There’s an essay by Robert Benchley in which he says he feels he could complete any task, any task at all, if someone would just tell him the very first step. He uses bridge-building as an example: he feels he could do it, even with no training, if someone would just tell him where to START.
This is how I felt about quitting my job. I had worked through the issues and come to the final decision to quit, but my draft emails were not coming out well. I turned to Twitter friends:
And Twitter Friends as usual knew what to do. I think my main problem was that I’d been trying to explain WHY I was quitting, with some backstory. The boss does not need to know about that, and when it was in there it sounded like excuses/whining/defensiveness. Twitter Friends advised sticking to the basics: “I’m writing to give my two weeks notice” followed by “My last day will be ______” followed by an expression of appreciation for the job. I wrote it, I sent it.
There are a lot of things I’m not going to miss about my job. The office was run on a “Wait until something is an emergency before dealing with it” basis, so everything was always an emergency. There was tons of talk about how the most important things were doing a good job with the clients, being able to work unsupervised, filling out our paperwork, being prompt and reliable (all things I am good at)—but ALL REWARDS AND PRAISE were given for one thing and one thing only, which was filling extra shifts. The feeling was that any shifts you were scheduled to do didn’t really count as work. There was an “office staff vs. caregiving staff” dynamic that was obvious and unpleasant, especially since the owner was part of the office staff. Furthermore, my supervisor is a “doesn’t hurt to ask” type, whereas I am a “the stress of saying ‘no’ to you so many times has accumulated until now I hate the sound of your voice and sight of your name” type.
I also won’t miss all the things that I hoped would go away but never did. I still felt nervous at the beginning of every shift, and also awkward about ending every shift. I still felt spikes of out-of-proportion stress about possibly doing a task incorrectly, or handling a conversation incorrectly—though this did improve somewhat. I never did get even SOMEWHAT comfortable saying no when asked to do tasks we’re not supposed to do. I still felt way-over-the-top stress about starting with any new client, and it took me a lonnnnng time to settle in and feel more comfortable.
Anyway. I won’t miss any of that. Here are the things I will miss:
1. My scrubs. I did so love my scrubs. The Scrubstar Premium Flexible was my favorite by far: it was long enough; it had stretchy side panels so I could move in it; it had good pockets; and I felt CUTE and PROFESSIONAL.
2. My little notebooks. I kept a little notebook in my scrubs pocket at all times, and it was ESSENTIAL for doing my job. I would THINK I could remember an instruction such as “I’ll have a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich at 6:00, oh and can you make a small side salad?,” but by the time I got to the kitchen I’d have forgotten part of it, or feel uncertain. Or, even more often, as I was leaving the room the client would ask me to help with a sweater or bring a cup of tea, and that would overwrite what I’d been trying to remember. I felt silly writing down everything, but it was the best. Also, I’ve always been drawn to little notebooks, and it was fun having an excuse to buy them.
3. My work bag. I can use it for other things, but it was so great as a WORK bag. I would walk up the driveway wearing my scrub top and toting my work bag, and I felt PROFESSIONAL and READY. It’s the faux-leather Merona Reversible one in no-longer-available Swistle Blue, and it’s held up beautifully. Plus, I got it on clearance for $11, I think because it was supposed to be reversible but wasn’t: the paper tag said reversible, and the others were reversible to a much darker shade of blue, but on mine the inside and outside are the same color.
4. My paperclips. Oh, I know this sounds ridiculous. But every week when I turn in my paperwork, I need three or four paperclips to hold together the various related papers. And I found a clearance on pretty colored paperclips, and it gave me such a happy feeling to use them, and it was so pleasing to have found them on a good deal so I could use them without feeling that hoarding feeling. It’s not as if I can’t still use them! But it still registers as something I will miss.
5. The paperwork. I really ENJOYED the paperwork. I know I complain a lot about the children’s school paperwork, but most of that is because it’s so DUMB that we have to do it every year, and that they request the EXACT SAME INFORMATION on MULTIPLE FORMS—in one case on BOTH SIDES OF THE SAME FORM. *pant pant* ANYWAY. But if I’m being PAID to do paperwork, even if it’s similarly dumb, I very much enjoy it. I like checking the boxes of tasks I did and then writing out the long-form notes. I like the feeling of reporting in, even if no one actually reads the finished forms. I like clipping the week’s forms together with a pretty paper clip and turning them in neatly and promptly. I like alllllll that.
6. Having an answer to “What do you do?” And such a GREAT answer for garnering social approval. But I don’t miss it enough for it to be worth working this job.
