I have been so truly madly deeply cranky the past week or so, I’ve wondered if it could be menopause. It feels sizzlingly hormonal, and yet the calendar says no. I once took a pregnancy test several days early, specifically because I felt exactly like this, and it turned out to be TWO babies’ worth of hormonal change. (…*pauses*…*wonders*…) (No.)
I’ve tried treating it with alcohol, vegetables, protein, water, herbal tea, more coffee, less coffee, candy, TV, books, exercise, sleep, breathing, shopping, getting away from the computer, getting out of the house. I wouldn’t exactly say that nothing helps, but it’s hard to see any consistent correlations.
I’ve been thinking of hiring a housecleaner, because as the decades go by it becomes increasingly apparent that I’m just not going to do it myself—and that when I do, I turn into an unpleasant and resentful person. And yet, when I don’t do it, I feel miserable about the mess. So it feels like it makes sense to have someone else do it.
BUT. I hate having people in my house. Whenever we have work done on the house, I feel crazy while the workers are here. And also, it seems like my primary issue is having stuff all over every surface, and I don’t know if a housecleaner could work with that. But I wonder: if the floors weren’t so dusty, would I feel more inclined to pick up the books and papers? Like, if someone came every other week to make the surfaces more shiny, would I feel like it was more worth it to keep them clear?
Also, I don’t want to be bossed, and I think a lot of housecleaners are bossy. Or at least, when I look up their sites and ads, there’s a lot of talk about how they really ENJOY helping people get rid of clutter and clean up their lives. No, no, leave my clutter and life alone, just get the dust and dirt. And I’d need someone who could work with my “Let’s have you clean AROUND the clutter, and we’ll see if over time there’s less of it to clean around” plan. And I don’t want anyone who would be scornful of the current situation, and yet it seems as if a person would HAVE to have a certain contempt for mess and dirt in order to get any satisfaction out of eradicating it.
And I don’t know how to choose someone. I wish someone I knew already had a housecleaner, so I could just hire THEIRS. I don’t like to do my own research.
UG SO CRANKY
oh, I wish you lived near me so I could recommend our housecleaners, who not only don’t boss, they say nice things every time they come “it always smells so good in your house!” (LIES) and “the garden looks great!” (NOT REALLY), but it seems that they really mean it. they also admitted to having housecleaners at THEIR houses, which somehow made me feel about infinity better about the whole thing. also, they CHANGE ALL THE SHEETS, INCLUDING DUVET COVERS. basically, swis, pull the trigger. and go out for ice cream while they clean.
Um, I LOVE that your housecleaners have housecleaners.
I LOVE our house cleaners. I did bite the bullet and pick up all the clutter/surface crap before their first visit, but the house was SO CLEAN AND NICE after that I have been more motivated to keep it up. Yes, things clutter up between visits, but since I have a hard-deadline of the time of their next visit to get everything picked up again it never gets as bad as it was before we had a house cleaner. And even if we miss cleaning up something (the kitchen table, always the kitchen table), they mostly just stack things nicer on said table and clean around it. It’s not a big deal.
Totally agree with the other commenters. I like having a two week limit to crap all over the house. Most of the stuff gets put away at least every two weeks so there is not just clutter on top of clutter everywhere. It’s not a magic bullet, though. We have the ladies come every other Friday. By Saturday afternoon, I can usually be heard saying, “We JUST had this house cleaned yesterday. How is it even possible that it is this messy AGAIN?!?!” My trick for getting everything cleaned is to make stacks of junk ON THE COUCHES. They don’t really get cleaned anyway so this way my tabletops, etc. are cleared and clean. And, while in the act of getting stuff off of the counters, I sometimes just go ahead and take care of the item and put it away.
Why don’t you ask the ladies at your next appetizer party? Someone is bound to have one or know someone who does. And, it is not a braggy thing…you have 5 kids. People will not think you are too good to clean. I am trying to think of your arguments for not asking the ladies. =0). Personal recs are so much better when you are talking about people being in your house. Good luck!
Oh, what a good idea to ask at the next appetizer party!! I’ll do it!
