I have so many things to say.
FIRST, on the post about what to do with leftover cards, velocibadgergirl commented that she and a friend SWAPPED their leftovers, so then they both had new cards to send! Isn’t that a great idea??
SECOND, I am feeling my annual Mood Swings Before Christmas. Yesterday morning I was so high I wondered if I should perhaps be concerned. I think it was happiness after spending time with some of my favorite people this past weekend, combined with exhilaration over a couple of gift decisions and the ordering of them, combined with satisfaction about being on schedule but ALSO the slight stress of having more to do. Anyway, I felt GREAT.
And then yesterday evening, the inevitable crash. I was working on Christmas cards, and I just…deflated. I felt like the house was falling apart while I tried to keep up with rituals that suddenly seemed pointless; I felt in advance the post-Christmas blues where suddenly nothing is special anymore AND there’s a backlog of chores. I felt like as usual I was doing EVERYTHING and Paul was doing NOTHING, AND as if that were my own fault for (1) not asking him to and (2) not really actually wanting him to, because I am happier if I feel low-level resentment, and this made me feel like I am a hard person to live with and it’s so frustrating to be halfway through life but to have made so little progress on Personal Growth. I felt responsible for the impossible task of making the children’s Christmas a happy one. I felt like no one ever listens to me and I have to constantly tell people to do even the most basic things such as taking their OWN clothes out of the bathroom after a shower, or picking up something if they knock it to the floor. I felt like I couldn’t sit at my dining room table and work on cards ON BEHALF OF THE WHOLE FAMILY without that same whole family bothering/interrupting me every 5 seconds. I felt like I was failing at doing Christmas activities with them, AND failing to keep up with the baby name blog, AND failing to do all the gift idea posts I’d intended to do on this blog. (If you click the “gift ideas” category, which I now can’t find in the margin, SIGH ANOTHER FAILURE, you can at least get PREVIOUS years’ ideas, but not sorted or anything, you’ll just have to slog through pages of them.) Also I still haven’t chosen a salt winner OR updated on the red mixer and AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.
Well. It was not good. But I think this happens every year, because I feel like I recognize these complaints and exhilarations. Going to sleep helped a little bit last night, and this morning I have eggnog in my coffee. (The trick is to use quite a bit—like, 1/5th of the mug should be eggnog. And heat it up a little in the microwave first, so that it doesn’t cool the coffee too much.)
Yup. Pre-post-Christmas blues. Tree up and house decorated this weekend, cards procured and addressed, wheeee! And then after work last night I realized that I STILL have to actually mail the cards and the house is a MESS and company arrives Friday and my house already feels cramped because we had to move furniture to fit the tree and I have grocery shopping to do and my husband’s big gift won’t allow me to buy it (stupid maddening online issue ARRRGH). And I have an out of town friend visiting on the Saturday after Christmas and I am already fretting about what a mess the house will be then, after a week of guests. SIGH.
And yet I feel the immense pressure to ENJOY EVERY MOMENT because this is THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YEAR.
BAH.
I was full of Christmas cheer for two straight weeks after Thanksgiving weekend but I think I may have run out, or at least I cannot locate it at the moment. I have been putting off going to the post office to mail packages because I just can’t face it and our cards came and I really like them but the signing and addressing seems overwhelming and I am remembering now how when I was childless I used to include personalized handwritten notes in each one, which seems laughable now.
This. Exactly. Every word of it.
I’ve purchased the eggnog for my coffee but I’ve been resisting opening it until closer to Christmas so I don’t end up going through 2 or 3 of them because I don’t need the calories. I might have to rethink my strategy…. It’s probably for the best of everyone if I open it this morning so I don’t lose my shit on anyone, right?
I’ve gone through the cycle of holiday blues twice already this year, and then I paired it with “my kids are going to be disappointed on Christmas because they aren’t getting 3DSs” and “anxiety attack about money ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh where’s my Xanax”. So today. Today, right this second is fine and I’m going to hold onto that.
