Do you remember the awful woman I’m volunteering with? First I’d like to beg you not to feel sorry for her or worry that she’s just shy or whatever. My descriptions haven’t been very detailed because I’m nervous about that (I’m going to come back later and delete a couple of my examples below), but you will have to TRUST ME that I am familiar with social awkwardness and the range of comes-across-badly-but-is-from-a-good-place human behavior, and that armed with that information and experience I am not steering you amiss. She is not at all nervous. She is not at all awkward. She is utterly, relentlessly, inappropriately confident. Picture someone you know who is incredibly bossy and self-centered, who takes no one else’s thoughts or ideas into account, who thinks everyone else is stupider than her, who thinks she knows a better way to do everything, and who has to have everything her own way or else you’re way stupider than she thought you were. THIS IS NOT SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS. She is the OPPOSITE of bumbling or shy or awkward or blurting out something that comes out the wrong way. She is the OPPOSITE of wants to fit in. She is the OPPOSITE of going home and kicking herself for saying something dumb. I DEMAND YOU REFOCUS YOUR PITY. (Mine. I want it. Give it to me.)
Okay. So do you remember what I wished for, the last time we discussed this? I’ll just go ahead and quote myself, since I have a quote-indenting button right here in front of me:
I DO wish, however, for several other parents to make subtle remarks over the next few months that let me know (without it turning into back-biting, because that feels wonderful at the time but comes with a nauseating hangover) that they don’t like her either.
I will just say this: I got my wish. One of the other volunteers said (tactfully, delicately, and only when someone else brought it up) that the woman in question has been “stirring things up” all over the school. That she went to the principal and demanded a key card like the teachers have, so that she doesn’t have to be buzzed into the school building like other parents do. [Example snipped.] That she went to the cafeteria and demanded that they get their food from a different source, one that would more than triple the cost of school lunches. [Example snipped.] That she doesn’t like the assignments her child’s teacher was giving, and asked for them to be changed, and SENT IN COPIES OF HER VERSION OF AN ASSIGNMENT FOR THE WHOLE CLASS.
Immensely satisfying, as you can imagine, and I hope we can avoid the temptation to keep discussing her when she’s not there. I’m wondering how long she (the woman) is going to keep this up, considering that so far the answer to each of her demands has been “How kind of you to take an interest, and no way in hell”?
Mayhaps she’s a frustrated, unemployed teacher or school administrator? Or was REJECTED for those jobs in this district and this is her revenge and or way of showing everyone she should have been hired (completely off the wall the WRONG way to go about it, but not everyone is very smart/thoughtful/possessing of common sense)?
Because it feels like she thinks she should be in charge of everything and is clearly not. There might be a fascinating story there.
Oh, how I love you, Swistle. Never ever stop blogging.
That was very satisfying information, indeed!
i want the pity too because who you described? is my sister-in-law (husband’s brother’s wife) and she is just such a joy to spend time with. snort. so i feel your pain and you have my pity! been there!
You may have a share of the pity. *holds out teacup full of pity and two tea-biscuits of empathy*
OMFG. She takes the cake.
I cast not a sliver of pity her way, and give you the full measure, as well as my unseemly joy that you’ve received ample validation of your opinion. Really, other than spontaneous human combustion, that was the best outcome we could have hoped for, right? If she’s not going away, at least you have proof that everyone else wants to stick a fork in her too.
Hoo boy, I have an acquaintance like that. When I first met her in a SAHM’s group, I thought wow, she is horrible and hateful and – I mean, she got into an argument with someone because they said it snowed a lot by them (we all live in the same city) and she said there was no snow on the ground – so she was horrible but in this group, and people seemed to be friends with her and I was all, um, is anyone else getting this from her? I was so relieved when of course everyone else hated her too. Solidarity now!
This is what I am SO HOPING FOR in the group of women I’ve started getting together with.
I’m so glad you included the actual examples for just a minute! Hahahaha! Horrible!
No pitiy for you. You have been vindicated. LOL! Don’t you love it? Sometimes when I have had to deal with people like that I think that maybe I am the crazy one and then when I am proven right in my impression of the other person, it feels sooooooooo good.