My parents had a cleaner once (back when we were teens) and not only did the mere knowledge of cleaners coming mean that my parents picked up clutter- it also made us teens get crackin before they showed up. And as a bonus -you’d come home from school and the house was spotless! Loved it- wish I could afford it now
I wish I lived close enough to clean your house! I mean, I’m not a housecleaner, and I don’t even clean MY house, but that doesn’t matter, right? It seems like a nice little job to have, is all. Cleaning for Swistle. Fun!
I love having a house cleaner. I have ALWAYS had one–my mom always made it a priority in the household budget. Even when my parents were young & on a budget she paid a high school girl to come clean the kitchen & bathrooms. When u was in grad school, I could only afford someone once a quarter, so that’s what I did, but I had soneone. It’s one of those things that’s ALWAYS worth it, to me.
You have a big family! Limited time! It is FINE to get a housecleaner. And it does help with clutter–when you know the cleaner is coming, you have an incentive to pick up the clutter so they can clean.
Ask your friends for recommendations–someone will have a good cleaner looking for more work.
I was going to suggest that you ask at the next appetizer party, too! One of those women has to use a service/person, or know someone who does.
I’ve used a few different cleaning services over the years, and I have never encountered a judgy cleaning person. The only judgment that seems to arise is sometimes if the service sends a different cleaner than our usual one, when our usual one comes back she tsks over how the substitute didn’t do as good of a job as she would have. Which is actually pretty funny. Also, we have stuff laying on surfaces (as presumably everyone does), and they will move it to clean underneath and then put it right back, or they will just clean around it if we ask them to do that, instead.
DO IT.
We have a house cleaner and I LOVE it. Seriously, LOVE. She does such a good job, and even when she misses something it is easy to remind myself that it would never be close to this clean if she didn’t come. I would rather clean one spot than a whole house. We just started having her come clean because she is a co-worker of mine and was down on her luck and needed the money and it seemed like an easy tangible way to help out. It also helped with the worry factorof having someone in my house. I knew her well enough that I wasn’t worried about her being in the house while I was gone, but not quite well enough that it was awkward to see her at work.
So I have a question for people who have someone clean. Do you stay or leave? I always leave and let her do her thing. My mom (who has a different lady clean her house) stays and kind of follows her around making sure that she does everything right.
Oh, that would drive me insane, if someone followed me around and watched me work! I don’t clean houses anymore, (even mine ha ha ha boo hoo hoo) but when I did, everyone left and I prefer it that way. If it were me, Swistle, I would ask the women at the appetizer party, and then I’d make a list of what I want done and go with that. That way you establish from the beginning what you want done and also you can sort of plan it out yourself. I recommend asking them to do the sheets, it’s something I always did as a housecleaner – I’d put a load of laundry in when I got there and then do something else, put it in the dryer and then do something else, and then the last thing I did before I left was make up the beds again with clean sheets. It’s SO NICE.
Yeah, I always feel like I need to be out of the house too. It’s sometimes a pain (I get off work early and then realize I can’t go to my about-to-be super clean house!) but it’s so awkward if I try to hang out.
Not only do I have a housecleaner, I used to BE a housecleaner. I can tell you that clutter is your business. Cleaners clean, it is not their responsibility to pick up after you. So when encountering piles, they should straighten (if it is papers or something stackable) and then just pick it up, clean underneath and put it right back. As someone who has a cleaner, I agree with the other commenters that the deadline is helpful. Then you know at a bare minimum your house will be picked up every two weeks. But it isn’t that big of a deal. If you don’t mind the clutter once your house is clean, the cleaner won’t either.
The suggestion to ask the appetizer group is a good one. Also just mentioning to your friends. They might not have a cleaner, but they might know someone who has one or know someone who is one. Or just pick a service at random, they should come to your house for an assessment, to see the space, to find out exactly what YOU want done (because that is the point), to find out if things will change each time, to give you a price quote. Then, upon meeting them you will have a sense of if it is right for you.
Lastly, I always leave when they clean. Well, actually, my cleaner has a key and comes when I’m at work. But, as a former cleaner, it is better to leave and let them do their thing. Following them around or asking questions or just being there will slow them down…and you pay by the hour….
