I was looking for a wedding registry, and an old one came up for a different person with the same name. On it were his-and-her bicycles, a video game system, a $500 DVD player, video games and DVDs, exercise equipment, and a $2,000 gift card. Literally, they specified that the gift card should be for $2,000. I love registries, and I love choosing what to buy (one big thing or several smaller things? the pretty bowls or the pretty towels? something fancy or something useful?)—but let me tell you, that one would have been a toughie.
The company I work for recently sent out two emails to all caregivers. In two fell swoops, those emails demolished my last remaining feelings of loyalty. This is not a company I want to work for. They are icky. Paul says any other company offering entry-level work would be just as bad, but if that’s the case I’d rather find something that’s just as bad but without the constant calls to fill shifts.
The decision now is how to proceed. Because even though my intention is to leave the company rather than to try to get them to stop being unfair and stupid, I still don’t want to leave either of my two main clients. One of them I could leave with very little discomfort for either of us, but I’m happy and comfortable working for him now, so I’d prefer not to leave if I’m going to be working for the other client anyway. The other client, I feel like I CAN’T leave. I know I literally could, but it would be so, so, so much better, for me and for her, if it didn’t have to happen.
If I could have things exactly as I wanted them, this is how I’d want them:
1. I’d continue with my usual schedule, with just these two clients.
2. I’d be called to fill shifts ONLY for these two clients, no other clients.
3. I’d be taken off the texting list, so I’d no longer have to pay per text to receive multiple bulk-sent texts per day asking for people to “step up” and take shifts.
4. When my favorite client no longer needs me, I’d leave.
5. The knowledge that I am staying only for the clients and not for the company, and only until the clients no longer need me, would free my mind to stop having mental arguments about everything my supervisors are doing wrong. The dramatic decrease in one of my least favorite parts of the job (getting continually asked to work extra shifts) would dramatically increase my job satisfaction levels / decrease my stress levels.
6. All of this would be accomplished with no explanations or confrontations or discussions.
I can have the first four, I believe. The fifth one is a hope, but we won’t know until we try. The sixth is the one I can’t have. If I want them to stop calling me and stop sending me to new clients, I have to tell them so.
Whenever I turn my mind to the issue, my first thought is, “This is not even hard: all I have to do is explain it and tell them those first four things. Ta da!” But then I start to try to write the email, and I get stuck. It only seems easy until I try to write the next word after “Dear Supervisor,”.
There are so many options for how much and what kind of WHY, and so many options for how to say it. I could go with an “It’s not you, it’s me” explanation, but that’s so unsatisfying. On the other hand, it kind of IS me, insofar as “I can see other people are willing/forced to put up with something I hate, but I am not” is “me”.
I could go with a mild “It’s you, and here is why” explanation, but I believe in this case, with the particular people involved, this would lead to further pointless and frustrating discussions. Like when you’re trying to break up with someone and they keep wanting to discuss it, acting as if they just want to understand / fix things, but actually wanting to demonstrate how reasonable/easy they are, and to explain to you why you’re wrong about everything and there’s clearly something wrong with you.
I could hit reply on one of the recent awful emails, and start with “I have recently come to a decision about…,” without referring to the email itself, but letting the implication stand.
I could leave it as explanation-free as possible, basically saying the four things that I want, not saying why, and saying I hope this will work for them. It’s still hard to figure out the first word after the salutation. …Actually, what if I started just as I started here: “If I could have things exactly as I wanted them, this is how I’d want them”? And then edited the four items to be more neutral (removing the reference to how much I hate the term “step up,” for example), but left them in a list just like that? I also might want to edit #4, so that I’m not promising to stay even if this goes on for years and years and other circumstances change. Hm. That has potential.
There is also the option of NOT telling them. I could just keep saying no to all other clients (“Oh, no thanks—I’m really happy with my schedule right now”), and volunteering to take fill-in shifts with these two clients. This would give me #1, half of #2, #4, possibly I’d still get part of #5, and #6.
My first reaction is that say you are giving your notice. HOWEVER, you will stay on FOR THESE TWO PEOPLE just as long as the two clients need you. You do not owe anyone an explanation, and if they cannot accept your terms, then you will have to make good on your resignation. You will feel badly for your clients (and I totally understand because my mom is in a similar situation and I would want you to be her caregiver FOREVER, can you do that?) but I’ll bet “some Swistle” is better than “no Swistle.”
