I am feeling a bit STRESSY, though much less so now that:
1. This month’s I-hate-city-driving trip to Edward’s specialist is over, and
2. I’ve called to reschedule his next appointment, which I’d accidentally made for the same day as another appointment, and
3. I’ve gone to my doctor appointment follow-up that I didn’t even know why I was going and probably should not agreed to make the appointment because it was a huge waste of everyone’s healthcare dollars, and
4. I went to the grocery store even though I JUST WENT, and got all that put away, and
5. I cut up the raw chicken and put it in the crock-pot for tonight’s Crockpot Chicken Tacos.
All of those were much-dreaded and now over.
Next up to wring my hands over is a school trip Rob is going on. It involves airplanes and hotel rooms, and it does NOT involve parents. He is 15 years old and can absolutely handle this, but I have made a mental list of things to worry about that includes:
1. “What if he doesn’t understand about mini-bars?”
2. “What if he dramatically misspends the cash I give him and it puts the chaperon in a very awkward situation?”
3. “What if he drops his bag on someone’s head while trying to use the overhead compartment?”
4. “What if he oversleeps?”
5. “What if he’s a loud silly annoyance on the airplane?”
6. “What if he stays up too late talking with the other students?”
7. “What if he forgets something?” (both directions)
8. “What if it SAYS he only needs his student ID but then at the airport that turns out not to be the case?”
*pant pant*
Most of them seem to boil down to “What if I’m not there to do what I usually do OMG I REALLY WON’T BE THERE TO DO WHAT I USUALLY DO!!!” It is somewhat helpful to remember that the chaperons are accustomed to high school students and that there are systems in place for dealing with these trips. Also, if I think about how I’d be as a chaperon, I would not be freaking out (more than usual): I’d explain to the kids beforehand about taking off their shoes and not making jokes, and I’d make sure they had their tickets and their luggage, and I’d probably ask the hotel not to have mini-bars or movies available in the rooms. So everything is probably okay.
It is also somewhat helpful to remember that I went to a week-long camp in Colorado when I was 15, with a youth group I’d never met before, and if I picture myself at that age and my mother going berserk fretting about me remembering to fill my water bottle after security, I roll my eyes with all the mighty eye-rolling power of that age. BUT—that is also the trip on which I took TEN hardcover books in my suitcase, because I somehow lacked the logical thinking skills to figure out that I wouldn’t be able to read that many books in a week at HOME, so I CERTAINLY wouldn’t at CAMP. ALSO, I started DATING a BOY I met there. PLUS, I’d been on a lot of airplanes by age 15 (Rob hasn’t been on one since he was 10 months old), and airplane-travel was significantly more casual at the time. Here is a detail to demonstrate how casual it was: I used SOMEONE ELSE’S airplane ticket and it was no big deal.
It is somewhat helpful and somewhat not-helpful to think that this is what we’re going to be doing now: he’s going to be doing more and more on his own, and that’s what’s supposed to happen.
See, I would see those lists of worries as a good thing, as surely you can force him to sit down and go over those things and how to handle them in a twenty minute lunch before he leaves? And yes, he might be eye rolls about it, but he would know and then nothing could go wrong. Well, different things, but you have taken care of those worries. Good parenting via worry!
My own 15-year-old just went on her first parent-less airline flight, and although I was capital-letter STRESSED (there were tornadoes all along their route that day!) it all went very well. She was really worried about the liquids-in-carry-on-bag situation, but as it turned out since she was a minor they did not have her take off her shoes OR take out her liquids, so it wasn’t a big deal. And her student ID was perfectly acceptable.
And as the wife of a youth pastor who has chaperoned more student trips than I’d like to count, I can tell you that someone (maybe your son, maybe not) will definitely forget something, someone will spend all their money the first day, someone else will lose their wallet, someone will oversleep, multiple someones will be loud and obnoxious in the hotel or on the plane, and it’s no big deal. Those things happen on nearly every trip and the chaperones will know how to handle it. Do tell him about the mini-bar although most likely they’ll have cleared it out in advance–this is probably not the hotel’s first time to host students. :)
And here’s my favorite trick: divide his spending money and have him put half in his wallet and half in his suitcase, so he won’t be tempted to spend it all right away AND if he loses his wallet, he won’t lose all his money. He will probably argue with you and tell you it’s unnecessary, but pull rank and insist. THEN (this is the really tricky part) *hide* a twenty in his suitcase because he will probably decide that he knows more than you do and he’ll take the money you TOLD him to put in his suitcase and put it into his wallet. If he calls to tell you he’s run out of or lost his money, you can tell him to look in your hidden spot for another $20, AND you’ll get the satisfaction of telling him “I told you so.”