Do it! I have someone come every other Monday. The best part – aside from avoiding cleaning the shower- is that we have a big decluttering-fest every other Sunday evening. It’s wonderful – the decluttering is no longer somthing I’m imposing on everyone and implementing by nagging. It’s out of my control- like complying with alternate side parking rules on street sweeping days. I highly recommend arranging cleanings for Monday or Tuesday. Many people prefer the end of the week because the house will be cleaner if they have people over on the weekends, but our house stays much neater during the week when we’re away at school and work so the “just cleaned” feeling lasts longer.
Love our cleaners. I had always used ones based on personal recommendations but this time I used Angie’s list because we moved and didn’t know a lot of people. It usually takes one person 6 hours to clean our house but the service I use brings 2-3 people and they are done in about 2 hours. I take my daughter to preschool, go on a hike, run an errand, and when I come home they are gone. I keep our place very neat so they just clean surfaces and change sheets. But it’s such a stress reducer especially with kids and very helpful when we used to have cats, you can make them clean out the litter box! Try it. It’s worth it.
I’m reading this in my sparkling clean bathroom, hiding from my cleaners! They come every other week and are the best indulgence ever. I agree with the others: ask at the appetizer party or ask your neighbors. My cleaning crew does half the houses on our street.
Seconding the idea for asking at your appetizer party, but you could also look for groupon-type deals. I see them fairly frequently and that could be a good way to try out some different cleaners without committing. “I’m only doing it this one time because I have a coupon” takes some of the stress away, I think. And then if you do stumble across a great one, yay!
I bet your appetizer ladies will have a rec for you though. Word of mouth is huge for that kind of thing.
You have described all of my EXACT issues with hiring a housecleaner. I have no solution, but will be watching the comments to see what other people say.
I will say, we invested in a Roomba recently, and it has helped a lot with keeping the floors clean, with no judging or strangers in my home. I wish I could teach it to do dishes. Upon reflection, I think what I really want is Rosie from the Jetsons. Except, wait. Was she bossy? I feel like she was bossy. Just a regular housecleaning robot, then.
Have had a cleaning service every other week for years because I finally realized that the time I spent cleaning left me deeply resentful, cleaning caused a lot of friction between my husband and I, and it just pissed me off for hours. I’ve used Angie’s List a number of times to find cleaners when ours moved or changed owners and stopped cleaning well and have had quite good results.
I hire someone licensed and bonded and am there usually at the beginning of the first clean just to highlight the things I really want done and then I go to work and the cleaners come when I’m at work after that. We have one of those key box things outside our front door and we give the cleaners the code and can change it if we change services.
I really can’t recommend this enough. I know I sound like some kind of infomercial, but it really improved my marriage and parenting because I don’t spend any time resentfully cleaning the toilet or mopping the floor and hating everyone else in the family for making things dirty and not helping to clean ;-)
Do you have an email list for the appetizer party ladies? It might be easier just to shoot a mass email asking if anyone can recommend their housecleaner, that way you don’t have to think of a way to work that into the conversation. Also, people are more likely to just shoot you an email with the contact information, rather than saying “Oh! I’ll get that to you,” and you will inevitable have to follow up with them afterward.
Yes! This is a good idea. Even if people have only used the email list for planning get-togethers so far, it seems like it could become a great resource for general town/school things, right?
We have a housecleaner come every other week – I hired her when I was seven months pregnant (2 years ago!) when I freaked out about the dirty baseboards but couldn’t reach them. I LOVE her. She is non-judgmental about my crap, never opens drawers or cupboards, and the floors, toilets, windows, sills, and sinks all get clean. We also do the tried-and-true “company is coming for a surprise visit in 15 minutes EVERYBODY CLEAN!” mad scramble to straighten up books and clear surfaces every other Monday night so that she can clean said surfaces Tuesday morning, and that helps. The housecleaner being there is a great time to go browse Target, eat lunch out, go to the park, etc.
I ONE MILLION LOVE MY CLEANER(S).
I have never ever had judginess from her! I wouldn’t worry about that (although potentially steer clear of sites that “help you” clean – no. You are paying someone to clean FOR YOU, not to develop a mutual de-cluttering solution.)