7. The hope that this would be a job I would want to do, and that it would lead to wanting further education and degrees and so forth. It is valuable to have found it is a dead-end (I DON’T want a further nursing degree), but there’s that sad feeling anyway. I remember on my first shift I was scared but I felt chin-up confident: this is scary, but it is the first step toward something that may very well turn out to be something I really want. I hadn’t felt that way about any of my other jobs, ever: all the others (bakery, greenhouse, daycare, pharmacy technician) always felt like temporary things to earn money, not possible launchings of careers.
Congratulations on getting the hard part over with – it is so uncomfortable and stressful.
And congratulations on leaving so very many unpleasant things behind.
And a sad smile/head tilt and a double hand squeeze for going through An Ending. That’s always hard, even when it’s right and good.
AND a happy future-looking feeling of excitement for the NEXT opportunity, whatever that may be! I remember, long ago, a post you wrote about Things You Might Want to Do at this stage, and there were so many good options! (Well, at least that’s MY recollection of it.)
You really gave it a good shot, and I’m glad that all the stressful things will no longer be a part of your life. I have to confess — the things you won’t miss and the things you will miss are EXACTLY, and I mean EXACTLY, the way I would feel. I can 100% relate!
Since I lost my hearing and can’t use the phone well with my CIs, it’s eliminated basically any office job for me — which was my jam. I loved the paperwork, organizational stuff — everything but the phone. Actually, so many jobs require the phone, or walkie-talkies and the like. I hate having no answer for “What do you do?” Ugh.
Good for you. i love that you talk everything through on here (and that it sounds much like when I talk things through in my head). also, there’s nothing that says that moms can’t wear scrubs, carry a notebook and a work bag. So, you can totally make due with those things despite the no more working at the moment.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but now you know some important things.
Congrats on getting through that difficult step. I hope you will enjoy a vacation phase after ending the job. Sympathy that this didn’t turn out to lead you right to the next career stage. I think job hunting is always difficulty because the writers of most job descriptions are really bad and describing how the person doing this job will spend most of their time. Best wishes on further investigation and whatever next action you decide on.
I feel freed on your behalf! I’m so glad you’re rid of the difficult parts/people, and happy you learned a lot. Now you can explore some new options! Here’s hope that part will be fun, and that you’ll share your thoughts with all of us! (I’m currently jonesing for a super-easy job at a Hallmark store I’ve just discovered. I hadn’t realized Hallmark stores were still a thing. I’ll likely never leave my higher-paying office job for it, but it’s sounding awfully nice at the moment.)
I find it interesting that in point 7, you don’t seem to consider writing/blogging a job and that you are not considering jump off points for advancement in the writing profession.
I do SORT OF consider it a job, but not a paying job—and not one that makes a good answer for “What do you do?” So far the only paying jobs I’ve found in writing have been (or have turned into) marketing/selling: sponsored posts, ad-laced content, etc. I’m not into that, and it was another Sad Dead End finding that out.
I think you can easily tell people that you write an advice column.
Yes, I second that! I often find myself looking around my house going, “Well, what CAN you do,” and “Drops in the bucket. IN!” Your posts do such a great job of unpacking tangled thoughts and I feel like reading them has helped me tease out issues I have in my own life. You’re blog is one of the last “real” blogs in my opinion. You are genuine, have a distinct voice and your comment section is filled with comments that add to your posts. It is a very respectful place and you have set the tone for that.
You gave it a good shot – and stuck around for far longer than I think many people would have. I hope you find something else that fulfills #7 for you. And hey – no one says you can’t wear your scrubs anyway. If they’re that comfy, I’d keep wearing them! At least at home. :)
Hmm, this post makes me wonder if you might enjoy a job in accounts payable or payroll? Both are basically about filling out paperwork or entering data correctly and keeping stuff confidential. Minus the scrubs. Losing those is going to be a bummer no matter WHAT.
Oh man, I was just going to suggest payroll!!
This makes me think of the line from Into the Woods, it’s Little Red Riding Hood’s – ‘isn’t it nice to know a lot? And a little bit not’. I wish I had seen your tweet about the email (stupid Twitter) because I have had that exact same struggle. I really do admire your pluck, you can’t say you didn’t try to make it work – it is so frustrating, especially as someone who uses respite/health care for my son, that the people who seem to run these places are so often not the kind of people you’d like them to be. We loved our first respite staff person so, so much, she was absolutely perfect in every way, but they made her so mad and she ended up leaving them. Annoying! Anyway I’m glad you’re out of it.
Good for you for quitting. No one would ever say you didn’t try to make it work. The people running the company sound like royal a-holes who don’t value the boots on the ground workers. I agree with person who said accounts payable or payroll might be a good fit for you. I have a friend who does that in a hospital and she likes being in a hospital setting but not having to deal with the sights and smells of it directly.
