Main house fears/stressors keeping me awake late and waking me up early:
1. The heating/cooling bills will be so high, they will be a monthly source of heart-sink as well as a daily source of environmental guilt and physical discomfort as we try to reduce them.
2. In fact, they will be so high that I will have to get an additional job, and I will end up working not for any of the other reasons I might want/need to, but only to support this house.
3. We will get used to how large the house is, and when we do inevitably downsize one day, anything else will feel cramped.
4. Furthermore, we will have expanded to fit the house, so downsizing will involve painful sacrifices of possessions.
5. After the children leave, but before they start coming home to visit with their families, we will feel a creepy abundance of space and will rattle around like two seeds in a dried gourd. (This is my dad’s visual, provided after I said “like two peas…in a squash…”.)
6. We will never figure out a satisfactory way to arrange the bedrooms so that it’s relatively fair and makes a relative amount of sense; everyone will end up unhappy with their room, and there will be no room available to be what we appear to be referring to as my Office, even though it is more my Recliner and Mini-Fridge Room.
7. It won’t matter, because it will turn out to be too late to have a room of my own: it will turn out we’ve left the stage of life where that would be a lovely sanctuary, and we are now close to the stage of life when I will be hoping for MORE time with the kids.
8. In fact, all of life is the sad pursuit of things it is too late to have. Now we will have the barn where the kids could have used their riding toys, but no one is using riding toys. Now we will have room for a good system for the million boxes of handmedowns, but we need fewer and fewer of those.
9. Meanwhile we have acquired the things that will make our middle-age difficult: the steep driveway, the chilly air, the narrow stairs.
10. The home insurance people want to send someone to look at the inside of the house. The agent I’d talked to said they almost certainly wouldn’t need to do that, so something must have triggered a more intensive evaluation. I said on the form that the electricity was a certain way, because we have an electrician coming the first week of November to make it that way—but it’s not that way YET.
11. I will try to make this problem brief, because it is very stressful but also very boring. In short, we have an oil furnace and an oil water heater. The water heater is TOAST: we got credit at closing for replacement. The furnace is fine (though expensive) while we decide what heating system to put in instead, but the water heater may or may not be safe/able to coast for any time at all. But we don’t want to replace the water heater with another oil one, when it may be only a matter of months before we replace the whole system. Nor do we want to use hot water that is a funny color and can’t be turned down below 170 degrees. But one of the replacement-system places can’t even come out to talk to us until the first week of November. And we don’t know when the replacement could be done, even once we’ve decided.
12. I haven’t called a flooring place yet, though that’s on today’s Wishful Thinking Agenda. Someone else said her floor-refinishing place is booking six weeks out. That might not happen with the place(s) we call, but that conversation put it on my stress list.
13. Several people told me that if we get a dog, we need to get the floors “sealed.” Instead of asking what that meant, I for some reason went into “nodding wisely and pretending I knew what that meant” mode, and now it feels awkward to ask what that means, and besides I forget who said it, and what if I say to the flooring place that we need the floors sealed before we get a dog and they don’t know what I’m talking about? Or what if they say, “Uh, you mean…varnished?” and I don’t know whether to say yes or no and they have no other ideas?
14. The previous owners put marble floors in the bathrooms. I realize that’s supposed to be a selling point, because various people kept pointing it out to us in wow-selling-it tones of voice. But I associate marble floors, perhaps incorrectly, with FREEZING COLD and also SLIPPING and DEATH.
15. Really, I am going to have to get Paul to sketch a floor plan of the bedrooms so you can see what a challenging puzzle it is. It feels like those problems where you have a wolf and a goat and a head of lettuce. And unfortunately what would make it all a lot easier is if I gave up my idea of having my Recliner and Mini-Fridge and Probably Space-Heater Room. But that is the room that is supposed to partially compensate for the fact that this move is something Paul wanted and not something I wanted.
16. On the tour we took with the seller, she gestured to some water pipes and said that if we turned on the water to those, we should probably make sure we left them on a drip so they wouldn’t freeze. This remark has come to epitomize everything I hate about moving to a new house. I don’t have that “What fun to get to know a new house!!” feeling; I have a “Oh god, what unpleasant surprises lurk within your charming facade?” feeling. (This is how I am about dating, too.) Also: how would we turn on the water to those pipes, and why would we want to do so? Is the water maybe already on to those pipes and how would we know? Why are those pipes even there? Why did we think it was a good idea to become homeowners of ANY house when we are so inept?