Oh you are the best! I am really freaking out, I too thought I had everything in control, five or six things to do every night this week but I could DO it, I thought and then … everyone started to get sick. And I don’t think I got any gifts for my three year old! Ahhhhhh! Anyway, happy holidays, ho ho ho boo hoo hoo.
I inevitably feel this too, though not typically until January. Last week I was just stressed about the enormous amount of stuff to do and I couldn’t even make a list, I was just so torn. I did try the egg nog thing though as well and it is fantastic.
I am just not feeling the holidays this year. I did enjoy Thanksgiving, but then the winter doldrums set in, and I am having trouble shaking them. I am hoping a peppermint candle and some time wrapping gifts today will help a bit, but really I am just ready for January to arrive. I wasn’t a huge fan of 2014.
Swistle, you are my spirit animal. I too am happiest when feeling a low level of resentment and I too feel like that makes me a very difficult person to live with.
” I am happier if I feel low-level resentment, and this made me feel like I am a hard person to live with ”
THIS! All the time this!
Me too! And it makes me feel BETTER that others feel this way. I usually feel sucktastic that I carry around this low level of resentment and am a difficult person to live with and that it makes me a bad person OVERALL but, I’m fairly certain that ALL Y’ALL cannot be overall bad people and that gives me hope for myself. Does that make any sense?
Makes perfect sense!
What is with the eggnog in coffee thing? I’d never heard of it before, then this year I’ve seen it mentioned online at least a dozen times. Did I manage to miss it in years past? Or is this the Great Eggnog Coffee Year and all of the internet has discovered it simultaneously?
I know, right? I just tried half and half + cinnamon + nutmeg + coffee as a sub, and it was great! Thanks for the inspiration Swistle! Of course we can make nog coffees at home!
We are almost finished with a small kitchen renovation (our son removed a wall and we replaced our awful flooring) that grew into several DIY projects. I can’t stand the clutter anymore but the dark cold winter has sucked the energy out of me to the point that I mostly sit around and fret about it. The tree, even though there are lights on it, seems to be a big dark light-suck blocking the “daylight” from coming through the window behind it.
It seems like this year I start something and it gets derailed. Put the tree up, then we get sick and can’t get it decorated. Send JibJab holiday cards and for some reason a few aren’t getting delivered. Replace crappy towel bar in bathroom, new one doesn’t quite fit so the wall requires repairs. Buy all the gifts, then discover I need to get one for an unexpected guest and the one perfect gift for her has a delivery date of the 24th.
BLAH.
” I am happier if I feel low-level resentment, and this made me feel like I am a hard person to live with ”
I absolutely love it! And it’s true of me too. And? I KNOW I’m a hard person to live with.
As to my state of mind… Sunday I kept crying. Off and on ALL DAY LONG. And I woke up over an hour late this morning in the midst of a very vivid dream that ended with me having a nervous breakdown (for real). That may give you a bit of insight into what it’s like to be/live with me lately.
Hoping the eggnog resets your emotions.
People this is what I call “imaginary pressure” you’re putting pressure on yourself that is unnecessary. Give yourselves a break. Everyone does these things to themselves including me but I try to control it.
I finally bought some gifts yesterday. I’m way behind.
Make it ALL eggnog!
I put maybe 1/2 cup eggnog in my mug, micro it then add two shots of espresso. Yum.
Please never stop blogging swistle. I so relate to this post and it made me feel so much better to get that “me too” feeling while reading it!
Why oh why do all the Christmas tasks seem to fall on me? If it was up to my husband there would be no gifts, no decorating, no cards, no baking… Sigh.
This. I guarantee my husband will be surprised by about 90% of our kids’ gifts and the only things he will have wrapped will be a couple of things for me. He had the balls to tell me last night that he had created a wishlist for the kids on Amazon. You know, so that I could shop for their presents. Uh, thanks, but I am done shopping. And also no they aren’t getting any of that stuff.