YES! I’ll thinking, “Well, maybe this is just my own social anxiety issues making me interpret this situation wrong.” BUT THEN NO!!!
This is deeply satisfying, yet it remains maddening that people such as this think that they are completely reasonable (and that everyone else is just stupid or incompetent). I am glad that her outrageous suggestions have not gotten any traction. (HER OWN VERSION OF AN ASSIGNMENT OMG!)
Wow. She is the one where, at gatherings, we would all silently raise our eyebrows at each other about when she wasn’t looking. She sounds like she might be cut from the same cloth as your MiL, frankly. What a piece of work.
Am I allowed to reserve any pity for this woman’s kid? Wow! All of the examples are eye-popping, but I’m particularly amazed by the first one.
There is nothing better than validation. I have recently gotten some offline about online people (me thinking “am I the only one who thinks this person is awful? Everyone is so nice to her?” And then I ask a few friends offline and they all think said person is awful too. I love that. It’s so uncomfortable to feel like you are the only one who can’t stand someone.
VINDICATION!!!
Did I spell that correctly? I truly cannot tell, thanks in part to the CAPSLOCK. Anyway.
Maybe she will dislike the school so much that she will decide to “home-school”. I hope for the teacher’s sake….and everyone else’s sake…she will so just that!
From your description, I’m almost CONVINCED that I used to work with this woman! Thank goodness she finally moved on, because after 5 years of her insufferable behavior we were all ready to revolt! Vindication/validation and pity – it’s all for you!
No pity for the crazy lady! All the pity for the people that have to put up with her unreasonable and hostile antics. The embarrassment her kid feels must be enough to power a small town. I had a person in my life like this, for awhile and we all referred to her as “The Scary Lady” behind her back.
Whew…bits and pieces of this woman remind me of people I know *cough sister in law’s family* but I don’t think I’ve ever run across such a complete package of awful in my lifetime. I am so curious about her child. Are they a meek and tortured onlooker to their mother’s antics or do they take after her? Assuming they’re the victim, how awful to have teachers (unwittingly) judging everything you do through the lens of finding your mother intolerable…
*swistle and company pity party*
Huh, stumbled upon this blog post, haven’t read any of your earlier posts. You sound kind of mean to me. And I do feel sorry for that woman. The adjectives you chose, “demanded” could just have easily been, “politely requested” or “suggested.” Personally I prefer not to always be looking on the negative side of things. We’re generally all on the same team and we generally all want our children to thrive. I’m sure this woman does too. What’s more important to people, always being right? Maintaining the status quo? Or tackling problems and deciding amongst solutions? Maybe the other food source was a good idea, or the other assignment had improvements, maybe it wasn’t and didn’t. But you can weigh the pros and cons of the suggestions rather than attacking the person who makes them just because she’s suggesting something.
And yes, I know it is popular to hate strong, confident, women. To tear into them as a warning to others. Women shouldn’t be allowed to get uppity or have opinions. There’s no need to play into that narrative.
I’d love for you to meet her and see what you think of her (and me) then. I’m not sure how your preference not to look on the negative side of things fits in with how negatively you’re willing to view me and my actions/opinions.
It seems very limiting to suggest that no woman could ever have a legitimate reason to dislike another woman or to believe that woman are so constrained by societal demands that their actions could not possible reflect a true self, whether good or bad.
I’m not trying to attack your comment nicoleandmaggie, but I notice that you zeroed in on characteristics that can be taken out of context, and ignored the context provided. “Maybe her assignment was better, maybe it wasn’t” doesn’t change the fact that she is not the certified teacher in this situation, and that she wanted to hoist her version of the assignment on everyone else’s child as well. We wouldn’t be discussing her if she made an alternate assignment for her own child to work on at home because she felt the one provided was not stimulating enough, but trying to change school curriculum is over the line. Same goes for school lunches. If a parent does not approve of the food a school provides, how difficult is it to pack a lunch? Just because you don’t approve of something, doesn’t mean other parents will necessarily agree with you.
