I have had two experiences recently in which I was not allowed to do something and was told that my husband had to do it. In one case, I was trying to use an L.L. Bean rewards coupon on an L.L. Bean order, and it wouldn’t work. I called customer service, and they said that even though the credit card is in both our names, and even though the bills are addressed to ME because I opened the credit account on my own and then added Paul to it later, and even though the rewards certificate had my name on it—still, Paul would have to be the one to place the order if we wanted to use the certificate, because he was “the primary” on the account.
You know I am not a bold person, especially on the phone, but this made no sense and that activated my tenacity: I clarified that I had been the one to open the account, I said the certificate was in my name, etc., etc., etc. It turned out that at one point L.L. Bean transferred their credit card from one bank to another and, when that happened, the new company put Paul as the primary and me as the secondary. Would you like to lie awake driving yourself crazy with mental arguments about this entire situation and how it makes NO SENSE? OH ME TOO APPARENTLY. Also I would like to investigate how often the error was made in the opposite direction: how many times was a woman mistakenly put as the primary, even though her husband had opened the account? Was it never?
The second incident happened today. We are almost ready to close on the old house, so our realtor told us to call various utilities and let them know. I called the natural gas company—and they couldn’t talk to me, because only Paul’s name was on the account somehow, even though setting up utilities and paying bills is 100% my job in this marriage, and so I would have been the one to set up the account. The customer service representative was very apologetic, but he was sorry to say my husband would have to be the one to handle this because I was not on the account.
In neither case do I take issue with the person I was talking to. If there is a rule that only the primary account holder can use a certificate, and I am not the primary account holder, then the customer service representative cannot make it so I can use the certificate. If the rule is that only people listed on an account can change the account (and of course that rule makes every bit of sense), then of course the customer service representative could not let me make changes. Etc. My issue is with the underlying assumptions and issues that allowed these situations to occur in the first place. Since I was the one who set up the natural gas account, and I was one of the two homeowners of the home in question, and if only someone whose name is on the account can deal with the account, my name SHOULD CERTAINLY HAVE BEEN INCLUDED SOMEWHERE ON THE ACCOUNT. Since I was the one who set up the credit card, and it is my name on the billing statement, my husband should ABSOLUTELY NOT have been made the primary account holder. There should be NO SITUATIONS IN LIFE where a customer service representative tells me my husband will need to order those boots for me if I want to use THE COUPON WITH MY NAME ON IT, CONNECTED TO AN ACCOUNT IN MY NAME.
This reminds me of something that happened almost two decades ago, a story I evidently plan to brood about until I die. (I have SOME hope for a more Serene Perspective in old age, but so far I am not seeing much encouraging progress on that front.) My grandfather sent us some money to congratulate us on a new baby. My grandfather was old, old-fashioned, and conservative, so he made out the check to just Paul. I went to the bank to put the money in an account for the new baby, and didn’t notice until I was there that Paul had failed to endorse the check. The bank’s manager sighed and said to me, “Next time your husband gives you money, make sure he signs it.” Oh. Next time my husband gives me money. Thanks for that phrasing.
The trouble wasn’t with the fact that the check should have been endorsed by Paul: of course it should have been endorsed by Paul, if it was made out to Paul! The trouble was again the underlying issues/assumptions: first, that my grandfather would write out the check to The Husband; and second, the tone/phrasing the bank manager chose to use. She could have said, “Oh—I’m so sorry, this has to be endorsed first,” and I would have been 100% fine with that and only embarrassed I hadn’t noticed he hadn’t signed it. Instead it was “Next time your husband gives you money…” (as I sat there with my baby and toddler in the middle of the workday), and her tone was Way Off, and that has given me almost two decades of humiliated wincing/anger when I remember it. If the check had been made out to me, and if Paul had taken it to the bank without noticing I hadn’t endorsed it, do you think there is any chance at all the bank manager would have sighed and said to him in that tone of voice, “Next time your wife gives you money…”?
