I am panicking, and I find it helps to write out the panic; once I see it in writing, I switch into “What if someone else were saying these same things?” and I get more reasonable. (“Why doesn’t this person just…?” Ha.)
Here is what set me off: Edward (he’s 8) had a playdate at our house. I couldn’t tell if it went well or not, if I should be interfering less or more in their disagreements, if Edward’s social skills were normal or advanced or sorely lacking, if the other boy was typical or a concern. I came out of the experience feeling wrung out and like I don’t know how to do anything, and also HATING having to deal with the kids’ social lives. I don’t even like to deal with my OWN social life, but THEIRS?? I have to manage OTHER PEOPLE’S??
And it’s not just a matter of “I hate to do it,” it’s that I don’t know how to do it. There’s this precarious feeling of I COULD BE WRECKING EVERYTHING BY NOT KNOWING WHAT I’M DOING. I could be getting my kids involved with people who are bad for them, and I could be encouraging them to act in ways that attract more of that. I could be over-interfering/under-interfering. When I THINK I’m teaching social skills, I could ACTUALLY be passing on my social anxieties/mistakes, not only genetically but by example and training. I don’t know if that’s even avoidable; it might just be one of the things my kids will have to work through, the way we all have to work through things we get from our parents.
This one single playdate has spiraled me off into a whole “How am I supposed to get these kids safely to adulthood?” panic attack. It’s the “peer contact/influence and social life in general” version of that attack, and it has combined tidily with the “THERE IS TOO MUCH TO TEACH THEM AND I’M FAILING TO COVER IT ALL” version. Furthermore, the things about the other boy that made me wonder if he might be “a concern” reminded me strongly of Henry, so then I’m panicking about THAT, TOO. And then of course there are my own interactions with the other boy’s mother to fret about, both current (“Was I too weird? I shouldn’t have referred to drinking”) and future (“What if she calls and tries to arrange another playdate but Edward doesn’t want to? What if she knows her boy is A Concern, and she’s hoping these playdates will help?”).
I’m remembering two things from my own social life as a child, but I don’t know how specific those were to me and my particular social preferences. The first is that it did NO GOOD for my parents/teachers to set up playdates with kids they thought I’d like. And it didn’t work to try to make people be friends with a misfit: learning to seek out other misfits was something I had to figure out myself, and it was a very useful life tool: by the time I was in high school, I knew not to chase popular kids, and I knew there were good friends and good alliances to be found among the unpopular kids. INVALUABLE. But perhaps I didn’t have to figure that out? Perhaps that’s something we COULD teach kids? I don’t know. And there can also be danger in the misfit crowd: it’s not like “being a misfit” automatically equals “being an awesome person who has been rejected by the mainstream for stupid and superficial reasons.”
The second thing I’m remembering is that as a teenager I was very annoyed any time my mom made my social life “about her.” I didn’t see what my social choices had to do with my parents AT ALL, GAH MOM. Now I see it from more a Mom Perspective and it looks different to me: of COURSE we wonder if it’s our fault when our kids struggle or make poor choices. Certainly SOCIETY gives us the side-eye about it. But their social lives ARE theirs. Their friend choices WILL affect their lives—but THEY will choose those friends. I can try to expose them to Nice Kids all I want, but I don’t really know which kids are Nice, and I don’t really know which ones will be good friend choices and which ones won’t be. As I child I had some dicey-seeming friends from dicey families, and some of them turned out dicey—and some of them were excellent. I also had some Nice friends from Nice families who turned out to be bad choices and not at all Nice.
Here’s another thing: some of my childhood experiences with Bad Choice friends are what TAUGHT ME WHAT A BAD CHOICE FRIEND WAS. From the outside, in the parent role, it can look like “This is a bad choice for my child”—and yet it’s the very thing that kept me from some bad choices later on (“Ick, this is reminding me of that bad friend; I think I’ll back away”), when the stakes were higher. But it didn’t have to go that way, and how could anyone tell ahead of time whether it would be a lesson or an influence?
