Today my goal is to go somewhere and/or do something. I have fallen into the between-vacations feeling of not being able to focus well enough to make other plans.
Oh, I am not sure I’ve told you about my second vacation: I’m meeting a distant friend at an AirBnB. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I am nervous, but I have hopes that it will be great—or that maybe the first time will just be very nice, but it’ll be nice enough that we’ll make an annual tradition of it and it will gradually become great. I get very nervous about things such as “If we go to the grocery store to get some pints of ice cream, how many will we buy, and how will we pay, and how will we share them, and what will we do with the extra we can’t finish?” and “When we go out for meals, how will we choose where to go, and how will we split the bill?” Those are the little things that get ironed out after a few repeats.
This friend and I have only seen each other once since high school, and just for a dinner out on that occasion, but we’ve been constant emailers since our first children were born, so that’s about 19 years of correspondence friendship to fall back on. I was thinking it was too bad we never get to see each other in person, and then it occurred to me that I was a grown-ass lady and could arrange that if I wanted to. Plus, I love a road trip, and I love road-trip food. Now I’m paralyzed as I wait for this to happen. But today I will DO SOMETHING! or GO SOMEWHERE!
One of my top favorite authors is Maeve Binchy, and whenever I say so, someone recommends Rosamunde Pilcher to me. My library has a few of her books, so I have tried her at least three times (The Shell Seekers; plus one of the other long ones but I can’t remember which one it was but it involved a youngish girl and an unsuitable man; plus a book of short stories), and each time I can SEE why someone would compare her to Maeve Binchy, but the books don’t resonate with me the way Maeve Binchy books do.
When I travel (here’s the tie-in, if you were wondering), I don’t like to bring library books because I’m afraid of losing them, so I like to go to the library book sale and buy a few books for $.50-1.00 each to bring along. This time there was a set of seven Rosamunde Pilcher books, five of them more like novellas, so I bought them to really give her a good try. My conclusion is that they are good-quality sweet-old-lady romances. Like, I read three in a row with this same plot: girl involved with unsuitable man, girl encounters suitable man, girl first dismisses or is separated by circumstances from suitable man, girl later re-encounters suitable man, suitable man is consistently/patiently suitable which causes girl to gradually see him with new eyes, suitable man physically picks up / carries girl at least once because she is tired or has fainted or he is rescuing her or he is bossing her, girl assumes suitable man does not think of her That Way and will soon be gone from her life, girl and suitable man have their first talk about becoming romantically involved which is also when they decide they will get married, end of book. Plus a lot of description of scenery.
Okay, I can’t distract myself with this book talk. If YOU were going on an overnight with a friend, what things would YOU bring? I’m thinking of things that let us Do Something while talking, in case there are lapses in conversation. Paint-by-sticker books, for example. Also I am bringing toilet paper, because I don’t want to chance that the man who owns the Airbnb knows how much toilet paper is needed. And I am bringing a scented candle in case the place is musty or weird-smelling. And a fan, because it is likely to be hot. And I am bringing a box of wine.
Have a great time! I ALWAYS take noise cancelling headphones wherever I go, especially if it’s unfamiliar. Having them available in case I’m having a hard time sleeping because of noise has been a life changer.
Your getaway sounds fun! I usually go on these with quilt friends, so that solves two of the problems. We usually go to either a quilt convention or show, and inevitably shop at the event or at a local shop or both. So that’s an activity. Then we will always have projects to talk about, our purchases to review, and possibly some handwork to work on or a project gone wrong that needs advice. Frankly I don’t know how to have a friendship that isn’t based on quilting any more. Last time that happened I was young and single and there were bars to go to and nothing about my life was settled in any way.
I loved Rosamunde Pilcher’s Shell Seekers, and September. I kept reading for a long time but it devolved in tales of dreary days punctuated by putting the kettle on for tea, and I checked out.
Is this a visit that will be you and friend sightseeing or doing things or just hanging out? Because if it’s hanging out, I’d probably bring some quality snacks (Sahale nuts!) and maybe a couple of movies and maybe maybe some home spa things — brightly colored facial goop or suchlike.
