Job update: As of right now, I would say I really, really, really like my job. Right now I’m working only 10 hours a week, down from 16, and I would actually PREFER to increase my hours, because I would LIKE to work more. When I left my shift yesterday, I was wishing I could STAY LONGER. Then I wished I was working there again the next day. Also, I had a couple of triumphs recently, where for example the staff nurse was visiting and coincidentally witnessed me being awesome, or where I reported something to the office and it turned out it was really good I’d reported it, or where I did something without being asked and it turned out the client was really hoping someone would do it but hadn’t wanted to ask someone to do it.
It’s going really well, is what I am telling you. I feel happier with this job than I did without it. It fixed the suffocating ennui I was feeling, where I would sit in the house feeling, simultaneously, (1) trapped to the point of panic and (2) overwhelmingly free to do anything, but not wanting to do any of it. Now when I’m home, I feel happy to be home, and I play Candy Crush with relish.
And I have LOTS to think about. If you are someone who likes to think about other people’s families and other people’s lives and other people’s problems, this job has TONS of that. And I feel like I’m adding useful skills and knowledge to my apocalypse repertoire.
One thing I find interesting to think about is that, fairly often, I have to make client vs. employer decisions. Here’s a sample I gave Rob last night, thinking he would enjoy discussing it. I don’t know if you knew this already, but if an elderly person falls, there can be a lot of drama. If a client falls while I’m with them, I have to call 911—even if they seem 100% fine. Just for starters, it’s because I’m not allowed to help them up off the floor (it’s too likely to cause an employee injury), but it’s also because I’m not educated/authorized to determine if someone is hurt or not. We pass the buck to the paramedics and let THEM call it. Often the person ends up with a day in the emergency room and/or hospital, getting x-rayed. It’s expensive and time-consuming, and the client usually hates all the fuss and feels embarrassed about falling, and then their grown children worry and start talking about nursing homes, and so on.
Anyway, that’s not the example yet. Here’s the example. If a client TELLS me that they fell when I was NOT there, I’m supposed to report that to my employer. That is, if I arrive and the client says that she fell the day before but is fine, I’m supposed to report that. But what about when a client doesn’t KNOW that that’s the case, and tells me about a fall the day before, and says, “I’m only telling YOU: I don’t want any FUSS because I’m FINE.” Dilemma. And if I tell, she’ll know it was me, and perhaps feel betrayed, and trust me less in the future, and not tell me things that I really ought to be told.
What Rob said, and this is what I think as well, is that from now on, I will look for ways to inform clients that I have to report certain things they tell me. That seems only fair. Though it worries me to think that then they might not tell me things they really ought to tell me. Still, I would expect ANYONE I might confide in (doctor, lawyer, friend) to be clear with me if there are things I might tell them that they would have to report to someone else.
One tricky area is not knowing what the client really WANTS. That is, I have one client who seems to be rushing me out of the house at the end of my shift, as she goes up to bed (“Are you still here?,” she’ll say, or “Here pretty late, aren’t you?”—when I’m ALWAYS there until the same time). It makes me feel antsy, and I’ve wondered if I should ask my employer if I can change my hours so I arrive and leave 15 minutes earlier. But there’s a good possibility she may actually WANT me to be there as she goes up the stairs. She may ACT as if she wants me gone, and she may in fact truly want me gone—or she may want to act as if she doesn’t want me there, while actually being glad I’m there Just In Case. Maybe it’s lonely going up to a dark room she used to share with her husband, and nice to know someone is still downstairs; maybe it’s nice to have someone else shut off the last light; maybe she has visions of falling down the stairs and lying there until morning. Another example: a client may complain about a grown child who worries too much, while deep-down being grateful that they can use it as their excuse for going to the doctor (“I wouldn’t even BE here, but my daughter INSISTED!”). Just so, a client may act as if she wants to confide in me secretly, when actually she is counting on me to report it. The client may or may not be aware of that motivation in herself, which adds a layer of difficulty.
Rob says, and he’s right but it was annoying the way he said it, that all this complicated stuff is THE VERY REASON THERE IS AN ESTABLISHED PROCEDURE. Well, yes. But I like to turn the issues over in my mind. I think it’s interesting. Where does my loyalty lie? How much am I willing to bend the rules (for example, by pretending not to remember them) in order to do things the way I think they ought to be done? How DO I think they ought to be done? Things like that.
Apocalypse repertoire, ha! Unfortunately all I have going for me is that I married a gamer who is really good at headshots in call of duty and grand theft auto, which I assume translates into real life skills in the event of zombies.
Rob has always had a special place in my heart since you posted about teaching him to knit. I love his responses here (perhaps because I got to skip the annoying delivery part, haha).
I really enjoyed this post. And on behalf of humanity, thank you for thinking so hard about the clients’ point of view and what’s really in their best interest. If I ever need that kind of service I hope get someone who really cares, like you.
Picturing myself in the client’s position makes me hate that rule! Is there NO ONE I can tell for a little sympathy/rejoicing that I fell but I’m completely fine? I can’t tell my kids – they’ll freak out – or my caregiver, because she might report it and haul me off to the ER. I guess I hope I still have friends! Non-one-upp-y ones! (Well I fell TWICE.)