I had a very real moment of fear that the title of your post meant you were quitting blogging. Thank you for not quitting blogging!
And congrats on quitting your job gracefully and professionally. You did it on your own terms and you learned a lot and that’s awesome.
Yay for you! I know it’s always a paralyzing thing to do – but really the simple, direct approach is best.
Also, I’m glad I’m not the only one that has the urge to “horde” the pretty office supplies!
I have a small set of round, spiral paperclips. You have to be VERY special to merit me giving one up to attach your documents together!
I now feel with utmost certainty that I cannot make candles in my kitchen tomorrow without scrubs and a tiny notebook and I feel foolish for having previously tried.
Straighten up and fly right, Erica.
Haven’t heard that saying since I was a kid!
I worked a similar job for a while, but independently rather than through an agency. I wonder if that would be a better fit for you? People are always looking for caregivers.
Congratulations on getting out of there! You really gave it a fair shot, and I love how you’ve analyzed the appealing and unappealing aspects of it.
I wish there was a confidential way to give feedback to a former employer. You’ve done such a thoughtful analysis, and it’s too bad they can’t use that analysis to improve working conditions.
I mean, I suppose you could, but in similar situations, I’ve always been afraid of being honest and having it affect my ability to get a reference later. And truthfully, it doesn’t sound like the kind of place where they really care what employees think.
It’s a real shame that the caregivers who provide such an essential service have to put up with poor working conditions. Your employer was lucky to have you as long as they did!
There needs to be a Yelp-like website for employees to leave feedback about what it was actually like to work for an employer. Something that a prospective job candidate would be able to google up while job-hunting, and see what people really think. It would have to be anonymous though, which would probably lead to disgruntled employees leaving feedback that is not quite honest…that would be a problem. Hmmm. Still, I think it sounds like a good idea.
Glassdoor!
I love you today. This post is filled with such promise and positive things. Quitting a job can be bitter and blame filled and sucky, but your thoughts are wonderful and make me smile. Thank you.
(I don’t know if I have commented before, but I’ve read you for years.)
Hi Swistle! I have the same feelings about my work as a caregiver. I wanted to feel comfortable but thete is always a little wall. Anyway, I gave my notice to take a one year leave of absence…but in my head I’ve retired! Hmmm…what’s next? Melissa
Just adding my voice to the list of people who are saying… You are awesome for having TRIED SOMETHING NEW even though you were sometimes scared or stressed by it. It’s so easy to just settle into a nice comfortable rut (…and I guess that’s what I like about it! So easy! But seriously folks…), but you shook things up and took all sorts of brave steps, including finally sending the quitting email. Really inspiring.
Why not keep on with the parts that worked for you? Keep right on wearing scrubs! Seems logical enough to me; I work from home and have long wished for a lab coat, thinking how nice it would be to throw something on that would keep my phone and pens and notebook with me as I pace around the house all day while I’m on the phone. So scrubs sounds GENIUS. Who says you can’t decide what your uniform should be? You could wear the scrubs and keep the little notebook going, use the Work Bag on days when you need a little extra oomph, and so on. If you can find a way to keep enjoying the parts you DID like, then why not? Embrace what worked and leave the rest behind!
Swistle i know this is unrelated but i wish you would release all of your pregnancy/baby/children advice posts as a book. I’ve been reading your blog for years and years and only just had my first baby but i couldn’t easily locate all of your pregnancy/baby posts and i REALLY wanted to read them all again (he is 1 now, i still do want to read the “around 1” posts and will prob have another baby soon and then i will want the pregnant ones again!
I would totally pay for this!
I’m glad you came to a decision! It sounds like the things you will miss are detail oriented, organizational type things. Have you thought of looking into part time administrative assistant work? I think it would fulfill a lot of the things you enjoyed about your job, without the stress of dealing with health issues and tiptoeing around family member expectations (that story about the china in boxes that couldn’t be used I will never forget)!
One thing I miss from my job before I had kids was the library style date stamper I had with the little wheels to change the date. It was so satisfying to stamp with! Good luck on your next adventure of finding what’s next!
Oh! You must be SO relieved! I didn’t speak up, but from the way you wrote about your job I recognized myself in that. And I knew I was finally quit after trying to make a square peg fit in the round hole in a similar situation. So, clearly from the list of things you will miss……it means you need a nice DESK job! A job with purpose and office supplies but without the panic/emergency/family member/drama/shenaningan type stuff! Just a normal desk job sounds like what you need. A part time data entry thing perhaps? Not admin assistant with phones, but…something paperwork-y! Maybe I’m just dreaming about what I want…..
YES, this sounds lovely! Let’s see if we can get adjacent desks! We can share pretty paperclips!