One of the things I love so much about blogging is being able to check in whenever I want to know how many other people feel the same way about something. I mean, we’re no pure scientific sample here, but if I say, “Hey…when you drive a couple of hours away to an unfamiliar place, you pretty much assume you’re going to die on that trip, right?,” I can get a feeling for what the GENERAL percentages are—whether it’s one other person saying “Thank god, I thought I was the only one who makes sure her kids have fresh clothes for attending my funeral!!” while the rest say “…What are you talking about?,” or whether it’s the other way around. Plus, if nothing else, we’ve learned that any question that begins “Am I the only one who…?” can be answered “No,” so we no longer need to start questions that way.
What I’m wondering about today is what percentages of us feel what ways about Girls (Amazon link Netflix link). I have been watching the second season. I started watching the first season even though it didn’t look like my kind of thing at all, because I kept hearing about the show and seeing Lena Dunham on everything, and I wanted to know what was going on. And I just hated it right away. Which makes it hard to explain why I watched all the rest of the first season and am halfway through the second season.
Every time I watch an episode, I feel completely alienated and disconnected: I don’t understand the way the characters are behaving. I don’t understand the way they talk to each other. I don’t understand their fights or the horrible things they say. I don’t understand their romantic relationships or their sex lives. And then I panic, because I think that maybe this is the new way things are (just as my grandparents didn’t understand why people went around talking about such personal things all the time), and Elizabeth will TOTALLY relate, and SHE WILL HERSELF BE LIKE THOSE GIRLS, and then I will not be able to relate to HER. It makes me feel terrible. And the only two people I like on the whole show are Shoshanna and Ray; I find the others cringingly repellent. Plus, I hate how HBO is all, “We CAN show people naked and/or having sex, so we WILL! Just, like, ALL THE TIME!” I don’t know why I keep watching it, I really don’t.
Sometimes I watch the behind-the-episodes parts, and those just make it even more confusing. Lena Dunham will say something like, “We’ve all dated an Adam,” and meanwhile I’d been waiting to find out what serious problem Adam has because something is obviously seriously wrong and I don’t understand his personality at all. But he’s supposed to be an Obvious Type? Someone we’ve ALL dated?
And she says other things that soothe me because I think, “Oh, I see, she’s deliberately poking fun at this stage of life,” but then she says other things that make me realize she doesn’t yet understand the entire caricature: there are things she puts in there thinking they’re normal things, when actually they’re ALSO poking fun at that stage of life but she’s not old enough to notice them yet. It’s hard to poke fun at a stage you’re STILL IN. And it’s hard to know which parts are which, from a later stage.
Or she’ll say that her favorite kind of funny is when someone is coming across completely differently than the way they see themselves, and I think, “Oh, I see: it’s just that we have different senses of humor, because that makes me want to die of horrified empathy.”
So here is what I would like to know, I guess: if you’ve watched Girls (any of it), I’d want to know if you’re in the same age range as the characters, and how the show seems to you. For example, you might say, “I’m the same age range as those characters and that looks NOTHING like my life,” or you might say, “I’m in the same age range as those characters and that’s exactly how it is in my life,” or you might say, “I’m in a different age range but that’s how my life was at that age,” or you might say, “I’m in a different age range and I don’t identify with the show for this or any other stage of my life.” Or whatever your combination is. Actually I guess that’s basically all the combinations. Or, no, because you could also be, “I’m in the same age range, and that’s not like my life at all so I don’t IDENTIFY-identify, but I’m definitely familiar with that kind of life because I have friends like that.” Or of course there’s “I’ve never seen the show.” Well, and that’s not all of them; there are more.
i couldnt get past the first episode– in particular, the scene where lena’s character is horrified/astounded that her parents wont continue to fund her lifestyle?! i was so repulsed by her reaction and realized i will never like her that character, nor would i have anything in common to relate with the show that i never went back. yuck. no thank you. i do not get the hype.
I could pretty much copy and paste Aly’s reply. I was so offended by that scene. As someone who had to get a job in order to buy school clothes when I was 14 (and this was on top of my school responsibilities and my chores on the farm my parents worked) I could not fathom someone thinking that it was unfair to be forced into personal financial responsibility at 22/23. (Can’t remember how old she is.) The celebration of irresponsibility and entitlement on that show is just too much for me. I’m 38, so it may be that I’m just too far out of their demo, but I wasn’t like that at 22 either, because I was too busy working and raising a family at that age.
I’m impressed (maybe? or some other word?) that you’ve made it this far. I watched the first three episodes of season 1 out of curiousity, but couldn’t get farther. I’m about the same age as you, so you can put me in the camp of “don’t get it at all, don’t relate, and my own 20s were nothing like that.” It’s funny, my own life was never ever like the girls on Sex in the City, and yet I enjoyed watching that show; I liked the relationships between the girls and their romantic adventures – though nothing like mine – felt real and interesting. Girls just feels…off, somehow. To me, at least. I’m dying to see if you get any comments from people in that age group, to see if it actually is a true representation of being 20-something today – if so, EEP for my own daughters. ACK.
I’ve seen every episode except the last few from this season. I’m about 5-7 years older than the characters on the show, but some of the things they are going through seem familiar and fairly recent. Mostly the job issues and wondering what to do with your life and if you are on the right path. I started dating my husband at age 22 so none of the dating stuff really applies to me directly. I think it also helps that I live in a large metropolitan city. I don’t necessarily enjoy every episode but there are moments in every one that I like. I don’t “like” the characters as people, but I don’t think I am supposed to.
