In general, I mention books I like but I don’t mention the ones I dislike. I don’t mind making the mistake of steering you to try a book you might not like: all of us have different tastes and identify with different characters, so maybe you’ll love the book I loved, or maybe you won’t. For those same reasons, I don’t want to steer you AWAY from a book I hated but that you might otherwise have loved. But today I’m too mad to follow my own policy.
(photo from Amazon.com)
Five Days, by Douglas Kennedy. It will sound like I’m giving spoilers, but this is all in the description of the book. We begin with a woman in her early forties, children in high school and college, full-time job as a radiography technician. Her husband is drawn completely flat: he’s just an irrational jerk, all the time, no redeeming features. Meanwhile she is a saint, endlessly patient and kind in the face of his incessant irrational unkindnesses.
And goodness, she just never takes time for herself or pursues her dreams. On the worldwide spectrum, she is BEYOND rich and privileged: living children, a house to live in that is not a one-room hut with three generations in it, a nice/safe neighborhood in a nice/safe city, good health, plenty to eat, a satisfying job with an appreciative boss. But evidently she is insufficiently OVER-privileged and doesn’t have an EVEN BIGGER house in an EVEN BETTER location, has not traveled extensively, has not had a dream career. The author hammers home the point that we need to DO these things, we need to REALLY LIVE, before it’s TOO LATE—as if it makes ANY DIFFERENCE AT ALL, after we’re dead, whether we ever personally saw Paris with our own eyes. Goodness, what a waste of life 99% of humanity leads by not being rich Parisian ballerina-doctor-authors!
She goes to a work conference, where she meets a man. And you will never believe this, but HIS spouse doesn’t understand or appreciate HIM, EITHER!! And HIS spouse is ALSO drawn completely flat in a bad way, while he is drawn completely flat in a good way, JUST LIKE our protagonist! And this is the final thing to amaze us: HE NEVER TAKES TIME FOR HIMSELF OR PURSUES HIS DREAMS. He has a passport, but it sits unused. He never bought the leather jacket he wanted. It’s extremely, extremely sad.
When they start talking, it turns out that each of them feels absolutely patient with the flaws the other person’s spouse can’t seem to tolerate after a couple of decades of dealing with them. They bond over this: “Your wife has never really given you the kindness you need, has she?” and “Your husband has never really understood how wonderful you are, has he?” It’s an amazing connection they share. Also, it turns out, they both love words! This makes their conversations insufferable. And a huge chunk of the book is their conversations, none of which sounded natural to me at all. It’s the kind of “conversation” where each person takes a turn relating the many-pages-long polished trauma monologues designed to impress a new acquaintance: the loss of a first love, the imperfectness of a childhood, the failure to take an opportunity for greatness. Their spouses have already HEARD these gems, whereas now they have a fresh audience. It’s delightful!
Soon they have decided that even though they have known each other only a few days, this is a once-in-a-lifetime love: they shouldn’t let their unselfishness and their fear of change keep them from having a happy life together. I kept waiting for the author to reveal this for what it was, but NO! He AGREED with them! This was not a brief fling at a conference, this was TRUE LOVE!! It’s MEANT TO BE!!
I finished the book only with extensive skimming; I would have given it up, but I kept hoping it was going to take a turn for the better. Good characters need some flaws, or else they are boring. Bad characters need redeeming qualities, or else they are boring. A relationship may indeed turn out to be a once-in-a-lifetime love, but the “My spouse doesn’t understand me”/hotel-room stage is too soon to call it. “Finally going to Paris” / “Finally writing that bestselling novel” / “Dropping your whole life because people aren’t constantly mooning over you” is not the difference between a worthwhile life and a wasted one.
” “Dropping your whole life because people aren’t constantly mooning over you” is not the difference between a worthwhile life and a wasted one.”
You have a real knack with closing sentences on blog posts.
This book sounds dreadful. I do enjoy relationship novels, but it’s rare to stumble on to a really good one.
Yes, this book sounds dreadful. Have you read Me Before You by Jojo Moyes? Relationshippy, but very good and thought provoking.
Yes; I liked that one okay.
I’d be interested in hearing your take on my co-blogger’s review of it on my blog:
http://shelflove.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/me-before-you/
YES. I agree with her right down the line. One of the same complaints I had with Five Days: you’re apparently not Really Living unless you’re traveling and doing expensive things most of the world can’t do. Also completely predictable.
Yeaaaaah, that pretty much made me want to skip that one. (She and I have the same taste in books.)
I love Swistle rants.
Well, this is not making it onto my “must read” list now. :) For those of us who have experienced a spouse being unfaithful, books like this are UNPLEASANT to read. Thanks for the rant, and the warning.
” He never bought the leather jacket he wanted. It’s extremely, extremely sad.” A tragedy, to be sure, ha!
But! HE NEVER BOUGHT THAT LEATHER JACKET!
Oh Swistle, this post only makes me hope for MORE books that are so horrible you have to review them!
Swistle tweets people < Swistle reviews awful books, but only just :-)
Oh my goodness! You just wrote the review of this book that I wanted to write but never did. I thought the exact same things when I read it. I would also add that of course, both parties involved in the affair were the perfect parents for their (almost) grown children when their spouses were less-than-stellar parents.
BUT did you read the end? It was terrible.
Yes—I didn’t want to give away the ending, but I hated it too!
The final sentence of this post should be embroidered on pillows and handed out to every American household.
Reading about this book makes me hate The Bridges of Madison County a little bit less, because AT LEAST IT IS NOT THIS BOOK.
Sometimes bad reviews make me want to read the book because it sounds so implausibly awful. Not this time. I’ll stay away. ;)
This is a really great review. Thanks!
It’s too bad no one pays people to do negative reviews, because you could make a fortune. “It’s extremely, extremely sad” is my absolute favorite bit and I shall start using it immediately, probably mostly on my kids when they complain about not having a new something-or-other.
…I love you.
(not in a “please run away with me” kind of way!)
I just finished reading a news item about a vet’s painful decision to euthanize a dog brought into a shelter. And then on top of that, reading about a man who had to forego a leather jacket he wanted is almost more than I can handle.
Your usual wonderful wit and turn of phrase!
Not seeing Paris gives you a pass on sleeping with whoever you want to. Didn’t you know that?
Shoot, I’ve been to Paris several times.
HEEEEE. You & Shalini give THE BEST negative reviews. HEART.
“It’s extremely, extremely sad” is, by far, the best sentence I have read in a long time and one I undoubtedly will use repeatedly over the next several days. Possibly forever. Admittedly, I have never been married, let alone been in a “meh” marriage for a couple decades, but why is this fodder for an entire novel?