I have something to tell you about, and I realize this will be a little surprising—but I am taking country line-dancing classes. It is entirely due to my new friend Morgan (she of the Citywide Marshmallow Egg Quest) and her peculiar interest in Going Places and Doing Things. I am not myself someone who would normally seek out a new activity and try it (pottery classes were a startling exception), but Morgan has a persuasively direct way of talking me into things. “I think you should come to country line-dancing classes with me,” she says over coffee. “I will tell you my reasons why. First:”—and so on. Before I know it I am doing a step-ball-change and wondering if cowgirl boots would let me do a better step-turn.
I mentioned something about New Friend Morgan on Twitter, and Superjules asked if I would be sure to post about How To Make a New Friend. I will tell you my secret: get noticed by an extrovert.
Tangent: I first typed “extravert” above, and spell-checker didn’t like it. So I looked it up, because I have been thinking it was introvert/extravert. And I found source after source that said the original words WERE introvert/extravert, but now the common usage is introvert/extrovert. Well, okay. I am a reluctant descriptivist, so I will go along with that if that’s what we’re all doing. It’s more satisfyingly parallel anyway. But I didn’t want those of you familiar with introvert/extravert (probably the same group of you who know it’s “I was graduated from” rather than “I graduated from”) to think I didn’t know. /tangent
As I was saying: if you want friends, put yourself straggling-antelope-style into the sights of an extrovert. They are usually looking to make new friends, sometimes because they have worn out all their old friends, and they seem to be good at doing the hard part of initiating things. If you can just make yourself RESPOND (“Yes, I’d like to see that movie too! How about Tuesday?” “Okay, I guess I will try country line-dancing but I warn you I tend to fall over while walking”) instead of getting tangled up in a ball of uncertainty (“Does she REALLY want me to go with her?” “What if she’s just being nice?” “What if it’s not fun?” “What if after this she decides she doesn’t like me and she’s sorry she invited me?” “What if after this I decide I don’t like her and then I don’t know how to get out of future invitations?”), you’re IN. Before long you will be leaving your house ON A REGULAR BASIS!
As with pottery, I HATED country line-dancing at first. I was trying not to cry in front of my new friend, and also trying not to radiate the kind of palpable misery that might make her feel bad, but it was AWFUL. I couldn’t get it AT ALL. I felt as if everyone was looking at me. (This impression was enforced by the fact that other people kept saying “Here, just do it like this! It’s just a simple shuffle-step!” at me, showing they Really Had Been looking at me.) However, I was bolstered by my recent pottery experience: I hated THAT to the point of tears at first TOO, but I kept at it and soon I really liked it! I think I just pretty much always hate new things, that’s all, but the only way for them not to be New Things is to keep doing them until the newness wears off, and that’s just pretty much always going to involve a certain degree of suffering.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing: wearing the newness off of country line-dancing. I’ve had five classes so far. Every class, they teach one new dance, and I can’t do it at all, and I steep in utter misery. Then they review the new dance they taught the previous week, and my misery starts to dissipate a little because I kind of know parts of this one—but I am still mentally counting how many classes I still have to suffer through, and planning to quit after that. Then we review the previous-previous and previous-previous-previous weeks’ dances, and oh I can mostly do these! This is fun! I like this except for just that one tricky part! Let’s do it again and maybe I’ll get the hang of it! And then we review the one from the very first week, which I can totally do as long as I don’t get distracted, and it’s fun, and such a good way to trick oneself into exercising, and I start mentally planning to sign up for the next batch of classes. …Is this making you feel a little sorry for Morgan and what she’s gotten herself into with this friendship?
I used to teach country line dancing and I can tell you that it will get easier. Once you’ve seen and mastered the most common steps and the most common ways those steps are connected in series, it will get MUCH easier. At the beginning it’s hard because you (the generic you) have no idea what a step-turn is and you have no muscle memory for it. But soon you’ll be able to learn new dances solely by seeing the steps or sequences written out on a sheet of paper. I promise!
I am also an introvert and this is excellent advice. I stumbled accidentally into this situation a couple of years ago with a work colleague. She’s now moved away and I’ve gone back to my hermit tendencies, so I really should fling myself in someone else’s path soon. :)
I am a hardcore introvert who recently started dating an ambivert and it is PERFECT. She gets me out of the house doing cool interesting things but has enough introversion to enjoy quiet days at home and to totally understand when I have to say, “no, I’m peopled out, I won’t come to the thing with you, but have fun!” Plus we go on dates to the zoo all the time and it is also an excellent way to trick myself into exercise. I won’t climb a hill for the sake of climbing a hill, but I’ll go see the zebras who live on top of one.
OMG the word ‘ambivert’ has made my day. I AM ONE OF THESE I THINK. Thank you.
AMBIVERT!!! There is a name for me! Thank you!!!
