Yesterday I got a job (part-time in-home elder care), and today I would describe my status update as blind panic. What was I thinking, applying right before summer, when summer means I can’t work weekdays? …Or CAN I work weekdays? Short shifts? Leaving the children at home? Which would be a great way to get out of some of the hell that is summer vacation? But the agency needs mostly mornings, and mornings is EXACTLY when all the summer activities require my transportation and involvement. Should I just not sign the kids up for swimming lessons? Should I pay Rob to babysit and drive his siblings around? He needs a summer job anyway. But wait, that’s not money coming into the family, that’s money going from one family member to another; that makes no sense for college savings.
And what about when school starts up again? I mentioned to one of the interviewers that I’d put this off because I was thinking about what happens when the school nurse calls. She said yes, it’s a problem they all face because they’re all parents there, and I CAN’T LEAVE UNTIL SOMEONE ARRIVES TO COVER ME, and that could take an hour or more. (Paul: “That sounds like a really optimistic estimate, too: they can get someone to come in that quickly?”) Meanwhile, the school nurse is going to…babysit? How does THAT work?
And how will this work with all the other stuff, the appointments and lessons and extracurriculars and so forth? EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES (appointment times, lesson times, whether the kids can do this or that extracurricular) is set up on the basis of one parent being home. On one hand, I have more time on my hands than I want or need. On the other hand, it’s all in HARD-TO-CONSOLIDATE PIECES.
Maybe it will be great. Maybe it will be great. Maybe it’s the first step of what will be a long and fulfilling career. It’s so hard to tell what is change-related/new-thing-related panic and anxiety, and what is truly a problem. LOTS of other people do this. LOTS! Okay, maybe they have a spouse who is available to handle some of the nurse calls and other scheduling issues. Or maybe they have other back-up, like non-working friends, or parents in the area (mine are in the area half the year, but not the other half). Or MAYBE IT SUCKS ALL THE TIME AND IS ALWAYS DIFFICULT AND STRESSFUL.
Maybe I should call the agency and quit, and start a new business: helping out working parents. I can pick up your children at school when the nurse calls, and babysit them until you get here! I can run to the store that’s only open until 5:00! I can take your kids to their orthodontist appointments and drop them back to school afterward! I can take them to their trumpet lessons and drive them home afterward! I can pick them up from school on the one day a week they have chess club and therefore miss the bus! I can bake something for the bake sale!
Yes yes yes to the second idea. You’d make a Fortune in my neighborhood. If you could watch kids during “snow” days when the grown ups still need to work but the kids are home despite actual lack of accumulated snow, you’d have too much business to handle.
Maybe instead of paying Rob to sit, you could grant him a privilege (later curfew?) or something that would recognize his taking responsibility.
I would totally hire you as errand-runner! Can you also do school pickup on these blasted half-days that the school keeps scheduling?
Seriously though, I work full time and the school nurse/after school clubs/running around is a constant issue. Thankfully (this year) I had a job that was close enough to the school that I could run a kid home and get back within 20 minutes; not ideal, but works in a pinch. My husband has a much more flexible schedule so he has taken on a lot of running-around of the kids, but the doctor/dentist/eye doctor/orthodontist visits seem endless, even when they are split up.
It is always hard on the family when Mom’s availability changes, but they will adjust. I hope you like your new job!
I have no suggestions for the new job dilemma, but the business idea is sheer GENIUS.
I am starting a part time job too, this August, and I have been having some of the same exact thoughts. Complicating our issue is that my husband recently got a promotion at work, which means some good things (no more out of town trials, prep, etc.) but means some bad things too (later work days). One thing I keep telling myself (and him) is that other people do this and have for years. I mean, yes, they would stay at the nurse’s office until you get there and there is probably a plan in place for that because some families have both parents working and maybe even far away, maybe they couldn’t get there for an hour anyway! I think about when I had one in school and a newborn, who was sleeping or maybe nursing for hours on end and I still made it work to go get them, right? I think we will adjust to whatever our new schedule is and maybe it will be even easier than adjusting to the schedule of a newborn, or a five year old in regular school for the first time. In fact, I bet it will be easier because almost everyone else does it! Congratulations!
Actually… that sounds like a brilliant business! Seriously!