Oh, man. I am the same way with new house stuff.
Did you get the number of the nice lady who showed you around her home? She would be so reassuring for some of these things, for instance, what water pipes could potentially bust. She has lived through many winters in that house. Also, she has kept golden retrievers on those floors and might be able to tell you more about that. It seems like dogs are just hard on floors, period, no matter what you do to them.
I hope you manage a room of your own! It’s important to the Swistle readership that you have a door behind which you can write ;) Excited and hand-wringing with you.
My parents just replaced their oil furnace for a propane furnace. They said it will be easier to find someone to do repairs and maintenance on it. It will also be more affordable to buy propane than fuel oil. Right now the question is what to do with the old empty fuel tank. It’s buried under ground.
Old houses are a lot of fun, but they do bring their share of challenges. I learned all about shrink wrapping windows and all the ways a house could be reinsulated. I also learned how to pick a good house slipper to get me through the winter.
I would tell the floor guy your friend’s cryptic comment about getting the floors sealed. I suspect she just meant a coat of polyurethane, but I don’t think that’s anything unusual. It helps keep the color uniform against the slings and arrows of using the floor.
I think it’s understandable to look at houses through the lens of child rearing. But as you’ve noted, the children do change and the houses don’t. There will come a time when you’re not a hands-on parent, and maybe you can fill your house with something else. Maybe you will want to pursue some hobbies that take up space, for once. Or maybe you will just want to keep some perfectly empty space. I knew a lady who did that; she loved the potential of the room. She didn’t so much as store a box or tub in it. It held her dream of possibility. I’ve always thought it would be great to have a room in the house for someone to be able to be alone. It would have stuff for people who want to do yoga, and a comfy piece of furniture for those who just want to look out the window and not have to be asked what they’re thinking. Some would meditate, others would pray. Sanctuary NOW.
I’m sorry to hear the floors and water heater are going to set back your moving time—all of that hurry up! just to be in a holding pattern. There is no shortage of annoyance in this life. May I prescribe some time on Etsy, favoriting things you like but not well enough to actually buy? I find it soothing.
Sketches? – yes, please! (obviously, photographs would be even better but understandable if you don’t want to do this…). Sometimes I think that this whole homeownership thing is highly overrated – the thought of somehow never having to deal with these sorts of things is wonderful. Maybe the eventual goal is to be like one of those elderly (usually) women who sell up and move into a huge hotel suite for their final decade or two!
I LOVE looking at floorplans and imagining how I would live in a space like that, imagining all the possibilities! I also love estate sales–walking through someone’s house as they decorated and lived in it and seeing all of the little things people collected over the years.
We had to get our entire furnace/AC system replaced a couple of months ago. The whole thing from initial repair call to “sorry, ma’am, gotta replace everything” to the estimate to switching on the new thermostat took eight days. It might have even gone quicker except I think I scheduled everything around not wanting to take off work. So you may have a faster timescale than you think. HVAC people seem to have a greater sense of urgency than other repair people, at least in certain climates.
I would skip the “sealing” request (I don’t know what that means either!) and just say, “We’re thinking about getting a dog. Can you make sure whatever flooring we pick will stand up to that?” and/or “Can you give us an estimate on re-finishing these floors so they’re dog-proof?” That can’t be an unusual request.
Yay house! You’ll get it all figured out eventually, and soon you’ll feel like you’ve lived there forever.
My first impluse was to run down the list and explain why everything would be fine, and then I stopped myself. Clearly this house is magical, if it can do that.
I will note, unashamedly revealing my genius for projection, that “When all the kids have moved out” is when I will most want access to a range of rooms with various specialized function, because I love the guy but I do not want to be in the presence of his annoying habits 24-7.
Here are some thoughts, as someone who recently bought a house that was smaller and older than her old house, and which had a ton of big problems when we bought it. And still has some of those problems, but not all of them:
Heating/cooling bills, pipes that freeze, etc.: At the new house, we had all of the old insulation sucked out and then had new insulation put in. Just doing the attic spaces made enough of a difference that the energy company gave us a rebate on the work. We’re planning on doing the basement and crawl spaces off of the basement within about a month. At the old house, we had to replace the hot water heater when it died inconveniently last winter and (in order to sell) do an entirely new HVAC last summer. They were expensive, but– if you can afford it, I’d say to just do them. You’ll have the benefit of getting to live with things that you KNOW work well, save you on operating costs, and are unlikely to die when it’s 20 below.
