I just heard a little girl in our neighborhood shrieking in a voice that sounded like it was paused at just the right intervals to be punctuated by sharp, devastating kicks to the neck of a vile archvillain: “I !!! [*imagined kick*] Am a beautiful!!! [*imagined kick*] UNICORN!!!! [*kick kick kick*]” I’m thinking that would be good written on a t-shirt (without the kicks).
I just realized that the word “villian” is probably why it took me so long to learn that the word “village” doesn’t have an I before the A. But since it’s actually spelled villain, not villian, perhaps we need to dig a bit deeper for the larger solution to this puzzle.
[Edited to add: My brother just emailed to say he has this SAME ISSUE.]
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Rob, kindly, looking over my shoulder as I played a Webkinz game he’s much better at than I am: “How about this: I’ll just make a whistling noise every time I see you about to make a wrong move. *steady, extended whistling sound*”
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Me: “WHAT WAS THAT. Paul! I heard a noise, right outside the window!! Now I hear thumps, like someone is dropping rocks!! OMG NOW I HEAR SOMEONE ON THE ROOF!!!”
Paul: “It’s the walnuts dropping off the tree.”
Repeat once for each of the thirteen Septembers we’ve lived here.
[Edited to add: It was only when proof-reading this post that I realized we have a child with tree-nut allergies and a yard full of nut trees. Hm.]
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An update on the school volunteering situation (the comments on that post were SO EXTREMELY HELPFUL) is that I asked a couple of questions and then decided I would try it, and then I had VERY MIXED FEELINGS the minute I sent the email and hoped I hadn’t made a DREADFUL MISTAKE. But then I never heard anything back, even though they’d said they urgently needed help right away.
This is fairly typical. There are also urgent letters every year about desperately needing baked goods for the annual holiday fair, and every year I answer right away saying I can help, and every year I hear nothing back. And last year I got guilted into signing up to chaperon a field trip during my two hours of child-free time per day, and never heard anything (to my great relief). It would be tempting to take it a little personally, if I could think of a way to do so. As things are, I live in an area where people say, “Are you CRAZY?” when someone is expecting a third child, so it’s just as likely they’re looking at the list of volunteers and thinking, “Oh, god, five kids??? Let’s let her off the hook.”
I’ve really enjoyed getting to see William’s and Rob’s senses of humor in the last couple blogs! (Though since both instances were giving you a hard time, I’m not sure you are chuckling as much as I am – hopefully it’s a light-hearted, laughing-with sort of situation. If not, I apologize and trust they will learn to use their gifts more gently. Either way, they are pretty funny, as are you!)
Ha, yes, I laughed both times too! While saying “staaaaaaaap it” in a faux-whiny/crabby tone!
Is the “villiage” misspelling possibly related to the spelling of “foliage”? (Is that even right? Now everything looks wrong.)
But “foliage” is supposed to be pronounced foh lee ij, and now I am girding my loins for the coming months when the local newspeople say foh lij or foil ij and I try to to decide which I hate more.
Anyway, not silent. Also, spelling correctly is overrated.
We moved near 2 major league stadiums (stadia?) about 2 years ago. After each football and baseball game, they launch fireworks. At least once a week for the past 18 months, I have been gripped by the stunning realization that my city is being BOMBED. I am also a slow learner.
Ha – yeah…
“Is that thunder?”
“Nope, just fireworks.”
I love that Beautiful Unicorn pledge and will begin using it in my daily life.
Our school sends notes daily about how desperate they are for ANY help at all. I’ve signed up on four different lists (classroom, library, and 2 PTA all-inclusive lists) with three different ways to contact me and I have yet to hear one word in 3 weeks. Part of me is irritated because I want the Inside Information, but not irritated enough to do anything about it apparently.
With Eddie approaching 10 (TEN!) I am really starting to enjoy what a funny actual person he is…not just a kid.
Before our remodel, we had a metal awning on the back of the house, and every September, usually on a dark, cold and dreary pre-fall night, I would hear awful banging. Surely, someone was trying to get in! Um…no. It was the chestnuts falling off of our tree and bouncing off the awning. Every year.
Have you ever gotten a reply from them for anything? If not, perhaps your emails are being flagged as junk mail.
Yes: she sent back answers to my questions about the volunteer position.