AND, this is yet another of those situations where if we WANT to blame/credit our parents, we can blame/credit them no matter what they did: “My parents kept forcing me into social situations I wasn’t comfortable with, so I learned to deal with them!” / “My parents kept forcing me into social situations I wasn’t comfortable with, so I learned to avoid social stuff and also that my parents wanted to be someone other than who I was.” Or “My parents never gave me experience with social situations, so I never learned to deal with them” / “My parents never forced me, so I had time and space to learn and become comfortable in my own way.” And of course each set of parents will have their OWN experiences to work with: “I was shy and my parents really helped me by setting up playdates, so I’ll do the same for my kids”—which leads to the next generation saying “My parents set up playdates and it was the worst thing ever, so I won’t do that to my kids.” SIGH WHY IS IT ALL SO HARD
Yes.
My kid is a misfit kid (example: when other little girls in her class were agog about Hannah Montana, she had no interest in Hannah whatsoever). She is bright, shy, kind to other kids and interested in science and other things the other “normal” girls are not. We have had a number of talks about how you can be pleasant to others even if you are not the best of friends with them. I encouraged her to be in Girl Scouts for some years in the hope she’d have a circle of “kind-of-friends” for school purposes. She has, over the years, found a few friends who share her interests, and I am hoping that being in band in high school (9th grade this year) will help her find a place to fit in, too.
But… yes.
You and your daughter may enjoy: https://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-it-looks-like-when-the-king-of-the-nerds-gives-your-infant-daughter-a-pep-talk-7?c=gt1
This! And my oldest is eight and I have two more to go and I am RUINING their LIVES with (insert social issue, school choice, no play dates, sports team avoidance here). I hate most people (people, gah!) but want my kids to have friends! Sigh.
Of course, lots of parents don’t know that their kid is/should be a “concern.” Not that I’m suggesting you point it out! I’m more in the let’em-figure-it-out camp (within reason). In a similar situation, I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best and gave the kid the side eye. I was so happy when one of my oldest’s regular playdates moved away and also happy when by the time the kid moved, mine had figured out the he wasn’t a good friend. The kid was totally “bi-strategic.” I learned that word from “Nurture Shock” by Po Bronson. Kids know, teachers (usually) know, but parents are totally fooled by the mean popular kids.
I feel like after a pretty elementary age (depends on the kid, but before age 10 I’d guess), the parent’s role vis-a-vis their kids’ social lives becomes (1) logistical — getting the kid to/from play dates or sleepovers, dropping them at the movies, making calls to arrange details with other parents (though I remember by age 9 or so, I did a lot of the phone-calling directly to the other kid and our parents hardly ever interacted); and (2) consultative — checking in with your child in as breezy way as possible to try to gauge how things are going with various friends, whether right after a play date (did you have a good time? do you think he did? what was the deal with [the skirmish over the Xbox or whatever]?) or out of context (during car rides, etc — do you have any friends you want to invite over this weekend? who do you eat lunch with at school?).
Like, you want to be involved enough to know generally what’s going on and be there for your kid if something is going awry for them socially, but you don’t have to police or manage every moment of their interactions, you know? (I am basing this almost entirely on my own experience growing up and what I observed of others, since I do not as yet have an older child.) I feel like trying to steer your kid toward particular friendships/peer groups almost never works, as you suggested, but I also think being completely hands-off is problematic. I mean, sometimes because of your own adult/community friendships/connections, your kid(s) will have to spend time with kids they wouldn’t choose on their own, but that’s a good life skill to have and it’s not the same as “my mom decides who I can/can’t hang out with.”
By the way, even with a 3-year old I stress about social interactions, because I have observed on a number of occasions that other girls will be mean to F, and she either doesn’t realize it or she just kind of gives way, and it takes everything I have not to do something about it — I don’t even know WHAT, but something. And also, I’ll think a playdate was a disaster because the kids both ended up crying or couldn’t share, but afterward F says she had the time of her life. It’s all a mystery, honestly.
I suspect you’re already doing everything well and right, because that’s who you are — you might WORRY that you’re getting it wrong, but because you’re so empathetic and in-tune with what’s going on with people, you’re apt to be making good judgments and reacting the way your kids need to without even realizing it.
These are great suggestions. I totally suggest checking in with Edward and taking cues from him, too.
Like the previous commenter I totally suggest checking in with Edward to see what he thought of the play date and the friend. Could lead to some good conversations about topics in general based off of the behavior he witnessed from his friend.
What Lawyerish said times infinity!
For me, part of the post-playdate anxiety would be related to the fact that I don’t like to have other people’s children in my house. (It’s not that I ACTIVELY dislike them; I’m nice and fun while they’re with us; I’m just really happy when they go home.) So there’s that.