And these are such SMALL inconveniences/humiliations, relatively speaking! They weren’t even the big ones, like never having had a female president in the entire history of this country! Furthermore, I have the power to FIX them if I need to: I could talk back to the bank manager in a cold tone and then close our accounts if I felt like it, telling the manager exactly why I was doing so. I could call the credit card and take Paul’s name off of it, or close the account entirely, and I could follow that up with a business letter telling them why. I can make sure my name is on all utility accounts set up in the future. Whereas about 45 years ago in the United States, women still couldn’t have credit cards in their own names. Two generations ago, I might have been talking with pride and happiness about my husband being so generous with my housekeeping budget. But baby, we still have a long way to go. There is so much UNDERLYING/AUTOMATIC STUFF to unpick.
Today I saw a car with three bee stickers on it, and I nearly left a hysterically enthusiastic note on the windshield, except I didn’t know what to say except “I SEE THOSE BEES! I FEEL THOSE BEES! Love, A BEE SISTER!” That seemed kind of dumb at the time—but afterward, picturing getting a similar note on my own windshield in response to MY bee sticker, I realized I’d be thrilled. So next time I’m going to do it.
Have you seen the darling pyrex lidded bowls with bees at Target? https://www.target.com/p/pyrex-7-cup-glass-bee-happy-food-storage-container-yellow/-/A-53959954 I bought one for myself and one for a friend.
For years, our family has had a membership to the museum, but the very first year, I almost cancelled the whole damned thing because of something like this. I am the one who purchased the membership – my name was primary – put there by ME on the forms. I paid for it with MY debit card, which was in MY name. I was the one who went all the time. And yet, when the mailings and cards started to come, they all came addressed to him. I sent an email complaining about it, and they apologized and fixed it. But here I am 10 year later, still pissed.
Wait! Have I missed an important cultural touchpoint? Are bees now the symbol of the sisterhood? I am always an hour late. Smh
Yes—or more like symbolic of women’s anger at how things are going for them right now, rights-wise and representation-wise. The link (on the word bee) goes to the tweet that started it all. Then there was an article after the tweet: Welcome To Bee Season.
Where does one find a bee sticker? I would like to cover my car in them. (I am currently having A DAY.)
I found mine on Amazon; I got this one, but there were several other good options.
For some reason I always feel like I should mind my own business and not bother other people going about theirs. Therefore, when I have thoughts about things I see, I automatically assume it is not something I should share. Then I think later how much I love those little connections. It’s nice having some random woman pass me on the street and throw out, “I love that sweater! Such a great color!” I love when someone gets the movie reference on my tshirt. Yet, I can’t shake this idea that when I do that to someone else, I’m bothering them…. We should voice our enthusiasm.
I find I have turned into my mother with saying slightly bizarre (though on-topic) things to strangers… I hope sometimes it brightens their day a bit. Once recently I said something to a woman in Wal-mart and heard her giggling for the next two aisles, so I like to think sometimes it does.
I am perpetually surprised but usually pleased when someone notices my shirt or the like. And I take great pleasure at work in complimenting someone’s hair or clothing (look, I even told someone their eyebrows were especially fabulous, because they WERE) and I don’t really care if that makes me a weirdo.
I have a policy of saying nice things that I think about someone out loud if given the opportunity. Like, I won’t push to the front of the bus to compliment someone on their jacket, but if I’m getting off at the same stop at the same time, I’ll throw out the compliment as we part ways. It’s great to get little pick-me-ups from strangers and there’s so much negativity out there, so I try to add pebbles to the positive side of the balance scale as much as I can.
Me too!!
There is also the added heartbreak a friend of mine went through last winter as her husband was dying and they had to call the phone company to change their (his?) account over to her name.
Also, beeees! Yes!
My father died two years ago after a fairly long illness, which is relevant only because in one respect thank god it took awhile because my mom spent so much time during my dad’s last months alive dealing with trying to get my dad’s name off of/not the primary account holder of so many things. It was ridiculously complicated. However, it was easier than having to wrangle the couple of things that could not be changed until after my dad died which required so many forms and death certificates and administrative red tape. It felt like an obscene and terrible thing to make a person who had just lost their husband of 50 years deal with. If my dad had died suddenly it would have been a complete financial as well as emotional nightmare for my mom because of just this kind of patriarchy bullshit – sorry, I’m getting heated.
