We have a new cat, a 3-year-old female. We’ve had her for just over three weeks. She is simultaneously the worst cat ever and the best cat ever.
I will start with best, despite the word order of the previous sentence. She sits on everyone’s laps, even the little kids’ laps. She is super affectionate with people. She sleeps on beds at night. She cuddles with Edward when he’s lying on the couch feeling dicey. She purrs and does squeeze-eyes of love. I have never known such a lovebug of a cat.
But the worst: she chases the two other cats. We live in one of those raised-ranch-style houses where the main floor of the house is the upstairs; she no longer allows the boy cats upstairs. She will sit at the top of the stairs to make sure they don’t come up. If she catches them up here, she will attack them ferociously. Sometimes she will go downstairs and chase them around and attack them there, too. They are spending their days hiding under the beds or among the storage boxes. I count myself very lucky that the litter box is downstairs and that they have not yet stopped using it.
She is also MAD JEALOUS. Many of the attacks have occurred when she sees someone reaching down to pet one of the other cats.
We first tried using a spritz-bottle filled with water, and spritzing her when she attacks. But she does not seem to care much about that, or at least it only seems to reduce the duration of the attack, not the number of attacks or the time between attacks. We’ve tried Feliway, the spritz kind and the plug-in kind—but we’re in a windows-open season, so I’m not sure those are getting a fair chance to work. We’ve tried various “Look, everything is FINE, just FINE!” approaches, such as putting her in the same room with another cat, and assigning people to pet and reassure and feed both cats at the same time.
At this point we have to feed them separately: the boy cats are losing weight because she won’t let them at the food dishes, and she is gaining weight because she is eating all three bowls of food herself. So now we feed her; then we shut her into a bedroom and coax the other cats out to eat.
When we took her home, I told the shelter and the children that if she made life miserable for the other cats, she would have to go back to the shelter. But at this point, that would be a devastating decision: the children lovvvvvvvvvve her like they’ve loved no other cat, in part because SHE loves THEM. I know it’s possible to return her, but it FEELS unthinkable. So if you have any experience with this and know of anything that can help the cats get along, I would love to hear it. This is the kind of thing where of course I can search it online, but there are one million articles saying one million things, and I’d like to cut directly to the personal experiences of people I know.
That’s probably why her previous owner got rid of her.
We had a cat like that. He was cuddly, super friendly and was best pals with the dog, while the other cats were not. But he was mean to our oldest, already sickly, cat and she was hiding and clearly stressed. So we had to get rid of him. I kind of would have preferred to get rid of the cat he was being mean to, if I’m being honest. He was a lot more fun than she was. But obviously getting rid of a 10+ year old cat is not really an option, or at least not a good one. So the new cat went back.
That’s not much of an answer to your question, but I don’t think it’s an uncommon problem. And she might do better as only cat or with a dog friend, so you could be doing her a favor.
Unfortunately, new cat might not work out.
However, assuming you can do this, how my parents acclimatized new cats might work (they currently have 4 cats):
You need a door. One cat gets the upstairs, one cat gets the downstairs. This lasts a while – maybe a week? (not sure how long, because I never paid attention). Then my sister brings the new cat into the other cat’s area while the other cat is outside, letting the new cat sniff, etc. Then other cat is let into new cat’s area while the new cat is not there.
Then the door is opened and the cats are allowed to meet.
I think the only reason this works for my parents is not because it’s a particularly good method (it’s just what they’ve always done) but because my sister is really good with animals and they do what she wants. But it might be the method?
We did super slow introductions with separated territories with all our cats, too. It really does work, provided the cats are not deeply unsuitable to living with another cat ever (some cats are like this; we screened those out because our shelter identifies those cats by their layout of a big cat room). It can take weeks and feeding them near the door and swapping out territory without them meeting face to face ever, before they calm down enough to just ignore each other.
It is definitely the way to psych out cats into tolerating each other, but it sounds like this particular cat may not be suitable to living with other cats because she needs to be in a monogamous relationship with her humans. Try calling the free hotline at Cats International for remedy ideas?
We have 3 cats. One is 7, one is 6 – we’ve had both of them since they were 6 weeks old. The 3rd we recently took in from neighbors who were moving to a house that was not accommodating to his particularities. He’s 13, and a super sweetheart. The integration went as well as could be expected, though he has a few behavior issues (including urinating on the couch). He came to us on prescription urinary health food, so he has a known issue of UTIs. Brought him in the the vet and he has no physical problem. Our vet recommended getting a pheromone diffuser to help ease the multi-cat household. It seems to be working.