Re: clutter, I’ll echo everyone else’s sentiments – 1) they don’t care about clutter, they just pile it more nicely so they can clean around/under it, and 2) it turns out that I TOTALLY don’t mind de-cluttering specifically for their visit, because I get the super-awesome glow of knowing that 10 mins of decluttering = FAR CLEANER house (yet still without me cleaning). The effort :: result ratio = well within the bounds of what I can accept.
I always leave, I feel like a weirdo sitting around while other people clean for me. My boyfriend doesn’t feel weird about it all though, and usually plays computer games while they’re there. I go grocery shopping / errand running / read a book at starbucks if necessary.
In sum: OH MY GOD DO IT YOU WILL LOVE IT SO MUCH.
I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have someone in to clean, even twice a year, and in fact have asked for this for several birthdays now. The problem is that my husband thinks it’s unnecessary, but we both work full time and have 2 kids, and it just doesn’t get done. The other issues are our clutter and that we have 2 dogs, my husband is afraid that a cleaner won’t be able to handle them. BUT, we KNOW someone who is a housecleaner, not well enough to be awkward but well enough to trust her. I think I’m just going to set it up, screw the husband’s concerns.
I love love love our house cleaner. I struggled with hiring one. On the one hand, I am a horrible housekeeper. But on the other, I didn’t grow up in a family who had a house cleaner and I really had in my mind that only ‘rich people’ had them and that it was a luxury that someone in my income bracket just didn’t need to do. Plus, if I added up all the money I would spend on it, I could come up with lots of things that I could use it for (paying off debt, blah blah). BUT, the truth is that I wasn’t saving that money I could have used for house cleaning, it was just ending up in the same category of all my other miscellaneous spending. I started out with just once a month – thinking if I could just have it cleaned then, that I would then maintain a lot better. Eh…. I went to every other week for quite a while, which was nicer. BUT — I still wasn’t really getting control over it. It would be clean for a day or so and then we’d slide back into messiness. So, I came up with a plan to get it done every week. I had been paying for 3 hours of cleaning every other week, so 6 hours a month (mine charges by the hour). I just asked if it would work for her if I paid for 2 hours every week and she agreed, of course. I told her to just get done what she could and skip the less important things (back porch, folding laundry, etc. – those were really nice things, but less important than other things) So, now I pay for 8 hours a month and get 4 cleanings instead of 6 hours and got 2 cleanings (for a mere $30 more). Honestly, I haven’t really noticed a big difference in the 2 hours versus 3 hours cleaning. I come home every Thursday to a lovely home. When I have been there when she is there (rarely for a few minutes because she comes early) she tells me to stop picking up, etc. when I’m running through there embarrassed that stuff is everywhere. I think she is just used to it, so I’m not gonna worry anymore. Anyway – if it is an individual rather than a big company, I’ll be they can be flexible enough for you to work it out the way you need to. DO IT – it is worth it. (Also, I found my lady (and have found past cleaners on the little board at the supermarket – it is small town, so I didn’t worry too much about it being a STRANGER, but I’m sure you can get a list of references from anyone you speak to about it.)
I had huge issues with having a cleaner. I don’t work – I always said if both parents worked the couple should have a cleaner, even though my husband wanted us to get one, and then finally my sister said don’t be stupid, anyone who can afford it should have a cleaner. I also wanted a solid recommendation (my friend had Molly Maids and two diamond rings got stolen – don’t buy that ‘bonded and insured’ bullshit) but hate having people I don’t know in my house too, and the woman everyone loved could only come in the evenings. We used to go out for dinner whenever she came, but she was so nice that we started staying – I would leave the kids for twenty minutes with her if I was leaving before my husband got home, she brought them Christmas presents, etc. I LOVE her. And I do find there has been less clutter over time – I try to have one less pile every two weeks when she comes, not because I feel judgment from her but just because it sets up a goal in my mind.
