We had a plumber here this morning to install our new toilet, which I hope will end The Decade of Plunging the Toilet Every Time Someone Uses a Little Too Much Toilet Paper or Just Doesn’t Crumple It Right, and I tried out a new coping mechanism that worked BEAUTIFULLY. I know I am not the only one of us who feels all skittery and weird having a worker in the house (I was going to say “workman,” then stopped to adjust it to workperson, which didn’t seem right, and worker isn’t quite right either but is better, and then I realized ALL the workers in our house have ALWAYS been men, which made me think again of the idea of an all-woman construction/repair/plumping/electrician company because that would be SO EXCELLENT and probably illegal) (but I still would feel skittery and weird about having a worker in the house). I am going to go ahead and start a new sentence here, instead of finishing that one.
In fact, let’s have a whole new paragraph. *brushing off clinging strands of sentence* Many of us, perhaps MOST of us, feel weird when a worker is in the house. This coping idea won’t work for when we have someone in the house ALL DAY or whatever, but for the times when someone will be there for an hour or two, this is the idea I tried today: BAKE. Or COOK would work, too. The idea is, I was in the kitchen, so I was:
1. industrious in appearance, rather than appearing to loll around while someone else did work
2. industrious in actual fact, to keep my nervous SOMEONE IS IN MY HOUSE energy occupied and to get stuff done that needed to be done
3. easy to find, without someone having to call through the house if they’re looking for me, and without me having to wonder every time they walked down the hall if they might be looking for me
Really, it was perfect. I made ginger snaps, which I wanted to make to have on hand for our impending guests anyway, and it made the whole house smell great. Then as the plumber was leaving, I said, “Take a couple of cookies with you, if you’d like!,” which made me feel like a easygoing, natural, friendly person who didn’t at ALL mind having a stranger in the house. And he DID take a couple of cookies, which made me feel happy too. Then I had a couple of cookies myself, which made me feel even happier.
The one downside is that it made me feel like SUCH a…I don’t know. Housewife, I guess. I don’t like the word (I’d always use “homemaker”), so I use it deliberately here because it fits very well how I FELT: woman at home in the middle of the day, baking cookies. There’s NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. And for all he knows, I’m a cut-throat corporate-takeover specialist, and I am just home today for his visit, and I am making cookies because it is rare for me to have time to do such a thing! Perhaps I am planning to use them to manipulate shareholders!
But what if they are there to fix my OVEN?!!!
OH NO. We need more plans!
I feel like you should be a life coach or something. Just two weeks ago, I had a worker in the house two different days working on our furnace and both days I sat on the couch and read my book. Which is not entirely a bad thing but it prevented me from working on things I needed to work on and it was because I didn’t want them to have to search through the house for me and also because I didn’t want them to feel as though they were interrupting me (my project was painting, and I couldn’t bring myself to start it with workers scheduled to be in the house). But also because you have no idea how long something might take. It could take 20 minutes or it could take 2 hours. But! Baking cookies, prepping dinner, etc. can be done in about 20 minutes and then if they are there longer, one could clean up. Genius, Swistle! Also I love your last line “Perhaps I am planning to use them to manipulate shareholders!”
So over the past 3 months, I’ve had someone help clean my house biweekly. Greatest money ever spent! But anyhow, this is my great dilemma…what do I do while she’s cleaning? I have a 2 year old and baby, which somewhat limits my productivity…but the lady that cleans has more kids than me! I feel guilty just sitting around and playing with kiddos while she’s cleaning my toilets…so far, I have just been using this time as time to run errands. I just feel crazy awkward not doing something productive while she’s around. Even nursing baby while reading blogs feels incredibly wrong…like I should be baking while nursing or something. What does everyone else do while cleaning is going on? Or should I just use my awkwardness to mean that I really should be cleaning my own house? Pllleeease no!!!
I always feel like I should not be home while other people clean my house too! About to be on maternity leave though, not sure how that’s going to go. Or how much of a raise our cleaning person will want when she’s picking up baby detritus all over the house.