I do not watch the show for all of the reasons you mentioned. Plus, i have too many shows i am trying to watch. and to add insult to injury, i have been watching How I met your Mother for all of these years only to be terribly disappointed by the finale. I miss the show friends.
I was so upset by the HIMYM finale. I’m still not over it.
ME TOO. Friends, there is nothing else out there which even holds a candle to you. You left us too soon. :(
After hearing all the hype when Girls started, I was flipping channels one night and saw that it was on so I stopped and watched for MAYBE five minutes. Those five minutes managed to be excruciatingly uncomfortable and involved what felt like not only gratuitous nudity but gratuitously weird/awkward nudity/sex. I was sufficiently traumatized that I’ve never seen another minute of that show.
My impression, from reading about it since it’s lauded all over the place, is that if you’re in that same age range as the characters, you might find TINY bits and pieces that are somewhat familiar or relatable, but most 20-somethings probably do not live/act like the people on the show. To me, it seems similar to Sex and the City as a sociocultural phenomenon. I was living in NYC and was roughly in the same age-ish/life stage-ish as the characters on SATC (they were a bit older than me), and there was almost ZERO overlap between their lives/behavior and mine. Almost none. They also did not seem like anyone at all that I knew. Yet I still watched the show, though not religiously, and I had kind of a love/hate relationship with it as I think many people did. In the end it was purely entertainment and not, like, a reflecting of anyone’s life that I knew. At all. So I suspect Girls is about the same? I hope.
Well, I am 46 so I am their parents age. :) I can relate to Lena’s parents saying “Enough! We’re cutting you off” but that is about it. :)
When I was their age I was living in the far suburbs of DC with my soon to be husband. I’d come from a small town, to a college town, to the far DC suburbs. I have no frame of reference for a 20 something life in a big city, but moments here & there of Girls reminded me of life in my sorority days.
Not enough to keep watching it. I did maybe 3 episodes hoping it would click at least somewhat but it never did. I had a similar thing with Sex in the City but I did manage to find enough to like that I watched most of it. I just can’t with Girls. I’m not their demographic and I feel it strongly when I watch it. They are all so DAMN IRRITATING!. :)
well, except I watched Sex and the City as sort of fantasy- I knew there were no women actually like that, but it was fun to pretend that these four friends had normal jobs but a crapton of money to dress in insanely expensive outfits and shoes and go out drinking together every weekend and brunch the following morning and meeting men all the time, etc etc. Not that I wanted to live just like that, but it was fun to watch.
I’ve never watched Girls, because just the description of them sounds completely repellant. They don’t sound likeable, their lives don’t sound fun, it all just sounds just awful. So what, exactly, is the appeal? I don’t get it.
Yeah, no, I couldn’t get past the first episode or two. Everyone was so messed up and unhealthy and unprepared for adulthood that I couldn’t cope. It was like the land of The Blind Leading the Blind and there wasn’t a person with a single shred of wisdom. And then I worried my kids would grow up to be as lost as these kids were. And I didn’t find it a bit entertaining. So I stopped watching it since there were more entertaining ways to pass my time on this planet. Like slamming my hand in a car door.
I have never seen it, but I am inclined to like it even though I’m sure I won’t relate to it, because I am so mad about the way people talk about Lena Dunham (not you). There is this sort of acceptable way of hating her that as far as I can tell boils down to, “she is a successful woman whom I do not like, so I am going to dismissively call her fat.” So you can see why I would reflexively love her even thoug I have no idea what she or her show is like.
That is similar to the way I feel about the show or more specifically Ms. Dunham but I am almost 65 and I know for certain it would be a waste of time for me to even try understanding “Girls”. For now I will just be offended at the “fat” attacks as my life is more than 2/3 over and I don’t have that much time to waste. LOL
Well, I am 46 so I am their parents age. :) I can relate to Lena’s parents saying “Enough! We’re cutting you off” but that is about it. :)
When I was their age I was living in the far suburbs of DC with my soon to be husband. I’d come from a small town, to a college town, to the far DC suburbs. I have no frame of reference for a 20 something life in a big city, but moments here & there of Girls reminded me of life in my sorority days.
Not enough to keep watching it. I did maybe 3 episodes hoping it would click at least somewhat but it never did. I had a similar thing with Sex in the City but I did manage to find enough to like that I watched most of it. I just can’t with Girls. I’m not their demographic and I feel it strongly when I watch it. They are all so DAMN IRRITATING!. :)
I’m approximately the same age as the girls on the show (a couple years older), and I could not get through the first episode. That does not look anything like my life and I do not know anyone whose life (as far as I am aware) actually does look like that. It’s possible that in later episodes they present scenarios that might feel more familiar, and I would be willing to give it another chance since I know plenty of shows I didn’t love right away but after a few episodes I was hooked. It’s also
possibletrue that I am not a good generic representation of young single women of my age, socioeconomic status, and generation.I have watched all but the most recent episodes. I don’t love it and I don’t relate to a lot of it, however, I teach at the college level and I have to day that there are some parts that resonate as I watch my younger 20 something students. Most have that spoiled, entitled attitude (not all, thank goodness) and I cringe at their choices. But, and this is a big but, I spent all of my 20’s partying (and working in a variety of jobs I hated and then going to grad school) and dating questionable guys that I am horrified by now. So, although the characters are drawn in an exaggerated light, i do recognize some parts of myself as a young person searching for the point of life. Oh and some of the pretentious dialogue I know we had late at night in bars or drinking on the front porch with friends. We had it all figured out–I wish I was so certain of things now!