Oh, footnote due to the age of your house: my now-husband’s old house was a much older house. His ancient furnace started kicking out carbon monoxide, and he had to do asbestos mitigation as part of the furnace replacement. And replacing the furnace meant also replacing a bunch of the ductwork. Even if you don’t replace the furnace right now, you may want to have someone come out to give you an estimate on the furnace/ductwork and also get the tests done to see if you have asbestos. And get a quote on asbestos mitigation if you need to– it’s going to be a lot less of a strain if you’re saving towards doing it in a controlled way, rather than having to do it on an emergency basis. (I’m not going to scare you by telling you how much he says it cost him, because there were complications and your numbers may be different, but– it was crazy expensive. He had to take out a big loan.)
Space stuff: If/when you have to downsize, the act of getting rid of stuff is a pain in the neck, and I found myself wishing I had never bought X, Y, and Z to begin with. BUT living without those things afterwards is no big deal. If nobody is happy with their bedrooms, tell them that they’re welcome to trade around if they want to. They should settle eventually. As for your office…if you end up without an office space in the house, I would strongly recommend putting up an outbuilding. Or building a room in the barn, if it can be heated/cooled well enough to be usable. If you need an office, you should have an office, and it should be comfortable and nice for you to use. (I need my office. My husband will never know how close I came to getting really angry when he started talking about turning my office into an extension for the kitchen.)
Home insurance people: Schedule them to come the week after the work is done. The first week of November is really close.
We recently did a whole HVAC and hot water heater replacement brouhaha.
A) Get a tankless water heater if you can.
B) get the most efficient furnace you can. You might be able to get a tax rebate on it that will pay for the difference from what you would normally afford.
C) if you add solar panels at the same time, the government gives you a bigger rebate.
D) your local electric company or gas company may give you a rebate, too depending on what you purchase.
E) dittoing the idea to reinsulate if you can. Also, you might be able to put radiant heat under the floors. (We wanted to, but couldn’t)
My experience with number 10, an insurance visit. This happened while insuring our hundred plus year old house and was a good thing. It was directly related to replacement value of the house, which translated to our premium. Unlike a new house with standard building materials(dry wall, ceramic tile, etc), older homes tend to have so many odd variables. Having an accessor come in person allowed for a more accurate picture of what amount should be assigned in the case of a catastrophic event. For us, it actually saved us money. Also, the agent who came had been in the field long enough, I didn’t have to provide a ton of information myself. They were able to figure out most everything from poking around, which was nice, cause like you, I had only a vague clue on some things.
So, some background- I grew up on the top of a hill (unpaved for much of my life), on a multi-acre suburban farm. It was a mishmash style farmhouse that my parents would add to when they needed space- i.e. let’s turn this porch into a bedroom, nevermind the fact that you can only get to it through another bedroom. The house wasn’t small to begin with, and has turned into a rambling weird thing. After my sister and I moved out, only my brothers lived there with my parents. So of course, my parents decided it was a good idea to add on a 300 sq ft kitchen addition- “so when you all have kids we can all eat in the same room.” Since then, they’ve added on a 3 season porch, off the new kitchen, and turned a not used portion of the basement into a gym/guestroom. Oh, and the barn no longer has animals, it’s now a workshop with running water and electricity. For them, rambling around the house isn’t a bad thing, and they have even more room to do so. My brothers did eventually move out, but one of them built his own house on their back acreage, so he’s there with his family all the time.
Dogs can be hell on wood floors, especially 100+ year old pine floors. But if you can live with less than pristine floors, I say they add character.
I have no experience with any of this (except for the fretting), so can’t offer anything helpful. But i would LOVE to hear more about the layout and the plans for rooms, and what all the fairness considerations are. (I think FAIR is allocating space for an office for you, but I realize I am not technically part of your family so my vote may not count for much.)
Despite all the current stress, I DO think it will all work out eventually. Hang in there, Swistle!