I totally buy those cookies being used to influence shareholders, Swistle. I’m sure the worker did too once he tasted them! And they ARE being used to influence the shareholders (readers) of your blog with your hilarity. So there.
This is an issue for me, too, whenever I consider hiring housecleaning. I think that, like you, I would get out of the house. Then they could imagine me doing Wildly Busy and Productive Things.
I ALWAYS have to leave the house when our cleaning lady comes. Chris is fine staying home playing computer games (literally just lifts his feet when they vacuum around him) but I feel way too awkward sitting around while someone else cleans. I either run errands or literally will just go to Starbucks with a book and sit there until they’re done.
I have been in this situation. Someone hired a cleaning lady for me as a gift for a few months following the birth of my son. I ended up staying busy while she was busy. I did things she didn’t do such as dishes and laundry and I would often leave for part of the time to do some grocery shopping. Of course I was super busy with the baby too, so it worked out.
Haha, LOVE the last paragraph! ;) But also that is a great suggestion, because I am always terribly awkward and not sure what to do when people are here to work on the house (especially with little kids running around!) But I could get them involved in baking and that would keep them from being underfoot. You’re always so brilliant ;)
Just wondering : Why would it be illegal to have “an all-woman construction/repair/plumping/electrician company” when so many of these companies are men-only ?
That said, I am going to bake a few ginger snaps…
I’m not sure it would be, but I was thinking it would probably be illegal to hire employees that were only men or only women (or, more specifically, to refuse to hire men, or refuse to hire women). I’m assuming that the companies that are all-men are that way because it’s a male-dominated field (or that they’re not all-men companies, but that we’ve only been sent male workers), and not because they have a policy against hiring women. But I know there are certain areas where someone’s sex CAN legally be a hiring condition (for example, I think you can require someone to be specifically male or female to work at a strip club, or to be a resident dorm supervisor, or to be a locker room attendant), and maybe this would fall into that category.
There’s a car service in NYC that’s trying this right now and they are running into legal issues. I think having women working in my home or picking me up at the airport at 2am sounds great, even though I get that it’s discriminatory.
I hate having workers in, especially since I am nursing the baby all over the place. But I would love to have some new paint before thanksgiving.
Also, you are hilarious and I love you. Xo!
Absolutely perfect! (*makes Italianesque kissing-the-fingertips gesture*)
And as an aside, back when I used to clean houses, I actually DID NOT CARE what the owners of the house did while I was in their space, cleaning, so long as they didn’t a) follow me around nervously, telling me how to do it better/differently/their way or b) proposition me and my coworker (oh, hell yes he did, and that is just reason number one thousand and fifty three why I am so glad I am no longer cleaning houses.) But when we were cleaning, we were cleaning: busy. I always assumed the lady of the house (or occasionally the man, wince, see above) was busy doing her own thing.
Note that remembering this never makes me feel less awkward when I have someone in my house.
Cookies as a strategy to manipulate shareholders! I love it.
I work from home and my office is in a loft that overlooks the living room/kitchen area, so I usually stay by my computer if there’s a worker here. But I like the kitchen idea better… it makes me seem more available if they have a question. I’m always worried that they’re trying to be quiet or don’t want to interrupt me because I’m “working”. (Usually if they’re here I’m just pretending to work because all I can think about is the fact that there’s someone in my house!)
YES. This is me.
Yes! This is me too. I’m never sure if they need me to watch them or how comfortable THEY are hunting for me for something. It’s so distracting, forget working while it’s happening.
“Perhaps I am planning to use them to manipulate shareholders!” Maybe your best quote ever, Swistle. Of course that would imply that I am with you all day and know all of the other clever things you say. How about Best Quote I have ever read from you, Swistle! and you should definitely get Good Citizen Points (https://www.swistle.com/2014/01/14/good-citizen-points/) for making cookies for the workers. Brilliant as usual!
lol. no but really. this is so delightful I actually laughed out loud when I finished reading it.
I just had to come over to say that last line is gold. I might need to bake some cookies.