I finally pulled the stuff I bought out for the kids to determine if it was “even” or not this morning while the youngest was at preschool. There is always one kid who looks like there is a lot less for no matter what you spend! Yesterday I made a card with pictures from my phone. I haven’t sent cards the last two Christmases and well, you reap what you sow. I don’t want people to give up on us! I told my husband I made a card and he acted all relieved which is kind of funny considering how the breakdown of Christmas prep goes down. Sunday was all stressful as we hashed out who’s staying with us, etc. I feel better now that there is a plan but, like the cards, this is just a brief lull before I get to panic about addressing cards, cleaning, minutia. I’m also irritated by the selection of wrapping paper at Target. Why so much foil and craft paper choices v. just regular paper and so many with similar colorways- lots of black and turquoise?
I only wanted to italicize “always” I guess I can scratch coding off my list of potential careers after youngest goes to Kindergarten!
Ha! I can fix it!
Thank you :)
One (totally unattainable year-to-year) way to combat this is to do what we (unintentionally) did and plan a trip for January! We had a huge Thanksgiving at our house and my husband and I are looking forward to surprising the kids with a Disney trip next month. It took me a few weeks post Thanksgiving-rush to get in the Christmas spirit but now even though I’m there my husband rightly point out that it just seems like something to get through to get to the real fun in January. We’ll tell the kids about the trip on Christmas but for now that’s the one thing keeping this season festive for me: planning and being excited to tell them. Otherwise I’m kind of over the spending-of-money and vacuuming-pine-needles and running-of-errands aspect of all of it.
This is my first sighting of the eggnog in coffee, going to brew a fresh cup right now. I had this day on Sunday, it was miserable. Thanks for saying all of it out loud Swistle, it helps. I heart Swistle!
Oh, I hear you. I hope you are feeling a bit more steady today. It doesn’t feel like Christmas at all, yet. Just gloomy.
We just moved, we are 90% STILL IN BOXES, and the Christmas stuff is SOMEWHERE. I don’t even know if I will have a functioning kitchen by Christmas, let alone a decorated tree. I swing from anxiety – “We only have so many Christmases left! Each one must be meaningful!” to – “Eh. It is just another day. It will be fine.”
Gah.
You know, I get this overwhelming feeling of “everything and everyone sucks” about once a month. It’s PMS disguised at a general loathing of everyone and everything. In December, I find that it’s Christmas themed. Perhaps that is what is happening with you as well?
Ha ha! Christmas-themed PMS!
Hoo, boy, I know this feeling. Every year I have a list of fun things to do with and for my family, and every year, a few things get dropped and/or I feel frantic about not being “together.” Enough gets done every year.
I usually work ahead and think I can miraculously do more than I can. This year I thought I’d actually get cards out. Well, maybe, maybe not. At least we got the tree up just as my daughter was getting sick, so now when I grumpily look at the chocolate, heavy cream, eggs, and flour bought especially for baking (which I am behind on now that I am sick), at least I can enjoy the pretty lights while I’m feeling miserable. Then my husband gets down on the floor with the little girl to wrap presents with music on the stereo, and it’s all good.
Sigh…..I can so relate to you all. Sorry so many of you are feeling Christmas anxiety, but glad to know I’m not alone ;)
For me, I’m tired of trying to create “moments” that seem to fall short of idealized expectations. I’m fed-up with selfish family members whose bad attitudes make other selfish family members with over-the-top “boundaries” unable to be in the same room with them (this means our Christmas dinner consists of a weird, imbalanced, paltry mish-mash of guests). I’m sick to my stomach about how much money I spent, even though this was the year I was going to stick to my budget. I get sad when I hear Perry Como singing Christmas classics because it reminds me of my childhood Christmases which will never be again, and I get angry/annoyed when i hear some pop tart shrieking “modern” Crhistmas songs because they’re awful; I end up baking my cookies while blasting Foreigner and The Eagles, which I love, but then, it feels even less like Christmas….. And don’t even get me started about all the Purell I keep buying in an effort to keep my kids healthy just long enough…
Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! And hi, Shannon ;)