The second idea IS genius, and in fact I’ve seen someone locally who does it. It’s sort of a parental concierge. It saves you from taking 3-4 hours of vacation to accommodate a 15 minute orthodontist appointment. DO IT.
I LOVE the business idea. I often wish there was some sort of hire-a-wife/mom service available!
I would pay you good money for that business idea you just had.
I’m seconding and thirding the brilliance of your business idea. I would *love* having the option of paying someone trustworthy to do errands or ferry my kids around, and not have to ask favors of my friends or call my father-in-law at the last second. And I know several parents who can’t put their kids in day camps or vacation Bible schools just because they don’t have a way to get them there–enter Swistle’s Concierge, and everybody’s happy.
Also, your customer base could include older people who can’t drive and need someone to run errands for them or take them to and from doctor appointments, etc. My 95-year-old grandmother is in a nursing home and I know my mom and her siblings would gladly pay for someone to pick her prescriptions or buy her toiletries and groceries.
No kidding: this idea is such a great one! Charge by the hour, set a one-hour minimum, I bet you’ll have all the business you can handle.
There is actually a burgeoning career field called Patient Advocate. You do not have to have any certification, you can set your own hours, and you can decide what services you will provide. Options are make calls for appointments, help fill out insurance paperwork, physically drive people to appointments, attend the appointment and take notes, help dispute billing charges, and pick up prescriptions and put in for refills. In many ways you are like a daughter’s concierge. Some of these sound like small and unnecessary things to hire out, but patients going through chemo may be able to cope with it while dealing with surgical recovery, nausea, fatigue, and brain fog from chemo. If they have a spouse, he or she may feel overwhelmed just being the caregiver and the only one to run the house.
*may not be able
It does suck some of the time and is difficult and stressful. Summer is the absolute WORST for working parents. However, it would be so sad to deprive some lucky elder of your care! You are going to be so amazing! And, selfishly, I look forward to the stories.
I don’t know if this is helpful, so disregard if assvice-y. What if it sucks and it isn’t good? Can’t you just quit and be back where you were? Worth it to try!
You CAN DO THIS. You will make it work! It’s new and might cause a bit of stress at first, but no, it’s manageable. You’ll drop kids off at activities before you go to work – it’s perfect, they’re occupied, you’re occupied. Maybe Rob can pick up afterwards. I second StephLove’s idea of him earning extra privileges or, yes, even a $20 bill (you’ll bring home more than that, right?) on the days you need him to pitch in. The school nurse is used to waiting a bit. Parents can’t magically appear the second she calls. Don’t worry. I’m excited for you! I hope you’ll love it.
It sounds like the job is worth a try, even with logistical hassles. It’s the sort of thing that you can’t know how it will be until you just DO it, and it’s encouraging to know that other mothers/parents do that same job and it works for them. And if it doesn’t work, no huge harm done.
Meanwhile, your idea of being a mother’s helper/errand-runner is also perfect. Have you heard of Task Rabbit? It’s a website/app where people put up small tasks/jobs they want accomplished and once you’re approved as a Tasker, you can just respond to any and all tasks that you want, and they pay you whatever the agreed-upon amount is through the site. It seems like a brilliant way to pick up extra money while being super-useful to people and doing it within your own time constraints. I don’t know if it’s city-based or if it’s something you can do anywhere, but if they don’t have tasks in your area, you could basically start your own thing where you live, based on that model.
https://www.taskrabbit.com/become-a-tasker
I will say that when the nurse calls you can say you need to leave work and you’ll be there as soon as you can and that can take AWHILE. For awhile (2 years) I was working over an hour from school, my parents lived 45 minutes from school.
The nurse would call and even if I left work RIGHT AWAY there wouldn’t be someone to get Gabriel for at least 90 minutes, and that….just had to be okay. And I wasn’t the only one, like I wasn’t the school nurse pariah. I think they are used to working parents taking time to get their kids.
So that’s ONE thing.
Another thing, as someone whose parents had small children when I was a teen, is that YES, you can pay Rob, and you can pay him MUCH LESS than you would pay an actual person.
As in, hey, I’ll give you $10 a day to get kids to their activities in the morning. Or $20 or whatever.
It’s not an hourly rate, and the teens are still happy to have the money.