This is my fear. I’ve been telling my husband that we need to make both of us the primary on every single account we have.
That’s flipping enraging.
And totally leave a note about the bees. That would make my day.
I have the opposite problem where my wife and I each have our names on various things, and I can never remember which is which. Now that we have a baby and I am only working part-time, I am taking on more of the household nonsense, and sometimes the person I am talking to doesn’t know if I’m [my name] or [her name]. In fact I just got an appointment reminder text from the vet addressed to her but sent to my phone. But now I am realizing that I could call the gas company and just pretend to be her if I wanted to, I guess?
WHO KNEW THAT ENTANGLING ALL YOUR LIFE BUSINESS WITH SOMEBODY ELSE WOULD BE SO COMPLICATED?!
My wife is bad at paperwork and details, so at least this feels like reassurance that we will never get divorced because there is no way she would want to try to deal with untangling all our various accounts and things.
My husband has a first name that is more often female and I admit I have impersonated him (in harmless ways, and with his permission) to get around silly situations before.
My husband has a foreign name and I pretend I’m him constantly….until I get one of those Indian call centers and they know I don’t sound like a “Zishawn”
😄 😄
Yes!! I notice these kinds of things all the time!! So infuriating.
My mom divorced my step-dad in 1996. He died in 1999. His name is STILL on her power bill (along with her own), because the power company refuses to remove it.
While generally I am of the equality mindset, this issue makes me happy. I don’t have to make the phone calls! And my husband can’t make fun of me for not wanting to, because I can’t!
I was just thinking that. I’d be pissed I couldn’t use my coupon, and really society needs to freaking evolve already. But, just yesterday I told him he was going to have to deal with changing our dental insurance because “I’m technically a dependent; they aren’t going to let me do that.” It makes sense for me to be the household manager during these years I am a stay-at-home Mom, but I have to admit it was nice to pass that task off.
That said, I am reminded of the old trick of rephrasing a task as something you get to do. Next time I sit down to clear the pile of bills and correspondence I’m going to remind myself “I get to call and sort out this insurance issue, because women can now enter in to legal contracts.”
I am trying to get quotes to get a bathtub surround replaced. TWO separate contractors have refused to give me a quote if both my husband and I are not at the home while they’re there. Because I’m a woman and can’t pick out the surround or something? It’s obnoxious. One of them actually told me “well, if you pick out something and your husband doesn’t like it, we have to start the quote all over again.” OMFG.
We are remodeling the house right now and I have dealt with this in many different forms. My husband always sets them straight (these decisions are mine to make, not his) but it still gives me Rage.
I ran into this with our health saving plan. It is from my husband’s job, but I am the one that pays the medical bills and arranges the doctor appointments and the HSA place would not give me the bablance info or anything without his permission. Puke!
I agree with Sarah, did bees become symbolic of women’s rights or something? My kids’s school mascot is the hornet. We have hornets on our cars supporting their sports’ teams.
Yes—or more like symbolic of women’s anger at how things are going for them right now, rights-wise and representation-wise. The link (on the word bee) goes to the tweet that started it all. Then there was an article after the tweet: Welcome To Bee Season.
THIS SAME THING IS HAPPENING TO ME.
Me: Could you please tell me the balance on our plan?
Rep: No! Your husband will have to call. The account is in his name.
Me: I pay all the bills. I was there when he put in my social security number. I know I’m on the account.
Rep: Oh, you definitely are on the account, but I cannot give you any information.
Me: Is there anything you can do to help me?
Rep: No!
Cool. Thanks. Good luck getting that $11 claim from CVS verified.
INSANE
Sweet bees in honey that is so maddening! All of it! And what a disturbingly Handmaid’s Tale echo from two separate companies choosing to put one person on an account to exclusion of the other! I am very glad you closed with bees because they are surging through my veins and ready to pour forth from my mouth in response to these incidents and it’s nice to know others have similar anger buzzing around inside them.
Speaking of bees and honey, I highly recommend Robin McKinley’s Chalice.
