My mom and I were talking about menopause, and I didn’t check with her to see if it was okay to talk about that conversation on the internet and maybe I ought to do that before I hit publish. Okay, email sent.
Anyway, I was sighing about how menopause was probably next up on my life list, and she said she didn’t go through it until her mid-50s and neither did her mom (my grandma had the “thinking she was pregnant in her 50s, and that’s how she found out she was going through menopause” experience), so it was likely I wouldn’t either. And meanwhile celebrities older than me are still saying they’d love to have children when the time is right, and I see WebMD says the average age for menopause is 51, so I guess I can probably sigh about something else for awhile.
I remember when I was wondering when I’d have my first boyfriend, what I’d major in, when I’d get married, when I’d have babies, when I’d have the next baby, etc. Now it’s “I wonder when I’ll go through menopause?” and “I wonder when my neck skin will go?” Pff. Displeasing. A few months back I passed the “first white hair” milestone.
I think having all the kids in school does make the mind turn to “What’s next?” Actually, “having the last baby” was what really did it for me: when I knew Henry was the last one, it was like setting a timer. “He’ll be in school in X years, and THEN what?”
But I’m not really free, yet, either. I remember the winter I don’t think we went a single week without at least one appointment at the pediatrician and at least one kid home from school—and with the difference in wages, it would ALWAYS be me having to take the day off work. And I hate to be perceived as unreliable, and I remember how cranky everyone was at my last job about the co-worker who always had to bail because of a sick kid. And taking any job would likely mean reduced blogging income. And anyway the whole topic makes me feel weird and stressed and disinclined to look into it more at this point. Probably I’ll be a Certified Nursing Assistant: it’s a short degree (one semester, I think), and seems sensible/flexible. Plus, increases my usefulness in an apocalyptic situation. (My pharmacy job was good for that, too: I know what to grab first when we’re looting the drug store.)
“Pff. Displeasing.” is such an excellent phrase about how I feel about MANY THINGS.
I often wish I had more useful apocalyptic skills. I’ve told Chris he should feel free to leave me behind in a zombie apocalypse situation, because I will definitely be dead weight.
Now you must tell US all what to grab first when we loot OUR drugstores. (I think you can do this without risking your family’s safety. The odds of any two of us trying to loot the same store are remote.)
HAAAA. I love this comment.
My mother had her last child at 47 and HER mother was dead and buried at 48. So menopause, for me, is going to be a complete surprise, whenever it happens.
Ugh, the neck skin. I stress about it often. Also: jowls.
you will get both..believe me..no one except hollywood stars are spared and they just get surgery. at 58 i can tell you the 50’s is when everything (for me) started sagging..and i mean everything. parts of you sag that you never thought about sagging. but the jowl stuff and turkey neck are by far the worse because..hello.. it is what everyone sees. start saving for the surgery when you are young. if i could afford it i would get them lifted/tucked in a heartbeat.
Apocalyptic skills are always good.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
My grandmother and aunt (my mom’s older sister) both had hysterectomies in their early 40s. My mom is just now going through menopause in her mid-50s, so I’m assuming I’ve got a lot of childbearing years left. That being said, my 3 were born when I was between 24-27. I’m 30 now, and we’re trying to decide if we’re done or not. I definitely do not want to find myself pregnant in my 40s, because all of my kids will have graduated from high school by the time I’m 45.
Now that we’re probably done having kids, my husband and I have talked about my going back to work in a few years, once they’re all in school. As a high school English teacher, I would work a lot of hours for very little money, and like you, because of earning differences and job responsibilities, I would certainly be the one taking days off for sick children the vast majority of the time. I think I’m looking at either some more years of staying home (until sick children can stay home alone), or a career change. The thought of either makes my chest feel a bit tight.
My mom had me when she was 40 and I don’t remember when she had menopause, only that I was old enough to get that talk long before the birds and the bees. So I grew up with a jumbled sense of what happens to a woman’s body when.
And good luck with your decision. You’re super smart. You got this.
I don’t have a plan in case of a zombie attack or an apocalypse. Sometimes I feel like that’s the next stage for me. That, or a nursing home.
Oh, and I’m 51 and this perimenopause shit sucks. I wish I’d finally GET to menopause but I hear that’s not a piece of cake either. I guess I do know my zombie attack/apocalypse plan should include tweezers, though, or my facial hair will work well as a disguise!
Having worked in the medical field (I was a patient transporter for 4 years)…would you consider radiology tech instead? It’s longer (2 years I think) but you work through the school. And I could see you sitting there talking baby names with an ultrasound wand in your hand. It’s a much cushier job with less chance of getting pooped or barfed on by people who are not your children, plus it’s less stressful and you don’t have to be on your feet the whole time like you are when you’re an NA. I’m sure you understand what all being an NA entails without my help, but lots of people don’t realize how awesome the tech jobs are without having worked in a hospital, or that it’s not a ton more school. Just something to look into if it sounds appealing.