When I went back to work I couldn’t imagine how it would all be possible for exactly the reasons you state (4 kids, scheduling, illnesses, etc). And, it did take some adapting. But, it did work out. It also had the added bonus of the children learning to be a bit more self-sufficient. I was suddenly not at their beck and call. On the other hand, your second idea is so amazing. I imagine there would be more work than you could handle once you became established.
I think it is important to remember that you can quit now, or you can try it for one week or two weeks or four weeks and quit then if it’s not working out for you. It will not be the end of the world on either side if you do.
We are currently juggling and you just can’t think too far ahead.
My parents did an exchange – I had to run my siblings around/do small grocery runs/help out with the family business and in exchange, I got the car. It was a good deal.
I agree you should give it a shot and see how it goes (and quit if it doesn’t work! there’s no contractual need to continue if it doesn’t work/you don’t like it) BUT i also agree with everyone else that your second idea is TOTAL GENIUS.
As a long-time two-working-parent family, I can tell you that the HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK feeling never fully goes away. But, somehow, it works. Sometimes we have to lean on friends (who lean on us in return), sometimes we all have to pitch in, sometimes I just accept the I am that parent who is always late getting the kid from the nurse. But it works.
This is great! This job sounds right up your alley! And while of course our lives aren’t set up on the premise of one parent being home, because we have always both worked, I can tell you that many of the stresses and inconveniences that you’re talking about are definitely things that we have had to work through too, and it IS a hassle, and in your case it’s not just a hassle but also a transition, but you WILL figure it out. You will! And your kids are old enough to be helpful and wait and understand and also be on their own if needed, and that is SUPER helpful (I am eagerly awaiting the day when my children’s basic physical needs will be slightly less pressing and situations such as the ones you describe will be slightly less urgent).
Anyway, my point is, yes! Stress! Change! Ack! But also: awesome opportunity! And you’ll make it work! And it’ll be great! And if it isn’t great, you can quit, or adjust, then. But definitely worth giving it a shot.
You’ll know your local area better than us rand-o’s on the internet, but there are certain small business ideas that can be a goldmine in the right place. I live in a college town, and I know there is INTENSE competition for housecleaners around here, at least among the professor-types. My wife’s ex-partner briefly had a half-hearted green cleaning business (she’d only use lemon juice, vinegar, and other hippie-dippy non-toxic cleaning products), and the demand was NUTS. Even four years after the ex skipped town, the home phone number was still getting desperate messages from people hosting parties.
Cleaning houses is hard, gross work, but there may be similar flexible schedule opportunities around you. Maybe errand-running, maybe pet-sitting (doggie daycare/boarding would be a similar goldmine around here since the waiting lists at the few reputable places in town are so long), or maybe kid-shuttling. I think driving people around might have more onerous licensing/insurance requirements than mere errand-running, though. Still, if you’re thinking more of a small-scale, money-making diversion than a household-supporting business, I bet there are a ton of possibilities.
Been the school nurse. I put them on the little cot and when mom got there (sometime from work, sometimes from what appeared to be tennis lessons) they went home. An hour to two hours wasn’t uncommon. If your school allows your MD to “prescribe” tylenol or motrin to be given as needed, perhaps get that set up, so at least they won’t have to be uncomfortable sitting on the cot waiting for mom.
And now, as an ER nurse, I can’t leave. Patient abandonment and penalties that are so stiff by my employer, that unless there is a threat to life or limb, it’s all dad. And dad works an hour away on a good day.
If I could have a parent concierge, my life would be so much easier. Daycare doesn’t work for people who work 12h shifts and I’m not sure who is able to get to softball practice at 5pm when both parents work. This summer, one “camp” starts at 9A and ends at 1P. I’d pay a small fortune to not have to have my husband using vacation time to help on the days I’m not available. Though one thought, if you are serious, is that you would need to see what happens to your car insurance if you are carrying people for $. I’ve read about the Lyft/Uber insurance issues and wonder if that would apply in this sort of business?
I just went on a rant at work just last week because my daughter had band practice at 5pm. HOW??? WHY??
For two years Oldest had soccer practice at 5 or 5:30 pm across town for 10 out of 12 months. He would have been totally unable to play for the team he tried out for and was so proud to make if we hadn’t been lucky enough to be able to carpool with two other families who had SAHMs. We always did pick up and they always did drop off. It pissed me off for two solid years that kids sports start at that time of day at a location that must be driven to.