My daughters are now 15 and nearly 12, and I’ve always been pretty hands-off when it comes to their friendships. I never arranged playdates or outings with other kids unless they asked, so I never felt like I was forcing them to spend time with people they didn’t enjoy. My older daughter is a bit socially awkward like me and has a hard time building friendships, so while it was tempting to force her to spend time with girls I thought would be “good” for her, I sat on my hands and let her figure it out. She learned the hard way about not chasing the popular crowd, and while it was really tough to see her go through it I think ultimately it was good for her–experience really is a good teacher, even though it’s so so awful to see your kid crying over rejection. Plus, now she has great friendships with girls I wouldn’t have picked for her, so in the end it worked out better than anything I would have arranged.
This is long-winded, but I do hope it helps to hear experiences from other parents. I know that what works for one of my kids rarely works for the other and I only have two to manage; it must be extra tough to come up with FIVE different parenting strategies! LOL
I’d say that you make the rules at your house and it’s perfectly fine to intervene if people are doing things they shouldn’t around you and to redirect things in a way that makes you happy. Even if that’s a bizarre, not-socially acceptable thing. The kid can go home and exclaim, “Edward’s mom is SO WEIRD as soon as he’s able.” Hopefully Edward will be in many houses for many playdates and will get a clear view of how things work in general and how that may compare to his own home.
Ugh. I know. We’ve been trying to “quietly encourage” our kids to hang with the kids who seem better to us–while keeping our ears pricked for any “unpleasantness.”
So far, the oldest has managed to get a very solid best friend. She did have a few playdates with a questionable one for a while, but I sort of encouraged it as this girls was ALSO friends with the BFF, and Mary was having to deal with sharing her. And it’s always good to learn to deal with THOSE people, too. Mary figured out all on her own that the girl was not worth her time, but she also knows to at least stay on friendly terms with her since the BFF is still friends with her.
My son and younger daughter haven’t really had very many playdates, but my son has a few boys we encourage him to hang with when possible. But Izzy hardly ever gets invited anywhere, and we’re not exactly sure why. She is a goofy, high-maintenance child, so maybe she’s got that going against her with other parents. Is she one of THOSE kids? Teachers tell us every year that she is actually well-liked by ALL, but why no phone calls? And Izzy is very sensitive about it. She finally got a playdate a few months ago with a girl I know is actually even more high maintenance than she is. When the two get together, it’s just chaos. Do I keep encouraging this chaotic friendship since it’s the only one seemingly being offered right now, or do I try to impose my goofy daughter on other girls/parents who may not be able to deal with my weird kid? UGH!
This post makes me think I must be missing a chip in my brain that allows me to analyze myself and my interactions with others. I usually say what I think and try to be friendly and funny, and if people like me – great, if we don’t hit it off, that’s fine too. I don’t remember ever thinking – as a child or an adult – that I was deliberately making a friend “choice” bad or otherwise. Nor do I ever think to blame or credit my parents for my personality or how I interact with others (maybe I should if I don’t know how to analyze these things!). I guess I do remember, especially as a teenager, that parental discouragement of any relationship only encouraged me to foster it.
Since almost all of your kids’ relationships at these ages will be short-lived, whether they are good or bad, I would try to let them play themselves out. At 8, I wonder what behaviors would be a “concern” vs. a BIG RED FLAG. It may be different for some people, but I would expect rough-housing, some foul language, and even trying to get away with impressing each other by doing stupid and/or dangerous stuff. Did they start a fire indoors? Kill anything bigger than a bug? Drink your booze or steal your car? Seriously hurt anybody on purpose? Big RED flags for me :)
I try and let the kids sort out their own disagreements, but I do step in when I’m witnessing Egregious Human Behavior. I’ve been known to sit down and have a talk with all parties involved when someone’s being unpleasant. I really struggled for a while with one of my daughter’s friends, who gets on my nerves like you wouldn’t believe. I somehow felt that, just because she’s a kid, I should like her. It was very freeing when I realized that a**hole behavior is a**hole behavior, whether it’s out of an adult or a kid — but with a kid that’s not my own, I feel free to step in and tell them to knock it off or go home.
I have also struggled with the feeling of OMG this parenting job is overwhelming and how will I ever teach it all? It helps me to remember that the kids will follow my good example, so if I am a basically decent and kind person, they will pick that stuff up no matter how else I screw it up.
omg this is what stresses me about Jack getting older.