I am so excited for you! A friend and I go to New York almost every year so we can do things without the presence of Bored Family Members, and it is great. But we can’t talk about it in our circle of mom friends because one of them would be hurt we didn’t include her and a total drag on the outing if we did.
Oh this sounds like a good plan! Just enough without being too much.
We do this often but there is usually an event (think festival or tournament) or we are going to an area we want to explore. if we are exploring we each have to find something we want to see and then we all go.
The group we travel with also likes group cooking which is more fun that making dinner for the kids.
I also have friends that do this twice a year and they play board games. Like 12 hours a day. This is not my recommendation but maybe bring a two person game or cards just in case.
Your trip sounds like fun! And I was going to say wine but you seem to have it covered. When I have done a similar trip (twice, two different locations, with a similar but not quite so distant friend) we have basically just talked for hours without being interrupted by kids. Or we will decide to go for a walk/browse shops and then that gives us something to do but we also just keep talking.
I will say that my friend doesn’t drink coffee and I do, and also she sleeps in way longer than I do so while at first I thought it was awkward to have to be awake and quiet eventually I realized I could just leave her a note and go get coffee and hang out in a coffee shop for a bit and then when I got back we were both happy b/c she got to sleep and I got my coffee. So if you find there is a similar mismatch just realize that it’s ok to do your own thing for a bit since it is, after all, still a vacation for you.
I love Rosamunde Pilcher’s book called Coming Home. It’s a nostalgic, comfort food book that I reread every couple of years.
This is one of my favorite comfort reads as well. I think it contains every element of the Suitable Man plotline Swistle outlined. Some elements even appear more than once!
Me too! Me too!
Oddly enough, while The Shell Seekers is one of her most famous books, it is not one of my favorites.
If you are driving i.e some trunk space for things
Snacks – both salty and sweet – you need both – and a new to you snack
Magazines – again new to you – something crafty, something interesting, something fluffy
Travel size face masks, foot masks, hair oil – potential trial spa
Alcohol – go and get something again new to you coolers, and then have a rating session – if friend does not drink alcohol – do this with pop or flavoured water
Cards – if not to play as a decision making tool – higher than a five we go for a walk, lower than a five we watch a movie, a five – jackpot something really good pizza delivery and chocolate anything
If not driving and space is limited then travel size snacks and magazines and hope there is a liquor store nearby….
Also because HOLIDAYS….buy all the ice cream flavours you want to try…..and throw away what you do not like, cannot eat up in time, it is a holiday mindset not a transport my life to another location…
Hello, I would like to submit an application to be your vacation companion.
SRSLY
I recommend Georgette Heyer, and Anne McCaffrey wrote some romance books before she started doing Science Fiction full-time, so I recommend those (One is called The Lady, the other is actually a collection of novellas called Three Women).
For stuff to bring, I always bring my own pillow (very very picky about pillows), and maybe a jigsaw puzzle? Recipes you’ve wanted to try that you know the rest of your family wouldn’t like? (for me, that would be dishes with ricotta or eggplant, or fruit in a savory dish.)
Oooh a medium-challenging puzzle is a great idea! It’s something you can work on while chatting, and don’t have to just sit there and stare at each other while you chat.
My favorite author is Elizabeth Berg. All of her books are amazing and they are each so different from the other. My absolute favorite is Pull of the Moon. I also enjoy the book of short stories called The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted.. she also has 2 small books…they are Facebook posts she has written. The 1st is Make Someone Happy. And the 2nd is Still happy.
For your trip, make new memories and keep some momentoes like a shell, a rock, a flower or a special picture…enjoy yourself!
Sounds like such a fun time!! These are repeats from some of the other commenters, but I’d bring a couple of fun movies and trashy magazines (those are fun to share and read out loud incredulously to one another) and maybe some face masks and/or nail polish. I am a little nervous about face masks, but I recently tried a for-the-feet version that was fun. I always like to try out fun drink ideas, too. So I might grab a bottle of your/her favorite liquor and come up with two or three cocktail recipes you can try — with easy-to-bring ingredients like tonic and lime juice etc.