I’m in my mid 30s. I absolutely abhor that show and each and every character. And I’ve seen every single episode. ;)
I have to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE this show! I have no idea exactly why, but Lena Dunham is so appealing to me. I am 44, so nowhere near the age of the girls on the show, but I definitely had my share of dating questionable guys in my 20s and partying (not all the drugs though), so I guess I can semi-relate. Now I am a married mom of 2 adorable children, and if my daughter ever grew up like these girls, I might just freak out, but I still love watching it!
OT…Swistle, have you read Heft? I finished it not too long ago and I think you would love it. The style of writing of the protagonist struck me as the same way that you write (which I LOVE too!)
Ooo, I haven’t read it! I’ve added it to my library list!
LOVED Heft. Loved. Like, read parts out loud to my husband while reading it. (He’s an English teacher, I’m a former English teacher so this isn’t nearly as weird and/or awkward as it seems).
I haven’t seen a single episode of Girls, but I did listen to the Fresh Air interview with Lena Dunham. I hated all the clips they played of the show. And yet, I found Lena Dunham to be intelligent and likeable. Partly she identified with the character and partly she was also horrified by the character. Though I think you’re idea about not being able to really poke fun at a the stage because you’re still in the stage is pretty spot on.
I recently read Heft and liked it a lot, too.
Yes! Heft was a fabulous book and seems like there has never been anything so candid on the topic of obesity.
I just finished it and LOVED it! I didn’t want it to be over. Thank you for recommending it!
So, I AM in this stage of like (24) and I am maybe someone who parties and flirts around and dabbles in this or that, but the show still makes me want to barf. Particularly the “sex all the time! and being not-hollywood level of attractive is just fine for this sex scene!” really nauseates me. I’m not SAYING that people have to look model-like all the time but that if I’m going to be forced to watch a squirmy sex scene I might be able to tolerate it more if the characters were attractive/dimly lit. So I don’t watch the show.
I agree with what people said about sex and the city. I really liked that show. Girls is more appealing to my friends who have more family money, less job prospects (millenials with liberal arts degrees) and live a life of entitlement. Idk. I’ll just stick to partying, dating the wrong guys and sleeping around in my 20s WITHOUT some show dictating what my life is supposed to be like right now. And then I won’t have to watch gross sex scenes, either.
I love the show. I’m about 15 years older than the characters and do not identify but I love the take on the generation from within the generation. I work with young women who are not quite like this (la is a different beast) but totally see them in the portrayals. Whereas sex and the city was a gay man’s vision of straight women this feels so much more authentic.
I’m 41 and I love the show. I just think the writing is great and really funny. I think Lena Dunham has a fresh take on storytelling and is very smart about shaking up how women are portrayed. I relate to the emotional ups and downs and all the changes the characters go through (which doesn’t mean that I necessarily relate to the characters themselves). Although my experiences in my twenties weren’t quite the same as these, I recognize the impulses and emotions and wants and fears.
Hmm. I a bit older than the characters and never lived in NYC, but there were parts of the first season and a bit of the second season that I could understand and tangentially relate to. One part that I didn’t understand or relate to at all was Adam and frankly, found him to be one of the most annoying parts of the show. I did not make it past the middle of season 2. I did think the show had some interesting social commentary but not enough to keep me interested.
I’ve watched all three seasons. I’m 36, so more than a decade older than the Girls, but I DO find myself relating to parts of it. Not the massive entitlement issues with her parents and not the sex stuff (I have definitely NOT dated an Adam and neither have any of my friends), but that general feeling of being kind of lost and confused career-wise, living in a big city post-college… yeah. Something about her relationships with her friends resonates, too — the attempt to navigate who you are and how you relate to people you were once really close to, while all of you are changing in different ways.
(On the other hand, when I think about my baby growing up to be like any of them, I feel really thankful I’m having a boy. Not that I particularly want him to turn out like any of the male characters, but at least he won’t be a Jessa. Yikes.)
I felt exactly the same about Sex and the City — I was on the young side for that show and it didn’t mirror my actual experiences at all, but parts of it resonated with me and I watched it. And I think Lena Dunham is awesome and brave and breaking a lot of rules that Hollywood and society impose on women, and I want to support her efforts, so I’ll keep watching Girls. (And following her on Twitter, where she posts a lot of photos of her dog and is generally fantastic and highly likeable.)
I am 28, and the premise does not appeal to me. Without having seen even a snippet, I think it seems self-indulgent, desperate to seem cool and inaccessible and totally nonchalant about things that might make prudish tight-ass squares extremely uncomfortable. I just hate when people try to make others uncomfortable or judge them for being squirmy about something.
I LOVE Girls. I’m about 10 years older than the characters, but I definitely feel like heir experiences are similar to what I went through at a different point in my life. The years right after college are very difficult dating and job-wise. I also think the characters aren’t written to be likeable and that that is the point. Mid 20-something’s ARE insufferable right out of college. They want it all NOW but have no idea how to get it or what to do with it when they get it (“it” being love and a career and feeling settled). The sex is a bit much sometimes, but I actually like seeing normal bodies in a realistic way. Just my 2 cents! :-)
Glad I read through the comments, because I’m about exactly in Meredith’s boat, ditto to all of this for me!
I lived in NYC in my late-twenties for grad school, and I absolutely met some NYU students who were the same category of weird == trendy and unique, I’m uniquely special for surviving in NY, navel-gazing is IMPORTANT WORK. I think you hit the nail on the head that they’re mocking that phase to some degree while including parts that they don’t even realize they’re still in for hilarious display.