Don’t even get me started on “full day” camps that are 9-3. To make this helpful rather than just a rant, I note that we won’t even look at camps that don’t offer before and aftercare because they are not doable for our two working parent family. It narrows the field of camps, but there are quite a few out there that offer the option. It can be done!
Maybe you could pay Rob but work out a deal with him so that half of the money goes into a “college spending money” fund for things like dorm room pizza. Or that it pays for his car insurance = ).
Also, with the way the economics of these things work, it can actually be perfectly practical to have a part time job during the summer even if 100% of your earnings go towards paying towards childcare, if that means that you’re also earning money during the school year and laying the groundwork for a later point in your life when your childcare needs will be less of a thing. Since eldercare is something you think you might want to do, but aren’t sure, having the chance to give it a trial run now (and maybe move on to plan B if you hate it) seems worth it even if the monetary impact isn’t immediate.
Your second idea sounds awesome! Our small town could use people like that. But my suggestion is try the job out and give it a few weeks to work out the kinks. My husband’s family (six boys) use to pay (a minimal amount and use of a car) for one of the older brothers to provide transportation to the younger boys. My feeling is that your kids are getting older and should be able to handle this with practice and patience. And the school nurse thing…I remember spending time in the nurse’s office because my Mom (who didn’t work) couldn’t always come and get me right away.
The preschool receptionist and I were joking that we NEED a business exactly like what you described. Double extra bonus points for baking cookies too. But seriously- try the job. All things new are terrifying. If it works, great. If not, quit. No harm done except the blind panic of trying.
However this turns out, I am so proud of you!
Congratulations on your new job! I can imagine the panic, I’d feel it too. Am I crazy to suggest that option B would be amazing? I can think of so many parents who would love a service like that.
Please move to Los Angeles, start your business and become the wealthiest person in all the land.
So, I’ve worked full time my kids’ (now almost 4th graders) whole lives, and it just basically works out.
I can address the specific school nurse panic, because I’ve always worried about this. Usually my husband or I CAN go relatively soon after the phone call. But one time I was in a meeting that I couldn’t leave and I couldn’t get my husband. So, I told the nurse I’d be there as soon as I could, and it took me more than an hour to get there. And they all lived. My son now has a really good relationship with that nurse and remembers fondly their chats the day he was there feeling ill. And when I get nervous about these things, I also remember my parents’ generation, when there were no cell phones. So if someone was at work, the grocery store, yoga, the doctor, whatever, the kid would have to stay at the nurse’s office until the parent got back home/to their desk to get the message. And that makes me feel better about it.
Love the business idea and was going to link to TaskRabbit but I see that it has been done. I know there are parents in my neighborhood who ferry kids from A to B for $5/trip. That must add up pretty quick and I’m sure it would be much more for an ortho appointment or something.
But I also think you should take the job.
There are so many great comments here already. I just wanted to weigh in on the practical side of your option 2.
1) Car seats. Kids are in car seats until they are 8 these days (at least that is my understanding), so your service would have to be strictly older kids.
2) Strangers. I would not feel comfortable allowing my son to get in the car with a stranger, no matter how long he’d have to wait for me. So it would probably be parents you know.
I don’t know how the driving situation with Rob currently works, but I was the oldest of 5 kids when I got my license (and one was a newborn!) and my parents essentially gave me a car and paid for it’s expenses with the understanding that I’d be using it to help shuttle my siblings around and run errands. So if you haven’t already worked out a different arrangement, I’d just let him know that his having use of the car is now contingent on helping with the new logistics (and not offer to pay him any actual cash money. You’d just be covering gas and stuff, but that’s probably already built into the budget since you’d already be doing that!).
I would hire you in a hot minute for picking up the kids when I can’t get there. Would you also be available for attending all those boring school functions that I don’t want to go to (Fun Day, etc.)? I’d pay triple. Maybe quadruple.