Numbers 7 and 8 are the kinds of thoughts that crept unbidden and unwanted into my head with life changes big or small that cause me to stress spiral. Thanks brain for telescoping something innocuous like more space into an existential comment on life/aging/parenting. Sigh
I’m another STRONG vote for a floor plan sketch. I am SO curious!! I am raising both hands in the air for it. (Figuratively, obviously.)
I also echo other’s statements on replacing all the HVAC now with super efficient stuff. It would help a lot with the high heating and cooling cost worry.
Marble floors in the bathroom: Pick out a pretty and fluffy bathmat with a grippy bottom, preferably on sale. When you are in the bathroom, stand on the bathmat wiggling your toes and enjoy the plush coziness while gazing at your fancy marble floors.
Bonus: You get to spend lots of time searching for the perfect bathmat instead of worrying about furnaces.
Can we throw a little side-eye at homeowners who decided to put all their money towards marble rather than spending less on the tile and putting the savings toward heated bathroom floors, though? (Assuming this is not a 100-year-old bathroom but something put in after heated floors were an option.)
Having installed radiant as part of a massive remodel, sadly, natural stone is cheaper than the cost to have another zone for each bathroom. Even though the radiant is under all the floors, it’s still cold in the bathrooms because the house is only split into two zones. We’re in a mild climate though – no snow and the coldest it gets usually is the upper 30s – so it’s not terrible, but if I were to do it over again, I’d get separate zones because it really does make a difference.
I was thinking electric mats on a timer, just for the bathrooms.
Regarding the electricity, etc. Most of the utility companies now have programs where they can average out your bill throughout the year so that you aren’t getting hit with high bills in the summer from the AC or whatever.
As for the old appliances, get a homeowner’s warranty – it’s worth its weight in gold. Our house has the original AC, hot water heater, etc. I know those are gonna go any day now and when they do, we will only have to pay $75 to have it diagnosed and then they will be replaced.
This reminds me of a funny story where my friend’s husband told us that THEIR hydro bill came from the company adding everyone in the neighbourhood’s bill all together and then averaging it out between the houses. That’s what he thought equal billing meant. He turned out to be an asshole and they’re divorced now, so I enjoy this memory hugely. :)
A) I also very much want to help with a sketch of the bedrooms!
B) you have a great group of commmenters with experience and advice so please keep asking us advice, plus it is fun to read. (I have no real advice on the above topics though.)
C) #8 Why is it ALWAYS the sad pursuit of things too late to have? After 16 years of needing x or y, I now have x, y and z, and I need p q and r. Sigh. Which leads me to suggest:
D) an open thread of us all spilling our stresses / worries, possibly house or home themed? (I’ve always loved when you do these but don’t want to add to your plate if it is a lot to manage. )
I hope it is helpful to tell you that when we moved into our 70ish years old house about 15 years ago we were told the hot water heater needed to be replaced immmediately. It lasted another solid 13 years! So fingers crossed yours can wait a bit!
I also insist on you getting a room of your own! :)
Good luck!
No experience with dogs and floors or replacing hvac systems….
Just wanted to suggest for the bedroom allocation that you and Paul naturally get first pick, then let the kids choose rooms based on who will be living at home the longest. (An older teen who is away at college for months at a time shouldn’t get the best bedroom, when there are siblings who could have 10 years left at home.)
They might not all want the same rooms anyway, so it may work out smoothly. I would also love to see a Floorplan!
When I was in 6th grade (so…11ish?), we moved our family of 5 into a home that had 3 real bedrooms, an office-like room, and a strange dining room in the middle of the house with both a regular door and folding doors. My sister and I each got a bedroom, and my brother was moved into the dining room. Then he moved to the office. Then my older sister eventually went to college, and he would occasionally sleep in what was “her” room. Then when she graduated and moved into an apartment, he officially moved into her room. Then she moved back while she figured out some living arrangements, and she lived in the office. The point of all of this is to say, the kids will kinda sort it out. They’ll assess what bedroom they want and might change their minds, but they’ll be old enough to move their own stuff from room to room. At no point, even as I ceded my room to the good of the house when I went to college and ultimately moved out of state, did any of us feel like we didn’t have a bedroom or that we didn’t have a place to stay when we came home for visits.
Oh, the house we had rented for about a year between selling our first house (where my sister and I shared a teeny tiny bedroom) and moving into this house only had 3 bedrooms, but also had an enclosed garage with sliding doors to the backyard. My brother lived in there, with no bedroom door.