My two teenagers, especially the 14-year-old one, enjoy humor of this sort: “Photo of ginger-colored guinea pig; caption about Donald Trump’s hair finally leaving him.” “Pair of photos comparing Kim Davis to the repellent receptionist of Monsters Inc.”
I get why they like it. I have been known to snort at a particularly clever one, now and then. But I’m gradually going from “Closed-lipped smile” reactions to “Lectures” reactions, because this stuff can’t go on. It’s fun and tempting to make fun of someone’s physical appearance, but we teach children NOT to do that.
It’s bugging me more and more, I think because of the underlying message. Those jokes seem to say this: “If Kim Davis were hot, she’d have a valid stance worth hearing out; but she’s not hot, so she’s ridiculous.” “If Donald Trump were hot, he’d be a good political candidate; but he’s not hot, so he’s ridiculous.” We’re not saying those things. I hope.
I find I have to spell it out, even to myself, when I catch myself snickering. It helps to reverse it: if I picture my favorite candidate being mocked for her/his appearance, my immediate reaction is incredulity. Why would the way a candidate LOOKS be an issue? And also: Is physical appearance seriously the best argument anyone can find against the candidate? Then there must not be any REAL argument against them. This is how I am forcing myself to see it when someone mocks a candidate (or any other person) I DON’T like or support. It’s making me cranky to have to defend people I don’t like, but I feel like I am just DONE with the physical-appearance jabs. If Donald Trump is a good candidate for the job, his hair is less than irrelevant; if he’s not a good candidate, mocking his hair makes it seem as if detractors can’t think of any better reasons to call him ridiculous.
It’s definitely tempting to find a repellent person EVEN MORE repellent by shuddering at their looks. I can see the appeal of that, and I do feel it myself: if someone supporting an ugly point of view is herself/himself ugly, it feels so RIGHT and APPROPRIATE; it fairly CLICKS INTO PLACE. But that’s fairy tale stuff, to think that ugly on the inside shows as ugly on the outside, and that pretty on the outside means pretty on the inside. It doesn’t work to seriously measure the legitimacy of a point/cause/platform that way. A hot person supports it: they have a valid point and we need to consider it; a non-hot person supports it: we dismiss the cause while pointing and laughing?
No. Surely that is not what we’re doing. And it really ISN’T. We dislike the opposing cause or candidate FIRST, and then we find other reasons to dislike them, and unfortunately physical appearance is one of those things. It is, for whatever reason, a natural reaction. But it makes the mocker look shallow, and severely undermines the strength of the actual objections to the cause or candidate. As soon as someone compares George W. Bush to the MAD Magazine guy, as if that’s a legitimate point to be making, I find I’m not really taking anything ELSE they say seriously.
I concur. What’s weird is I would never say anything about Kim Davis’ appearance (I mean, clearly she’s not got a stylist, whatever) even though I think she’s definitely her own special kind of crazy (and probably hoping all of this will GIVE her a stylist like Kate whatever her last name is 8 children). I almost feel like the Donald, however, is fair game. Because he’s so cruel to others about their appearance, because he has ALL THAT money and that’s the only hair he’s ever been able to come up with? Because it’s so ridiculous, it really is – think of that hair on any other person on earth and you’d be all, “Dude, mirror?” yet people take him seriously, I don’t want to say despite it. I don’t know why people take him seriously. He’s bankrupted 3 companies (Or 4) and countless investors have lots tons of money while shielding himself and his own fortune and people STILL GIVE HIM MONEY! I’m incredulous about the whole package, not just the hair, but Pot, have you met kettle?
“…he has ALL THAT money and that’s the only hair he’s ever been able to come up with?” SNORTING with laughter. (I’m making an exception to the “don’t mock the appearance of others” rule here, I know. I DO agree with the rule, really. (But maybe Trump is fair game. He’s so mean).
I too think Donald Trump’s hair is sort of fair game. I don’t think the guinea pig = his hair running away was a commentary on his abilities as a political candidate – his hair was kind of ridiculous long, long before he was running for anything. And to be honest, as a Canadian I’ve not heard that much about his political aspirations other than I think he’s running for some sort of Republican position: I think of him as “that rich guy with terrible hair”. Actually, I probably think of him more as “that terrible hair attached to a rich guy.” Over the years his image outside the US has pretty much become Trump IS his bad hair, and I’m fairly sure he knows how his hair is perceived and has made a conscious decision not to change it.
I don’t want you to think I don’t support your basic premise though: I totally agree that how a person looks shouldn’t influence how a position they take is perceived. Just like I don’t think people should kill endangered snakes and bats, but crusade for cute, fluffy, non-endangered baby seals.
I’ve gotten into this with people who make fun of Chris Christie’s weight. There is plenty else there to mock that has nothing to do with his appearance. Mike Huckebee wasn’t more enlightened when he lost all that weight, or stupider when he gained it back.
I do have a little tolerance for mocking self-inflicted aesthetic offenses, such as combovers and Botox. But, yeah, I do tend to say, “If only his hair were the worst thing about him.”
I also agree about Chris Christie – I may not like his politics but I’m tired of the jokes. Every time Jimmy Fallon makes another fat joke, I want to just turn the TV off.
I feel like the opposite is also true: a celebrity endorsing something should not make one lick of difference. Some hot actress supports some cause/candidate so now we all should? No.
That said, my toddler daughter has Donald Trump’s exact hair, no matter how much I try to tame it. So I’m super tempted to put her in a tiny suit for Halloween and have her go as The Donald.