I am so eager to hear all about your trip AND curious about your AirBnB experience. I have never tried it and would love any Hot Tips you discover. (The toilet paper thing sounds super smart.)
Have a wonderful time!
Do you play cards? I always pack a deck of cards. And even if we play something like ‘War’, we have something to do while we talk and the game itself can give us something to talk about.
This sounds like it will be so much fun! I’ve had great success with Airbnb in the past. I especially like it for traveling in big groups, or for when I’m with someone I want to spend time with but don’t want to share a hotel room with, per se. You’ll be in the same building, but everyone has their own space too.
As for what to bring…maybe one of those huge jigsaw puzzles with 1000+ pieces? You can talk while you’re working on it, but I’ve also found that if you DON’T feel like talking, it’s a nice way to fill the silence. Oooh, or have you ever played Bananagrams? It’s a good two-player game, and it doesn’t take up much space.
I read a Rosamunde Pilcher book earlier this year (Winter Solstice) and was very upset by it. It seemed both misogynist AND ageist, which I found particularly interesting because it’s the last book she wrote and she herself was somewhat elderly at the time of writing. The plot was so trite and woman-blaming, these evil conniving women doing terrible things to decent men. I still get mad when I think about it. It’s the only book of hers I’ve ever read and I’m All Done with her writing now.
I took a lovely trip with a friend to the beach and we didn’t plan much beyond ice cream and pedicures. We accomplished both, so felt very successful. We both brought too many board games (we are Game People) and only ended up playing Scrabble until I forfeited due to the whomping I was getting.
I think for these things if you casually establish it early, it’s not too weird to go dutch. I know I prefer it, because I like to buy too much stuff (junk food, duh) so I have choices, and then inevitably things get wasted, so I’d rather that be on me.
For your activity today I suggest a romp to Marshall’s. Mine was HEAVILY clearanced this morning. this is in TX, your Marshall’s may vary.
Also, your description of Rosamunde Pilcher plots sounds like mashup of Jane Austen novels. Love it.
I’ve stayed in many airbnbs and never had an issue with toilet paper or any other essentials. Since the business model is so review-based, I’ve found that hosts take great care to provide everything guests need plus extras (free drinks, guides to local attractions, restaurant recs, etc.).
I’ve done a bunch of these girls’ getaways and enjoyed catching up primarily, intermingled with local sightseeing.
As for the paying, you could take the lead during the first meal/snack break, and insist on paying while saying, “I got this one, and let’s split the check for the rest of the meals” or, “I got this one, why don’t you get the next one and we’ll trade off”, or if she insists on paying you can respond by suggesting your preferred option moving forward. If you don’t have wildly different levels on consumption (like she drinks lots of pricey cocktails and you don’t) , it works out well.
Have fun! I’ve really enjoyed these experiences!
Two more low-key activities conducive to chatting: coloring (those new coloring books for grown-ups) or those sticker-by-number projects.
Cards, games, DVDs, books, a pillow you love. Photos of your kids, digital or otherwise. Shoes for walks, hiking sticks. An outfit for going to a restaurant. Something to do with your hands while chatting.
Sounds like fun!
It looks like other people have you covered for ideas of things to do in case of conversation lulls, so I would recommend remembering that it’s fine to do things alone if you need time to recharge (naps, a walk, etc). I also highly recommend looking for local attractions on Trip Adviser. Even if you’re in a sort of low-key, non-touristy area, there is often a beautiful park or kitschy little museum or something nearby. I’ve had a lot of fun in various cities seeking out quirky little local gems, and that could be a source of good conversation topics with your friend too.
Second the Georgette Heyer recommendation. Don’t read them all in a row, or they will start feeling the same with minor variations, but they make perfect once-in-a-while light reading. Great dialogue in those books.
I would take my pillow too. And better-than-normal bath and body products, and candy I don’t eat at home.
Are there any treats you particularly love to eat but not pay for for the entire family? Or what about activities that are just so much better when not being interrupted by children?
For me, I’d be bringing steak, summer sausage, and other meat that I can’t afford to feed everybody — plus pick up some fancypants ingredients and try a recipe that’s a little extra fun, like cooking said steak with a fancy sauce made of good marsala (husband won’t eat), mushrooms (husband won’t eat), butter (breastfeeding child gets ill when I eat but clearly she’s not along on this vacation), and quince or something exotic/PITA-to-cook.
