I don’t know how to say how I’m feeling about Rob having his driver’s license. Actually, I do know how to say it: That I am certain he will die in a car crash. Yes. That puts it nicely.
But look at all of us! Almost all of us drive cars. And yet almost none of us sitting here right now have died in car crashes. It gives me some hope.
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A couple appointments ago, the nurse-practitioner at my OB/GYN mentioned the word “perimenopause” and recommended a book by Christiane Northrup called The Wisdom of Menopause. I wrote a post on my initial impressions, and I think I stopped reading the book right after writing that post: I couldn’t get through it at all. I know a lot of people love it and find it essential, and so if you’re at this stage of life I think you ought to give it a try to see if you like it too. But I think I can sum it up by saying it was not my style at all, and that what I remember every time I think of the book is her asking if it’s any coincidence that the word menopause includes a PAUSE from MEN, and me thinking, “…Yes. Yes, that is in fact a coincidence.” I also remember feeling as if she were spinning out and trying to take me with her. No, I am not going to leave my husband in order to give birth to my creative self. But thank you for offering.
Oh, I know how I can sum it up: it felt as if The Wisdom of Menopause were written by and for the Baby Boomer generation. It wasn’t a world view I identified with, but I could see how other people would find it a perfect fit. But I’d prefer more of a Gen-X version: less talk about feeling shackled/fulfilled/empowered, more snark. Perhaps Janeane Garofalo could be persuaded to write it.
All of this is to say that I found a book I like better:
(screen shot from Amazon.com)
The Madwoman in the Volvo, by Sandra Tsing Loh.
There were only two parts I didn’t like: (1) the part where the author talked about how much she loved and recommended the very book I just mentioned was not at all my style (this is similar to when a blogger you love raves about a blogger you can’t stand), and (2) the part where she talks about her weight using numbers. I know we all have our own everything, but reading how appalled and shocked someone is by a number I haven’t seen since high school is…a barrier to communication/empathy. I did get past it and identify somewhat ANYWAY.
I don’t want to oversell the book: I think one reason I liked it so much is that I picked it off the library shelf on a whim, and with the assumption I wouldn’t like it. If I tell you I laughed often enough to annoy other members of my household, the increase in expectations could lead to a decrease in enjoyment. For another thing, it’s not in the same category as the Christiane Northrup one. The Wisdom of Menopause is trying to include EVERYTHING: its apparent goal is to be a complete reference book for all the signs and symptoms and reasons and metaphorical interpretations and so forth. Whereas The Madwoman in the Volvo is like reading a blog or a series of essays about menopause: it’s for laughing and relating and feeling normal.
I’m going to buy a copy of it and send it to someone. U.S. mailing addresses only. You can leave a comment without being automatically entered; if you do want to enter, just say something enter-y with your comment. The winner can choose a new paperback or a used hardcover (if you pick used, I’ll choose one that claims to be in good condition). I’ll pick a winner on March 31st.
Update! Winner is Maggie, who thought she might be too late to enter but wasn’t! Maggie, I’ll email you!
I remember when I first got my driver’s license, every time I got home from driving somewhere I sat in the car for a few seconds surprised and relieved I had gotten home in one piece. And I was a good, cautious, and confident driver. But I do think the most important thing is to make Rob keep driving (and to let him drive alone). I think it’s the only way you become confident behind the wheel.
Ooh, I hate when people do that with weight. Sometimes I’m thinking, “But! That’s my GOAL WEIGHT!”
Yes! The worst is when women are like (whispers) “I gained SOOOO much weight when I was pregnant! I was almost 200 pounds” when I am, in fact, quite familiar with weight numbers that start with a 2 and I am very much not pregnant.
I also hate when what I consider to be “thin” people talk about how fat they are! I would love to receive a paperback copy of the book!
Thank you!
I like that the title of the book goes so nicely with the first part of your post, because I was certain YOU were the madwoman, that the Volvo was your family car, and that Rob being the driver was the cause of the madness.
I thought the exact same thing as Kelli. I’d love a paperback of the book!
AH, the early driving years are so hard for parents. I feel for you.
I only use Christiane’s book as a reference book and a good part of it isn’t for me. I couldn’t fathom reading it once I saw the physical size of it.
So, have you mentioned anywhere how Rob’s driver’s license has affected your car insurance rates? I’m VERY NERVOUS to find out that bit of information. And are there any increased costs with him driving that you weren’t expecting?
Yay, book giveaway!
Our car insurance is going to go up about $700 per year. This is less than I was expecting, because that’s the exact number I remember my dad saying THEIR car insurance increased when my then-teenaged brother was added to their policy, and that was more than twenty years ago. I was picturing that by now the increase would be in the $1200/year range.
So far the only unexpected costs were driver’s ed (I knew it would cost money, but I guess I was picturing something in the $150 range; it was $580) and the cost of gas for all those hours of parent-accompanied driving (it’s like driving all the way across the United States).