I am a rad tech and it is an awesome job. That was a great suggestion. The nice thing is that if you don’t want to work full time a lot of hospitals and clinics have per diem jobs where you just go in when they need you – and you can say no. It is a 2 1/2 yr program, but I have noticed a trend toward bachelors degrees. I’m not sure I would recommend it for somebody with kids – it was a hard program and really stressful. And you do work through school – but you aren’t getting paid for it, it the clinical part of the school, so technically you were paying them for the pleasure of working all those hours. You have to do more training or go to school to do ultrasound or CT scans or MRI. The pay is really great, especially if you are a per diem, then they generally pay you more since you don’t get benefits. Anyway, good luck with your decision, Swistle, just wanted to throw some more info out about the rad tech career.
I like the idea of it, but the employers would be too far away—about 35 minutes. The nice thing about a CNA is that we have two nursing homes and a home-assistance program in town.
As a 46-year-old who has been in perimenopause for a few years now, I get frustrated when articles talk about menopause without defining their terms. Do they mean menopause = “all done, no periods here” or menopause = “the change is underway”? IME the change can drag on for QUITE A WHILE and be very unpredictable. I suspect that 51 might be the average age when women are done with periods (strict definition of menopause, no periods for a year), which means lots of women are in perimenopause in their mid- through late-40s. Hot flashes, irregular cycles, mood swings, and night wakings can all go on for years. Those of us who had kids in our 30s are just barely out of tending to our children’s night wakings when our own start up!
I hope it’s a long way off for you yet, Swistle. :-)
Even more fun? Going through all those hormonal changes at the same time your teen daughter is going through hers. Yup, Mother Nature can be cruel. I stopped at age 47, but the two years preceding that were a roller coaster. NOT FUN. And then, when you are fully into menopause, it’s weird – here you’ve spent the better part of 30 years sort of used to a predictable cycle of feelings and emotions throughout the month, and suddenly there is NOTHING happening. I’m not emotional anymore, I’m sort of on an even keel all the time – this must be how men feel ALL THEIR LIVES. No wonder they can’t figure us out.
I must be going through perimenopause, based on your comments and the fact that I just had a “Oh hell! Am I pregnant?” (I’m not, thank goodness). I can only assume that’s what it is, because my mother died before we could ever have this particular discussion.
As for the “What then?” well, that’s exactly where I’m at right now with my one and only off to college. The job keeps me busy during the weekday but just what am I supposed to do with all this other time now?
What about a dental assistant instead of a CNA? It seems like it would be comparable in duration, with the possibility of further advancement if you liked, without the nasty aspects of CNA work. Just a thought (I drive by a “Dental Assistant in 10 Saturdays!” banner several days a week).
Wait, my neck skin is going to go to he!!!?
You know, nothing is wrong with being a mom too – you’re doing something :)
When I was a sahm when my kids were little, I sometimes felt pressure to “do something”…after I divorced and HAD to work – I felt like I missed out on so much time with my kids.
Now that I have been laid off (right when summer started), I’ve been enjoying my kids so much (they are nearly the age when they won’t want to hang out with mom), that I am thankful I’ve had this time with them. I wonder if I’ll feel the weird pressure to again “do something” after they’re back in school?
Well, I hope you won’t think this is creepy, Swistle – but I did have a dream the other night after reading your post. It involved you having a late surprise baby. It was a girl, and you named her Lucy.
Oh neat! I love dreams like that! I dreamed awhile back that I had a baby boy and realized I’d forgotten to choose a name! (AS IF.)
Hey there Swistle-
I’ve been navigating peri-menopause since 46; it sucks big time. I finally went to my doctor when upon recounting my almost non-existent patience and keen desire to actually rip someone’s head off, my officemate, who is 10 years my senior, mentioned not unkindly ‘what age did your mom go through menopause?’ Duh. Of course. Hadn’t even occurred to me until then. And apparently this part can go on for up to 8 years!! I asked my doctor for something to help me stop yelling at my kids… I take prozac and if needed, an anti-anxiety med (clonazapam, I think) – they help immensely. Helps that my husband understands too (not that he has a choice, but it does help that he gets it). Oh, and my periods have changed to this crazy mega flow but for shorter duration of days thing-mega flow like it’s literally hard to keep up with for a few days. My doc said ‘it’s your body sort of becoming more efficient…’ Why didn’t any of my wise women warn me about this??!! Ew. At this rate, I expect I’ll be happy when menopause finally arrives… hang in there. Breathe.
Oh, and for fairly easy money, have you considered transcription? Colleges and hospitals often need transcription of lectures, visits, etc. It’s work you can do at home… take a medical terminology course. Unless part of your desire is to be out of the house…