We’ve always sent Paul’s sister Beth a Christmas gift, but now that Paul and Beth’s parents have both died, I feel more of a responsibility about it; she’s not married, she doesn’t have children, she lives far away from all family. I aim for a “Christmas in a box” feel, planning as if our box will be the only Christmas she gets (which is probably not the case, but it gives me the mindset I’m looking for). We used to spend on her about what we spent on my brother; now we spend approximately what we spend on my brother AND his family. Well…*does math*…brother + wife + one kid, something like that.
I remember when I was a child, I liked when the day after Christmas I had something new to wear, something to eat, something to read, and something to do. (If those rhymed I think I’d be suggesting an alternative for that something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read poem, which, like the something old/new/borrowed/blue poem, seems to me to have too much overlap.) So I look for that kind of assortment. I’d like to be able to do a better job than “things I know about her from Facebook,” but that’s what I’m working with. (Paul claims he doesn’t know her any better than that: he left home at 17 and never lived there again, and she was only 13 then; they’re not close, or even really in touch at all.) I know she likes cats and tattoos and coffee. I know she exercises a lot and is a vegetarian. Everything is still pretty much a shot in the dark: just because she likes something doesn’t mean she wants related products; if she DOES want related products, she might already have them. But again, we have to work with what we’ve got, so here’s what I did this year:
(image from Amazon.com)
Pen & Ink: Tattoos & the Stories Behind Them. I first discovered this at our library; it put me back in the mood to think seriously about a tattoo. I thought it was really good: a fun general interest book for almost anyone, but specifically nice for someone interested in tattoos, which she is. Each page is a drawing of someone’s tattoo with their story of why they chose it.
(image from Amazon.com)
Cat earrings. This is going to be one of those “Well, actually it was Wednesday at 2:00, not Tuesday at 1:00” explanations, where you will be clenching your teeth and wondering why on EARTH it MATTERS, but I keep nervously picturing her finding this post and thinking I got it wrong, so I will give the whole story. The earrings I WANTED to get her are the ones pictured above. She is single but interested in dating, and she likes cats, and she likes silver, so I thought they had a pleasing overall look. But I waited too long and they went out of stock, so I got her these instead: also silver, also cats, but no romance (unless those two cats are checking each other out across your face). But now the ones I DID get her are OUT of stock, and the ones I WANTED to get her are back IN stock, so I’m using THOSE for the post: they’re the ones I WOULD have suggested if I’d written the post during the decision-making process, instead of getting overwhelmed and writing about it in January.
The salt-tasting book, the same one I bought for the Yankee Swap. I kind of bought this for everyone this year: Beth, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law.
(image from Amazon.com)
See’s Reindeer Box. I did not buy this from Amazon; I bought this from See’s. But, oddly, See’s doesn’t have it on their site (that’s not the odd part) but Amazon does (that’s the odd part). This is a great candy box because it has a nice assortment (chocolate Santas, chocolate balls, candy-cane sticks, lollipops) and the box itself is surprisingly large (notice from the photo above that the picture on the box far exceeds the size of the candy-holding portion of the box). Plus, the reindeer is cute and festive and seems like the sort of thing my grandparents would have given me, and I’m going for a family vibe.
(image from Amazon.com)
Anna’s Ginger Thins. I didn’t buy these from Amazon for $11.50 but instead from the cookie section of my grocery store for I think $2-4. These seem festive to me. My grandparents used to get a Dutch version shaped like Santas, and so did Paul’s grandparents. Our grocery store has the Dutch ones (shaped like windmills instead of Santas), but they’re the store-brand and so visually they don’t hold up to the Anna’s: they look like Cheap Grocery Store Cookies instead of Gift Cookies. It’s a difficult decision. Maybe I should look harder next year for the Dutch Santas. Or maybe I can take the store-brand windmill cookies out of their package and put them in a pretty bag with a ribbon.
(image from Amazon.com)
Fancy Christmas teas. I found these at HomeGoods for $6.99. Festive and fancy: each teabag is in a little pyramid-shaped box. For some reason.
(image from Amazon.com)
Cat oven mitt and pot holder. These don’t look quite like the ones I found at HomeGoods, but they’re close.
(image from Amazon.com)
Starbucks cocoa. Again, bought not on Amazon for a silly price; the HomeGoods price of $6.99 seemed plenty high enough.
Other things we considered:
(image from Amazon.com)
Cat-a-day calendar. Some people are calendar people and some people are not, and also I didn’t want to overdo the cat thing.
(image from Amazon.com)
Pusheen book. I wish I’d gotten it for her LAST year; THIS year I was thinking she probably already has it.
(image from Amazon.com)
Charley Harper Cattitude note cards. Some people use stationery and some don’t, and I suspect she doesn’t; also, not wanting to overdo the cat thing.