You cannot fix the company, but you can do some good for these two people you have grown to care for.
Is it possible you could do private-duty caregiving? On your (and your clients’) own terms?
Oh, I kind of like the “giving notice, but will stay on” approach. It seems as if that would be easier for them to understand.
I love the idea of working for these clients privately, but can’t: we had to sign a contract saying we wouldn’t do any work for company clients except through the company. It lasts even if we quit the company.
Might be worth running the contract by an employment lawyer, who’ll know whether/how noncompete clauses have been enforced in your state. Good luck.
A $2000 gift card? Yikes!
My sister-in-law’s registry was basically only a really fancy bikini razor, very expensive home decorations, and a $600 vacuum for about a month before her fiance convinced her to include a better variety of things. She’d thought a lot about what she wanted to get and *maybe* not quite as much about what people might want to give.
I’m no prude, but …. a bikini razor? Do you really want your grandma to get you that? Or a group of your co-workers to go in together for a A BIKINI RAZOR? Yeesh. What do you write in the thank you card??
And by “you” I mean “your sister-in-law.” Point still stands though. :)
When I see a registry like this, I just give cash and forget about their list.
I second the idea of working for those clients independently, outside your current employer. However, it’s entirely possible there are liability or self-employment issues that might make you prefer working through your agency.
I think there are ways you could soften the message, if you were so inclined. Would something like this work?
Dear Supervisor,
Unfortunately, looking at my work schedule, I believe some changes are needed. At this point, I’m only able to work shifts for Nancy and Bob, and also only able to fill in for shifts for those two. Please remove me from the group texts as my availability does not allow me to work with other clients.
Thanks for introducing me to Nancy and Bob; they’ve been real pleasure to work with and I’m excited to continue with just them as my focus, for as long as it makes sense for everyone involved.
Sincerely,
Swistle
Ooo, I especially like that paragraph about wanting to focus on those two clients “for as long as it makes sense for everyone involved.” I like how it’s positively-stated and also how it doesn’t make any promises.
I really endorse this idea.
Fabulous letter, but I’d cut as much fluff as possible.
Dear Asshat,
Starting immediately, I will only be available to work shifts for Nancy and Bob, or fill in for shifts needed in the care for those two clients. Please remove me from the group texts…..(as written above, sounds fab!)
Sincerely,
S
They take it or leave it. My guess is they’ll take it vs losing you completely.
I would absolutely go with this. You owe this company nothing, You only need to be professional, and not allow for any argument (like your analogy to someone trying to argue away a breakup!). If they fire you, so be it. But I bet the last thing they want is to have trouble filling shifts with the two clients you like!
(As an aside, I’m not sure what cell phone plan you have that you are paying per text? If you haven’t updated your plan recently you should give the company a call, especially if you are sharing a plan with your husband or any of the kids. I think most plans offer unlimited texts messages these days, it could save you money and hassle if you are on a pay-per-text plan. Just a thought!)
This!this! I think companies are so desperate to keep good people they will put up with these sort of requests. And companies have done this to themselves, not just in your industry. You treat employees badly, this is what eventually happens.
This is perfect! I doubt they’ll even ask why. If they do, you have the perfect excuse. All you need to say is that your five kids are finishing up the school year and your summer schedule can’t currently accommodate more.
I LOVE this.
I’m also one of those people that writes and rewrites EVERYTHING from a facebook comment to an email to a friend. Anything related to my job (or a potential job) gets SPECIAL scrutiny. I make my husband proofread important job-related tough emails and then have extensive conversations on WHY I phrased it so-and-so way. I guess I include that info to say I think I know how you’re feeling, and this person’s advice is awesome. Good luck!
Very nice!
I’m sure you’ll get lots of comments on what to write (including the above, which is perfect in my estimation) so I just wanted to add that when I’m faced with writing something hard, I find it helpful to just put something down. Even if you know this is not how you want to say it, or what you want to say, exactly, just putting something down that you can then revise is usually the first step in getting there. Starting with, for example:
Dear Supervisor, I can’t believe what a terrible, awful company you run and I want to run screaming into the hills. But since I have five children and that is not an option, I would like to instead reduce my shifts to Nancy and Bob only…etc etc.