I LOVE this money idea. I’ve been thinking, “If something DID go wrong, how could I even GET money to him??” THAT is how!
I always had an emergency credit card. The rules were that I could only use it if it was an emergency (i.e. my mom didn’t give me enough cash) and I had to call my mom to get permission before I used it. It worked pretty well.
I forgot to mention that–I recently gave my daughter one of my credit cards to keep in her wallet “just in case,” and she has strict instructions to call before using it. She has used it a couple of times with no trouble at all (which is disturbing from a security standpoint, but I’m glad she has it if she needs it).
Erm. This brings back memories of one of my first un-parented trips-involving-hotel-rooms where I carefully stashed most (?) of my cash in my suitcase before leaving the hotel to go to dinner, only to return and find one of the hotel staff (?) had removed it. So perhaps some words of wisdom on where to hide and where not to hide cash. Or give $20 in an envelope with Rob’s name on it to the chaperone. Of course I’m sure Rob is staying in a far classier place than I was, but still, just to be on the safe side.
When I was about 15, I went on a multi-night overnight field trip with only the teacher chaperones.
I forgot to pack underwear.
But my friend forgot to bring any money, which was worse.
Because I could go buy underwear. (Although I had to confess to the male teacher leading the group why I really had to go to Walmart before we stopped for the night.) But she couldn’t exactly buy more money. So, several of us pooled money and got her through the trip. I think her mother reimbursed us later, but I don’t even remember that part.
I say all this to make the same point that LeighTX does. Stuff will go wrong. But it will be OK.
Fear not. I just sent my 17 y/o son to SPAIN for a week with a soccer group. I knew only one other boy on the trip and no one else. I am not a worrier. I was worried. He is home now and everything turned out fine. (also, he hadn’t been on a plane since he was 4) Oh, and he was injured during the game and needed stitches and he is still fine and they contacted me and now he has an awesome scar story!
I take college kids to France on a regular basis (they spend the whole semester, and I just spend about 3 weeks before another professor takes over.) It’s not that big an age difference, actually, between 15 and 18 or 19. And the only thing that has ever been a huge hassle has been losing a passport — but even that is replaceable. I do tend to give long lectures about drinking, because of safety concerns, but that won’t affect Rob on this trip. :)
I don’t have a teenager yet, but– honestly, I don’t think you need to stress about any of this stuff. At his age, he can and should be handling ALL of the stuff on your list independently, and this is a good opportunity to see how he can do things now that he’s getting closer to adulthood. My advice is to take a giant mental step back and think of everything related to the trip as being his responsibility, not yours. Tell him that’s what you’re doing, and let him use his own wings. If he asks for help or insight, give it, but leave it alone beyond that. Look at it as a way to demonstrate that you trust him to do things well enough on his own and also that you trust him to deal with the situation if he makes any mistakes. It could be a really good thing for both of you. (And this approach has the added benefit of taking some stress off of you.)
I think that there are cards you can get at some banks that are reloadable from home and you can monitor them, like a credit card, kind of like a debit card, but mostly like a gift card with a tracking device. I think if you order them far enough in advance they even have the child’s name on it, just so there’s no mixups with “that’s mine, no it isn’t, can’t prove it” Maybe something like this? http://www.tdbank.com/faqs/frequently-asked-questions-tdgocard.html
I work in a high school and regularly chaperone trips. I’ll echo all of the above (things will happen, but the kids and chaperones will figure it out and feel like great problem-solvers, or at least will learn a lesson for the next time in an environment that is independent but has a good safety net). I’ll also add that teenagers are like kindergarteners in so many ways, including that they can seem goofy and scattered and defiant at home, but they will generally listen to their teachers and adults who are strangers in authority (i.e. flight attendants) just fine. I love the hiding-the-cash idea.