I’d bring my knitting and know that no toddler was going to pull all the needles out. I’d bring bath bombs and sugar scrubs and lotions and tweezers and all the spa-like things, from both the luxurious and never-have-time-for categories.
And I’d trust that even if I didn’t use all the fun things I’d brought, it was worth packing and having the flexibility to choose whatever I darn well wanted in the moment.
I would suggest bringing a card game like Uno (or just a regular deck of cards), and perhaps something along the lines of The Book of Questions or a set of Table Topics cards — anything that has conversation-starting/thought-provoking questions. I love having those handy when I’m with friends because while we can usually chat all day and night about just about anything, it’s fun to inject some new questions once in a while. It also could be fun to have along skincare masks or manicure stuff if you want to do a little self-spa kind of thing.
Ooh, Phase 10 is a nice, replayable one that’s a little more strategic than Uno (to me) but lets you talk at the same time.
I LOVE Phase 10. I’m, like, a Phase 10 evangelical. I also like mixing it up– completing all the phases, but in any order you like. Or only playing a limited number of the phases. Or, or, or–
It’s a flexible game. I like it.
I will say, it doesn’t much lend itself to conversation, since I, at least, tend to get very focused on my goal!
I recently visited a friend for a weekend and we both had adult coloring books fancy colored pencils and markers along. It was great to have something to do while talking that kind of filled up the extra space when things got quiet. I have a fancy cheese shop not far from my house and I always like to pick up some of the “good cheese” as we call it around here for trips. I always like to travel with some small board games, bananagrams is a favorite, my white noise machine, ear plugs and an eye mask. Have fun!
I would recommend a jigsaw puzzle for something fun to work on together in silence or with conversation.
My very favorite line from this post? “…and then it occurred to me that I was a grown-ass lady…”
Especially since you two have been corresponding via email all this time I have a feeling that you won’t lack for things to talk about and that, most likely, your entire visit will be filled with chatting. As for the various tabs, I would just make a point of telling the server(s) up front that you’d like two checks.
I’ve done this many x’s with friends -AirBnB is great because you’re not crammed into a tiny hotel room, you actually have some room to spread about. Also, as someone above mentioned, most hosts provide the basics +. Except for the fan, which comes with me at all times, because who can take a chance that there is none.
When we go to the store, she gets her stuff and I get mine (and coordinate as necessary). As for meals, we always split down the middle (unless one is drinking WAY more than the other). When we were in Austin (group of 4) the host had a great book, similar to this one:
https://www.amazon.com/HYPERtheticals-50-Questions-Insane-Conversations/dp/0307587924/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1531440579&sr=8-3&keywords=ice+breaking+questions
We got so caught up in the conversations that we decided to order in & continue talking (and laying no the couch!). Since you’re friends since high school maybe make a playlist of songs from that time – that’ll get the memories flowing!
OOOH high school songs playlist, yes! What about bringing a yearbook???
I’d bring music and a bluetooth speaker (if you have one). It’s always nice to have music on in the background.
Speaking as a single person who travels often for work and with other single friends, just ask for them to split the check at restaurants. Most will even split an appetizer if you have it.
I think you’ll have a great time. Sleep in and enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee in the morning :)
As far as the payment goes, I’d suggest you and your friend getting Venmo (an app). It’s sort of like Paypal but for friends, more seamless and user-friendly. It’s set up through your bank via checking number or through a debit card. You can request and send money so it’s perfect when going out with a friend–all my circle uses it we go to dinner or whatever so that way just one person uses their card and and is reimbursed right away when everyone else Venmos them their share. Plus it’s handy at places that don’t do check splitting, like the grocery store. Anyway, it significantly reduces my paying anxiety when going out with friends so I thought I’d share! Hope you have a lovely time.
Venmo is the greatest. We use it at work for contributing to group gifts etc. and it’s perfect! Nobody has to bring cash! So easy and fast.
Wine is all you really need, I think:)