I bought the diffuser starter kit from my vet but went online to try to find them cheaper. I did a TON of research and read a TON of reviews, looked for the brand everywhere. The one that seems to work best for everyone on the Internet (and which I have) is Feliway MultiCat by Ceva. Do NOT get ComfortZone by Feliway – it’s a different set of pheromones that don’t help as much for this issue that you’re describing.
Note: these are not cheap. One refill is supposed to last 30 days, and the cheapest I’ve found them anywhere is on Chewy.com for $17.99 (free shipping). I purchase these refills and my cats’ ridiculously expensive prescription dry & wet foods on an auto-ship program, which reduces my cost a tiny bit each month. Here’s the link if you want to look into it: http://www.feliway.com/us/NEW-Feliway-MultiCat
I just realized you said you’d tried this already. Sorry for not reading more closely! :(
No, it’s good you mentioned it, because I hadn’t noticed there were different kinds of Feliway! I checked and I have the kind for marking/scratching, but after reading your comment I placed an order for the Multi-Cat kind.
I second an earlier recommendation – it sounds like you need to take a couple steps backwards and try reintroducing everyone. Confine her to one room for a couple of days, or maybe even a couple weeks (which I realize will feel like an eternity – I’ve been there!), and feed everyone special food right next to the door so they start to associate each others’ smell with good things. Put some comfy beds or towels in the room with her and then once she’s slept on them, let the other cats sniff them, and vice versa. Some cats you can bring in, keep confined for a day or two, and then release into the general population and things work out, but it sounds like this one needs a much longer, more gradual approach.
I’d recommend checking out Jackson Galaxy’s My Cat From Hell series and website. The flower essences are a big waste of time (it’s just homeopathy by another name) but he’s got some really good advice for how to deal with problems
Seconding the Jackson Galaxy recommendation. Curious what he’d say about this. It could be she needs some chasey-play time to use up some excess energy–that seems to be part of the solution a lot of the time). Or maybe she would enjoy a personal perch high up in a cat tree.
Seconding all of this! The feeding near the door thing can do a lot, as can the playing to reduce her energy level thing. And although I agree that the internet is full of often weird cat advice, I’ve never tried a Jackson Galaxy recommendation that didn’t pan out to some extent or other.
Overall, we’ve had *far* more luck with positive training (bribes) with our cats than negative training (water squirting). If there’s something she likes that’s only ever available when she’s being tolerable to the other cats, that might make things move a bit quicker. Good luck!
Yes to Jackson Galaxy! My cat’s lives (and therefore ours) have improved by following his website/FB page and TV series. (“Catifying” our home, diet ,etc.) Cats are frequently misunderstood creatures, and humans need to learn how to deal with their naturally occurring instincts. He also has a whole line of natural essences that do help with this sort of problem (called Spirit Essences, I think) so that may be worth looking into.
I have done the separate room thing with cats and also have cats who just acclimated pretty quickly to each other. I also second the reintroduction stuff everyone is posting. It takes time for sure.
I agree with the comments about keeping the kitties separate and then letting them explore the others territories. I’d also suggest discussing this with your vet. I wouldn’t go straight to sedatives, but a small dose of elavil or another medicine might take the edge off of the new cat. One of my cats spent a few years taking Prozac for her issues, and it helped her quite a bit. Elavil and Prozac are both generics, so if needed, they’re not expensive. Good luck. Also? Is the new cat a calico or tortoiseshell? They are known to have rather distinct personalities.
She’s the orange stripey kind, with a white tummy and white paws.
Wow, an orange tabby female? I read that most orange tabby cats are male. Something like 80/20 male to female. I mean, it’s not here nor there… I just thought it was interesting. lol
I have also heard that!
I’m also interested because I had a male orange stripey cat (he was peachier than orange but def not brown) who was the most loving cat i have ever owned- literally gave hugs- but was absolutely horrid to the calico female cat who already lived in the house. They eventually learned to live together but it took ages and a lot of what’s been mentioned here. I mean, it was never GOOD, but it was at least tolerable for the girl kitty.
Interestingly, all tri-colours are female. Colour in cats is a sex-linked trait.