Then go from there. Good luck, and congratulations on taking positive steps toward happiness!
Ha ha ha ha! I love this. I think I WILL do this! Then I can take each phrase and edit it, and that will be amusing too. It reminds me of the Bloom Country strip where Steve is dictating a letter to Opus, and Opus changes each phrase as he writes it. Steve says something like “Have you murdered your wife yet?” and Opus writes “My love to Mary Ann!”
Haa, yes! I remember that one! “Dear Sicko…”
I remember that! So good.
This is great! And you are obviously smart and lovely and you know but I feel like I have to issue an Internet PSA and say:
save yourself a heart attack though, obviously do this in a separate word document…not as a reply to one of their emails.
I would stick to the first two. You could add number three if you think they wouldn’t understand it implicitly by number two (to me, if you say you only want to be contacted for only filling shifts for two specific clients, then you would automatically be removed from the general call list but some people must be told). Saying two simple things leaves less room for the inevitable “But WHY?” that you don’t want to get into. Although I would say from a management perspective, I would absolutely want to know the why, even if I personally couldn’t fix it.bi currently work for a company that has some culture issues and I worry every day about my employees leaving because of it. I try to offset the ickyness of it as much as I can but I can only do so much.
You could let them know you would leave after these clients no longer need you but it doesn’t seem necessary at this point and the extended resignation period, particularly when unknown, makes me worry for you that you would not be treated as well as you should be. I.e. What do we care about how Swistle might feel about xyz, she’s leaving anyway attitude. Ick. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.
Could you quit the job and just go visit your favorite client two or three times a week to check up on her? Not for pay – just as friends? Or would her family think that was strange and get suspicious?
Because I’m thinking if that would work out it might give you the courage to lay out exactly what your terms would be to stay on. Just knowing you have a viable plan B if they say no makes it easier to ask.
Ugh, I find the step up and take on more work texts annoying. I have a client who is constantly telling me that I’m going to have to come more often, and I’m constantly having to tell her that I can’t. It’s frustrating because it makes me feel like I need an excuse not to go when I should be able to have guilt-free days off/see other clients.
I second the suggestion that you resign but agree to stay on for two specific clients. They don’t need any explanation for why. Once I stopped telling clients why I couldn’t come, it got a lot easier to say no.
You have some excellent suggestions here! I think giving “conditional notice” is a great idea – basically announcing your intention to quit, except to stay on for Nancy & Bob if possible / workable. I think that is very “understandable” from the company’s perspective – like, you don’t have to explain your reasons, you don’t have to give a bunch of conditions, etc. And then it is reasonable to stop being on the group texts and you don’t have to justify why.
Good luck!!
I think it’s interesting that you say ‘It only seems easy until I try to write the next word after “Dear Supervisor,”.’
I find the same thing is true for me when trying to write difficult/important emails. I have found that if I skip the greeting and just start, the writing goes a lot more smoothly for me.
After the content is down, then I edit to make things more concise. Then I add the greeting and closing (deciding how to close is something I struggle with on almost every email- probably more so for less impactful messages…but that’s another issue). Then I add a subject line. And the veryveryvery last thing I do is to add the recipient’s email address. I don’t want there to be ANY chance that I’d accidentally send the email before I’m ready!
As I was reading your post, I was thinking what you eventually concluded – that you had basically already written your email in the four points you stated.
I think the “giving notice” option from Susan and the sample email from Sarah are spot on, but I do want to echo the assertion that you owe them NO explanation. “This job is no longer working for me, however I am happy to stay on with Clients A and B for as long as it works for everyone” is all they deserve. AND it’s something easy (okay, “easy,” because I know it’s not 100% easy) to repeat/reinforce if you are met with questions/objection: “Yes, it IS too bad that you’re losing me! But it’s just not working.” “No, I don’t care to share specifics; it’s just not working any longer.” “Yes, I understand what a tough position this puts you in, and I would be delighted to continue working solely with Clients A and B. If that’s not possible, SEE YA.”
UGH. Swistle, I’m so sorry that this has been such a fraught experience. But I am also glad that you finally have some resolution about the outcome.
You probably already know this website, since Captain Awkward has recommended it, but askamanager.com is brilliant. She has tons of archives or you can send her your question. I’ve found a lot of professional help on there lately.