I don’t watch the show but am a 52 year old mother of two 20-somethings. I know enough about the show to be interested in the comments here. Now that I’ve read a few, I’m so glad I haven’t watched it. It sounds like it might send me into an emotional downward spiral worrying for my kids and that generation as a whole.
I love that show. I’m past that age range, and honestly when I was that age I had different things going on (a baby, mainly) but I’d say it’s a fairly accurate representation of where my friends were mostly at. I DO cringe at parts, but I find myself cringing because it’s accurate.
I’m in my late 20s, so fairly close to their ages. I’ve seen the first two seasons, but no episodes from season 3 (yet). I like the show a lot, partially because I can identify with some aspects of the characters’ storylines, and partially because it challenges its viewers, and sparks so many conversations just like this one. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show that focuses on this topic – girls in their 20s trying to find their way in the world, and NOT 100% focused on finding The One. I think we need more shows like this! Not necessarily with as much nudity, but with as much honesty. That’s another reason why I really like the show – all of the characters read as terribly honest, even when it’s about gross/uncomfortable/horrible stuff. Their flaws are easily identified by their peers, but not by themselves, and I think that’s very Real Life.
I don’ t think that “everyone” has dated an Adam, but I know a lot of people who have. Or at the very least a less extreme version of an Adam.
I thought Lena’s character was a total brat in that first episode when her parents cut her off, but I know people like that. One guy is 29 and his parents are still paying for everything even though he’s unemployed and not even trying to get a job. I don’t understand that at all.
But I think that’s kind of the point – it’s showing early on that Hannah Horvath IS a brat — a sincere one, who doesn’t understand that’s what she is. She’s never HAD to be on her own before, or take on any serious responsibility. Tons of twentysomethings are dumped into the “real” world with no preparation at all, and I feel like Girls is showing us what the consequences are.
Honestly though, the consequences aren’t “that” bad. The consequences are that they learn. They figure it out. And that’s what the show is about.
No, I don’t think that most or even half of twentysomethings are like the characters in the show, at least in my experience. But I do think that there are tiny pieces of each character that we can identify with, or one experience they go through that we went through, and it’s usually stuff that’s hidden or not talked about (like dating an Adam, or being sexually harassed by an employer, or spending a week straight locked in your house working on a creative project, or getting an STI, or worrying about money, or thinking only about yourself and no one else….) so even though the show hyperbolizes these events, and makes them all happen to one person instead of having one or two events per person, it’s a relief to see it on tv, and know that we’re not really alone, that there are other people your age who are trying to figure it out too.
I understand why people compare Girls to SATC, but I don’t like it. SATC was focused entirely on finding The One for everyone on the show, and Girls, to me, is about a lot more than just men. :-) I do like SATC though, and think it was a very innovative show while it was running. It was really the first show that openly discussed women having a desire for sex, and didn’t slut-shame the characters (much) for having multiple partners. It was a huge step in the right direction, culturally.
Anyway, I don’t think you need to worry about Elizabeth. Just do what you can to make sure she has the tools she needs to go out into the world and become a successful adult. If she takes pride in her work, I think she’ll be okay. Most of the people I know who are not yet “successful adults” don’t feel pride when they accomplish something, so they never feel like accomplishing anything, which makes it hard for them to hold a job or finish school, and keeps them reliant on their parents, who can’t bring themselves to cut off the financial support.
tl;dr: I’m around the same age as the characters in the show, and my life is not like that, although there are some themes or specific events that I can identify with, and I have friends who would also identify with different parts of the show. I like it even though it makes me uncomfortable to watch.
I have not seen the show, it’s just not my thing, but I loved this explanation. It has also inspired me in my quest to make sure my kids are functioning individuals before they hit their 20s, so thanks!
Agree with Cherie! I am now determined to make sure my kids feel plenty of pride in their accomplishments! Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Monica!
I watched until partway through season 2, until the cringing was just too constant and I gave up. I enjoyed little bits,here and there, mostly Shoshanna because she seemed infinitely more likable than the other characters. I’m about 10 years older than them, and maybe there were a few little bits that felt authentic, or remind me of myself or friends I had at that age, but mostly I just kind of hate them and how massively selfish and screwed up they are. I do really dislike how people seem to call Lena Dunham fat constantly, totally drives me crazy. I can get not caring for her show, but what does that have to do with how she looks? And she really isn’t fat, maybe just closer to average looking, compared to most of the actresses on tv.
I’m probably 5-10 years older than the characters. I cannot relate to any character on that show and I hate them all, with the exception of Shoshanna and Ray. In my late teens-early 20’s I was certainly an entitled dummy who made poor dating choices, and yet I cannot relate to these particular entitled dummies and their choices. I feel like I have never known anyone who is similar to these people but their lives and the events of the show feel familiar to me…I think maybe because there is a lot of writing online about being a young person trying to figure out life in New York? Anyways I keep on watching it, and I am a little scared that I keep watching it in order to feel superior to the characters. Also, in principle, I support Lena Dunham’s constant nudity.
Oh thank goodness, I thought you were going to say you discovered the show and loved it, Swistle. Then I’d HAVE to give it a shot and it just doesn’t seem like something I’ll like.
I’ll admit I’ve never watched it, but everything I’ve read about it and/or seen in clips has seemed AWFUL. I’m in my late 20s, but I suppose I wouldn’t expect to relate to the characters, anyway, since I live in the midwest, have been married since I was 22, and am about to have my third child.
