I continue to be interested in:
• books about caring for aging parents
• movies about romance after 40
Well, and I suppose movies about caring for aging parents, and books about romance after 40. Okay:
• books and movies about caring for aging parents
• books and movies about romance after 40
(image from Amazon.com)
Bettyville: A Memoir, by George Hodgman. This is written by a man who comes to stay with his 90-year-old mother when she needs more care. He’s not sure how long he’s staying: maybe she, er, won’t need care for long, if you follow me. Or maybe she’ll suddenly need more care than he can give. It’s clear that living on her own isn’t one of the options anymore, but what is the next best thing? It’s hard to make plans when everything is so uncertain.
Staying with his mom in his childhood hometown brings up a lot of stuff for him. He grew up gay at a time when that was enough, for example, to get your own family to tell you preemptively not to come to their funerals. He and his mom have never discussed it; his dad died without ever talking about it. His mother blames herself for parenting him wrong and causing it; he blames himself for sparing his parents painful (to them) information about himself and his life, at the expense of being closer to them. It’s hard to read; it made me feel like, I don’t know. Baking cookies.
I felt like this book was 1/2 caring for aging parents, 1/3 growing up gay in small-town Missouri, and 1/6 “we don’t have enough pages yet: write more.” I enjoyed it and kept wanting to get back to it.
(image from Amazon.com)
I re-watched Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which was on my “romance between people over 40” list. I’d seen it once before, but barely remembered anything except how funny Amy Adams was in it.
Frances McDormand was about 50 in the movie, and the love interest Ciarán Hinds was about 5 years older. Their romance is not a large part of the movie, but it is a pleasing part. I liked the movie and will probably watch it a third time at some point.
I loved Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. I found it charming and pleasant.
I heard an interview with the author of Bettyville on Fresh Air from NPR-very interesting. It made me wonder how the book was.
On the caring-for-elderly-parents front, I recommend “The Summer of the Great-Grandmother,” which is a memoir by Madeleine L’Engle about the summer when her mother lived with her and the extended family. It is, not surprisingly, ridiculously sad, so fair warning.
Unrelated, her memoir “Two-Part Invention” about her 40-year marriage is my favorite book of all time (and I don’t use that lightly). If you read it and love it, yay! If you read it and hate it, please let us never speak of this again.
I love that book, but I haven’t read it since I myself have been married for 20 years. I think it’s time for a re-read.
Do you listen to podcasts at all? I second the Fresh Air interview – I loved it. It might be nice after reading the book to hear an update. Although, the update is basically that he’s still there, still living with and caring for her. Maybe the rest of the interview would be redundant for someone who’s already read the book.
Anyway, I just looked in my podcast feed and Fresh Air keeps a month’s worth of shows available, so you only have a few more days if you want to download it. It aired March 11. (Or, at least, the podcast of the airing was published March 11.)
(I think you can listen to shows older than a month on their website – I just prefer things I can download and listen to while on the go.)
I really liked the book “When I Married My Mother” by Jo Maeder. It deals with her caring for her aging mother.
If you haven’t already, another book about caring for aging parents to check out is Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? by Roz Chast. I haven’t remembered to look for it at the library yet, but I heard an interesting interview with the author on Fresh Air and it was nominated for a National Book Award.
I was just going to recommend this book! She also has a great interview with Alec Baldwin on his Here’s the Thing podcast where she talks about it.
Yes, that was one of the first, I think, of the ones I read on this theme. I wrote about it here. I loved how FRANK she was about everything, but man, that one scared me.
I think these books are tangentially related to your stated interests in that the main characters are older and the stories are uplifting (life doesn’t end after age 30), but regardless, I highly recommend them: Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand by Helen Simonson and The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window And Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. Major Pettigrew can be seen as how NOT to care for aging parents, but it’s told from the POV of Major Pettigrew, who is aging. His wife has died, he seems to have nothing to live for, he is frustrated by the small world-view of his son and his neighbors. But then! Then, he chooses love, even though that love is not “approved” by his circle of friends and family. It’s really great. The 100-Year-Old-Man is absurd and endearing and fast-paced and just so much fun. And, I see that it is also a Swedish movie, so there is the opportunity for watching a foreign film (that isn’t an art film) when you’re done reading.
Just heard on NPR that PBS has a special running tonight and Mother’s Day on this topic of caring for Aging Parents, FYI. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringformomanddad/
Not a book/movie but the blog “Captain Awkward” ran a really good column yesterday about caring for aging parents. It was Letter #701. I found Jennifer’s (the eponymous Captain’s) response to be kind and insightful. Also I am a secondary English teacher but could not for the life of me decide on the correct apostrophe-esses+parentheses arrangement in the previous sentence; it’s finals season, and I give up!
Yes, I loved that post!
Oh I’m glad!
I swear, that woman (Capt Awkward)… I’m not clear how she has been me and simultaneously been everyone I’ve ever encountered ever in my life, but she does it, over and over…
Have you seen Truly, Madly, Deeply? I saw it some time ago so it’s possible (probable?) that the main characters are actually quite young, however they do at least come across as grown-ups, with adult issues.
I haven’t seen it, but I love Alan Rickman so maybe I should try it!
Oh, it’s a great film! Tissues, though.
Alan Rickman is in that?!? I recommend Snow Cake times a million for Alan Rickman fans.
I am still stubbornly in denial about the need to learn about aging parents, but the movie sounds delightful :)
Have you read Being Mortal? It is so good!!
Yes, I really liked it! My parents liked it, too.
I enjoy an over the top shoot ’em up type movie once and a while with my husband (not depictions of serious violence which make me ill and keep me up at night, hard to explain). We just watched RED and RED 2 recently, which were fun and stress free. A romance between Bruce Willis (60) and Mary Louise Parker (50) is featured. Plus, Helen Mirren plays a fantastically deadly retired MI6 agent. Good stuff.
Yes, I LOVED Red! I’ve seen it twice! I haven’t seen Red 2 yet, but want to!