$700. *cringes* Thank you for telling me. *weeps softly into a tissue*
On the up side, this is one more reason that none of my children will be driving any time soon, so I can put THAT stress off for a while longer!
My family had a rule that you couldn’t get your license until you (the child) could pay for the increase in insurance. I babysat my tail off to get to the amount of money. I’m likely to do something similar with my kids when the time comes.
Or I’ll turn them into indentured servants around the house/yard and make them earn it that way. My yard will finally stop being an embarrassment.
That’s a great idea and what we have been telling our children too, but we had no idea what the amount would be. Now that I have a ball park figure for the insurance increase amount, I’m pretty certain I don’t have to worry about my kids driving any time soon =D. Ian worked hard shoveling driveways all winter and earned about $300; I don’t think my kids are quite ready to turn over their hard-earned money just so they can drive, whew!
Wow – $700 for the year is actually not bad at all. I’ve been looking around, and mine is around $150 a month more! I tried the online insurance companies as well, and it’s not any better, and that amount is similar to what friends around here are saying. I’m guessing it’s because we’re in a big city, but after hearing your amount, I think I’ll keep checking around.
I’ll bet you’re right: we’re in a small town, and I’ve heard small towns have cheaper auto insurance. He also got a good-student discount (B average or higher). I was hoping his driver’s ed certificate would be another discount (the teacher said some insurance companies give a discount for that), but no. We have Progressive.
Though it still feels a little unreal that I can be having perimenopause discussions and be referring to myself, I guess I better get over myself and read up!
I have a sister in the U.S. (an OLDER sister – so she’s going to need this sooner and me!). I hope I win it for her!
Congrats to Rob!
I think I definitely need to read this book. At my last doctor’s appointment she asked how I was doing and I just . . . burst into tears.
And I completely relate to your teenaged driver fears; mine has her license testing appointment next month and I cannot think about it. Really, your two topics today go well together–it just seems like a bad idea for women to have teenagers with all their drama and new parenting terrors AT THE SAME TIME as perimenopause. That’s some bad planning, right there.
My good friend is struggling with peri menopause and I would love to win a copy for her. I am not particular on hardcover or paperback. Thanks Swistle.
I just got blood drawn this morning for what I thought might be one thing, but am now thinking might be hormonal something else. I think I may need to read this book whether I win it or not. But I am hereby entering to win it, so, …
I remember when my son first got his driver’s license, and he turned left in front of oncoming traffic with me sitting in the passenger seat, on Mother’s Day. Told him I was certain he was trying to turn ALL my hairs gray, which was not necessary, thank you very much! Thankfully, he is a much better driver now. Also, am just starting perimenopause or menopause or something like that… Yuck.
Yes! I would love that book since I happen to be going to the GYN this very afternoon to discuss all the drama going on with my body.
I would LOVE to enter. Yes … heading into that season of life right now. I shall immediately black out the weight comment with a sharpie, so as to avoid this same situation.
Please enter me for the book drawing! I like your distinction between the Boomer approach and GenX. I love Sandra’s radio work. I look forward to reading.
Would love to win the used paperback copy….I had quite a bout of depression about mid menopause, the worst thing I’ve put up with in my 66 years! Totally worse than losing my mom, dad and only sibling to cancer! Laughter is definitely the best medicine!
Congrats to Rob! As someone who is edging ever closer to the NEXT STAGE OF LIFE, as my mother calls it (i.e. 46 in a couple of months) I would love to know what to expect without having to ask her about it, as she tends towards the touchy feely let’s connect as sisters aspects of the conversation that I would just as soon avoid thankyouverymuch. So, I would love a copy of the book!
I would love to win the copy of the book, especially since I think that I might be headed in that direction sooner than later. In fact, I was planning on Googling “symptoms of perimenapause” today!
Also, I remember on the morning of my 16th birthday, all my friends who had spent the night at my slumber party piled into my car to just drive around. I was going to change lanes, and I almost side swiped a car in my blind spot. THAT calmed my little joyride right down! I am tempting fate, but in spite of that harrowing beginning, I have never been pulled over. *Knocking on everything wood in my office.*
Oh, perimenopause, how I hate you. It’s like adolescence all over again – weird, heavy periods and terrible cramps, mood swings, and as an added bonus, being old enough to have teenager to worry about who are graduating high school to give us more to cry about! Good times!
This sounds like a book I might like, so I would like to enter, please! :)
I hope short-term memory loss is a symptom of menopause, because otherwise, I”m thinking ‘Still Alice’ might apply to me (forgot yet ANOTHER thing on my kitchen table this morning and that is becoming wayyy to frequent). Or maybe I’m just a ditz.
I’d love the book. When I got my 10-year IUD 5 years ago, the GYN said “this will pretty much take you to menopause!” I was 40 at the time. Eep.
I would love to receive a copy, especially if she can give me some advice on dealing with hot flashes!
Try being the parent of one who seemingly has no desire whatsoever to drive. I could write a book on that.
OK, I’m in denial about my stage of life. Maybe this will help.
