I have a mammogram later this morning, so right now I am not wearing a bra and not wearing deodorant and not feeling happy about either one of those things. Before the mammogram I have a dentist appointment, which is making things even more complicated: I will be very close to two people working in my mouth, and I will not be relaxed about that, so there is the possibility of stressy sweating. I know I could wear deodorant and wipe it off before the mammogram, but I worry that I will wipe insufficiently, leading to mammogram error and then, soon after, to avoidable death. But there will be people working in my mouth, and I will be very close to their noses. And I have to do at least one goop-tray mold today, which is stressful all by itself. Maybe I should just put on deodorant.
Plus, I feel all wrong because I have my hair down: usually I twist it along the side and bun it in the back, but that doesn’t work if I have to put my head back in a dentist chair. And I’m wearing a tank top under my t-shirt to compensate in part for the bralessness, and I don’t usually wear tank tops. So I just feel wrong all over.
(later)
Whew. All done. Appointments over, deodorant on, tank top off, bra hooked on, hair up, everything put back as it should be. (I mean “as it should be” for the way I like it. Another person’s Everything As It Should Be list could very well be tank top on, bra off, hair down.)
Today was my second-to-last appointment for my tooth replacement, which has now been going on for just under eight months and has another four weeks to go. I could manufacture an entire living child from scratch, OR I could have one tooth replaced: same timeline. (I mentioned this to Edward, who remarked helpfully that it would be possible to save considerable time by doing both things at once.)
I think the most recent step of this tooth process I mentioned was the implant being put in. I had to go back a week later for her to make sure it looked nice and was healing well, and then I went back nine weeks after THAT for her to confirm that it was fully healed and ready for the crown. Then I had to wait another month before my dentist had an available appointment, which was a little irritating but let’s not dwell on it; I mention it only because it affects the timeline and theoretically the whole thing could have been done a month earlier BUT AGAIN LET’S NOT DWELL ON IT.
Today’s project was to take molds of my bottom teeth (two different kinds of molds: one goop-in-a-tray kind, and one where she used what looked like a caulking gun to custom-apply the goop), and one mold of my upper teeth. The mold of my top teeth made me very nervous because I have been known on occasion to gag until I throw up a little tiny bit, and that is gross and also I find it excruciatingly embarrassing even though everyone is always nice about it. This time I reminded them ahead of time that that sometimes happens, and then it didn’t happen, so I missed my opportunity to act like it never happens, but on the other hand I got extra credit for it not happening.
The dentist also unscrewed something from the implant. The implant, if you remember, is the name of the narrow metal post that is mostly hidden under the gums (until I had this done, I thought “implant” meant the fake tooth, but the toothy-looking part is called the crown). The implant is hollow, I guess, and then there is a screwed-in piece filling up that hollowness while the implant is healing; when the crown is ready, the dentist unscrews the middle piece and replaces it with a screw that sticks out (called an “abutment”); then the crown can be put onto that screw. Is that clear? I’m not sure that’s clear. It doesn’t matter, though, since neither you nor I has to do this procedure to anyone else: all I had to do was lie back while the dentist removed the middle piece, put in the abutment to test it, took an x-ray to make sure the fit was right, and then took it out again and put the filler back in. This felt very weird but not painful: quite a bit of worrisome pressure at times (like when he was expending considerable effort to get the filler piece to start unscrewing, and when he was making sure the abutment was in there tightly enough), and also the luckily highly-unusual sensation of something being SCREWED UP INTO MY FACE BONES, but nothing hurt.
Then they held up some fake teeth in various colors and took photos of them held up against my other teeth; this is so the lab that manufactures the crown can do a color match. And then I was released into the beautiful spring weather…and drove directly to my mammogram, which went as usual. So nice to have that over with.
I have never heard of not wearing a bra before a mammogram! Brow furrowed, hands wringing…
No, no—it is okay to wear one! I just didn’t want to get mine dirty/sweaty if I was going to sweat during the dentist appointment. I only have one bra that fits right now so I was being extra careful!
Ok, got it! I’ve had several mammograms and was baffled but I do understand being extra careful. I strongly relate to Careful Swistle.
I had the same question, and lo, it was the first thing asked and answered. Well done!
“…soon after, to avoidable death.” HA!
I am trying not to dwell on the extra month per your instructions, but… (exasperated face)
Do you find that mammograms get easier… or just… grit-your-teeth-and-deal-ier with time? My first mammogram was so easy, I was all cocky about the second one. And then THAT one hurt so much! I guess there must be some variation in mammogram tech style, just as there is variation in capability of those who draw your blood/give you shots. Seems like everyone should be just as capable of inflicting the LEAST amount of pain, but what do I know! (exasperated hand fling)
I do think the technicians vary CONSIDERABLY in Handling Skillz. There are two techs at our facility, and one of them makes the whole experience so much more comfortable; I always try to see her now, instead of the other one. I have also heard that the discomfort can vary depending on time of the month.
I have had 5 or 6 mammograms and none of them have hurt at all. Maybe it is because I have DD’s. Can a smaller chest be pinchier? Or it is just because the place I go is really awesome. When you get to the changing area they have a warm washcloth with lavender oil to wipe your armpits. When you return they have a Dove chocolate on a little plate for you. Actually quite pleasant and I really don’t care for medical things.