Okay, so I am relating the following experience because it seems similar, but if it not similar ENOUGH, please ignore: My parents got a dog when their cat was… well-established. And the cat viciously hated the dog, until his dying day. What worked for them was to divide up the house with a combination of doors and baby gates. And the dog was in one portion of the house and the cat was in the other. Occasionally they would argue with one another through the baby gates, but it was a workable, livable situation for many years.
Good luck – this sounds so tough and frustrating. JUST GET ALONG, CATS.
Both of our cats died last fall and I found a pair that needed a new home. I assumed they were great together since they had lived together. Wrong. They’re both great cats, but one is dominant in all of the ways you are describing. She would clearly prefer being an only cat. The cats were asked to be placed together after their owner’s death, so the foster parent succeeded on that with me. I’ve thought of rehoming one, but we really like them both. The male is super anxious and it would suck for him to have to rehome, but I feel that the dominant one would be hard to place because she can be a pill. I did not invest in Feliway, but I did get a second litterbox because we had a couple episodes of the dominated cat peeing on the rug. It really helps him to have a spare box he can use, and it solved the problem. Wish I’d done it before I had any cleanup, though. I won’t go back to one box as I will never trust her not to start back up again. The other thing we did was put in a cat door to a room where the scaredy cat likes to hide out best. He doesn’t seem to mind going through it, but the dominator does. Not sure this would work for your cats, but we’ve been pleased with it. We are now about 7 months in and it’s some better, but not perfect. We have accepted that these two were probably never friends and never will be. They don’t sleep together and cuddle, and sometimes they will fight. Only the scaredy cat gets injured and so far it’s just been ear nips. I’m keeping my eye on that, though. Maybe I should try the Feliway. I really want to rehome the one cat but I know the family wouldn’t like it. I am actually trying hard not to think about how much I liked not having cat care concerns during our interim period. A dog is out of the question, and the rest of the family are animal lovers. I’m screwed.
We just went through this with our daughter’s cats. We had two 13-year-old cats that got along fine. Then we brought the two new cats in. Our male cat was great, new friends, they all hang out together (we call them “the black cat club”). The problem was our older female. She has always been less social, and did not take to new cats in her territory AT ALL. She bullied the young male cat, and hissed and growled at the young female. Then they would all sleep together in the same vicinity. Sometimes. But sometimes not. It seemed like “crossing paths” was the big issue. We tried the Feliway multi-cat and it did not seem to help at all. Four litter boxes, also not helpful. We had a feeding scheme that involved the two young cats in a separate room, and then the two older cats in their separate corners of the kitchen (different diets), and then sequestering the older female in a separate bedroom with a litter box at night so we weren’t awakened by fighting cats. It was very stressful.
I’m afraid I do not have any advice, but in retrospect we probably should have kept the new cats separate for a few weeks and introduced them more slowly. The young cats are now back with their mom, so peace has returned to the household.
I never felt that spraying water or scolding the cats was helpful because I didn’t think they really had any choice in the matter. We just walked around, shaking our heads and saying, “CATS.”
We have had our share of cat problems at our house, and I know how frustrating it can be. I won’t bore you with the details of our hardest case, but it was heartbreaking to think that it was my friendliest, most loving, sweetest cat who was actually causing the problem and might have to leave. I second the “Ceva” Feliway and the doors (we had a baby gate plus curtain in our hallway that worked to separate them for a while–they could sniff at each other, but not fight). Ultimately what worked for us, after months of experimenting and consulting with the behavioral specialist vet at our veterinarian’s (who was not hopeful it could be resolved), was an antidepressant for the “problem cat.” It took away his anxiety and hostility, and it seemed like a miracle drug (we settled on amitriptyline). He will be on it for life and it took away a bit of his desire to play (specifically, chasing someone waving a plume around the house, which was his favorite), but it was a good trade. It costs us about $15 every two months.
This Cat vs. Cat book: http://www.worldcat.org/oclc/53926650 was also helpful in us understanding cat psychology (and realizing what we had done “wrong” and how lucky we were to have cats who had gotten along thus far).
That’s very helpful. I’m going to buy or borrow that book!
I don’t know how easily dividable your house is, but I’m wondering how easy it would be to separate them completely and start over with a much slower introduction? (Echoing all the above advice, I see)
Two weeks doesn’t seem like a super long time for everyone to adjust, so maybe they just need more time.