When we had our kitchen/ bathroom/ fireplace/ front entry redone, I thought I would die with having men in the house all the time. I tried to act natural but really, it was terrible. Plus they swore and yelled at each other all the livelong day and it was super stressful. I broke out in a facefull of stress pimples. Sometimes they were still there at dinner time, which was terrible and awkward, eating this dinner with the guys swearing at each other in the next room. But I have done the baking thing when there have been small things going on in the house and it works out beautifully. I always offer coffee too, which is almost never accepted because working guys usually bring their own coffee to a job, but just the offering is always appreciated.
This post is, of course, brilliant. I usually have a kitchen to clean up anyway when workers are here, so that’s where I end up. But when we did a bathroom remodel 2 yrs ago, I felt like either I got nothing done all day or I got a LOT done because I continually felt the need to appear busy. And then when they left I would collapse in a heap in front of the computer or on the couch. I have cleaning help every week, and with 3 kids there is usually plenty to do anyway, but I do feel guilty if I sit down for a minute when she’s here.
We had extensive plumbing problems while I was enormously pregnant with my twins, at the point where the only not painful position for my body was on the couch, and then the only thing to do once I was there was watch tv. The plumber came about a jillion times in those two weeks, and every time, I was on the couch watching tv (AND CREATING TWO ENTIRE PEOPLE WITH MY BODY) and I felt like the laziest housewife ever. It was so embarrassing.
Man I hate this too. I usually type things furiously on my lap top, in hopes that they will think I’m a high powered executive who is just casually home while they fix something. Man, the life of a high powered executive must be pretty amazing considering how much we are all aspiring to it.
There are some women’s only companies!
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/small-business/sb-money/cash-flow/a-female-plumber-makes-it-in-a-mans-world/article18654878/#dashboard/follows/
“Ms. Buchanan wants to hire another female plumber to take advantage of the busy spring and summer renovation season, but says finding one who is qualified and experienced is “difficult, if not impossible.” She is not against hiring a man, but is concerned how that would affect the branding the company has built up, particularly on social media. “
This makes me think of a gutter-cleaning company in my old town, where the customers thought they’d be getting an all-women company but in fact they got three cheerful burly firemen who were periodically supervised by the female owner. The customers’ confusion is a little more understandable when you realize the company is called Ch!cks on a Ladd3r.
Oops. When we have workers here, I follow them around nervously. Because I cannot seem to prevent not only my own child, but also the neighbourhood children from “helping” the plumber/electrician/super. The children follow the worker around with their little plastic tools. My only consolation is that these workers work full time for this building management company. The workers now recognize some of the older children. (last time my own child went and played Lego at the neighbours’ while their child took the opportunity to come and help me supervise. Said child even mopped my floor).
My problem is I always have little ones with me when the workers are here. In the last month, we’ve had two different deliverymen put together furniture in our home, which was a spectacle my children desperately wanted to see. But then the older one started making quiet comments about the *appearance* of the worker, so we had to rush away to hide in the bedroom. And the baby, no matter how recently she’s nursed, inevitably starts putting her hand down my shirt when strangers are in the house. I will try baking next time we have someone in for a while, though, because I really do hate sitting around watching TV or playing with toddler toys while my pipes are being flushed or whatever.
You are brilliant. I usually try to do course work on the computer (very ostentatiously putting out my textbook and flipping the pages loudly) but I can’t really concentrate on it, so it’s mostly fake, which feels lame beyond belief. Your way would result in actual cookies. I did stuff down my neuroses enough to have a cleaner here even though she could only come when I would be here with the kids, and it was less awkward than I thought it would be – she would even watch the kids for twenty minutes sometimes if I had to run out, and Eve would talk to her in Spanish (thank-you Dora the Explorer). And everything is so CLEAN afterwards.
I like to be in the kitchen too, although I don’t think I’ve tried actual baking. Doing dishes, crafts with the kids, sweeping… something that makes me feel busy and gives me something to do. I’ll have to try baking next time!