PLEASE DO THIS :D :D
This is brilliant. I’ve never been able to articulate it so clearly, even though it makes me VERY VERY uncomfortable when people do this sort of thing. If it’s clear they feel a little bad about it, fine, I can understand the impulse (though I don’t encourage it). But it they DON’T feel bad (he’s a terrible person! that means I can be terrible in response!) it really bothers me and makes me never want to associate with them.
I find my response is even more strong if they’re making fun of something the person did on purpose or could/should change. It’s like saying their crime is not having the same style sense as you and/or the majority of people. Some of us have no style! Some prefer to adopt a style that will make them stand out, even if it’s unflattering! The style they have or do not have is not what MAKES their beliefs/actions right or wrong.
So, I agree that it is wrong to make fun of anyone’s appearance (except the Donald, for the aforementioned reasons…) BUT. I dont’ think people are saying, “Kim Davis would be ok if she were cute.” To me, it’s more, “Ooohh, Kim Davis, I just hate you…here’s something quick I can make fun of you for because you do hateful things and I want you to feel bad.” There is also a component of- we all argue about opinions and people make points and counterpoints and in the end, nobody is going to make her feel bad for being a bigot. She’s proud to be a bigot. But people want her to feel bad. what makes nearly everyone feel bad? Making fun of how they look. Even the most mature, evolved adult feels bad when someone says they’re ugly/badly dressed/whathaveyou.
Swistle, you are so wise and thoughtful! Can you please come raise my children when I have them? Thank you.
Certainly, no one should be mocking anyone for their appearance – we are already overly image/body conscious as it is – but Donald did start dishing it out pretty harshly; so he needs to take his lumps…maybe that’ll teach him to play nice.
A lot of people are making the point that Donald Trump is so mean, it’s okay to be mean to him. That concept isn’t working for me. It seems like saying, “His hair is SO AWFUL, I’m going to COPY it! That’ll teach him a lesson!”
YES. Though I might make Trump fair game for a different reason – he has made his hair A Thing and he plays up to it (like inviting someone at a recent press conference up to touch it to prove it is real, playing up jokes about it). I think it is a thing crafted by him that he actively encourages, not just something about himself he refuses to “fix” because the world at large doesn’t like it. On that basis only I would consider an exception, not because he’s mean (which I think he is).
Small-mindedness, perhaps, is the unifying theme in mocking appearances, the ease and immaturity of it, the intense but shallow gratification, particularly as most of us commentators are camera-unready ourselves (but still leading valuable lives)!
The thing that really gets me about this kind of thing is the “treating politics like a joke” aspect of it. It’s easy to just say, “Haha, our president might be some old guy who has a stupid-looking combover!” or “Look, this crazy lady who looks like a toad is trying to end same-sex marriage! How funny is that!” But the fact is, the country really, actually might elect a president who is a straight-up racist and misogynist. There was a real, actual woman who broke the law in order to prevent people who loved each other from getting married, and people actually supported her. Those things are not funny. Ridiculous, yes. Unbelievable, yes. But not something to be taken lightly or joked about.
I think that in politics, people often get so focused on offending the other side that they stop looking at the real issues at hand.
Wanted to add: I thought about this some more today, and I’m not actually opposed to political humor in some contexts. If the person is educated on the issues, and not trying to gloss over anything, and the jokes are actually witty and not just “lol this person is so ugly,” then I don’t have a problem with that. (Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert come to mind.)
When my dad would hear one of us mocking somebody like that, he would say, “When you like somebody, they can’t do anything wrong. When you don’t like them, they can’t do anything right.”.
I wish we could get to a place where when we’re offended by someone, we can look away instead of turning up the volume on the outrage. It’s such a dumb hobby.
jill, you MUST.
Halloween must be a season of fabulousness. Please.
Oh, yes, and swistle is right, as usual.
This conversation is sort of making me think about the R Word. I say to people, or I see people say to others, please don’t use the word, it’s offensive to those of us in the Special Needs community, and people say, well I’m not saying it to someone with Special Needs or Intellectual Disabilities! Or if it’s funny it’s not offensive, or or or. If it’s not fair to make fun of someone’s appearance, it’s not fair to make fun of their appearance, no matter who they are or what they do.
Yes. This. Exactly. Thank you.
For me there is a difference between style choices and unchangeable, physical appearance based on genetics. I think it’s okay to make fun of Donald’s hair but not of Sarah Jessica Parker’s face (I’m thinking of that meme going around a few years ago with her face next to a horse’s) and that’s not because I like her more than him. When a person is made fun of for their unchangeable, physical appearance there is often a racist or sexist undertone to the comments that isn’t there when commenting on the person’s style.
Ugh. I know someone who makes SJP/horse jokes. Not because he thinks she looks horsey or doesn’t like her. He just thinks it’s funny in its ridiculousness. To me that’s almost worse. We have the argument every time.
This is also a good reminder to grown ups (ahem, me) that it isn’t appropriate to mock someone’s appearance when their actions/politics/attitude/etc is what I have a problem with!
Not quite related: a close friend got into a nasty fight with her female friend. I am very much on my close friend’s side and one of the ways I support her is to say nasty things about the female friend. I’ve found it difficult to come up with insults that AREN’T gender-specific OR appearance-related.
I don’t want to call her a bitch or a whore or a saggy old witch or a see-you-next-tuesday. I settled on ass candle, but I found it to be a real exercise in creativity.