We’ve had two people that were recommended to us by a friend come to our house every two weeks for for two hours for the last 4.5 years. They don’t do sheets/windows (although I sometimes leave a note and ask them to do one window) but they do the kitchen, bathrooms, baseboards, dust, vacuum, mop, sweep. They do all the bathrooms, bedrooms, and the kitchen, and then every other time, they do the rooms downstairs that are very rarely used (guest room, family room). They work around our clutter. Sometimes I leave a surface all cluttered up, like the dining room table, and they just move the clutter to one end and clean around it. I am very rarely in the house when they clean. I stuck around for the first few times, just because that made me feel more comfortable, but now I always leave. If I have a sick kid or something, we hang out in one room until they’re ready to clean it, then we move to a room that’s already done. I don’t sit around to watch them, because that’s awkward for me and also for them, I presume.
I like the fact that I come home from work to clean and shiny floors and a sparkling bathroom. When left to my own devices, nothing got done frequently enough that I felt good about it, and I was full of resentment about being the one that had to miss out on the precious few hours a week I had with my toddler after work because I was scrubbing toilets. I also like that it sort of motivates me to pick everything up off the floor so they can vacuum/mop. The kids’ toys have a tendency to just spread to all corners of the house and I’m not good about cleaning that up every day; I mean, seriously, it’s just going to get tossed on the floor as soon as they wake up in the morning anyway. A mandatory clean-up/decluttering because “the cleaners are coming” means that those things get tended to on a regular basis.
I heartily recommend getting a cleaner. My blood pressure/ resentment levels are much better because of it. And like others have said, I’m positive your appetizer group will have recommendations for you. Good luck!
We hired someone to clean every two weeks 9 years ago and we’ve had the same lady ever since. And I love her! I was so crabby about my messy house, and felt continuously either 1) guilty and mad because I was playing with the baby but always noticing how unclean the house was or 2) guilty and mad because I was cleaning and not playing with the baby. It was just a no-win situation… Guilty and mad all the time, no matter what, unless someone else cleaned the house. This lady comes on Mondays. Sundays are “X-Box Day” but the pick-up for the housecleaner has to be done before x-box, which works awesome for us! I’m not just a nagging mom insisting that the house be picked up, we HAVE TO because SHE’S COMING TOMORROW and X-BOX!! So the boys really almost never fuss about the pickup. Magic!! And I have not scrubbed a toilet for (seriously for real) about five years… What’s not to love about that?! I feel like I’m getting more worked up about how great it is to have a housecleaner the longer I type this comment. With many CAPITALS and exclamation points!!! Try it, hire someone! It’s a game-changer.
Oh Swistle, I love that someone else in the universe feels both resentful while cleaning and self-loathing while not! I hate cleaning…almost as much as I hate messes. It’s a terrible thing! I wish I could be like either my mom (who loves to clean and has a spotless house as a result) or my husband who just…doesn’t…see…messes. He’s perfectly content to dwell in the man nest accumulating around his desk. While I mutter to myself and lint roll the carpets around the worst areas of the house because that both gets me out of vacuuming and makes me feel less terrible for not. I can imagine having cleaners in even once a month would feel like inspiration to tidy, yet provide an excuse not to deep clean. In other words glorious. If I could keep the clutter in check but not have to scrub the kitchen floor or the bathtub I would be such a happy camper. Somehow I would feel less resentful that I was the only one who ever thought to clean the cat’s box or straighten out the shoe and coat situation if I knew elves would be arriving shortly to make crumby baseboards and grout stains vanish. I also have a hard time accepting the fact that this would mean people not related to me entering my house, but as someone said, there’s no reason you personally have to stick around. Maybe the cleaner coming could be your excuse for an hour out at a coffee shop or the library. And when you return: cleanliness. Minus the resentment.
I can’t have a cleaning lady, because my pets would be too much for anyone. I do want to ask one thing, why aren’t your kids cleaning? Let met set the scene-1969 till at least 1983 My dad had a chore list up, and we had a rotating schedule. We cleaned bathrooms, mopped floors, vacuumed rugs-no excuse-if it wasn’t done when my dad got home, you heard about it. Kids should clean, and you have plenty of them. Even if they don’t do it up to par, at least they are getting the experience. You want your sons to be good husbands, and you doing all the chores perpetuates the whole stereotype of mom does it all.