Let me preface by saying I’m a 60-yr-old grandmother who lives in a rural environment in a rural state, and I binge-watched this show–for the most part loving it in the same way I love foreign dramas & documentaries. It was an invitation into a culture into which I’d never otherwise have access. Like Swistle, I viewed it as part of my continuing education, clearly understanding that it is only representative of a portion of the young, urban demographic, and somewhat of a parody at that.
In the same vein of continuing ed, I also expose myself when possible to film & TV from outsider cultures such as the transgendered, and keep a Spotify account to keep abreast of new music. It’s all a kind of yoga for the mind. It began when my daughters were teenagers–I wanted to know what they were listening to and talking about in terms of pop culture. And I’m rebellious by nature–I don’t ever want to be fusty.
If any of you are interested in anything truly bracing, watch (if you’re able) Ryan Trecartin’s videos on YouTube. They sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars & are shown in museums around the world. Watching them, I was like, “You must be kidding–the emperor has no clothes!” Upon reflection, at my most broad-minded, I could see how his work was a collaged, moving, post-modern bifurcation of a myriad of cultural references, but still…….
I think it might have something to do with how metropolitan you are – whether you like/get it, or not. Maybe being religious has a role here too.
I’m in a big city on the west coast & have always lived in a big city. I’m not a trust funder though & worked hard for everything I have, plus I’m older than they are (& have kids) – but I like the show.
I like how truthful & not picture perfect it is. I seriously love Hanna getting naked all the time & being so confident in her small boobs, round tummy & big hips (per Hollywood standards). I wish I had had even a fraction of her self confidence, in my 20’s. Plus, I think it’s funny & I like the story it tells.
As for Adam, I’ve dated Adam’s. There was a time where I would seek out Adam’s. Passion, mixed with a bit of crazy & broad shoulders – yeah, I’d take that.
Your idea of “non-metropolitan” people is oppressively insulting. Backwoods church-going southerners couldn’t possibly “get” this high-brow excellence.
I interpreted Liv’s comment differently. We’re talking about how the experiences on the show may be more/less relatable for different people, so I thought she was saying that metropolitan life might seem foreign to people who don’t live in metropolitan areas, while seeming completely familiar and normal to people who do. And similarly, that people who were religious were less likely to be able to relate to the sex/drugs/parties lifestyle of the girls on the show. Both theories give other reasons why someone might find the show unrelatable, other than “being old” (my nervous theory), or the show being inaccurate/unrealistic (my hopeful theory).
This is how I interpreted her comment as well. And I think it’s a pretty valid theory, really.
Ohhh, yes I see. Perhaps I’m a bit bristly then. Oops. =/
Swizzle – bingo – that’s how I meant it :)
For the record: I’m a fan of “backwoods” folks, southerners, church goers…plus non churchgoers, metropolitan dwellers, gay, straight….I’m pretty much a fan of everyone, except mean people – yep, mean people, I can’t get behind ya.
And I do think you’re right – the show won’t prove ‘accurate’ for most of us (myself included), but I still get something out of watching it.
Swistle, not swizzle – darn auto correct!
As a Baptist missionary, I’m probably the last person who should like this show. I’m 38, went to Bible College, and am married to a Pastor, so I find absolutely nothing relatable about these characters. That being said, I can’t stop watching. I find many of the characters to be repellant, yet I’m completely intrigued. I think the storytelling is really good, and though I don’t like the characters, I’m genuinely interested in how their stories play out.
I’m a few years older than the characters in the show, and while I can’t relate to them myself, I have known several people who felt that they couldn’t watch Girls because it hit too close to home. I don’t think everyone will be able to relate to Girls as far as personal experience goes, but you’d be hard pressed to find a woman in her twenties who doesn’t know someone like that.
Disclaimer: I haven’t watched as much of the show as you have. I found it unsettling. It’s certainly not a glamorous look at a twenty-somethings experience, nor is it an all-encompassing one, but I’d say it’s accurate.
I haven’t seen the show, but I do make sure to vacuum and have all underthings washed before a long car trip in case of my unexpected demise.
I’m the same age as the girls in Girls and I live in a big city like they do. My friends either love it or hate it. The people who love it seem to think Leah Dunham is the voice of our generation. I personally don’t. I find the girls to be kind of annoying. I mean, in the first two episodes Hannah basically threw a temper tantrum about being cut off from her parents and being forced to get a job and then she didn’t seem to understand that you don’t get your dream job right out of university. She just seems to be lacking a basic level of maturity which I found grating after awhile.
I mean, the show does probably represent a lot of people I know my age but I also find those people annoying and grating in real life so…
I have to reply first before reading all the comments because I am afraid they will color my opinion. So I apologize in advance if I repeat something super obvious and said 30 times already.
I’m 40- and I have watched all of the first 2 seasons of Girls and I watched about 4 episodes of the 3rd season this weekend while we had free HBO. I can not STAND Hannah (Lena) but I like to hate-watch her to see what stupid thing she is going to do next. The other characters are annoying, but I don’t hate them like I hate her. I don’t really enjoy the show- but I tend to binge watch it all at once anyway so that it’s not an ongoing annoyance. I think there are some real problems with how she depicts women/men/feminist ideas- but there are some good 20’s angst things and some really good parts about dealing with anxiety/depression.
While it’s nothing like what my life is/was like, I can identify with a couple of story lines- the one with Marnie- when she really only wanted Charlie when she couldn’t have him- and then once she had him, found him stifling. That constant back and forth. Also the relationship Hannah had with the gay guy- before he was really out as gay. Been there- and I know a lot of women my age have. I DO NOT like Adam and it icks me out that he is supposed to be a sympathetic character. Hannah’s character and her narcissism really really reminds me of a family member- so although I don’t identify with her, I feel like I know her type? I also have a friend who is in her mid 20s – and she has her shit way more together than any of the characters in Girls, but the dating stuff she describes, isn’t far off from the show. Lots more “hooking up” and less “relationships” kwim?