Seconded! That might be my favorite book of hers.
I would still be maddened by that comment after two decades as well. My oldest child recently started playing the harp. A few months ago one of the strings broke and her while teacher was explaining to me how to restring it, once we got home, she finished the directions with “I’m sure your husband will be able to figure it out”. I fumed about it all the way home and my poor husband still has to listen to me be annoyed about it every time I have to do anything to the dang harp.
Sing it, sister! The trouble is with the PATRIARCHY!
I am a female Army vet. We have a veterans plate on our car and both names on the title – and my HUSBAND used to get mail from the American Lehion inviting him to join even though he is ineligible. Argh.
this is a very hot topic for me. when I got married 35 years ago, I called around to get estimates for new windows. One company would not come without my husband being home. I said thank you and went with someone else. Then I sent them a copy of the invoice and said, “this is the sale you missed out on”. I did this with a fencing company 10 years later. Our investment account, which is at least 50% assets from my prior job, has a joint credit card connected to it. I cannot get any information on it and if i log in to the investment account under my own login, the credit card account does not appear. I only log in as my husband. I complained about this numerous times, and finally opened a credit card in just my name. we no longer use the joint card because I am the only person who charges stuff and pays the bills. My husband has zero interest in our finances and I was a banker. These are archaic practices. I’ve even explained that I live in a marital property state so all assets are considered joint, but have gotten no where with that argument either. So now, because my husband is 12 years older than I am, everything is just in my name. If something happens to me, he will have a nightmare to deal with. But while I’m alive, I need to be able to take care of this stuff.
This makes me crazy – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run into the “Your husband is the Primary Account holder, so we can’t talk to/work with you.”
I know with many accounts you can have TWO Primary Account holders and, as I’ve periodically mentioned to my husband, we need to do that – before one of us dies and has to deal with the nightmare of fixing it then. But then again, that will require both of us to make many phone calls – which explains why we haven’t done it yet.
1. Call and get his name taken off
2. Just make a fake low voice and pretend to be him. They’ll know you’re faking bur won’t care. I’ve done this before. “Oh I’ll go get him!” “hello………”
3. Patriarchy day drinking
OMG I have just (I hope) finished with something similar with Kohl’s. For YEARS we had one account with both our names on the store charge card. Somewhere down the line I got dropped but I just kept using his card. Until I got Mary Sue as a cashier and she called to be sure I was an authorized user and I was NOT and she was ever so patronizing about it and if I had not been buying a pair of pants that I had found after trying on 20 pairs I would have just walked out. Instead I paid with visa and she had the GALL to say I could evaluate her on some survey.
Anyway my husband called and got me on the card and they said they’d send my own card. So, I buy some stuff at kohl’s and no problem. Then I am still waiting on the card and I go again and they call again and they ask for my ssn (last 4 digits) and my drivers license and the cashier who was not the same Mary tells me that it is “illegal now to do joint “ accounts. And I can get my own Kohl’s card. I am sorry but I laid into that woman about this just a bit of misogynistic bullshit.
My husband had to call AGAIN and fight with someone to get me a card so we can share an account. I haven’t been back to Kohl’s. If I had another option that wasn’t 30 miles away I probably wouldn’t go back.
I, as a stay at home parent, do not have income but did have student debt and thus would have been a detriment to our getting a mortgage by increasing our debt to income ratio. Because raising the next generation isn’t valued here. (See footnote.) So I wasn’t on the mortgage; I didn’t own our house. That did not stop me from cheerfully introducing myself as Philip in my normal, femme tone of voice in order to make an extra payment. The associate was Not Pleased but since I had the account number and all my husband’s info there was nothing she could do.
Footnote: A friend dealing with unfixable infertility has been feeling deeply overlooked and devalued because she isn’t and cannot be a parent. For example we talk about what moms do, when often we mean the labor women do. The way we women mother each other and our communities is beautiful, and often attributed only to mothers, excluding other women. How screwed up is our world, when we don’t value the work of mothering but we also use Not Being A Mother as a way to look down on women… Bees, bees everywhere and not a drop of honey.
