness every time I drove anywhere for the rest of the day.)
I would also like to eat at that ihop.
I am on a bus with the entire fourth grade, heading back to school after experiencing pioneer times all day, so thank you for this delightful reading experience that I very much needed.
There’s a place in Toronto that makes a savoury French toast stuffed with apples, gruyere, and caramelized onions that is just to die for. And they counterbalance the richness with a side salad that has a nice vinegary dressing. I’m not in Toronto very often, but when I am I am happy to make long detours out of my way to eat there. SO GOOD!
I am so freaking hungry now. Gah!!!
Oh, I LOVED the Albert-eating-his-lunch passage from “Bread and Jam for Frances”! I actually bought a copy of that book when my kids were little hoping they would be just as charmed by his little hard cooked egg and tiny salt shaker routine as I was when I first read it….they were not.
And, I almost sent my son flying into the glovebox while we were driving yesterday because I was trying to avoid squashing some young, indecisive squirrels who darted out in front of my car, and then froze and decided they didn’t want to cross the street after all 🙄
I adore Albert’s lunch!! And Frances, when she finally gets on board, too. My son actually had me re-create Albert’s packed lunch for him when he was in preschool. I just died at the sweetness and because I adore food, I was so pleased that he was tuned into food like that!
Because I love food, I will always try the local places – more interesting than a chain restaurant to me.
I love this. IHOP – I haven’t been tbere in forever. I take Ed to college orientation mid June. I look forward to a king bed and a tv and a remote all to myself because he will stay on campus. By the way Ed has his act together, but for his volleyball playoff game he told me it was a home game. Game started at 5:30. He texted me at 5:10 to alert me that it was in fact an away game. In traffic I had no hope of getting there in under 40 minutes. I was like ‘WHAT?’ I do not get why he did not text me when he boarded the bus right after school, so I had half a chance of getting to the game on time – not to mention organizing dinner and other kids activities and stuff. So mind blowing!
There’s an IHOP/Denny’s type of place in the town I lived in before I moved to the UK, and my friend group and I would periodically go there in a big group. It is perfect: every breakfast food you can imagine, plus things like pies and milkshakes for dessert. And MIMOSAS. (And there’s also non-breakfast food but who would even want that when there is BREAKFAST available.)
Also, I feel like this might be useful to know for future road trips: did you know that some Denny’s locations serve WINE? I of course wouldn’t advise this if you’re going there for breakfast and/or you have several hours of driving ahead of you, but it’s the perfect place to stop for dinner before heading back to the hotel.
I really liked Bridesmaids, but I can do without poop humour in everything, ever, for all time, please. On the other hand, the butt-chugging scene in Blockers? Almost injured myself laughing. I am a CONUNDRUM, I say. I’m so proud of you (I don’t mean that as condescendingly as it sounds) for having breakfast by yourself in a restaurant (I suck at this) and so happy it was so satisfying. Also so impressed that you keep blogging so regularly and so well. I keep falling off the wagon and pulling myself painfully back on, and it’s so comforting that you’re always here, just doing your thing, which is always a fun or thought-provoking thing.