We got the bill for Paul’s hospital stay, and it’s kind of pleasing to see the whole deductible taken care of in one shot like that, especially because the insurance year started in May. Perhaps I am just a little irritable with Paul right now, but I would have expected him to get sick right BEFORE the deductible reset.
Another very pleasing thing is that our hospital (and maybe all hospitals do this, I don’t know) gives a 10% discount if you pay in full within 10 days. That’s a pretty hefty discount, and has me filling out the payment information within about 30 seconds of opening the envelope. I am apparently more rewards-based than penalty-based—though I also find penalties/fees extremely motivating. In fact, I guess I see this just as much as a penalty for paying late.
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It looks as if I have failed to mention that Rob recently started the cello, after more than six months of dithering around (mine). He first mentioned it around Christmas, and I was like, “Mm hm, well we’ll see,” which is my preferred technique for weeding out the fleeting interests of children. But he persisted, and was watching videos on YouTube of people playing cello, and was saying “When can we talk again about cello?,” and so finally I started turning a few gears—but slowly, not only for weeding purposes but also because there turned out to be a lot of hassle involved: no cello teachers in our area, apparently, and no place renting cellos.
But finally I got my brother involved (he is musical and I am not, and he is the children’s advocate and sponsor when it comes to instruments), and one day last month the children and I spent half a day bringing home the cello. It is the most dramatic instrument I have ever been responsible for. The guy at the instrument place was giving us instructions like a nurse in the maternity ward. At one point I said, “I feel like I’m bringing home a newborn. Ha ha,” and he said, “Well…” with a RISING sort of trailing-off and tip of the head, informing me that I was not far off, and that newborns were, after all, less particular about humidity levels.
It was also difficult to acquire a cello teacher. We finally found one, a student herself, and I don’t know why she’s willing to drive an hour’s round trip for a half-hour lesson, and in fact have had to talk myself through the “We can’t make decisions for other people” talk a number of times. To me, it seems like a very bad deal she’s getting. But perhaps she wants the experience, or perhaps she is financially in the “Every dollar is significant” category, or perhaps she has some other reason I don’t know about, or perhaps in time she will think “This is crazy” and quit—but she is the ONLY cello teacher we could find, so I am not going to tell her she shouldn’t work for us.
And here is the thing: after all these months of discussing a cello, pleading for a cello, asking can we talk again about what the chances are that we can get a cello—Rob is not practicing. The cello teacher told us he should mess around with the cello before his first lesson, just to get the feel for it, and he did that, but only once. He had his first lesson, and in the week before his second lesson he practiced only once. He had his second lesson, and in the week before his third lesson he has not practiced at all. Compare this to piano, where as soon as we got the keyboard he started voluntarily playing on it every single day for more than the suggested practicing time, and has persisted in that for well over a year, including very satisfying behaviors such as playing vigorously to blow off steam after he feels we’ve been very stupid and unreasonable.
I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I subscribe to the idea that if I have to do a lot of nagging, this is not an interest worth pursuing/funding. On the other hand, a certain measured amount of nagging can be considered “coaching” or “training,” and kids are not great at making themselves do things, and maybe nagging is required to make sure he gives it a fair shot, and this was an awful lot of hassle so he should at least try a LITTLE harder to make that effort worth it, and so on. It is hard to know what’s best, but I don’t enjoy nagging, and I don’t enjoy being responsible for making someone else responsible, and honestly I don’t know why I thought parenting would be to my tastes, then, but here we are.
I do feel like this is a win-win situation. If Rob does turn out to enjoy the cello (maybe he just hates the early parts where he’s not good at something yet, or maybe it’s the hassle of taking it out of its case as opposed to just being able to sit down and start playing), then I will be happy we went to the trouble, and I will be pleased that he has this interesting interest, and it will be fun for me to see him being musical when I am not. Also, I like the sound of the cello, so I will be pleased about that too.
And if he doesn’t turn out to enjoy it, I will be relieved to take that thing back to the shop and not have to worry about it anymore. It’s a rental: if we keep paying rent on it for three years, we will own it. But, I asked the guy at the store, what if it’s not a good fit after all? “Then you bring it back to us, and we stop charging the credit card,” said the guy. “No fees or penalties?,” I asked anxiously. “Nope,” he said. “As long as you were careful about humidity.”
Also I would be relieved not to have a cello teacher coming to our house.
My Most Favorite Swistle line EVER:
—> It is hard to know what’s best, but I don’t enjoy nagging, and I don’t enjoy being responsible for making someone else responsible, and honestly I don’t know why I thought parenting would be to my tastes, then, but here we are.
We have had the same results with…hmmm…piano, soccer, drama, football, cheerleading, etc. (not same child). I figure it’s them trying out different things and deciding it’s not to their liking.
MINE TOO. I truly laughed out loud.
Yes, best Swistle line ever! I laughed loudly when I read that.
Yeah, pretty much this.
Man what is your cello teacher thinking?
I wonder of Rob is self conscious about practicing when he is still at the ‘not good’ stage.