I must have missed that Paul’s dad passed. This is really sweet of you to do. I want to read that book and eat the chocolates!
This may be my all-time favorite Swistle post title.
Food to eat, something to do, a book to read, clothes that are new?
It is very sweet of you to try to “make” Christmas for a sister that Paul’s not even really in touch with! Clearly you are a better person than I – my sister and I aren’t close and don’t exchange gifts, and I have a feeling that when our parents are out of the picture it’s not entirely unlikely we’ll pretty much lose contact with each other.
I like the poem!
I think we could spin it as sweet orrrrrrr we could spin it as “buys gifts instead of doing something such as, say, issuing an invitation to come and stay.”
That is an excellent point and a strategy I’ll have to remember…
Many people wouldn’t do either! I agree that it’s incredibly thoughtful and gracious.
These are my exact interests! Cats and tattoos!
I might also recommend those metallic flash tattoo things that are hot right now. I have real tattoos, but have been wanting to try them- they’re like jewelery style temporary tattoos.
I’d forgotten: Etsy is full of really neat temporary tattoos these days! Super fun and good for kids or teenagers (or middle-aged moms *ahem*) who don’t want to – or shouldn’t – commit to the real thing.
Oh, and my vegetarian mom loved the Oh She Glows vegan cookbook this Christmas. If you get something like that from a big chain and she’s already got it, she can always exchange it for something else if you include a gift receipt.
Swistle, you are a very thoughtful person. Not that I just came to that conclusion, but this is another example.
I agree with what Shawna said – I think your thoughtfulness is remarkable! I would think a gift box like that would make me think, “I should really get to know my sister-in-law better, she is SO NICE!” :)
When I was 28, I got married and moved to London. When I was 32, I decided I’d had enough of an abusive marriage and left him (long story, etc.). He went back to our country but I stayed in London. By that time I’d made loads of friends there and I always had somewhere to go spend Christmas, but it never really felt Christmassy because it was always a bunch of people staying in London and not going home -you know? Even though I was never unhappy or felt lonely during those Christmases, I never really had MY Christmas food or a tree or presents or family. I didn’t really mind it at the time, my life was great and I was single and rocking London, but if I had ever received a box like that I would have LOVED it and it would have made me feel loved and taken care of. The fact that you do this every year, and take the time and energy to think about what she would like and how to make it feel like family makes me feel SO happy. I feel as if you did it for me :P I’m so grateful that people like you exist in the world!
It’s not your responsibility to make her happy or to give her a family or have her stay with you -assuming she’s able to sustain herself and there aren’t other complicated issues- so get rid of the unnecessary guilt and feel good about being you. Woo and hoo.
Also, we want to hear about gift ideas for Swistle. What would you get for yourself if you weren’t you?
This is a fabulous comment, and I agree with it 100% Especially the call for Swistle-gifts! (Partly because I’m curious, and partly because I like your taste, and would want to steal ideas from your list for me.)
I thought the title referred to Swistle herself, actually.
But yes, things you would ilke to receive! sometimes those are very thoughtful gifts.
I think it’s all perfectly lovely! I like picturing her pleasingly opening that gift, surrounded by cats and perhaps next to a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It’s a very kind & generous thing to do, for sure. Well done.
Saving this post as SOs sister also loves cats and I never have any idea what to get her! In the spirit of sharing cat esque gifts though, this is what I ended up deciding on: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/tabletop/housecat-party-coaster-set
I don’t have any cats and not tattoos but this just seems like the nicest grouping of gifts. It makes me wish for the days when I will have my shit in a pile and be a good gift giver again. This is so great and thoughtful!
If she *has* cats, these gifts were a hit this year – catnip ‘pawbreakers’ – balls of compressed catnip: http://www.edibleanimaltreats.com/category_s/38.htm. (We got them for my stepsister and her mother, but my dad’s cats went nuts for some gifts that were stored in the same big box.)
I think it’s great that you put so much work into this each year, and I hope that you get satisfaction from it – dealing with estranged in-laws is tricky, to say the least.
I am just commenting to say that your title for this post cracked me UP!
I love all of your gift posts. I hope you continue doing them for every member of your family! I would also like to know what YOU got for Christmas!
Swis: YOU are the best sister in law in all the land. That’s it no contest you are the clear winner. I’m curious if she responds to these gifts and if she sends things for you or Paul or the kids.
She doesn’t typically respond to the gifts, but she does send gifts for us.
I learned this from my in-laws, but special soaps are great for when you have to give something to someone but have very little to go on. Ask me how I know ;-) . Now, they know me better and I don’t quite get the haul of soaps I used to and I get a little sad. I miss being able to bathe only in goatsmilk soap and triple milled French soap. The year I made everyone sugar scrubs, you’d’ve though the heavens had opened they were so pleased with it.