I’m glad to hear it’s working out well for you for the most part. That’s great news.
So glad to hear that you are enjoying work, and so glad you stuck out the initial awkwardness/nervousness. The people you work with are lucky to have you!
What a great post – you should print out all the job posts… from the anticipation, to the anxiety at the beginning, to when you really wanted to quit, to when you explained the stress, to when you started to feel better and now you really, really, really like it. Then when your kids are nervous / anxious / not sure about something, you can point to a concrete example where the answer is: give it time. Your story has a good ending. It might have ended by still not liking the job. But what a great example in sticking something out for a reasonable amount of time in order to have enough info make a good decision. And then having it be a happy thing, even better!
Yes! I kept thinking this in the start–Swistle is going to be GREAT at this if she can make it through the initial horrible-ness. And you are! It’s a great life lesson for your kids.
I need one important update. Is wearing scrubs still all that I dream it would be (so comfy, like pajamas all day)?
The tops, at least, are THE BEST. I feel so cute and medical and professional and comfy!
I am so glad you’re enjoying the job! Like you, I’d be hesitant to do the whole 911 thing or report a fall after the fact just because of the expense and hassle the client would incur, but then if something happened later related to the fall I’d feel terrible about not reporting it/calling 911. That really is a dilemma. I guess Rob is right, but I also have a teenager and can just imagine how irritating his delivery could have been and would probably myself go to great lengths to avoid his being right just because ugh, teenagers.
Feel like kind of a traitor posting this, but I worked in admin for a home care agency for a bit. I would recommend erring on the side of telling your employer/covering your tush. Certainly you don’t want to undermine your relationship with your client, but if something gnarly happens and it comes to light that you were aware but didn’t say anything (“Mom, why didn’t you tell someone about your fall?” “Well, I talked to Swistle but told her not to tell you!”) that’s not good. It could affect the agency’s ability to use you and you might miss out on helping this client or any numerous others in the future. Just my two (annoyingly corporate) cents.
Also, my entire apocalypse plan is to get my daughter to wherever my younger brother (24) is. He’s skilled and resilient and strong and I know he’ll keep her alive. Then I’ll live as long as I can, but probably kick it fairly soon in some act of loving protection. “I love you! Run! I am not fast and can feed many zombies!”
I work in a completely different setting (Higher Education) but have similar issues. Often, people (usually students) want to confide (vent/process…) in someone and don’t realize they’ve just reported something that triggers a university response. Sometimes that is minor (usually not) but none the less we have to do a lot of training, especially with residence life staff on how to stop and redirect conversations. Often they don’t realize they’re not just “talking to a friend.”
Even in my office I start most meetings explaining what I have to act on and providing info on confidential resources so that they don’t tell me something they can’t take back. It’s really frustrating and sometimes hurts the rapport but I can’t get around it.
I was going to say this same thing. It can feel weird and frustrating when a student is talking, but if you’ve already provided the framework (“some of this stuff can’t stay confidential” etc) then at least they know. And it really is about providing support and resources for the student. It can be so awkward. But that’s why there’s a procedure, RIGHT ROB.
this update is making me feel SO HAPPY and also somewhat hopeful that maybe i can do a job again someday.
Don’t you wish you could time-travel and show this post to first-week-of-work Swistle? How very reassuring it would have been! But props to you for taking a leap of faith. That was a good move even if it hadn’t turned out as well as it has.
At the place I worked, the go to line was “We are not a confidential source”
So happy to hear you’re liking your job! It took me about four years in my current line of work to have that “I ENJOY doing this!” moment. A big part of it, I think, is getting to a point where everything feels routine. It’s hard to focus on the fun parts of whatever you’re doing when all you can think is “Wait, am I doing this right? Did I handle that situation well? AHH WHAT DO I DO???”
That’s definitely a dilemma about reporting falls. I think your plan of telling them up front that you need to report things like that is a good one. Remember: you are there because it’s your job to keep them safe, and unfortunately reporting falls is part of that.
I am so glad you like the job now! The doctor example is awesome. My sister takes my Mom (she’s 89, and mentally very sharp) to all her doctor appointments and often insists she goes even when she thinks my sister is over cautious. However, I think she really likes the fact, like you said, that she can use it as her excuse. And I know she is deep-down grateful that my sister does insist.
I wonder if you could teach them to tell you everything except the trigger word: “I’m a little sore today because I tripped” or “I think the curled edge of that rug is getting dangerous. Imagine if, a couple of days ago, I had tripped over it and fallen?!”
I’m so glad you are feeling good in your job!!! Re: reporting, I got nothing for you, except sympathy.
Argh, mandatory reporting is such a minefield. I totally agree with the approach of telling the clients ahead of time what all you have to pass on to your office.
As others have said, this post makes me SO happy. I’m SO glad you stuck with this job and that it’s turning out to be a source of contentment for you. It sounds like you are great at it, too!