Also I’m terrible at making myself do things and I’m not a kid. I actually wish someone would nag me.
this is an excellent point! I took voice in HS and was very committed to improving and working hard, but I was extreeemely self-conscious and refused, the entire time I was taking lessons, to ever practice when anyone was in the house. Once I really needed to practice and everyone was home so I went in the garage.
Being somewhat musical myself (piano and clarinet) and having had two children go through orchestra, band and piano, I think the stringed instruments are the hardest to enjoy at the beginning. I think it is easier to get musical sounds out of the piano and wind instruments so those are initially more gratifying. However, my favorite transformation by far was my daughter’s passage from beginning to accomplished violist. I, too, love the cello and hope you get to enjoy some lovely cello music!
I found there is a fine balance to nagging. There’s no easy answer. I think you have to do some because kids need it every now and then. I still do as an adult, and don’t get me started on my husband!
Also, potentially, it could just be painful to try and hold down the strings until you build up some calluses. I’ve never tried cello, but I noticed this happening when I was messing around with a guitar.
My son plays violin in the high school orchestra. I just throw the occasional “do you still need to practice” at him, the same way I ask “is your homework done?” But his is for an actual grade and he’s old enough now that I figure ultimately it’s his responsibility to practice as much as he needs to.
This is so perfect: “It is hard to know what’s best, but I don’t enjoy nagging, and I don’t enjoy being responsible for making someone else responsible, and honestly I don’t know why I thought parenting would be to my tastes, then, but here we are.”
I made flute practice part of summer chores for my 11yo. She’s not happy about it, but she does at least get 2-3 practice sessions (yes, they’re maybe 10minutes long, but still) before each lesson. I think it helps and we’re about ot BUY a new flute for the next year so she needs to be playing it. Just to be sure it’s what she wants and she’s not wasting her time. It works for me anyway, during the school year, i have no idea how i’ll nag her to practice.
I’ll be honest, I was a violinist for 10 years as a kid (and several more recently as an adult), and I found when I restarted playing that I was self-conscious about practicing when my boyfriend could hear me because I felt I wasn’t very good. Would it help to present Rob a time when he could be assured of some noise privacy?
I recently quit the Cello after playing it in my school Orchestra for three years and I loved it, but the thought of practicing it was worse than pulling teeth for me. Mostly because it’s a LARGE instrument that you have to tune every time you practice, and rosin your bow, and practice often if you want to be any good. I finally quit after I ended up with back problems because my teacher was a college student who was an extremely talented player, but not a very good teacher, and never corrected my posture. Moral of the story, don’t let Rob slouch!
If I were Rob (which I’m not), and I were privy to the whole “cello more difficult than a newborn” conversation I’d be pretty nervous to touch the stupid thing. Is he afraid of breaking/wrecking/subjecting it to the wrong humidity level?
I’m sure he’s seen this video, but I still enjoy it after multiple viewings. Musical humor with a side of cellist homage/geekery:
(FYI there is one instance where he mildly curses)
Erica is a cellist, and quite a good one, if I say so myself. We’ve been really lucky with her school’s music program, as they had an abundance of cellos and so we were able to use a school cello rather than renting or buying one. Thank goodness, because in the Seattle area, cellos start at 900 bucks for a crappy one, and go up from there. And I am not buying a flighty 14 year old ANYTHING that costs 900 dollars and doesn’t actually perform a life-saving function.
My guess is that Rob, with his strong dislike for being wrong, or even PERCEIVED to be wrong, is probably feeling self-conscious about not being good yet. In your shoes, I would be doing some gentle nagging, because he must build up his finger strength and toughen his finger tips if he’s ever going to advance. I would also worry a bit less about humidity…I think your rental place is being a bit nutty, there. The school cellos we’ve used have been in excellent sound and condition, despite the abuse of middle schoolers and the insistent, constant humidity of Seattle.
I hope he buckles down…the cello is an instrument that a conscientious kid can sound really good on fairly quickly–it’s one of those easy to learn, lifetime to master kind of instruments, and once a kid starts making a good sound, it’s a beautiful instrument. Good luck, Rob!
Apparently the issue is geography: evidently cellos LOVE humidity, so the problem is keeping the humidity high enough for them. Seattle would be a cello’s dream come true.
You should check out The Piano Guys and Steven Sharp Nelson on youtube! They have some gorgeous cello pieces that might help in the inspiration department. I love listening to both. My MIL has SSN’s Christmas CD and it is Amazing.
Also, my hospital gives a 35% discount for paying within 30 days, but you HAVE to call to do it, and that can be very difficult. But I haven’t missed the deadline yet because it is QUITE a bit of money sometimes.
When I was in grad school, I took some cello lessons myself. I got all the way up to mastering “Hot Cross Buns” before I decided I didn’t have time to practice and had to finish my degree instead. But I loved it and plan to take it up again one day.