Congratulations on the job! That’s exciting! I’m curious, though, how often do you get a call from the school nurse? I have only two kids, granted, but I’ve only received a call from the school nurse once in the last three years my kids have been in school. If you tell them you’ll be there when you get there, the school nurse will stay in the first aid room with your child, I would presume. (She does at our school.) And you wouldn’t be the only parent that might take an hour to arrive. (I work a 45 minute drive from school. I’m always at least an hour out if they call.) I have zero backup in town. The closest family is an 8-9 hour drive away; my closest friends work on the same campus as I do, so they’re just as far away as I am. The school just has to wait. :)
Oh, I I forgot to say that scheduling stuff is always a stressful issue with both of us working. Also, my kids don’t get to do extra-curricular stuff like soccer, etc. That would require us getting home by 4:00, which means leaving work at 3:00 and I can’t do that. So…we do our extra stuff (e.g. swimming lessons) on weekends which makes for some busy weekends. Weekdays, we leave at 7:30, home by 5:30-5:45, dinner, homework, showers, reading, bed. It’s hectic. I have been contemplating moving to part-time, or three-quarter time so that I have a few hours to schedule *stuff*. Repairs, doctors appt, etc.
At this point I would pay someone to attend the myriad awards ceremonies and just video my kid’s part. Tomorrow we have two kids at two different schools having their awards ceremonies at 9 a.m. And we both work at that time. So fun. I wouldn’t mind going in a bit late, but you know those suckers last two hours! Nope.
I never get calls from nurse at school but I will tell you I had the nightmare call last October when my kid fell in gym class and broke his arm in three places. Thankfully I was only five minutes away, but I would have quit any job and broken every traffic law to get to him. Of course, that is one in a million as far as nurse calls go, but I still relive the trauma every time I get a call from the school’s number.
Well, I work full-time as a nurse and my husband’s job is not flexible nor close. I do have family nearby, but they all work as well. When my kids get sick, we get there when we get there. Obviously I can’t always just drop everything and leave, I have patients depending on me. I wouldn’t stress out about that aspect; I’d hope the school would realize you’re doing the best you can and not intentionally abandoning your sick child.
I would TOTALLY hire you to do that stuff for me!
“On one hand, I have more time on my hands than I want or need. On the other hand, it’s all in HARD-TO-CONSOLIDATE PIECES.”
I have been puzzling over that myself for the past year. Drives me crazy. And you would make a fortune in our area with that second business idea.
Oh my god. I think I just swooned a little at that second idea. Please move to my neighborhood and open that business…
YOU HAVE A SCHOOL NURSE???
And god yes to the lots of time in hard-to-consolidate pieces. Hence my working through a two-year full-time college pace at the speed of molasses in January. January in NORTHERN CANADA.
Holy good God, YES, the last one. Start THAT job. My child is still in utero but I already want to hire you.
I think you can totally start that business if you want. But you don’t like talking on the phone which would probably be part of it…
And you can totally do the job. Of course you are anxious. Anyone would be and those of us who Tend That Way will be even more anxious. Breathe through it and just try it for a few weeks and see.
You can totally hire Rob. Make a deal, you will cover gas and insurance and throw in like ten bucks a day and he will get the littler kids where they need to go. Will is old enough to babysit Henry too, right? You would probably have to do a lot of advance prep work–like a big white board with a list of exactly where everyone needs to go when, and either directions printed or a smartphone or gps for Rob. But totally doable. Your kids will step up to the plate.
Keep us posted and congratulations!
That business idea is BRILLIANT. Holy guacamole.
A.MEN. AMEN!!!!!! Totally our issue too. I have a bit too much time on my hands, but husband leaves town half of every week but on no schedule whatsoever…just could be anytime….and no relatives live here and how the hell could I work a REAL job? We had eleven snow days this winter. Kids get sick, etc. How would I work that if I had a job? I would need an ON CALL nanny 100% of the time. And I could only afford to pay the nanny when I was using her, but she would have to be available all the time. And then, what about summers? And school vacations? And none of our relatives live anywhere near us, so when would I be able to go visit them? On my ten days off a year? No. Those would be used for sick kids and snow days. GRRRRRR. So I have no job. I also suspect that I would still be doing all the same amount of housework and grunt work with the kids and also working and I would feel psycho and stressed. And yet. yet….I kinda want to DO something. I read a quote this week that said “Leap and the net will appear.” So….just leap! It will work out! Everyone else seems to do it!! (let me know how it goes!)