I can’t help with how not to worry about Rob’s trip. I am a champion worrier – it’s too bad they don’t hand out trophies and ribbons. We went on a cruise last fall – my first time flying with connections, my first cruise… I was beyond worried & anxious and got a lot of grief from my son and husband. But were we prepared? Oh heck yes we were.
So, I think the stressing you’re doing now means he’ll be completely prepared when he leaves and even if there are issues, they’ll be easily handled.
BUT, I do have a suggestion for the raw chicken stress! I throw that crap in the crock pot whole, frozen even. Then later I use this Pampered Chef thing I have called a Mix & Chop (though I’m sure they have versions just at stores) to shred it all up directly in the crock pot. No horrific meat touching!
One piece of good news is that after Rob blazes this particular trail, it will get easier with each subsequent child doing similar things. I remember my mom fretting to the point of hysteria when my older brother would do big things for the first time; but then I started going to far-away, flight-requiring, multi-week summer ballet programs when I was 13 and she was totally fine with it (ok, mostly fine, or at least she ACTED fine about it).
ANYWAY. I agree with everyone else that the chaperones will have a strong grip on these kids and their needs/foibles, and they’ll be fine. Whatever goes wrong will be fixable. I love the hiding money idea, though I might hide at least some of it in his carry-on bag, in case of a lost luggage situation (assuming he’s going to check his main bag).
A good friend of mine is a high school teacher who has brought groups of high schoolers to NYC a number of times with no emergencies or issues to date. First of all, he schedules the trip to the hilt from dawn to dusk and wears those kids OUT so there is zero chance they’ll get into trouble – they’re too tired. Second, the kids have, rather amazingly, done fine even with all the crazy vastness of this city and the zillion people and using public transportation in a big group. Teens seem to have a little more sense when they’re in uncharted waters, and as someone above said, when someone other than their parents is in charge.
H had been on numerous church trips from the time he was 13 or so, and my only worry was that he wouldn’t remember to tip when they went out to eat. THEN, when he was 16, went to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip and I stayed awake the whole night fretting over WHAT COULD GO WRONG. INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT WHAT?
He was fine.
(Aside, for those people who say “They’ll eat when they’re hungry!” re: picky kids, the only full meal he ate during those 10 days was the day they stayed with a local family and he HAD to eat their arroz con pollo lest he insult them. He wouldn’t eat anything else during the trip other than rice and lost 15 pounds. :) He would drive Ellyn Satter to drink.)
Lurker here! Hi!
My 15 year old went to Europe for 12 days in March. I sobbed the night before he left, telling my hubs what a horrible mistake it was to let him go…OMG he’s just a Baby!
He went…never been on a plane, let alone a 14 hour plane ride. This happened a week after the Malaysian flight disappeared. Can you say frantic? I was!
This boy of mine is so absent-minded. I couldn’t imagine how he would survive without me there. He survived and had the trip of a lifetime. It was the longest two weeks of my life. He DID lose his debit card! Pretty much his only access to money. This was a week into the trip. We were able to transfer money into someone else account for him, but it was a very nervous 24 hours. Everything worked out and thankfully he didn’t lose the passport.
Moral to this story? I was worried and frantic and yet, he survived and had a once in a lifetime experience. Although he lost his debit card, everything worked out and although I worried like crazy, I also survived!
I can’t tell you not to worry, but I can tell you that everything will be fine!
Last summer, my son traveled for a week without us. Regarding the money – I put money in separate envelopes for each day so he wouldn’t spend it all at once. Also, I told him whatever he didn’t spend he could keep for himself. He came home with half of what we sent with him! LOL
I went on school trip to Europe in high school (I was a few years older than Rob, but there were other students on the trip who were around his age), and if Rob’s chaperons are anything like mine were you have nothing to worry about. If the chaperon is experienced he or she probably knows what problems are likely to arise and how to deal with them when they do. Here’s how the situations you were worried about were handled, at least for me:
“What if he doesn’t understand about mini-bars?” I may be remembering this wrong, but I don’t think most of the hotels we stayed in had mini-bars. If the trip is through a tour company the company has probably already spoken to the hotel about this, and the hotel is used to dealing with large groups of students. I do remember one occasion where we stayed in a hotel that had a mini-bar, and the chaperon made sure to (very sternly) tell all of us not to touch it. No one did.