Oh, man, they are doing it up RIGHT.
I’ve had more than I care to say, and they are uncomfortable to the nth degree, grit-your-teeth every time. Once a technician said “I’m going just to move your breast on the plate, and you just follow along.” Follow along? I bit back my first response, which was “Oh, no thanks, I will just stay here with the other one until you get back.” And I confess that once, in a pique afterwards, I sketched out a testigram machine for male “health screening” or for passive aggression–you decide.
A coworker of mine recently went for her yearly mammogram, very reluctantly, dreading the inevitable pain (not discomfort, but pain). I know most experience varying degrees of pain/discomfort, but her experiences seem to be on the extreme end of the spectrum. Her analysis of the experience…”If men had to endure a similar experience to check their balls on a yearly basis, I’m sure we would see significant advancement pain reduction, fast!”. So true!
My elderly d-cups can’t stand going braless. Sometimes I even wear a sleep bra. So yesterday…I go in to have an echocardiogram, they hand me a robe and tell me to take my top off so I take my top off but leave the bra on. The cardiologist (first time the echo is done by the cardiologist intead of a technician but that’s a story for another day) asks me very nicely to take the bra off and then he kind of did not know how to deal with the floppiness. He’s very, very young. I have bite marks inside my cheeks from trying not to laugh. We did figure it out.
Now tomorrow I go for a four-hour test (must of it is waiting for dyes and drugs ton take effect and they specifically asked me to wear a well fitting bra as they need the girls to remain in the same position for all the images. I had never had to think so.much about my boobage.
Oops, most not must.
I have three crowns now and each time I have to get another crown I cringe not just because of the cost (ridiculous) or the possibility of suffering pain (small since I thankfully changed dentists from the one I had an absolutely horrifying experience with 20 years ago) but also because they always take SO LONG. I work FT outside the home so making what feels like 1 million appointments during business hours over the course of something like three months just for ONE CROWN fills me with despair. It’s like the final kick in the pants on top of the money and discomfort. BAH!
And then if the temporary crown BREAKS or FALLS OFF, it’s ANOTHER appointment—in addition to the tooth pain!! It’s SUCH an ordeal.
OMG I went back and read your old description of getting a mammogram and I was clutching my large chest to myself in horror. THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. Here I was just thinking you had to squish yourself up against a plate or something like an x-ray. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS IN 4-8 YEARS. I’d bet the farm they don’t do that to men’s balls to screen for testicular cancer. Hrumph.
Your original description of a mammogram is SPOT ON.
My experience is almost identical, but you know how you say it ends when it’ s almost painful, just on the verge? I get to that point and think “okay, not so bad”, and then the machine gives one more tiny bit of pressure and it tips me into the definitely painful category, but lasts only for about 3 or 4 breaths (slow, but not BIG breaths, because that would make me move when my boob is… not able to move, and that would make it worse and possibly mean it would be blurry and need to be repeated) and then the machine mercifully releases me. Then I have to do it again on the same boob, but at a different, slanty angle, whereas the first one is flat across like a shelf. Then I repeat the whole thing on the other side. Apparently it’s normal for one side to hurt just a bit more than the other side.
If any of you all live in Northern Virginia, I highly recommend the Reston Women’s Imaging Center for all your Mammography needs. A) they have lovely thick robes. B) they are kind and thoughtful, and C) I NEVER GET CALLED BACK FOR A SECOND VIEW. Which, hello, only place I’ve ever gone to that didn’t need a repeat.
I’m in the G/H/I bra range (changes depending on brand), and I’ve heard from smaller folks that they experience more pinchy-ness than I do.
My big issue is that I’m short, and that the lowest setting for the lower portion of the machine is still a smidge high for me.
I’ve been getting mammograms annually since age 35, I’m 48. For those who are anxious about going, I far prefer getting a mammogram to getting my teeth cleaned. I also prefer getting a pap smear to getting my teeth cleaned. Mostly because dentist’s visits are an hour in the chair, mammograms and pap smears take 10 minutes. 15, tops.
The part about the timeline of the implant process and growing a child has me laughing… I had to get an implant to replace one of my top front teeth shortly after my son was born, so I wasn’t pregnant but was breastfeeding throughout the whole process. Because of where the implant is, I had a lot of bruising on my face – including a black eye – from the oral surgery to actually put the implant in, and my husband was so horrified that people would think he had done that to his wife/mother of his infant. In the time between extracting the dead tooth, having the implant implanted, and finally having the crown put on, I went from being on maternity leave to celebrating my son’s first birthday.
Thanks for the braless explanation, I was wondering if I was doing it wrong too! For everyone experiencing pain or worried about pain, during a mammogram, take a preemptive Advil or two. It really helps!
Swistle!!! Have you seen this? I feel like you will need to order one once it’s up and really running.
http://twistedsifter.com/videos/google-assistant-making-phone-calls-to-people/
PS: I wasn’t sure if I should tweet this at you or leave it here but I really wanted you to see it so this was what I decided. Hope it’s OK.
I have!! I am excited even more for the possibility that I can talk to a robot scheduler: that is, I would feel okay making calls if I knew I wouldn’t be talking to a live person!