BSharp-I really appreciated your thoughts about parenting vs. the labor women do. A reminder to be kind to all women, and not use what might be outdated terminology. Thank you for that !
And the further part of this pet peeve is: how do they know you are who you say you are on the phone? ?
I have been known to say “this is __husband’s name__” because we are married and we are one. *eye roll*
I’ve vented to phone operators: does Barack Obama have to make his own insurance calls??
I wanted a table saw. I went to two stores to look at them. Three sales people asked me what my husband was going to do with the table saw. I said no it was for me. All three people continued to reference how my husband would use the saw a an after I said it was for me.
When I bought one I went through the same conversation with the clerk (no not a gift it’s for me). Then got an earful about how my husband would have to take the box out of (my) truck for me. I finally snapped and said “men may be stronger than I am, but I’m much smarter and won’t need any ones help.”
I didn’t tell him my plan was to open the box in the truck and just take out the pieces.
HOLY MOLY! What is wrong with people? I would have snapped way sooner than you did. Even if the service people harbour misogynistic views, I would like to think that good customer service training should teach them to screen themselves and not give voice to their assumptions.
My (private, Christian) high school sent me fundraising letters for years addressed Mrs. Husband’s Name. It infuriated me. They even sent a request to write thank you notes to a retiring teacher to Mrs. Husband’s Name. Now things have gotten even worse and they mail the letters to my husband himself, despite the fact that he has no association with the school other than me. It absolutely burns me up inside.
Paul and I went to the same college, so we used to each receive a copy of the alumni newsletter. When the college realized we were married, they started sending one newsletter (which is fine, and environmentally smart) to “Mr. and Mrs. Paul Thistle” (which is NOT FINE).
My college roommate recently called the alumni association at our college to complain about receiving mail addressed to Hisname and Hername Lastname. Her husband didn’t go there, so she told them that it should be primarily addressed to her. They did apologize and changed the order, but told her that the software that they have automatically puts the man’s name first unless they go in manually to change it for each person, and they only go in and change it when complaints come up. Ugh!
I did recently receive mail addressed to me and and my husband, worded in this way: “Mrs. and Mr. Elizabeth Taylor.” I forget where it was from, but it was something official like a utility bill. I was surprised by how happy it made me.
My husband and I went to the same college too, but not even remotely at the same time. I graduated in 1995 as a 21 year old; he graduated in 2006 as a 32 year old (we are the same age). I don’t mine only getting one alumni magazine; and I don’t even care that much if would just be addressed to him, but ours comes addressed to some random person who does not exist! I didn’t change my surname, but our alumni magazine comes to Mrs. MyName HisLastName. It’s infuriating, but just not worth my time to try to fix. My high school alumni magazine also comes to that random person, and we didn’t go to the same high school!
What’s funny though… in an eye-rolly way, is that around Valentine’s Day, the college we both went to (but at vastly different timeframes) sends us a Valentine’s Card with some cutesy phrasing about our “Colonial Connection!” (the school’s mascot is a Colonial).
RAGE
Wait a damn minute. Did I just stumble upon someone else who is obsessed with bees??? ;)
I’ve had this same issue with Direct TV and one of our credit cards. Even though I pay all the bills, arrange for service, etc….they can’t do anything until they speak to my husband. Did I just wake up in 1950?
When we were engaged (and had no financial ties to each other), I went to buy a car and my fiance came with.
They directed the answer to Every. Single. Question. I. Asked. to him. EVERY ONE. I had done the research about hybrids and really felt I know more than the sales person by the time the conversation was over (Hybrids were brand new at the time. Pass my cane.)
My fiance kept pointing at me and saying “SHE is buying the car. I don’t need a car.” They were asking about his job and his income. Him “What does that matter? SHE is buying the car. Don’t you want to know if SHE is employed?”
We finally left without a car. A week later they called me while I was at another dealer buying a car.
“Why yes. I AM still interested in the hybrid. So interested in fact, that I am at another dealer and about to sign. By myself. Because I have a great job and better credit than the man you would only address when I tried to buy one from you.”