I tried Girls the same reason everyone else did- I was hearing a lot about it, and seeing Lena Dunham everywhere and wanted to know what I was missing. I also watched the movie “Tiny Furniture” – which I guess is how Lena Dunham got an HBO show in the first place? It’s about Lena’s true life and pretty much like a pilot for Girls. She takes that “write what you know” thing to heart.
I have never seen it, but it sounds like I would hate everyone on it. And I absolutely cannot relate even the slightest bit.
I’ve never watched a single episode, but I have a (male) friend who binge-watched it and kept sending me quotes from it, accompanied by the refrain “Watch out for your daughter!” So I am nearly as irritated with the show as if I did watch it.
I’ve never seen the show, but we may netflix it at some point. We don’t have cable (conscious cost cutting and addiction severing decision there) so my exposure is nil at this point. I feel the same way you do, when you watch Girls, when I watch a Woody Allen movie, like WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Some alternate life I don’t know exists?? And yet I’ve never met anyone who even remotely resembles the characters or lives the kind of whacked out life 99.999999999% of his characters live. I also think it may be regional? We live in Alaska, not a lot going on up here resembles ANYTHING remotely normal to anyone in the lower 48, it’s just different. So I’ve said a LOT of nothing here so probably best to disregard entirely.
I’m in my mid-30s and watched maybe two episodes and it was too cringe inducing for me. I also found it hard to watch because I just didn’t find anyone likable or sympathetic. I don’t think everyone has to be nice or anything like that and I like complicated, naunced characters, but I mostly thought everyone was annoying. Not for me.
I am about five years older than the characters on Girls, I am not really in their age range/stage of life anymore, but I was recently. There are some things about the show that feel spot on to me, as far as accurately capturing exactly how my life was or felt towards the end of and just after I got out of college. Other things about the show do not reflect my experience at all and seem rather bizarre to me. I found the first season to be much more identifiable to me and the second season to be rather awful and unreal seeming.
Adam is actually my favorite character. He reminds me a great deal a few guys I got to know while I while I was in school. Those guys did have serious problems, I was fully aware of it at the time, yet I found them incredibly attractive. So, I totally relate to the appeal he holds for Hannah. Adam makes me half nostalgic for the Adamlike guys I have known and half glad I am no longer in their thrall. I think a big part of my growing past the stage in life that the characters in girls are in was realizing that Adamlike guys were not good marriage material.
This is why I love you Swistle – exactly! I watched the First Season and just tried the 1st episode of Season 2 to see if it would get better…and I guess I won’t go back. That feeling of alienation and disconnect is exactly what I feel when I watch it. Not hopeful. I love dark shows and themes but this has this underlying chord of “disconnect” that somehow disturbs me.
I lived my 20’s finding myself and dating and trying to use a useless humanities degree in an incredibly expensive huge city – and it’s not that the subject doesn’t connect (although come on, their apartments??? couldn’t they be more realistic?) but the way it’s explored. On a shallow level, through bodies and supposed shocking scenes and not through feelings. Especially the Girls with each other – where is the relationship really explored here? Broad City goes way more deep into this territory and is much more successful – and it’s a sketch/comedy show. Broad City is great, though you could argue just as divorced from my real life, but in this case it doesn’t matter.
And please do not get me started on Adam. Adam and his completely psychotic personality is the BIGGEST turn-off about this show. Or maybe it’s Allison Williams (Marnie) – it’s not her character, that could be interesting. My god, she is a terrible actress. Terrible!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, I didn’t know I needed that so badly.
Ooooo, I totally agree on Broad City and for those who don’t like Girls it’s worth giving that show a try.
This is such an interesting comment thread to me! I’m in my late 30s, and I watch the show, and I (usually) enjoy the show, even though I HATE all of the characters. If that makes sense. I think whereas Sex and The City (I show I ALSO liked) wanted the viewers to see themselves in all of the characters in an awesome/glamorous way, Girls is trying to do the opposite. And that makes people way more uncomfortable, and way more people actively dislike the show for that reason. And FWIW, I actually think the sex is pretty realistic, if a little uncomfortable at times.
AND! On the plus side, I have a unique perspective here because my boyfriend is in his 20s and I spend a lot of time with people in the same life stage as the people on the show, and they are most emphatically NOT terrible and entitled and selfish, or at least any more than we were at their age. In fact, I find them to be way more hardworking and socially savvy than I remember being. This includes one of my employees, who is 25. So. World is not (necessarily) going to hell in a hand basket.
Although I TOTALLY understand why people hate the show and when my boyfriend asked if he would like it, I was like “UM, NO.”
I have watched all the episodes and hate the show and all the characters thoroughly (I keep thinking if I just keep watching it I’ll GET IT). I know most people cringe at the nudity & sex, but I find her hideous wardrobe even harder to bear. I’m 39, and still remember all the unsettled feelings associated with those just-out-of-college years, but nothing that has happened on Girls reminds me of it a bit. THANK GOD.