I’ve been looking for something to make me laugh. This would be great.
I remember you mentioning the other book and thinking that one wasn’t for me. This one though sounds more up my alley.
I think our insurance doubled when mine was added. I’d need to ask my husband, but I don’t think it’s dropped yet to a better rate and he’s TWENTY. *sigh*
I’m headed that way myself so I’ll emter the draw, please and thanks.
I would love to enter. I’m not there yet, but I’m the type that likes to read up on what’s coming.
I’d love a paperback copy. I will read anything and everything, but this sounds like it might actually be entertaining and useful!
I loved loved love Sandra Tsing Loh’s book “Depth Takes a Holiday”. But lately her articles in the New Yorker about leaving her husband didn’t sit well with me (not b/c of leaving her husband but because of the self-absorbedness at all.) So I’m not putting in a bid for the book. I’m just commenting to say that about 10 years ago (when I was around 40) my mother got me the Christiane book as a Christmas present. I hated it, but I was predisposed not to like it based on the way it came into my life. I have almost forgiven my mother.
Sandra Tsing Loh is local to my area, and gave a reading at my local library a few years ago. She’s done a bit for years on our public radio station, and I always thought she was so funny, so I went, though I did not get her book (I don’t even remember which book it was). The audience was probably 75 percent seniors, and everything was going great up until she read from the chapter where she falls in love with somebody else and leaves her husband. I was surprised, since I hadn’t read the book, but honestly didn’t care – it’s as valid a topic to write about as anything else, I guess. But there was a very noticeable shift in the tone of the laughter from really appreciative to sort of nervous or nonexistent. And all I could think was “Dude. Know your audience.” I’m bummed to hear she’s still writing so much about that particular event, because it did seem a bit self-serving even three years ago.
All that to say, I’ll opt out of the give away, since I’m pretty sure they will have this at the library. Plus I need to read her book on the SoCal public school system first. :)
I would love to have a copy, whatever is cheaper. I already put it on reserve at the library in fact. :) But I could donate it to them after I’ve finished with it, assuming of course that I wouldn’t want to keep it for later reference purposes.
I’d like a copy! Cheaper is better. I will probably be going through an Angelina Jolie-type early menopause in the next year or two, so I’d like to hear more :)
Would love to win. I usually like her stories on the radio. Smack in the middle of ALL THE HORMONES, especially the ones that keep me up ALL NIGHT LONG.
New teenage driver in my house too and a second one with his permit. SCARY
Oh thank you, you have summed up my feelings about people who are MERE BABIES driving cars. As I said to my elder daughter when she got her licence just recently, I am never going to relax ever again!
I thought I had another year and a bit before I had to worry about Angus being on the road. Then he tried out for a 16U baseball team and made it, and they travel all over the province by bus. Now I’m terrified he’s going to be in a bus crash. Basically I hate it when my kids are in any vehicle not being driven by me.
And YES – less Women Who Run With the Wolves, more Women who Frown like Grumpy Cat. Let’s petition Janeane Garofolo to get writing.
I’m a long-time reader and I work for the publisher of that book, so I was happy to see that you liked it overall!
I would like to enter :-)
I’d love to win this book in either format.
I read “I don’t know how to say how I’m feeling about Rob having his driver’s license. Actually, I do know how to say it: That I am certain he will die in a car crash. Yes. That puts it nicely.” aloud to my fourteen year-old so he would know how I will feel. And he laughed.
Oh thank you for reminding me that I had that book on my list! I need to read it…
I would love to check out this book in either format! I’m having a hysterectomy next week, though my ovaries are staying put, so no menopause yet. Suffering through my last period ever right now.
I am 43 and in denial, apparently, that I can be even peri-menopausal. And yet I rage and scream and get fat and lose hair and….I need this book.
Oh no! I’m probably too late, but if not, I’d love to enter. I’m 45 and perimenopause is something I could use more humor about…
I started reading a book on menopause because my mum (who was going through it at the time) couldn’t bring herself to do it; it was called ‘You’re Still Hot To Me: The Joys of Menopause’ by Jean Kittson, who’s an Australian comedian. I really enjoyed what I read (although I gave up early, mostly because I didn’t have the time to read for someone else), and you might too if you’re not already an expert on the topic! http://www.panmacmillan.com.au/display_title.asp?ISBN=9781742612065&Author=Kittson,%20Jean
I’m not sure if the link will work outside of Australia, but I found out about the book through this podcast, which I found rather entertaining: http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2014/05/07/3999555.htm
I read The Madwoman in the Volvo at your recommendation and I thought it was great! You did a very good job managing my expectations. I liked that she condensed the other book into just enough information for me to feel like I did not need to read it. Because I picked it up at the library I also borrowed the book next to it on a whim: When You Lie About Your Age the Terrorists Win. It has great quotes about how funny it is on the cover (or maybe the back) which made me worry it would not live up to the hype but it was really good. Not so much about menopause but just about the fact that getting older has some benefits. And funny.
Ooo, that one sounds good too!