I really like the wording Sarah suggested, but, before you send an email, think about what kind of reference you want/need from this company as you move on to new jobs. Is this a situation where your supervisor would be less put out by your turning down without explanation every shift other than those with your current clients or by your outlining your conditions on continuing to work with the company? From what you’ve written here and in the past, it doesn’t seem like your supervisor is used to managing people who say what they want–they just say yes or no to shifts. Would you stick out as a “problem” employee even if you continued to do good work for your clients and always showed up for shifts, etc? If so, you might be better off simply resigning with a vague explanation. You are an incredible writer, and I completely sympathize with the feeling that you might be able to make this company see reason/effect change if you could craft the perfect email—but don’t hurt your future prospects in the process.
Also, this could be a great question to submit to Ask a Manager.
I thoroughly agree! Even though companies often don’t officially give more of a reference than whether an employee left voluntarily or was fired, there’s a lot that can be conveyed unofficially, especially in industries where HR people know each other well. You can still be honest in something like an exit interview, but having seen how poorly a ‘here’s how you could fix your organization’ resignation letter was received, I caution against it if you want their recommendation.
It sounds like getting off of the mass texting list would fix many problems, but an email to specify that you only want calls for your two clients would remove even more annoyances, which would be great. f you want a generic-but-still-accurate phrase to start off with, “My situation has changed, and I won’t be able to take on any clients other than Bob and Martha” could work. The only situation that’s changed is that they’ve pissed you off past the point of accommodation, but it’s still true.
Good luck! And congratulations on figuring out more of what’s been annoying you in this job. Since the culture of this place seems to have a lot of pushback against reflecting on things, it’s even more of an accomplishment.
You should consider going out on your own and marketing to private clients. You’d make much more money, on your own terms. Non-compete agreements don’t hold water in most states, especially “right to work states.” In the meantime you don’t owe the company an explanation. “Dear Supervisor, Going forward, I will only be available to work with my two current clients; please remove me from the distribution list as I am unavailable to cover any additional shifts.”
I’m sure they’re used to employees coming and going, and have changes to their schedules.
I wonder if giving notice but volunteering to stay for Nancy & Bob might backfire in that they might be quite reactionary and just say “nope, you’re done” and then send even more group text messages until they can hire someone else. Do you think they’re desperate enough for coverage that they’d keep you for Nancy & Bob only? I’d be nervous that you’d be horribly treated – although if you’re only working for those two and have been removed from group texts, then maybe that’s a moot point.
I like Sarah’s suggestion of saying your availability has changed, you can only look after Nancy & Bob, and asking to be removed from the group texts.
Do they always send the same text like replying to old texts? I just learned that you can remove yourself from the conversation. Then you don’t get them anymore without having the sender notice.
I like the other commenters’ ideas about not being too terribly detailed at this point, but please please please…. When you are no longer affiliated with them could you please send them a constructive letter, not an email, explaining why you left… I feel like they really need to find out why their company is not running smoothly. They seriously need to hire more people, specifically subs whose job it is to fill in instead of messing with other people’s schedules and guilt tripping people. Agh. People need to learn about how important employee morale is… Seriously!
I think, at minimum, you should ask to be removed from the text list, with the explanation you don’t have unlimited texts but have to pay for them. That should be completely understandable, right?
Also, it is possible to just block the number they’re sending from, if you don’t need to communicate with them for other circumstances.
I think that your last idea is the most realistic one. I’ve never worked with the elderly, but I did do in-home therapy for kids on the Autism spectrum, so it seems like the way the company is run is probably similar. I’ve also been on both sides of the issue (the therapist being called at the last minute to fill in a shift with a difficult child I didn’t know, and the administrative staff trying to figure out how to make sure all hours are provided when everyone ignores my calls to find a fill-in) so I’m not sure HOW they’re handling things, but I do know that it’s just shitty all around, no matter which side of the issue you’re on.