We have had 2 amazing housecleaners (different states) that were non judgy and not bossy. I loved and trusted them both, but we had to give up the last one when hubby lost his job and I’ve never rehired her. Now that we’re trying to move (again), I feel like since I HAVE to keep up with it on a daily basis, there is no point in hiring someone to come in every 2 weeks. I do feel it’s worth the money though, because the rage and resentment I feel when I clean can leave me in a foul mood for days.
I’ve BEEN a housecleaner! And in the words of my (cranky) coworker, “I’m a cleaner, not a maid. Personal maids make $90k a year. I’m leaving the cup there.”
More normally, we move dirty dishes to the kitchen (especially if requested), do a load of sheets only if requested, change the bedlinens if requested, but otherwise clean around stuff. Doesn’t matter if there’s a pile on the floor — we’ll vacuum up to it and leave it there. Doesn’t matter if there’s stuff on the countertops–we’ll lift it to wipe underneath if we can, leave it if we can’t.
And I promise, you won’t be the worst we’ve seen. I cleaned one house belonging to two chainsmokers. Smoke dripped (yes, liquid) yellow down the walls.
I’m just going to back into this a different way. I’m going to assume that you are hiring a housekeeper because OMGYES. Don’t even visit the justification store because there is SO Much Inventory there.
(5 kids, loathing, large house, aging parents, etc. etc)
Perhaps a way to lessen anxiety is to make a list of what you absolutely HATE to clean. No, no, “All of it” is not a list. hahaha Do you specifically hate mopping? bathrooms? changing sheets? Task all of it to the housecleaner.
Then make a plan for where you want to go while she’s there. Bookstore? Shopping? Take a nap in the car with the radio playing?
I’m excited for you! I think this is going to help teh crankiness for sure.
Having cleaners has revolutionized how I feel about my house. Every Thursday we pick up all the books and trash and dirty clothes that wind up everywhere on every flat surface; every Friday afternoon I come home from work to a clean, vacuumed house, all the cat hair gone, all the little boy pee gone from behind the toilet, things dusted that I would never have dusted in years. Since we do it every week, there’s way less to pick up, but if we don’t manage to get all the clutter crap cleaned one week, it’s in nice piles; if we do, well, it looks even better. And then on Saturday, I don’t have to spend six hours either trying to get it clean or trying not to feel guilty and miserable about it.
We hired a company rather than an individual because I wanted them to have plenty of insurance, and I wanted people to be available to clean even if someone got sick or had sick kids or whatever. We usually have different ladies every week. My husband works from home, and he doesn’t leave, he just stays at his computer and they work around him (possibly dusting him.) It’s been WONDERFUL for my peace of mind and overall happiness. A+.
I’m a student so I cleaned houses to earn a little extra money last year. It’s annoying when people have a lot of crap on their surfaces but with that I mean hey-is-that-a-table-under-there-amounts of crap, not normal pick-it-up-for-a-second-and-wipe-amounts of crap. So don’t worry!
The staying or going is a difficult question though. I had old ladies watch me every second I worked in their houses and that’s unbelievably annoying, but I also cleaned 1 house where I just picked up the key and there was no one there which was weird and a little creepy. I think I prefer when people are home, so they can deal with things and answer questions but just sitting downstairs or something, not following you around.
Thank you so much for this post! I go back and forth on this. Want clean house! But…the money! And the people in my house! And the tasks they do are SO SIMPLE, I could do them! Easily! But I don’t! And my house is dirty all the time! And it’s yucky! Sigh. I think we are going to try and muddle through for another year and a half…because if all goes according to plan, we will have our student loans paid off then and we will find ourselves suddenly with a lot of disposable income. *crosses fingers*
My mom told me she wanted to hire house cleaners to clean my apartment. It was right after I got Butt MRSA, so I felt like she thought I got it because I live in squalor because she kept saying things like “I’d like to get somebody in there to really CLEAN the place.” But you know what? Fine! Whatever it takes! That’s fine! Having my house all professionally cleaned was awesome. They didn’t try to badger me into getting rid of clutter and they referred to all my junk and knick knacks “small display items.”
My sister has a house cleaner and she told me she sees it like this: “I could clean my house, but not all of it would be clean at the same time.” I liked that.