What if the one kid your kid LOVES has like the worst manipulative fuckbag parents ever? Should I refuse to have this kid over because dealing with the parents fills me with rage and hate? that doesn’t seem fair to the kids.
Yes, to all of this. Who knew there were SO MANY LEVELS on which to freak out/obsess/RUIN EVERYTHING?! ;) My boys are only 5 and 2, so I’m not quite at this stage – but I don’t lack for worries to anticipate, as I look back on my own adolescence and realize that while it all added up to a pretty benign rebellion, it could have gone SO VERY WRONG in SO MANY WAYS, and (I think) my parents had NO IDEA, and so how will I know? and how will I be able to help? And also I have boy children, who even now are sometimes so FOREIGN to me in the way they process things, and ZOMG I AM NOT UP TO THE TASK…
Yes, these are all feelings which require capital letters. My latest/current freakout is over my lack of enthusiasm/WILLINGNESS to rearrange our entire family’s lives to schedule a bunch of playdates with my older boy’s new classmates. You know, to help him make friends before school starts. This causes all sorts of defensive selfish feels on my part, starting with, why don’t they JUST make friends once school starts, like regular people, and HELICOPTER MUCH? and wow, really I am bitching about the hassle in scheduling?! WHO LET ME REPRODUCE? and also, if this bugs me so much, is this a sign that we are SO not going to fit in at this new school?
Never mind that all of this anxiety says everything about ME and next to nothing about how my actual children interact with their actual peers. At any rate, I try to remind myself that I truly believe these sorts of pre-emptive frets are a sign that we WILL be fine – kind of like how we told ourselves that freaking out about having children in the first place meant we already had the right basic instincts, because this shit is hard, yo.
I am also a huge fan of the medicinal powers of a glass of red wine, plus a minimum of two squares of Ghiradelli dark chocolate sea salt with caramel. Put the chocolate in the freezer. Trust me on this.
Well, you hit the nail on the head in so many ways! And I, too, don’t like to manage my own social life, so yeah….Of course this ‘how well does my kid navigate the social, real world’ problem never goes away, and in fact morphs into boyfriend/girlfriend situations, and then what do you do if you’re not thrilled with their choices? (That is where I am at with my oldest – 19 – and his first serious girlfriend, which leaves me truly overwhelmed). No answers here, I’m afraid. I do like all the advice stated, and generally it’s what I try to do – poke my nose in a bit with questions and logistics, then stay out of it and head for the wine! (And by the by, I almost always end up referring to ‘drinking’ when transferring kids back and forth. Those two things go hand in hand in my mind). You really do spell out these mind contortions we mother’s go through so very well, though!
I guess this is one of those times that it is NOT helpful to muse about how much worse it will be when the question isn’t who they are playing with (and how) but who they are “dating.” Though I’m told kids don’t “date” anymore, so I guess there’s that. Aigh!
No, they hook up instead. Isn’t that great?
Not clear most of them do (thank goodness):
http://ideas.time.com/2013/07/23/what-everyones-getting-wrong-about-the-college-hook-up-culture/ .
I wrote an entire book practically in response and deleted it because it boiled down to the fact that I failed to realize before I had kids how confusing and sometimes anxiety producing the social-life aspect of an older kid would be. Oldest is far more extroverted than I ever was so I have no frame of reference for him. I often wish I could gaze into a crystal ball and seethe future and that I didn’t screw him up by either being too uninvolved in his social life or not being involved enough in trying to help him make good friend choices. Am trying to figure out what particularly triggers my stress because from all outward signs, the stress is all mine alone, Oldest either doesn’t think much about social stuff or doesn’t really care.
I have had to think several times “don’t let your social anxieties cloud how you feel about C’s social life.” Because oh man I get all nervous for him and he just doesn’t care. But then I do have to deal with the parents at his age (5) and it fills me with anxiety. For example, there is a girl he used to go to preschool with and they both love playing together and play really well together. We’ve invited her over twice because C has begged me to but I can’t bring myself to email her mom again because why hasn’t she emailed me? I mean, I get that things get busy, especially during the Summer but I feel like both play dates have gone really well so I can’t figure out why she doesn’t want C to come over to play, unless she sees him as “a Concern” and while he is a little intense at times, he adores the girl and I’ve never seen him be anything but adoring to her. Bah! Just know you are not alone.