Yes! Ambivert is the perfect way to describe my husband, who clearly needs to have some interaction with people every day – when he works from home, he takes frequent breaks to chat with me or play with the kids, whereas I can close myself in my office for hours at a time – but he also doesn’t seem to need to go out constantly with buddies, or throw/attend big parties or get togethers.
GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
I’m so proud of you!! :) And envious, for reals.
I knew you’d love this!!
Congrats! And as someone who is into a different sort of line dancing (not the country sort, but the more urban ones derivative of the Electric Slide and commonly seen at, for example, black weddings), I will predict that the best part of all will be the day you organically encounter a line-dancing opportunity in the wild and Actually Know What to Do, and appear to the onlookers as though you are part of a rare and elite club. That is the best.
Oh my gosh. I want that to happen SO BAD.
I am an extrovert who collects introvert friends. And then every once in awhile I make a new friend who is an extrovert and find it so refreshing that they’re reaching out to ME to make plans, and it takes me awhile to realize why. :) I’m so glad you made a new friend! It’s difficult as adults, isn’t it?
Wait, it’s “I was graduated from….” ????? REALLY?!?!? I had no idea this was a thing. It sounds very wrong.
And also I really love how your internal monologue so closely follows mine with almost everything.
So, YES and also NO. Yes, it’s really “was graduated from”: the school graduates you; you don’t graduate yourself. And also: no, because that’s not how it’s used anymore. I mean, it’s still a correct way to say it, but it’s not the common usage anymore, and language evolves and we bend like willows to the change and etc., and so now it is also correct to say you graduated from a college. And as my dad (a writer) says, if something sounds wrong, it doesn’t matter if it’s right, it’s still essentially wrong: if I write “I was graduated from college” and it yanks people out of the writing to think, “Wait, what now?,” then I should rephrase even if I’m Technically Correct (or USED to be correct).
Unfortunately, I’m finding the common usage of this in my region has turned into “I graduated college.” No, sorry, but you did not confer a degree upon the college!
Or even worse, this type of example: “He is finally done school.”
I graduated FROM college… He is finally done WITH school.
Prepositions are important.
Hm, I rolled these around in my head and the common phrasing in my neck of the woods would be “are the kids done school for the year yet?” I would never write it that way, but I wouldn’t bat an eye at the verbal phrasing. Even my parents who are both seniors would say it that way, and one of them is originally from Scotland and one is from Montreal, and they both moved to Ottawa a long time ago.
This comment reminded me in middle school English teacher once told us, “If it sounds wrong…it’s probably correct.”
Yay! This is all such happy news and the line dancing sounds like such fun!
I have recently been adopted by an extrovert and it is nice for all the reasons you say. However, I am having a teensy bit of trouble navigating the fine line between saying yes to enough things she suggests to sustain the relationship and saying no to enough things she suggests to protect my alone-time-needing introvert self.
“put yourself straggling-antelope-style into the sights of an extrovert. They are usually looking to make new friends, sometimes because they have worn out all their old friends, and they seem to be good at doing the hard part of initiating things. ”
^^ Pretty sure this is how my husband and I met and got married. He introverted into my sight line and it was all over but the shoutin’.
I love how you describe the process of finding new friends…now I just need to put it into practice.
Glad you are enjoying the line dancing (this is something I’ve never mastered, but then I have two left feet).
Your tangent came at exactly the right moment, because I too thought it was introvert/extravert, though didn’t really like it as much as what I thought was a mistaken spelling of “extrovert”. Glad I can use that with a clear conscience!
Yes! Me too. Good to know there is no wrong way to spell it.
This morning was rough. Like weeping in my knitting I can’t take another second with my four year old introvert meltdown. My last google search was “parenting as an introvert,” which led me back to “what’s up with Swistle,” which led me here.
And she’s at preschool for four and a half glorious hours.
Preschool is THE BEST.
How do you find the time to go line dancing and make new friends? I don’t seem to have time to see the friends that I have.
This reminds me of the first time I attended a step aerobics class – years ago. I chose a space in the back of the room so no one would notice me. Then EVERYONE turned on command to face the back of the room. And there I was – still facing the front because I was clueless. And if I turned around, then how would I know what to do. I did stick with it and ended up rarely missing a class. Sadly, that class was recently cancelled. They still make room for Zumba on the schedule though. Don’t get me started on Zumba!
Do you have small children? I couldn’t find the time for this sort of thing when the kids were small. But now they’re all in school all day and even the youngest can make his own dinner if necessary, which frees up a LOT of available time.
This ^^^. My husband and I are going to a PARTY this weekend! And it has been years and years since we could casually accept such an invitation. It makes all the difference when your kids get a bit older. We’re at the stage where our older can babysit the younger, but even the younger has taken the Home Alone course and can stay all by himself for short stretches of time.