I have a very dominant, female cat who was very territorial with our two male cats, in a lot of the ways you described. I solved the problem by taking away a lot of her power. She loves to sleep on my bed so I stopped allowing her to go in there at all. We also cut the affection/ petting/ lap sitting by half. This is hard to do when everyone loves being “loved” by the cat. But the cat is not giving you love, she’s using affection to assert her dominance. Our cat turned around very quickly (a week or so of modifying her behavior) and we were able to let her into the bedroom again (in a limited capacity) and giver her more affection (but not as much as before). But when she starts getting bossy and testing boundaries we cut back on those things again and she gets it. We never used Feliway (we have high ceilings) or meds. I think it comes from insecurity of being homeless. Our cat was a stray that was starving to death when she showed up our door.
This is VERY INTERESTING. I HAVE been assuming she was giving us love! But asserting dominance makes sense, especially considering how QUEENLY she looks while she does it!
This is so true – by being friendly and loving to her “people”, she is saying to the other cats that these are not THEIR “people”, and that she is the dominant in the whole house. I haven’t had cat-fighting experience, but taking away some affection from her (and some of her dominance) sounds like a good idea to retrain her a bit. Good luck!
THANK YOU. This is so valuable to me.
Yes! I still find our older female’s head-butts to be adorable, but I know that she’s also marking me with her scent so that I’m more ‘hers.’ Ignoring is a powerful tool.
We had a cat like this. Instead of the plug in pheromone thing, we used a similar collar, only on her. It mellowed her out. It looks like a flea collar – you open it and stretch it out to activate the powdered chemicals – but it was not smelly or gross, and it was purple. Same basic idea but might solve your plug in problem. I think it was this one (it’s been a few years) http://www.amazon.com/SENTRY-Calming-Collar-Cats-Pack/dp/B0083F8XVM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462900334&sr=8-1&keywords=pheromone+collar
I can’t say she was great, but it did help. Full disclosure: she passed away suddenly of what was likely a heart defect. No reason to suspect otherwise or that the collar was in any way related to her death. She just died in her sleep.
I immediately followed the link and purchased the three-pack! I think COLLARS ALL AROUND might be a good idea for awhile.
Oh good! I almost didn’t include a link, glad I did. I’ll be interested to hear if it helps. (You are the best about follow-ups)
I just bought them too!
Me too!
(Same Heather that mentioned the Feliway MultiCat formula above, here). My diffuser RAN OUT the day after I posted and 2 of my cats turned on each other, so I went out and bought the 3-pack of collars for them yesterday. Not sure if they’re working because one of the twitchy cats chewed it off immediately *sigh*. There was $10 not well spent. The other 2 cats have better, though, so it seems to work for them. I’ve also been quarantining the oldest cat in a bathroom at night and making the bedrooms off-limits to him. Who knows what’s making a difference?
Oh man. Something like this happened with one of our cats, except we’d had both cats since kitten-hood. I tried lots of different but ultimately nothing really worked. He eventually grew out of it, but it took several years and we had to re-home the victim cat in the meantime. (he was constantly getting beat up and it didn’t seem fair to him. We couldn’t re-home the aggressive cat because of his behavior.)
The vet said it was called Redirected Aggression, and he ultimately grew more docile when we let him start going outside. (although he sometimes still attacked the dogs)
I hope yours is a case of them needing to be reintroduced and that new cat will eventually settle down!
Are they all exclusively indoor cats? We dealt with some multi/new cat problems by allowing our older/grumpy/dominant cat to spend more time outdoors. I realize that is rescue no-no these days but she just hung out in the backyard. Getting some distance from the other two cats on a regular basis seemed to improve her mood overall, but she was never super affectionate like you describe, so I don’t think it felt like a punishment.
Yes, all indoor-only. We would REALLY like to boot her outside (expanding territory worked with a previous cat), but we’re on a busy street.
Yes… I had a friend who “rescued” a cat that would get SO GRUMPY until he was allowed out to kill and maim things. Like, he would attack his people.
I think the pp who mentioned dominance is spot on, though. She is saying “these are MY people, and this is MY food, and this is MY bed, and these are MY people, get it?” I imagine her like a teenage girl who runs over to her boyfriend and gives him a passionate kiss with one eye open, when other girls are looking at him.
I have no advice (Husband is allergic to cats and parents had a one-animal-at-a-time rule), but I wanted to say that I LOVE that your readers are “people you know” in your head.