So, I’ll start off by saying that my husband (34) and I (26) both totally love this show. I feel as though I understand the things they are going through and talking about although my life stage is a little beyond theirs. HOWEVER: I think all of the characters are extreme caricatures and generally terrible people. I wouldn’t want to compare myself or my friends directly to any of these women. I think the title “GIRLS” is crucial here. They aren’t really seeing themselves as women. They only theoretically have self respect but in practice there is nil. Perhaps it’s because most of my social circle are the kind of feminist you women who insist on the word “woman” over “girl” that this sticks out so much. We collectively love the show, however. I very much feel like it’s a modernized and even more extreme version of Sex and the City. Young, smart women making bad choices and disrespecting themselves in the big city with too much money. This time the women think they are older (GIRLS) than they are than the other way around SATC).
I think you would like Heft, too. I am 46 and my husband is 45 (he would like me to mention I’m sure, ha!) and we watch the heck out of Girls. I lived in NYC from when I was 28 to when I was 35 but not like that – I moved there with a job, my parents would have laughed their ASSES off if I ever asked them to pay my rent. But I like it, I think Lena Dunham is really funny and I find it kind of painful and a relief that I am not in a situation any more where I would let a man be the boss of me the way that Adam is to Hannah. Also, this is not exactly a spoiler but I think a lot about Adam gets explained in the most recent season, three, I think?
I mean, I am an old lady about this, but I think that the next generation of people are kind of jerky. I don’t work anymore but when I did and was hiring people coming out of college, they were nervy in a way that I never, ever would have been when I was at work. I was raised by people who were born in 1940 and 1941 and – it just blows my mind at how people are now, with their inability/unwillingness to read cursive writing and their sense of entitlement. I find it depressing in life and funny on Girls.
According to my friends with school-age kids, cursive isn’t even being taught in schools around me anymore. I write in cursive most of the time, but even some people my own age (28) really struggle to read it. On the one hand, this really bothers me and I feel like it’s a huge gap in their general common knowledge. On the other hand, why should it be taught anymore? Nowadays almost everything is typed or read through a screen, not hand-written.
I’m 37 and have 4 children under age 7. If it’s not on pbs kids or a similar channel I’ve never seen it. So, I’m going to assume I’m not in the stage of life they’re in! But, perhaps tonight I’ll binge watch it while I fold the laundry and report back. You know, for science.
I watch Girls, I don’t love it but for some reason I find it hard not to watch. I am in the age range, and I don’t see many similarities between this group of friends and mine, but it is the age of somewhat adventurous stories and sharing those with your friends. So I guess there is resonance in that.
I basically watch for Shoshanna, she is truly the only tolerable one.
My husband and watch the show together and we are 42. We were together in our early 20’s and had pretty adult lives then, so we don’t watch the show because it’s relatable or because we like the characters as people we would want to know. I think we like it because the characters are interesting in their unpredictable, annoying, unreliable ways. Not people I want to know in life at all but I like watching them. It’s the same reason I liked the movie Young Adult.
I’m 5-7 years older than the characters. Some things I can’t relate to (never dated an Adam, and initially he repulsed me, but now I really like his character), but other things are SO. SPOT. ON. I related to some parts of Sex and the City when I was 22-25, but this feels closer to the angsty issues I had been dealing with at that time. I think it’s important to look at Hannah as a flawed heroine. So often you root for the main character/narrator, but Hannah is not perfect. She is so painful to watch, which I think is what makes the show interesting and gives it depth. I related to the fights and strained relationships her friends shared, the confusion they have over how to demand respect from significant others, and the inability to realize that this is real life and you just have to pay the bills already.
I don’t watch the show, but I read the comments and your post with interest and I’m going to offer my two cents without having actually watched it- so super helpful! But, I am still in my twenties (for another few months!) and have lots of friends, and two sisters, still in young-to-mid twenties, so I hear a LOT of stories.
I think the attitude/lifestyle shown on Girls is probably true of a certain subset of people, and entirely untrue of others. Upbringing is huge. But I do think unfortunately the reliance/sense of entitlement regarding parental support, financial and otherwise, WELL into one’s twenties, is becoming way more common. It’s not really seen as anything to feel bad about, living off your parents for as long as they’ll let you. It’s more like, “Well, they can afford it and I’m struggling, so why wouldn’t I take their help as long as it’s offered?” I think that feeling of wanting to make it on your own has changed a lot. Not for everyone, but I do sense a cultural shift in that regard. As long as the kids think their parents can afford to help them, they don’t feel any shame in taking that help, and even feel resentful if it isn’t offered. This is the sense I get when I hear most people this age talk.
As for sexual attitudes, I would say I get a sense from lots of women that they almost want to prove how detached and unemotional women as well as men can be about sexual relationships. Trying to shift that stereotype of the clingy emotional girl, one hook up at a time!
I have jumped on MANY a TV bandwagon in my day, but I watched one episode of Girls and never went back. I found it UPSETTING. And it was something so fundamental that was upsetting; I felt like it didn’t matter how it might change from there, I still wouldn’t like it. (Not super logical, but. There it is.)
I’m 31, so *somewhat* close in age to the characters, and I think that’s why I hated it. I remember “those years” clearly and there were a lot of mistakes, but a lot of busting my butt, too. Most friends were the same. And we generation-whatevers already have so! many! people assuming we are all entitled brats who live off our parents. So, “a popular television show about how terribly interesting that is is the LAST thing we need, UGH” was kind of my thought process about it, I think.
That said … I have, uh, watched one single episode and basically know nothing, so I am so excited you posted this! You and your commenters tend to have very good taste in Things I Will Like And/Or Will Not Find Upsetting, so I hope to either get a reason to see what the fuss is all about, or to write it off with more confidence.
I am 40 and should mention that I have watched several HBO series so I think I am now desensitized to the gratuitous nudity/sex thing. I watch “Girls” sporadically–I will binge-catch-up with On Demand when I have late night laundry folding to do. I like the show enough to keep watching it but don’t feel the need to immediately watch a new episode right away. Now if we were talking about Game of Thrones? OMG- I love, love, love that show.
