Personality test! Ready?
1. You have a dream in which you’re an alcoholic: you look in the mirror and your face is ravaged, you’re at a check-up and your doctor says you need to check into a facility, etc. You:
a. Conclude that the universe, a deity, or some mystical aspect of your own consciousness (a part that knows more than you do) is Trying To Tell You Something.
b. Conclude that dreams are weird, and/or that your worry that you’re drinking too much is coming out in your dreams, and/or that your worry that someone else is drinking too much is coming out in your dreams, and/or that the alcoholic’s memoir you just read is coming out in your dreams.
2. You are wrestling with the issue of whether to have a baby. You suddenly start seeing pregnant women and babies and stroller sales EVERYWHERE. You:
a. Conclude that the universe, a deity, or some mystical aspect of your own consciousness (a part that knows more than you do) is Trying To Tell You Something.
b. Conclude that you are preoccupied with the issue of whether to have a baby, and so are highly attuned to elements related to that theme.
3. You have given your child a name. Now you are hearing that name EVERYWHERE. You:
a. Conclude that the name got way more popular after you used it.
b. Conclude that because that name is your child’s name, you are now much more highly attuned to other uses of it than you were before you used it.
4. A Big Controversial Thing happens. You:
a. Feel a rush, and get right onto the internet to start interacting with others about it.
b. Feel a cringe, and stay away from the internet, and avoid interacting with others about it.
c. State publicly on the internet that you are cringing and avoiding interacting, but actually keep interacting.
d. Invisibly monitor the fallout/reactions on the internet, but stay completely out of it.
5. Your small child says something like, “But Mommy, why do we have to HAVE war?” You:
a. Assume that the question comes from a place of Deeper Wisdom and The Way Things Ought To Be, and answer with tears and hugs and a renewed inner wish for A Better World For Our Children.
b. Conclude that the question comes from a place of Asking Questions and Having An Immature Brain, and answer with a list of possible reasons (money, land, religious differences, the inherent fightiness of the human species, etc.).
6. There is a big scandal in which someone has committed a crime (stealing, adultery, etc.) and then lied to cover it up. You:
a. Are even more outraged about the lying than about the crime.
b. Think the only sensible thing to do if you’ve committed a crime is to lie about it.
7. You are feeling unhappy about some extra weight. You:
a. Eat less/differently, start exercising.
b. Eat some cookies and Cheetos to cheer up.
8. You’re making a multiple-choice test, and you suddenly realize that such tests usually have a scoring system. You didn’t have a scoring system in mind when you started, though, and so the only thing that ties any of the answers together is “What you’d do” versus “What a whole assortment of different types of people do.” Which is a particularly lame way to score a test, now that you think of it. You:
a. Scrap the whole test. Never mind.
b. Publish it anyway.
I know it makes for a book-length comment, but this way there’s no scrolling necessary to see what answers go with what questions.
1. b – dreams are weird, memoir influencing them.
2. b – attuned to seeing babies
3. a – I think this is a unique social phenomenon, I’ve seen it happen with so many of my friends’ kids, but I have no idea *how* it happens. (I do not have any children myself.)
4. n/a – I rarely even comment on people’s blogs, I am only doing so now because there are no replies yet and find I have strong opinions on these queries.
5. b – This answer comforts ME. I think that you are such a good mother, this thoughtful process astounds me.
6. a. Lying about your crime is worse!
7. b – cookies and cheetos. Sweet first, then salty.
8. b – This was fun!
I love this. For the record, I answered the last choice for every question.
I turn every test into an essay test in my head. I’ll spare you.
6b made me laugh. Re fielding tough questions from children I may have learned my lesson. A five year old asked me where babies come from. I thought I gave a good response, but the kid then laughed in my face and said men don’t make babies. WHATEVER.
LOVE.
Scoring systems are overrated. I much prefer reading the questions and answers alone!
Hey…LoaDW, don’t you have something you need to tell the Internet?!?
:)
Oh, but I was so hoping for a scoring system so I could see where I ranked on the scale of Swistleness!
7 – the correct answer is B! ;)
This is fantastic. And if you remember Cosmo quizzes at all, the scoring system would have been something like: Mostly As – you’re a religious freak. Mostly Bs – you’re a psychopath. Mostly Cs – you’re perfect. And you’d think, hmm, since I answered a combo of all, I am exactly in the middle with everyone else in the world, this test is useless. And eventually this will cause you to stop reading Cosmo. And then after that you will turn 15. :)
Haha, Robin, I was thinking the same thing! The Cosmo quizzes were awesome. Swistle, if only you had 3 choices for these – it would be like “Mostly As – you are the worst kind of internet troll that has ever existed. Mostly Bs – you are 99.99999% of the population. Mostly Cs – you are Mother Theresa and/or knew what the right answer ‘should’ be and lied to skew your answers.”
Okay, I literally LOL’d here at work.
My answers hover around the B answers mostly, with the exception of #4 where it is a D. Although I’ve commented twice in the past two days regarding social services so I guess I’m not exactly a D. :)
I hope the answer to #1 is B, because last night I dreamed I was a murderer.
hmm…
1. a. I lean toward the Universe telling me things in dreams
2. b. or maybe a…depends on what I want the answer to be at the time.
3. b.
4. d. I’m a major lurker & never add to Controversial Subjects
5. b. I never assume Deep Wisdom from anyone
6. a and b. I totally get the knee jerk lying reaction but it annoys me more than the crime
7. a. after I have done b
8. b
Clearly, this should be re-posted in poll form. Because I WANT to answer and I want to know how many of your readers are like me. ;)
All Bs. And I second the poll comment.
Ooh, I am a bit conflicted about 6. Clearly if you’ve committed a crime the sensible thing is to cover it up, but I admit to sometimes feeling more outraged by the covering up. Particularly if the covering up involves for example suing or otherwise trying to destroy the lives of people who are accusing you of the crime.
B on everything EXCEPT #7 in which case I do B and think I am doing A. (Oh hai, logic!) and #6 in which case B is only true so long as they are not someone I am close to. If I am close to you then the LYING is what kills me because it makes me feel like I didn’t even know you.
And I second the comment about wanting to know how I ranked on a scale of Swistleness! : )
All I know for sure is, once you’ve committed a crime, lying about it is the only practical next step as a public figure. As (old, primarily British) people say, “In for a penny, in for a pound.”
#6 — c, I am most outraged that people are STUPID and ARROGANT enough to think they will NOT BE FOUND OUT for lying. Pfft. They will always be found out! Bunch of dopes!
B to everything except #6, for which I am in total agreement with the Jenny above me. Haven’t these people ever seen an episode of Law & Order?
BBBBBBBB