I get anxious about things like that too, but I would say, until her mom starts coming up with excuses to not come over to play, keep inviting her over. Who knows why her mom hasn’t reciprocated? Maybe her mom wants to her keep having playdates with your son, but she doesn’t like to have people at her house for some reason (my mother is loathe to have non-family members in her house) and it’s awkward to invite yourself over to someone else’s house.
I have something similar with one of my daughter’s friends: my daughter ONLY wants to play at the friend’s house because it’s so awesome and because her friend has sisters instead of dumb old brothers, AND my daughter’s friend is shy at our house but comfortable at her own house, and I overheard her telling my daughter she’d rather play at her house. But…then…how to handle, from my end? ACK.
Oh this I know! Different currencies! Figure out what might you have to offer. I’m not sure how this would work for children, but with adults we figure it out. Our home is small and I don’t like to cook, but I am an excellent guest and will bring over anything you like (veggie tray purchased at store? desserts from a good bakery? ALWAYS WINE) and I will always help with the dishes and I will think of multiple potential conversation topics ahead of time and so I feel no guilt about not returning the favor of adult hosting.
For kids, I’m not sure what to offer. Extra car pooling? Art supplies? A big not at home playdate once in a while? Supportive listening and extra effort to be included in any group dynamics?
This topic in general makes me want to start crying. I’m glad I’m not the only one with playdate anxiety. I am a really social person, and I usually have no trouble making friends or talking to people. But I worry, worry, worry so much about how to set up playdates for my little boy with his peers (setting up playdates with my friends and their kids is no problem). But kids from the neighborhood and preschool? I’m not so great.
I’m just glad to realize I’m not the only one having anxiety melt downs over these stupid play dates and the fact that I can’t bring myself to arrange any and if I ever do I hate every minute of them and this is unfair to my child and I am screwing him up for life and gaahhhhh who invented the play date anyway curse that wretched individual.
Wow, this is bringing up a number of troubling memories. Like pretty much the entirety of junior high.
I empathize with your worries. When I taught pre-k I was horrified when I overheard things like “You can’t sit here,” or “I’m not inviting you to my party”–I couldn’t believe that crap started that early. I did my best to intervene, but I wonder, really, how much grown-ups can help, because most of the eye-opening, painful learning happens when none are around.
I remember hearing over and over again when I was young that Things Will Be So Much Better When You’re Older. My parents were sort of right, it turns out–things are much better, but it’s not like the exclusionary stuff ever ceased. It just ceased to hurt so much. It would be more accurate to say things like Eventually You Will Get Used to People Being Jerks, Someday You Will Be Worried about Much Scarier Things, and Someday Your Life Will Be SO MUCH Bigger Than This.
Think about it, sweetheart – this playdate was in your house, right? HOW BAD COULD IT BE? And that there is the key – keep your house open to friends coming over, because you get a good sense over a matter of weeks as to whether or not they are good playmates for your kids. And (surprise!) most of them are. There really is a wide range of friends your child will enjoy, and he WILL refuse to play with people he doesn’t want to play with. Pretty much lay down the rules of the house with the kids from the first time they come over (mine are, ask for food, don’t take it; rowdy playing belongs in the basement; really rowdy playing belongs outside; don’t bother the adults). How do you know what the rules are? They are whatever makes you happy. We don’t allow screen time when kids come over, but I know that is radical. Believe it or not, they come over anyway.
As the kids age, it will change; but by then you know their friends and their choices well enough to change with them. It is really easier than it looks. Also, if you notice your kids choosing unhealthy friends, don’t think you are getting rid of the problem simply by getting rid of the friends. Try to figure out why your child is gravitating toward these kids in the first place.
Love your rules! if only I had a yard. or even a basement.
You just reminded me of all the stress of having a small child with a social life….thanks.
Actually, with mine, I only had to step in twice regarding his choice of friends. I never outright forbade him to hang out with those kids – but we did talk about how friends are supposed to treat each other and he eventually cut the so-called “friends” loose on his own.
I understand the pressure – because the character of the kids your child hangs out with (especially when they are older) means a lot. Peer pressure works both ways – for good and bad.
I think if you keep an open dialogue with Edward about his friends, you will probably find that in the end it will all be okay.