I think the fact that she demanded a key card in order to have free access to the school, and not that “every” parent should have free access, speaks more for her personality than an optimistic reading of her assignment and menu writing skills. How I read this was a woman who feels she should be above the rules, not some education-vigilante who wants to break the status quo for the benefit of all. You may see the description of her in this post as a misunderstood, confidant woman and that’s fine. But I think that if you had taken the time to read the previous post regarding her, you would see her as more self-entitled than anything. This post was really to clarify that the cautious suspicions regarding her were spot on.
I think it’s important to remember that this is a blog, we talk about things through the lens of our own experience and *gasp* our own opinions. It’s what makes Swistle’s posts, and the conversations they provoke, so entertaining and satisfying. There are plenty of corners of the internet, this happens to be one that relishes a tasteful cat-fest where it seems warranted.
I have had a very similar situation. Not with another parent, but another person in a friend group I was joining. I thought I was the only person to have a negative reaction, and started to worry that I was the one with a problem… until one day she said something and a different friend looked at me and rolled her eyes about what the other girl had said. THEN I KNEW! And it was glorious! We have successfully NOT made the Pushy Friend a constant topic of conversation, but it does come up from time to time and I do relish the storytelling of Pushy Friend’s latest antics even though I feel a little guilty.
I can definitely imagine Pushy Friend becoming the sort of parent who “needs” a key card and “helps” create different assignments for teachers to give to their students. I feel for you but I’m happy you got your wish. :-)
I love your blog and would not stop reading easily, Swistle, but I must say it really pains me to read the posts about this woman. Surely, I too have met some women that I think are really off their rockers. Mostly, when I meet these women I try to think how much color they add to my life. If nothing else, it is immensely satisfying to go home and tell (only) Fritz stories about what happened when she was around. And I could write the same last two sentences about a man. During periods of my life when I HAVEN’T known anyone I deem crazy, life has been a little dull, and I start wishing I knew someone who was a little more UNIQUE.
That said, I’m “pained” because it’s easy for me to imagine someone (or worst many someones) saying these types of things about ME when I’m not around. I’ve never done any of the things you mentioned your particular person doing, but I do go against the grain sometimes. AND I think it’s important to talk about things you care about deeply (even if it’s negative) and I think that sometimes somebody needs to rock the boat, otherwise nothing changes. Change isn’t always bad. It concerns me that the response to people challenging the status quo might be to circle the wagons and complain and then semi-publicly, behind their back, ostracize the person who has attempted to think differently. OUCH.
I know, I can see how it can definitely seem this way. But it seems like there’s a huge difference between someone who takes action to change things when they care deeply about something or have noticed an area of concern, and someone who challenges everyone on everything automatically as soon as she comes on the scene. I think just about everyone I know is challenging the status quo in one way or another—but hardly anyone is going around telling everyone they meet that they’re doing everything wrong (especially before even becoming familiar with the way things are done) and dismissing everyone else’s input on the issue, and asking to be treated as a special exception to all the rules. This particular woman doesn’t seem to care very much about what the status quo is: WHATEVER it is, she wants it changed. What she seems to like is the challenge and the fight for their own sakes: if things were the way she says she wants them, she’d be protesting to have them changed to something different.
Think of her as adding color to our lives as I talk about her here (though this completes the 3-post series): because of the magic of blogging, she can add uniqueness and craziness to ALL our lives. Also think of the intended blog topic not as ripping one person down, but as the more general topic of “Sometimes I worry that my difficulty getting along with someone indicates that I should stop participating in society altogether—that it’s a mistake for me to try, because apparently I can’t deal with people. Then it turns out that, to my relief, everyone else is having trouble with the same person—so I can relax and continue to participate after all, without worrying that it’s Only Me.”
This woman upset me not because she wants things changed, but because she talks like she can’t believe anyone would ever be so stupid as to do anything the way it’s being done, or that anyone might have legitimate reasons to continue doing it that way. Her tone and attitude are scornful and dismissive and condescending. To my relief, I found she’s talking that way to EVERYONE, including the principal.
GI VE ME THE SNIPS!!!