“What if he dramatically misspends the cash I give him and it puts the chaperon in a very awkward situation?” Again, this wasn’t really an issue. I used my own money so I was especially careful with it but I don’t recall anyone else over-spending on the trip either. Could you send him with an emergency credit card? Or (depending on how much of his own money he has) you could send him with some of his own money in case he needs extra (he won’t want to spend that if he doesn’t have to!). If he doesn’t have much money of his own, send him with a little extra emergency money but tell him that if he ends up having to spend it he’ll have to do extra chores or something when he gets home.
“What if he drops his bag on someone’s head while trying to use the overhead compartment?” Not a big deal. I’m sure the chaperons will be happy to help with that kind of thing, and if it happens he’ll just have to apologize and move on.
“What if he oversleeps?” On the trip I went on the chaperons were very strict about being up and out the door by a certain time, and everyone more or less complied. Remember, the kids will be probably be excited about the day’s events so they’ll be more willing to get up early–it won’t be like getting up for school. If he does oversleep a chaperon will just have to wake him up, and chances are he won’t want that to happen again (awkward!) so he’ll be better about it in the future.
“What if he’s a loud silly annoyance on the airplane?” Again, I doubt this will happen. If it does, the chaperon will probably make him change seats or something. No big deal.
“What if he stays up too late talking with the other students?” On the trip I went on we were all TIRED by the end of the day from jet lag and all the activities, so no one really wanted to stay up all night and talk. If he does stay up too late he’ll just be tired the next day, probably too tired to stay up late the next night.
“What if he forgets something?” Have the packing list on hand while you’re packing, and send him with a copy of it (along with anything that’s not on the list written in) so he’ll know what to pack when he goes home. He might roll his eyes at the idea but it’s better than nothing. If he forgets anything on the way there he can either borrow from another student or use emergency money to buy a new one. If he forgets something on the way back you might have to replace it, which is a bummer, but not the worst thing that could happen. You’ll be at home so there won’t be the urgent sense of being in an unfamiliar location with very limited money. Try not to send him with anything too valuable as a precaution, though. Also, it’s very hard to forget something in a hotel room since you basically just pack up everything but the furniture, and I’m sure the chaperons will be constantly nagging the kids about making sure nothing’s been left behind.
“What if it SAYS he only needs his student ID but then at the airport that turns out not to be the case?” I’m not entirely sure about this one since I needed a passport for my trip, but if that’s what the chaperon said I’m sure that’s all he’ll need. If it gives you peace of mind could you email the chaperon to double check? If there’s time, could you get him a state ID? It certainly wouldn’t hurt to have that at the airport and it’s a good thing to have anyway.
I get your worries about the upcoming trip – I had the same. As all the other’s have said, the chaperons will have the experience to handle it. It’s not the same as YOU handling it, but it will be handled. It’s hard to let go, isn’t it?
I am impressed by the trust that everyone has in your boy. You have obviously portrayed him as a pretty responsible kid, because we all feel comfortable giving him lots of extra cash or credit/debit cards :)
If you’re any judge of character, he will (worst case) have only minor mishaps.
Good luck with the parenting angst.
Question: does he not have a bank account and a bank card? I know I did when I was 15. No need to carry too much cash to lose or have stolen that way.
Also, what about getting the chaperone’s email address so you can PayPal them some money on your son’s behalf in the event of a problem?
My daughter had been away on a few week long youth group trips and then I sent her to Germany for 3 weeks with her German class from school when she was 15. She had a great time and still talks about it 5 years later. She took out her wallet after she went through security at the first airport so she could by a soda and that is where her debit card stayed, so money at all for the trip. I was frantic about how I was going to wire her money to Germany but her German teacher covered all her expenses and I paid her back when they got back. Her teacher has done this tripevery year for 20 years and said at least one kid every time forgets money, or underwear, or entire suitcases get sent to Spain, or medicine gets lost, or someone had the wrong thing with them and security has a fit, and so on. I hope he has a great time and you don’t worry too much!