Makes me feel less like a stalker when I see you’ve commented somewhere else and find myself thinking “Oh, I know her!”
Hahah I had this same thought!
I find myself thinking that when I see the same (or presumably the same since they have the same unusual name/nickname) commenters in different blogs, even if they don’t have blogs themselves. Maybe not exactly “I know her”, but definitely there’s the warm fuzzy feeling that comes with seeing a familiar “face”.
Have you taken her to the vet? I only have one cat, but she’s had some other behavior-related issues and the vet was able to prescribe some medication that worked wonders. I realize that vet bills (not to mention anxiety meds for a cat!) can be pricey, but it might be worth it if nothing else seems to be working.
Is there any possibility of building a catio or a cat run somewhere outside for her?
Separate litter boxes! I’ve seen this work. Get her her own, well away and on a separate floor from the other cats. Separate feeding areas too–she should get fed somewhere enclosed, like the bathroom or laundry room.
Pamela at wayofcats.com would be a good resource between her blog posts and emailing to ask for advice. Her blog has been really helpful for me.
I’d reach out to Jackson Galaxy. For real.
I haven’t read the comments yet, but OMG-this is a problem I have right now. I even appealed to Robyn’s website, hoping to get put on the Friday question and answer list. My daughter adopted a cat during finals week of college-which at any other time would have been fine, but we have a 3 yr old cat who gets along with NO ONE. We brought her in at 8 weeks old, so the animals we do have, she has grown up with. But this new cat, who is a little over a year old-has her besides herself. Right now we are keeping them apart, but she is so ornery, I am so afraid she will get into it with the new cat. I know it is early days, but I can’t wait to read all the comments, hopefully offering advice on how to get cats to be if not friends, not want to rip each other’s throats out!
So, I read the comments, and they are super helpful. We did push the initial meeting with them both behind a baby gate, I realize now we should have slowed that way down. We have always had very easy going animals, but as my husband says “Princess of the House” really only likes me, which is odd because my husband is a pet groomer and a serious animal whisperer.
We have three cats now, they each have their own litter boxes. We have been rubbing the new cat and the aggressive one with washcloths, and putting them near the other’s food. They do smell at each other under the door, The oldest cat is like a golden retriever, he is almost 20-and he gets along with everyone. I really hope we can integrate the new cat into the household, I would hate for her to be confined to my daughter’s room for the whole summer.
Good luck Swistle! Please share if you find something that works for you!
They also make Feliway collars
Is there any possibility that the new cat is pregnant? That can make cats friendly to humans (food source!) and aggressive toward other cats (competition!). In any case, separate litter boxes (rule of thumb is one per cat plus one extra) _in separate locations_ (important detail!) should help, as should separate territories and food locations. Is there a door between upstairs and down, or can you put in a tall baby gate or some such?
Oh! I just thought of something. If your new cat is not letting the boys upstairs, it’s because it’s the high place in the house. Cats are big fans of being “up high”, and it’s definitely a place of dominance. Do you have other high places in your house they can climb on or get to where they can all “survey their territory”? That’s pretty key, I think. We have an upstairs, but also a cat tower, windowsills, & tall speakers that the cats can use to climb on and feel dominant. (Nothing we have is off-limits, even if we tried.)
You can also try what Jackson Galaxy refers to as “Catifying”, i.e. creating cat highways or areas high up in your house.
Unfortunately the older the get, the less flexible they are with new arrangements and tend to become set in their ways. if she was an only cat for three years, that is hard to change.
This is so helpful. We just brought a two year old into a house with mu,tip,e pre existing cats. The new cat was supposedly bullied previously and so was rehomed but we wonder if we got the bully. Or, if the bullied cat is now super aggressive cuz of earlier bullying. He is great with people but is a big long haired Klunk with the other cats — rushing at the, and hard to say if play or aggression but the growling and hissing and terror in the other side is not play. We are returning the new cat to the guest room, but the problem is that he is high energy we think and being in the smallest room ( no other way to sp,it up the house as the other cats just laugh at baby gates and easily surmount) seems to make him want even more running around. We already use felliway diffusers all over, separate bowls, feeding places and litter boxes. So just put a collar on him to see if that helps. We do t want to return him. We don’t want our resident cats scared and anxious. More time and patience I guess and we will swap out the towels they each use. Very frustrating. This is not our first rodeo but we have only introduced kittens previously.