Anyhow, though, I think in a business model like this one, the idea of getting to pick and choose your clients isn’t going to fly. (I can’t imagine what their response would have been if I’d tried to dictate my client list, but I’m pretty sure it would have involved some pretty hefty reprimands). And I also think you’re right in that you’re not going to get them to change or fix or do anything better to try to improve your situation (they’re probably so burnt-out and just beyond caring about their employees – sad but true). BUT I think you’re totally within your right to continue to turn down new shifts and just stick with your current schedule (the way you said it was perfect, “No thanks, I’m happy with my schedule right now!”) because didn’t you already have a conversation with them about not taking on last minute shifts? So just ignore those messages and pretend they aren’t at all addressed to you! When your current clients don’t need you any more, then give your notice. That’s what I’d do! :)
Could you borrow from Bloom County, and each time you get an annoying text or email, mentally decide it’s an admission of assholery?
I think you can keep working for the people who you do like by saying no to every other request. I know it’s hard to see the words “step up” directed at you when they should not be, but they truly mean “this employer sucks”, which is not on you.
I’m only suggesting these steps for the sake of keeping a good reference and for continuing to help your cherished patients while they are still at home. Right now, the employer holds the cards on access to these two things. Only if directly questioned would I revert to your time being more limited now. While this is something they should be on top of, they clearly think it behooves them not to consider your time.
I would do all of this in order to be able to leave on my own terms. I actually wish that you could offer your services privately after you finish this job. I am a huge fan of Anne Tyler’s books. In “Digging to America”, when a character’s parent is dying and wishes to remain at home, a friend offers the name of “a lady who helps with this”. I think you could be that lady in your town, Swistle. It might not mean a regular source of income, but you could still be of service and get the satisfactions the job offers.
Best of luck to you with your exit strategy.
If your employer were to ask you to take on an additional client (meaning another regular client like the two you already have, not filling in a shift for someone else), would you normally be allowed to say no? If so, then I see no reason why working exclusively for your two current clients would be a problem. They can’t make you work outside of the hours you’ve already committed to working, can they?
I once had a job like yours where my hours varied from week to week, and there was a period where I was consistently given way more hours than I had time for (like, close to forty hours a week when I’d wanted more like twenty). In this case I didn’t want to quit, but I also knew I couldn’t continue to work there if I had to work that many hours. It turned out that most of my co-workers WANTED extra hours, and so my supervisor had been assuming I did too. Cutting my hours back actually made things easier on her, because she had more opportunities to give extra shifts to people who asked for them. Is it possible that this could be the case where you work, too? Are your co-workers also annoyed about constantly being asked to fill shifts, or would they happy to get the extra hours?
Yes: I can say no to any client or any shift. They make it uncomfortable to say no, but not impossible.
Yeah, I can see how just continuing to say no to extra shifts might not satisfy #6 on your list. I would say that simply asking for what you want in a polite-yet-straightforward manner is the way to go. What you are asking for is completely reasonable given your job description, and you are not at all obligated to explain yourself.
I would suggest not giving any specifics about why you’re choosing not to take on any additional shifts. (“Dear Supervisor: Due to personal reasons, I will no longer be able to visit any clients besides Mr. A and Mrs. B.” Etc., etc.) If they ask for more detailed information, you don’t have to give it to them. Then if you want, once you’ve left the company you can send another email listing your complaints and why you chose to leave. You’ll get the satisfaction of speaking your mind, and hopefully it will help them realize the consequences of the way they’ve been treating their employees. And if they respond in a way that is less-than-satisfactory, you don’t have to interact with them ever again!
Not reading comments, so possibly repeating.
Why not ask individual clients if you can work directly for them. They will have to pay a fee to the company, but that may be worth it to them.
Then I’d just send in notice with no explanation.
I don’t know if it’ll hold, but when I took employment with this company I had to sign a thingie saying I would not work for any of these clients except through this company. The part I’m even less sure would hold is that it said that if I DID work for clients privately, I would have to give 50% of my earnings to the company.
BUT—I think I wouldn’t want to work for them privately anyway. I’m worried about liability issues, insurance, Social Security, all that stuff.
Non competes aren’t binding in most sates; you should not agree to sign them in the future. Double check with your state employment agency, but right to work states can’t enforce non competes. Even if they are enforceable in your state, I wouldn’t worry about it. A company likely isn’t going to come after a home health aid
Professional. They’d have to send their lawyers in, and that would be a significant hassle and expense to take half of your hourly rate. (Less than the lawyers will bill, for sure). I work in an industry where signing a non-compete is pretty standard and most people with experience in the industry decline to sign. Unless the company has deep pockets, they’re not
Going to chase after you as an independent contractor.