It was a damn delight.
VIRTUAL HIGH FIVE SISTER!
This hits home with me! My husband and I went to look at cars, his died and he really did need one. Luckily we had some savings, and he only wanted a very basic Kia Rio. This was years ago, but we are about the buy the car, and all of a sudden-the very small part we had to take a loan on, was like at very high interest rate, like credit card high! I was blown away, and said “nope, we are leaving…” and the salesman said “but sir-this is your car and you make the decisions”-and I lost it!!! I said I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, and we had a good credit rating and were paying at least half in cash. I told my husband, “we are leaving!”, and I got up and walked out. He followed me, and that guy followed us!
Needless to say, we got a great deal and were very happy with it. I do wonder how many people fall for that crap, especially when you really need a car. What is interesting to me, most women I know who are married-they make all the financial decisions, pay the bills, just like Swistle said. How do companies not figure that out? They gear advertisements to women because they know they do most of the shopping, how do they not figure out we do the research and are to to respected?
Yes to all of it, Swistle! When I do have a good interaction with a business, let’s say a stonemason, I will write a specific google review, like “They’re good with my daughter asking them questions.” But after reading this discussion, maybe I’ll also add “Respects my autonomy as a woman customer.”
When I’m feeling left out of the conversation and perversely willful, I will interrupt the ongoing discussion between the contractor and my husband (I have a spouse that would rather avoid talking contractors totally, so that helps me get back in there). My tendency to talk over people comes in handy at that point. #humblebrag
Over the last decade of marriage, I feel like I get left out less and less. The young guys seem to recognize women as capable customers. Also, I occasionally get to hire women contractors!
I have so many stories like this, as I’m sure all women do.
Recently, there was the guy who came to cut down some trees in our yard, and when he was done asked if my husband was home to write him a check. Um, what? I am capable of writing a check. Then he seemed surprised that I could add the total in my head.
There was the mortgage company who prefilled out all the paperwork, including requests for tax returns, with my husband’s name first. It was a big hassle, because I do our taxes and I always put my name first, so our records didn’t match the request.
There was another guy trying to sell us a mortgage who would only talk to and look at my husband, even though my husband didn’t know any of our financial information and I did.
On the other hand, we also went to cancel something at Comcast recently, and they wouldn’t let us do it because I didn’t have my ID with me and my husband apparently wasn’t on the account. Funny, because he definitely upgraded our account the year before when I wasn’t there…
My cousin had a baby and my mom picked out a baby gift. For some reason she and my step-father ordered it online with his credit card, so I guess the delivery info showed it was from him? But my mom’s nose is still out of joint 7 years later that a thank you note arrived from her niece thanking only her husband – whom she’d only recently married – and didn’t include my mom, who was her actual aunt. Shouldn’t it have been understood that the gift was, at least, from the both of them, and likely instigated by my mom?
I have to shake my head, because my cousin is younger than I am, and very modern. I can only charitably blame “baby brain”.
On the flip side, my husband moved into a house in my name, and when we moved to a jointly-owned house he paid to have the utility bills put in his name (since he pays them), yet they still arrive for me. It figures: the ONE TIME the standard error of using the husband’s name would have paid off, and I still get stuck with the bills in my name…
In 2017, my son had dozens and dozens of medical appointments at an outpatient clinic, and many of those involved a trip over to the hospital for day surgery type activities. Somehow the hospital decided that my husband was the primary on the account – although I was ALWAYS at every appointment and he only came to some – and put all bills in his name. And of course the bills were always screwed up, duplicates, overcharges, etc and required me to spend hours tracking them through insurance coverage/approvals and calling to dispute/resolve them.
So. The first time I called to discuss a mistake they refused to talk to me “until your husband gives us written permission that you can handle the account” – exact phrasing of the call center rep, who was a man himself. I went temporarily insane. I walked out into my front yard and hollered at him for a solid 2 minutes about the year 2019/the insurance was in my name/the appointments were scheduled by me/I signed the waivers and acknowledgements/I paid all the medical bills/did I mention this is the year 2019/I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND WITH SOME HANDMAID’S TALE BULLSHIT, THIS IS MY CHILD, MY INSURANCE, MY BILL AND I DO NOT NEED ANYONE’S PERMISSION TO HANDLE MY OWN SHIT, I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER.