When i was helping organize conferences for a volunteer organization we offered “early bird” registration at a “discount” and then after a certain date the “regular” rate applied. This pricing schedule replaced one where there was a regular registration period followed by a late-registration period with an extra fee. The cutoff dates and pricing were the same; only the wording changed. I am pretty sure the early-bird approach made everyone happier — the early birds felt like they got a good deal, and the later registrants were pleased to still get the “regular” rate. Ha. We (people) are funny creatures.
This is just perfect “I don’t enjoy nagging, and I don’t enjoy being responsible for making someone else responsible, and honestly I don’t know why I thought parenting would be to my tastes, then, but here we are.”
Anyway, I know this isn’t the same because we had to pay all the $ up front, but in a similar vein: last year Oldest made the “elite” soccer team, which cost a fair amount of $ and time on our part. He went to all the practices but never practiced outside of team practice (unlike most of the other players). He made the team again this year and once again we ponied up the cash. As a result of spending this money, Husband and I found ourselves regularly nagging Oldest to practice outside of group practice. Oldest consistently refused or fought about it or did it extremely begrudgingly, everyone became hostile, and the situation just filled me with anxiety/anger. Finally, I remembered what I tell my kids all the time, but evidently need a refresher on myself, I cannot change Oldest’s behavior (w/r/t sports, you’d better believe I will die on the hill of academics, but that’s another story), I can only change how I react to it. So I (and H) mentally gave soccer to Oldest. I told him he was old enough to be accountable for his soccer performance. Dad and I were not going to nag him about soccer any more. Of course we’d love to talk to him if he’s proud of something or having an issue, but aside from that, we are done taking mental responsibility for his soccer. If he remains good enough to keep making the team, great. If he doesn’t and gets cut, that’s disappointing, but entirely on him. He will have to find some other thing that requires him to exercise regularly because sitting around the house playing video games all day is a no go. He hasn’t practiced on his own, but I don’t spend any brain space on it anymore. If I start to worry about how disappointed he will be if he doesn’t make the team, I remind myself that it’s not my problem anymore, and stop thinking about it. So much better for my brain ;-)
My guess is that the music teacher really wants to build a student list. My sister teaches flute in a fairly remote area, and I know she is willing to drive similar amounts to that just to be able to find people to teach. She’s also probably willing to drive because she really doesn’t want to have the cello lessons at her home :)
I invented a narrative. For your cello teacher. She has an aging aunt that lives near you who needs to be checked in on. She’s killing two birds with one stone but feels that it’s personal information she doesn’t need to share with you. Her mom helps with gas money.
Oh, I DO like a good Coping Narrative!
I taught piano for a while, and I would travel quite far for lessons (even 30 min ones!) for a few reasons:
-I wasn’t an “official” teacher – eg I hadn’t gone to music school or anything, I just took lessons for 128752736253 years so had learned some stuff in that time – so I felt I was lucky to have any students at all who were willing to pay me actual cash money for my time
-I wanted to explore doing it more seriously, but needed experience / students to do so
-I really, really liked it and got a ton of fulfillment out of it so I didn’t mind the drive in the slightest
Incidentally, I *always* knew when a kid had or had not practiced, but it didn’t make teaching any less fun or rewarding. (I mean, it’s a TEENSY bit more rewarding when they practice only because THEY get better so much more quickly that way, and then it’s more fun for them, which is in turn more fun for you because they’re excited about their progress, but you know.)
I’ll third / fourth / wherever we are the not wanting to practice with an audience theory, I definitely preferred (and still prefer) to practice in an empty house where no one can hear/judge my imperfectness :)
I’ve played the cello since fourth grade (mumble, mumble, 30 years, mumble), I’m in community orchestras now. The reason why you like it is because it’s the instrument that most closely mimics the human voice. From 4th – 12th I played both piano and cello and I had to practice each every single day. I worked up to 45 minutes/day on each instrument but probably started at only 5-10. If I were you, and I will be next year when my 9-year old starts playing, I would make practicing every day, even it’s just for a few minutes, a condition of me paying for private lessons. But I do agree with an above commenter that it’s a loud instrument and might be embarrassing to play poorly (because everyone plays poorly in the beginning). Do you have a place where he could have a little privacy to practice? Try to carve out 5 minutes/day, if you could do it at the same time each day (maybe right before bed) it would become a habit quickly. And don’t worry, those calluses come quickly!
I find praticing so frustrating. I have to work so hard just to get marginally good. My husband on the other hand is musically gifted and can quickly teach himself new instruments. I can totally vouch for the just 5 min idea however that being said if it takes me 5 min just to get ready to play the stupid thing then I would hope one would pratice for more that 5 min.
totally mispelled practice in my almost ready to have this stupid baby phase. Sorry *
I wonder if he might respond better to pressure to practice that doesn’t come from mom? I took piano and violin for 12+ years and practiced best for teachers who called me on it when they could tell I hadn’t been practicing at home. Some even required me to keep a log of my practice sessions. Maybe the teacher could be encouraged to exert a little pressure in this area? If she is young, she might be reluctant to do so on her own – but perhaps if you gave her the go ahead.
Ha, oh man, I don’t know why I thought it would be to my tastes either.