I can’t really say whether it would be enforceable or not without a lot more information that you probably don’t want to give out to a perfect stranger over the internet. However, it might be at least worth looking into whether this is enforceable, and whether it is actually enforced by your company. Depending on your state, this may not be enforceable at all. I know that when my grandfather needed assistance, we were told that if we hired away a caregiver, we had to pay a penalty. We never did it, but I could imagine a circumstance in which it would be worth it. I know you probably don’t want to talk to a lawyer, but you may be able to get some information about it from google.
Here’s a summary of the relevant legal issues.
http://www.pahomecare.org/_files/live/HCATL_noncompete_PA_11_01_20.pdf
It’s probably less the noncompete, and more a question of the liability, insurance, etc. I wonder if there is an agency in town that is better managed? But having started to navigate this journey on behalf of my mom, I’m inclined to think they are probably all pretty much the same. On the other hand, there are some church-based, non-profit organizations (small, local) that provide home health care/companionship, and one of those may be better to work for.
Wow. Tough position to be in. I agree with those who said to write out that you are willing to do xyz for as long as it is sensible.
BUT since this has made you so uncomfortable and may cause your clients discomfort, I would also suggest a very detailed email when you leave for good. As calm as you can and spelling out your reasons. I would not worry about any references. You could ask clients or their family to provide a reference. And most companies are prohibited from giving any answers about previous employees beyond confirming dates of employment and if a person is eligible for rehire.
I always wonder if registries like that are real. I had an Ex-Boyfriend (not even a very serious one) create an Amazon wedding registry for the two of us long after we had broken up. It was quite imaginative. I only discovered it because New Boyfriend was looking for my regular Amazon wish list and the registry popped up instead. He was upset that I hadn’t mentioned my recently called off wedding, but not as upset as I was.
I hope the work closure works out so that you can keep seeing your clients!
“He was upset that I hadn’t mentioned my recently called off wedding, but not as upset as I was.” Hahahaha. Ex-boyfriend sounds like a doozy…
You have already received far better job-related advice than what I could offer, but I do want to mention that you should perhaps reconsider your phone plan(s). It would not even occur to me to ask anymore whether or not somebody had unlimited texting. (A dangerous assumption, maybe!) The major carriers have expensive plans and maybe you have grandfathered in with a cheaper one, but there are also many excellent budget carriers that can give you a cheap plan with unlimited texting (and usually unlimited cellular minutes, but who the heck wants to call people anyway?!). The only “catch” is that you often pay for your phone ahead of time, although you end up saving all sorts of money in the long run. Coverage is, of course, highly dependent on your shadowy geographic location, but I have had good luck with Virgin Mobile and now with Google Fi. (I switched about six months ago because Virgin Mobile had inadequate phone options for me.) Since I am usually in a place with wifi, my monthly bill with Google Fi has not yet been over $30.
Like some others, I too was going to suggest – if you need a reference at all – asking your clients directly for a written reference, rather than asking the company.
Conversely, I don’t see it as your responsibility to “fix” that company by telling them exactly what they’re doing wrong. You already tried to tell them about issues you have with their approach and it fell on deaf ears and changed nothing, but caused you frustration because then it seemed like they were choosing to be jerks instead of being ignorant of the fact they were jerks. They don’t “need to know” that their approach is wrong – f they’re having trouble keeping people they already know they’ve got a problem, and just aren’t willing to try to fix it properly. My bet is that they think the high turnover and having trouble getting people to fill shifts is “just the way it is in this industry”, so they go with a “churn and burn” approach.
As for the “non-compete” thing – you might not be able to work for them privately (or not want to because of legal issues), but is there a similar firm with a better HR approach that you could work for instead and recommend to your favourite clients? Hairdressers aren’t supposed to take clients with them when they move, but their loyal clientele usually find an unofficial way to find out what new salon they’ve moved to (i.e. they often ask the hairdresser directly on the down low) and go there instead, and there’s really nothing that the first salon can do about it. I work for a gym and have signed a non-compete saying I won’t teach classes at another, competing gym while I’m an employee, or do private classes on my own, but if I moved to another gym entirely and quit my current job, I could certainly teach elsewhere and there’s nothing to stop my regulars from changing gyms with me if they wanted to.