And yes, to repeat what someone else said, you want the kids to hang out at your house – no matter how stressful. Mainly because this gives you a lot of insight.
Oh man. My daughter is only one so this doesn’t really apply to me yet, but I think I’m going to just never let her socialize with anyone but my friends’ kids. That’s reasonable, right? There are several her exact age who will be in school with her so its not IMPOSSIBLE. (hooray for tiny towns and finding new friends at baby activities)
This is so timely. Just yesterday I was confiding to my friend that I worry about my daughter starting kindergarten in a few weeks. She will thrive on the school part, but I worry that the social part will hurt her currently healthy self esteem. While she’s not painfully shy like I always was, she seems to have trouble clicking with other kids. I DON’T KNOW WHY. As far as I can tell, she is friendly and sweet and fun.
I worry that I passed something on to my daughter, either genetically or by example, that is ruining her chances of making friends in school. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or if there’s something there that I still don’t get. But, as I told my friend, I was always (happy to be) the teacher’s #1 helper because I had no clue about dealing with the other kids. My daughter *wants* to play with the other kids, but gets rebuffed. When she gets hurt by it, I don’t know what to tell her.
I spent so much tiem learning it’s okay to be introverted and now I learn it may hurt my children…. BOOO.
I have absolutely no valuable advice to offer, but I cackled aloud at this: “learning to seek out other misfits was something I had to figure out myself.” Yes, I’m already looking out on a lifetime of excellent friends who were originally selected for their just-right level of misfitness. And I am confident that worked in both directions. Another brilliant Swistleism.
My daughter has had trouble navigating the social part for about two years now (she’s eight.) She’s constantly finding friends who will say (the equivalent of) “You can ONLY be friends with ME and sit by ME and play with ME in the playground, and if you try to play with/ talk to/ sit with anyone else, there will be HELL TO PAY.” We’ve talked it through ad nauseam and I’ve given her tools and ideas, but my daughter is a pleaser and doesn’t want to cut anyone loose. It’s so painful. And I never had any friends during my own misfit childhood, let alone fiercely protective stalker-friends. So I have no idea how to navigate this. I’m sure it’s at least half my daughter’s fault. She can’t have this pattern without participating in it. But I have no idea how to fix it or if it will just fix itself or what. Arrrrrgh.
All of which to say: I feel you, Swistle.
I feel you. It’s a rare child that I enjoy having in my house other than my own. What play dates? What are those things? I can barely manage my own social life!
I think we have to let our kids make their own friendship decisions, but we should give them lots of support as they are doing it. I definitely give my girl more explicit directions about what things work/don’t work when you are trying to make friends than my parents ever gave me. But I still stand back. I can’t do it for her, but I can help her process things a bit. She’s learned a lot at her Montessori preschool.
It was really hard though, though, was when my preschooler’s best school friend told her she didn’t want to play with her any more late in the year. I held back a lot because I didn’t want to put my interpretation on it as my daughter was sorting through the mixed messages, but now I wish I had reflected back more of what she was feeling and thinking. Really miserable car conversations and nightmares and some acting out out of misery. :( I just tried to be as sympathetic and supportive as I could without badmouthing the other little girl. I was a wuss when the friend’s mother was talking about getting together over the summer and I didn’t say a thing about it (maybe I was too astounded at the suggestion?). She clearly had no clue that the girls had “broken up.” Meanwhile I was not about to restart something that was causing my kiddo such misery. And her teachers appeared to have no clue or interest, either, which kind of pissed me off. For some kids, that adult obliviousness means that they have to endure bullying situations, and I’m really not okay with that. Maybe we were lucky that my daughter was able to talk to me about it.
Wow, and yes. My boy is getting ready to start Kindergarten, and due to a recent-5-states-away-move, he went from having 3 circles of friends (school, church, family) to having a mess o’ cousins that live an hour away. He’s waaaaay more social than I am, and I’m consistently embarrassed by his very loud “HELLO” and wave- to anyone he sees. Adults walking the dogs, teens in a store, kids on a playground- he doesn’t chase after just the popular kids, he chases everyone. Like he’s desperate for social situations, and surely that’s my fault for not properly continuing his “natural” social life?
So please, please, pretty please, have a second post on this- where you read all these comments and maybe talk to Edward and drink some wine and try whatever, and then come back and tell us all what happened :)