He transferred me to his boss (a woman) who said he was acting out of an “abundance of caution” and she could indeed see I had signed several financial responsibility waivers and was absolutely empowered to talk about the bill (which we did not actually owe!! America, we can do better than this).
I still wonder if he was just on a power trip or if he genuinely was confused or what. I don’t EVER yell at call center reps, it was just about an out-of-body-experience, my reaction to hearing I needed my “husband’s permission” to handle a medical bill. RAWR. I need a bee sticker.
I love you.
Such a good story!!! Good for you.
May I recommend a different type of bee? Because I have just converted to the Church Of Bey (pronounced bee) and it is divine. Watch Homecoming on Netflix. First of all, Beyonce’s use of an entirely Black ensemble amd her reasons for doing so are AWESOME. And then it it just full of female empowerment and girl power and she is so FIERCE. Plus an amazing performer and clearly having an amazong time. There are very few musicians I am willing to pay to see, ever. She has been added to the list.
Her female dances come in all shapes, sizes and shades. Each is distinctive and unique. And talented. I cannot say enough about it. Take all my money, Beyonce!
The crowd shots are priceless too. So awesome.
Tax forms! There’s a primary and a spouse. I make the accountants flip it around each year.
I have the rage. My husband is listed as the primary on our tax returns with me as the secondary. I am the breadwinner, and over the past few years by a lot. This was so emotionally complicated, so I don’t want to vent to him, but fts, I’m over it next year.
Your post is making me quite wound up as it reminded me of an experience with a bank.
I did not immediately change my name to my husbands last name when we got married. So our joint checking and savings account showed his name and my maiden name. After a year or so, I did change my name legally.
I called the bank and asked what I needed to bring in to change the account to show matching last names. The rep I spoke with said I should just bring my ID. So I did. I brought my new drivers license. With a very similar photo as the previous license they had on file. And I was rudely turned down and informed I needed to bring my new social security card and ID.
So a week later, I returned to the bank – 45 minutes away – with my license and both my old and new SS cards with the same number. Nope. Told by the branch manager that I had to return with a copy of our marriage license. By now I was well and truly irritated.
Third trip, I bring the ID, social security cards, and the marriage certificate. And another manager says no, my husband will have to come in personally and just sign a form. I was livid.
As a joint account holder, I had the authority to clean out and close the accounts without even notifying my husband. But to change the account to reflect my name being the same as his required his permission only. The time, gas, and energy I had expended in this little venture was too much and we closed accounts and switched to a credit union much closer to our home. I sent a very civil letter – heavily edited and toned down – to the bank corporate people but never even got a response, let alone an apology or notice they would review and possibly revise their stupid policy.
We had the same thing happen, but opposite. Somehow the cable bill was only in my name so I always had to call to negotiate pricing(which I HATE) and finally I just gave oral permission for my husband to deal with it. When I was pregnant with my #4 baby though, we had an ultrasound in which the tech said “this baby is perfect!” but then got a call from the hospital who reviewed our ultrasound and they suspected the baby had all his organs reversed (something the tech would have 100% noticed) and wanted us to drive 90 mins to do an indepth ($$$) ultrasound. I was not going to let this slide and called repeatedly and the doc would not call me back, the nurses were rude, it was a nightmare. My husband decided to come with me to my next apptmt and just his very presence had everybody singing a different tune (and he was not rude) and they offered to redo the ultrasound for free in our office AND had the chair of the ultrasound dept sit in on our ultrasound. It was absurd! I am not a meek person; I could have handled it on my own but they absolutely were just brushing me off till he came.
RAGE SCREAM at this.
This is still rage-inducing after 20 years. On a date with my then-boyfriend (now-husband), the waiter asked him what I wanted to eat. I told the waiter I was a grown woman and could order for myself, thank you, and he told my boyfriend, “Feisty, isn’t she? And what would she like to drink?”. We did not stay.