Regarding the baked goods…do you think it is one of those situations where no additional follow up is needed and that you saying you were in means you just need to do it? That’s how it always worked in our school. Not sure how that would translate to the volunteer situation though, it seems like there would definitely have to be some further instructions there. Why does everyone have to make everything so HAAAAAAAAAAAARD?
No—the volunteer requests always say to let them know if you’re interested, and then they’ll get back to you about what they need and when. Which is good, because then it’s always a “the ball is in their court” situation. But also bad, because it invites “What if somehow some emails are going astray and they expected me on the 18th with brownies / at 9:00 with the minivan to pick up my four assigned students?” fretfulness.
“Repeat once for each of the thirteen Septembers we’ve lived here.”
I DIED.
The little girl reminds me of Helga from Hey! Arnold. I am picturing it as such.
Just wanted to say thanks for your earlier blog post about volunteering.
My kid started school for the first time (half day pre-k) and I stopped in at the office asking if they needed volunteer help. I specifically mentioned photocopying. Everyone was super enthusiastic and I spent my first 2 hour shift yesterday and am looking forward to doing it again today. It saves me walking a mile round trip back home/to school again and I’m providing a badly needed service to a very financially strapped school. I’ve been kicking around volunteering ideas, but wouldn’t have thought about photocopying if you hadn’t mentioned it.
I’m thinking the “I am a beautiful unicorn” shirt needs to be in your zazzle shop. I love that.
We moved out here in the country, where our property is surrounded on 3 sides by cow pasture & there is a cow pasture across the street as well. So endless cow vistas. First night there we are sleeping with the windows open (no a/c & it was June) and I wake up to this horrible horrible moaning noise around dawn. Sounds like the ghosts of murder victims buried under the concrete slab or something. I frantically wake my husband up and he listens and says “That’s what cows mooing sounds like.”
And at least once a year I freak out about the ghosts from the Indian burial ground or whatever it is the house is built over and he always says “Cows”.
But there are never any cows when I look around outside. I think he just doesn’t want to admit the place is haunted.
I commented a bit on the allergy post also. I have a tree nut allergy and growing up we had a black walnut tree in our backyard. My brother and I always collected the walnuts and played various hurling-them-at-each-other games. My hands always got gross nut stuff and sap on them. We just made sure I washed them really well (not any different from my brother…see sap, above) and I never had any kind of reaction. I was never told specifically not to touch my face or anything, so I’m sure at some point that happened, but again, no reaction. There is hope!
This is what I’m hoping. We’ve lived here her whole life and she’s never had a reaction from playing outside, so I’m hoping it’s not a big deal.
Hahaha to all of it. Also, I have to admit I would chop down every tree tomorrow, TONIGHT if the tree men have big enough lights on the trucks!
Hahaha to all of it. Also, I have to admit I would chop down every nut tree tomorrow, TONIGHT if the tree men have big enough lights on the trucks!
If it’s any consolation, I’ve ALWAYS spelled “villain” wrong. What makes it worse was the fact that my son’s football team for FOUR years was the Villains – and I STILL couldn’t get it right.
I would love an ‘I am a beautiful unicorn!’ t-shirt. I bet my son would want one, too.
Oh man, that comment about Rob whistling made me snort-laugh.
Honestly, I thought I was the only one who couldn’t spell village correctly.
I mean, villiage just looks right to me. I have to double check it every time I write it.
This has been a thing since I was a kid. In the sixth grade I wrote a book that I bound myself entitled “The Villiage.” It was embarrassing. Which brings me to another word I have trouble spelling EVEN THOUGH I SWEAR I’M AN EXCELLENT SPELLER!!
IS IT “EMBARRASSING”??? BECAUSE I CAN’T SPELL THAT ONE EITHER!!!
YESS!! I was 35 years old before I spelled that one correctly. Firefox kept underlining it, and I was all, ohh, shut up, I’ve tried every spelling! I do not want to admit how long it took me to google the spelling of it once and for all.
also, re: the volunteering, even though this is in another thread: I volunteered for the parent board at my kids’ preschool on friday. I have three kids, the oldest and the middle are currently at the school, and our youngest will be there eventually too, so we will be using the school for six consecutive years. My POINT being, I feel like I should be getting involved. My offer was met with a less than enthusiastic response. I wanted to die. I mean, she just kind of stared at me. Literally. I stammered that it probably wasn’t a good time to talk about it and left with my tail between my legs, and do not plan on bringing it up again. I have no idea why she was so dismayed by my offer, but, um, that’s cool, at least I tried.