Anyway, back to topic- I don’t actually even try to relate to this show. At least, not in terms of the life circumstances of each character. I like the writing style and the characters interest me even when I don’t like them. I get annoyed when I read critics talk about why Lena Dunham shouldn’t be naked on screen and judge the show based on that one factor. Also, the thing about the narcissism of each character: while it is off-putting, it makes me wonder if we don’t all have that place inside of us somewhere–and these characters are a painful reminder of it.
I’m the age range of the characters, and while some things seem familiar others definitely don’t. I look at it as being an extreme caricature of being this age in this time period, the same way women in their 30s were not all living wild Sex and the City lives in the early 2000s. I find it most identifiable in the financial/career struggles, I think my generation is struggling to establish themselves in this economy, yet we’re constantly being told by older generations that it shouldn’t be that difficult. I think the show reflects this well. The social stuff can vary a lot from group to group. Most of my friends are the type who are happy to hang out with a glass of wine and a Say Yes to the Dress marathon, but I certainly know some people from the raving every night in a Bushwick warehouse crowd.
I will say that the show has gotten less and less identifiable as it’s gone on, friends who were raving about season 1 could hardly tolerate season 3.
FUN COMMENTS! I thought of something else I like about Girls. The central theme of Sex and The City seemed to be that MEN ARE TERRIBLE, whereas the men on Girls are mostly sympathetic characters (Adam, Charlie, Ray)…or, at least not any more terrible than the women.
I’ve only seen the first season but I kind of love the show. I’m in my early 30s and married with children so not so much in the same stage of life anymore. Even when I was in my twenties, I can’t say that my life or my friends lives resembled the show that closely. Actually looking back we all had our shit together pretty well and were pretty functional adults. That being said, there is something about it that I can relate to on a very fundamental level. I think it’s the incredible insecurities, angst and dysfunction that often comes in that stage of life where you are given adult resposibilities but haven’t quite figured out yet how to be an adult and at the same time you think you know way more than you do. I can relate to feeling that in my twenties for sure.
I’ve only seen clips (a lot of clips, but still, only clips) and didn’t like it. At all. I don’t know if I’m the same age as the characters or not but I’m 32.
I suppose I’m in that stage of life (26) but oh my god, that is not my life. Not even a little bit. I commiserated online a while back with someone else my age about how we both love reading about Girls (especially back when it seemed like everyone! was! writing! about! Girls! nonstop! – but when we went to watch clips of it on YouTube, we were completely turned off and couldn’t keep watching.
Everyone seems so… self-centered, privileged, completely wrapped up in themselves, shallow, etc. I have never dated “an Adam”. I find the show confusing as hell, and it makes it worse that they are all my age and supposedly the voice of my generation.
I think if you are white, straight, female, privileged as all get out, have never really struggled with any major life challenges, and are living in NYC, then perhaps Girls might resonate with you. (And I say this as someone who is white, female, relatively financially well-off, and living in a major city. So this is a very narrow audience we’re talking about… maybe if you WANT to be all of those things, you will enjoy Girls as well?)
I haven’t read the comments yet, I’m just catching up, so apologies if this is repetitive:
It’s called “hate-watching”. :)
I don’t enjoy Lena Dunham at all. She’s just annoying and I can’t define why. I kind of equate her to that annoying, loud, brainy, girl in high school that makes a big deal about how annoying, loud, and brainy she is when you know she should actually be holding a sign that reads “Super Insecure but trying to yell over it”
Also, she seems like the kind of person that says “funny” things that are really just kind of mean but makes it into a “joke” (think Ellen at the Oscars calling Liza a transvestite)
The show feels a little hipster to me so that could be the “I’m not understanding what’s happening” feeling you’re having.
Run back into the safe & funny arms of Gilmore Girls! Run! :)
So, I’m chiming in super-late because this post caused me to bump Girls up to the top of my DVD queue in netflix, and I’m glad I did. I’m 35, so not of that generation, but near enough so that it’s not totally baffling. (Especially since one of my jobs is on a college campus.)
I identify with some things – I dated a version of Adam and can absolutely identify with the post-college WTF Do I Do Now stage that they’re all in. But since I’m (mostly) past that stage and now in the mid-30s Decide On Kids Now stage, I have to relate to a lot of their angst anthropologically – I don’t get it at a gut level, but it’s interesting to observe.
I can see enough of the endearing parts in the characters to make watching it fun – I don’t like shows like The Office where it seems that the whole point is to hate (most) everybody. So even though I don’t share Lena Dunham’s sense of humor – I cringe when people do embarassing things – I’m far enough removed from it to feel compassionate, like an older sister or cousin wanting to cheer them on.
And thanks for getting me out of the Netflix rut I was in!
I’m nearly 40 and live in New Zealand and I’ve watched every episode. Obviously, there are zero parallels between the characters on Girls and my current life but I don’t believe its necessary in order to enjoy a show. I’m not a meth manufacturing chemistry teacher and that didn’t stop me from loving Breaking Bad. I don’t relate to or like any of the characters from House of Cards but I still enjoy watching it. Girls is not a documentary – its a comedy drama so how accurate it is or not is also not really relevant. Its entertainment and as one commenter above pointed out, you can view it from an anthropological point of view and glimpse an exaggerated portrayal of how some other people live their lives somewhere else. Its not everyone’s idea of entertainment though that is for sure. I thank God I’m not in my 20s any more.