Rob is now old enough to get the HPV vaccine, and his pediatrician recommends it, so I chose to have him get it. (It’s recommended for boys even though the cancer issue is more serious for girls, because boys can transmit the infection from one girl to another.)
There are lots of reasons why parents might choose NOT to get this vaccine for their children (it might not work, it’s too new, all vaccines are bad, etc.), and on a couple of those reasons I had to do some thinking: Rob was actually old enough for the vaccine two years ago, and the pediatrician brought it up a year ago, but I wasn’t done thinking yet.
Today I would like to address only one reason, and why I think it’s not a reason. It is possible that this will start a heated discussion, and I hate heated discussions. But I keep hearing this reason, and I have some Insider Experience that others might not have, and so it feels like a worthwhile risk. If you have chosen a DIFFERENT reason for not getting the vaccine for your child, that’s not what we’re talking about here, and I would hate to get half a dozen heated discussions going when I have only stocked up on enough gin to handle one. So tangential discussions such as “Well, _I_ chose not to because _I_….” will just get things all tangled, and perhaps would be better saved for a post discussing THAT particular topic.
Here is the reason I’m talking about: “The vaccine is to protect against sexually-transmitted diseases, but we’ve taught our children that sex is only for within marriage. In a monogamous couple, there’s no risk of sexually-transmittted diseases, so there’s no need for the vaccine.”
And here are the things I would like to say about that:
1. Teenagers are known to be kind of dim. Many of them make foolish mistakes. In fact, ALL human beings are known to be kind of dim, and ALL of us sometimes make foolish mistakes. Even Christian adults continue to sin and ask forgiveness, sin and ask forgiveness. A teenager who truly wants to obey God and parents WILL continue to make mistakes anyway, just as adults do. A major tenet of Christianity is that ALL humans sin—it’s just that God no longer requires the sinner’s death as payment for that sin.
2. One out of six women is sexually assaulted—and because of the large number of women who don’t report such things, the number is estimated to be much, much higher than that. Teaching a child not to have premarital sex does not protect the child against being sexually assaulted.
3. I went to a Christian middle school. Of the twelve children in my class, seven are known to have been sexually active before marriage. (This is not to say that the other five are known NOT to have been. It’s to say that of those five, I know one wasn’t, and the other four have not confided in me.) These were children who were all vigorously taught not to have premarital sex.
4. I went to a Christian college. While I was there, a study came out that electrified the student body. It involved a survey that showed that when college boys were asked if they would commit rape if they KNEW they could get away with it, a certain percentage said yes. What electrified us was that the percentage at Christian schools was the same as at secular schools. This led to a flurry of surveys done at our school, mostly by students in psych programs. Those showed that although in our particular Christian student body the students tended to have had fewer sexual partners than the national average, the percentage who were (or had been) sexually active was hovering right at average. This was not staggering news: I lived in the dorms, and girls talk.
5. I would like to make sure everyone is hearing numbers 3 and 4. Those children had parents and pastors who taught them not to have premarital sex. Those children’s parents paid extra money for Christian education, in part to make sure those standards were upheld among the children’s peers. And those parents were sitting at home with no idea their children were having sex. They even now would say, “Well, but see, I taught my children not to have premarital sex, and they didn’t!” And yet many of them are wrong. Did you yourself refrain from having premarital sex after being taught not to? How nice! But is that detail relevant? Well, it’s about as relevant as the information that other children given the same instructions DIDN’T refrain. What it tells us is that “parental/church say-so” isn’t something parents can count on to make the difference between the child refraining and the child not refraining.
6. Have you noticed that among your own Christian peers, there is some disagreement about what God’s will is, and/or what the interpretation of certain biblical passages should be, and/or how important those particular issues are? Children too may disagree with their parents on these same things. I hope you have not accidentally gotten the impression that all those sexually-active students at my Christian college had turned their backs on the teachings of God and their parents. On the contrary, these smart children had been taught to analyze scripture for true meaning, and analyze scripture they did. Many of them were satisfied that either premarital sex was not a sin, or else it was a minor and forgivable one (like the tattoo thing, or like the eating of cloven-hoofed animals thing, or like the gossiping thing). This was after being THOROUGHLY TAUGHT that it MOST DEFINITELY WAS a sin. They disagreed, as many Christians disagree with each other on many matters.
7. For many people, God’s plan for their lives will involve them marrying someone who is a flawed human being like every single other flawed human being. Their intended spouse’s particular flaw may have involved a sexual slip-up, from which they have fervently repented and taken steps to prevent ever happening again outside of monogamous marriage. Or perhaps one person in the marriage was married before, and has since been widowed/divorced, perhaps by someone who was not faithful. The virus remains unaffected by the information that the other person in the marriage was a virgin when the marriage took place.
8. For many people, God’s plan for their lives will involve them marrying someone who was raised by non-Christian parents and only converted after hearing about Christianity in adulthood. That person might have spent their youth without understanding that they shouldn’t be having premarital sex. They now repent of it and will live a monogamous Christian life. The virus shrugs its virusy shoulders at this and goes right on being a virus.
9. HPV can be transmitted from mother to child during birth. Presumably even those who think it’s a fair consequence for fornicators to die of cancer don’t think that virgins who got HPV via childbirth (and the virgins they later monogamously marry, and the children they then have within their monogamous marriage) should all also die of cancer.
If your concern is that a vaccine that may help prevent a sexually-transmitted disease may also send the message to your child that you endorse and encourage premarital sex, I suggest talking to your child on that topic. I was certainly FULLY AWARE of how my parents, teachers, God, etc. felt about premarital sex; getting a shot wouldn’t have made me think, “Hey—maybe they DON’T think it’s wrong!” When I talk to a teenager about Dangerous Things of various sorts, I almost always use the Double Lecture: for example, “You MUST NOT drink alcohol before you are old enough to do so. It is VERY IMPORTANT that you not drink at your age. It’s illegal and dangerous. Here are all the dangerous things that can happen” AND ALSO “…But if you DO drink alcohol, PLEASE don’t drive. Call me and I will come pick you up.” I’m telling them absolutely not to do something—but I’m aware that they are not golums into whom I can put a magical slip of paper giving them instructions that will be absolutely followed, and so I also tell them what to do if they disobey me.
Actually, what I’d probably do if I were worried about the shot seeming to endorse premarital sex is NOT talk about it (in the context of the vaccine, I mean). I haven’t discussed other vaccines with my children: I just tell them they’re getting a shot, and they say “Oh no!” and that’s the end of it. When Rob got the HPV shot he also got a Hepatitis A vaccine (it’s part of the standard set now, but wasn’t when Rob was a baby so he’s catching up now). I didn’t explain to him that this did NOT mean I was condoning the drinking of fecal-matter-tainted water; I just signed the paperwork and he got the shot. If a 12-year-old child hears he or she is getting a HepA and a HPV shot that day, the child is likely to continue looking bored, rather than perking up and thinking “Ah ha! This means my parents DO approve of me having premarital sex! And this shot MAY eliminate ONE of the MANY dangers, so basically I’m CLEARED FOR TAKE-OFF!”
I want both of my kids to get it. Our ped is iffy on new(ish) vaccines but said he’d support my wishes. My oldest is male, but I think it’s important that we get our boys vaccinated as well as our girls. His next check-up in April, he’s getting it.
Great post Swistle.
I posted before I even read your whole list…
I’d like to add that statistically states with primarily abstinance only education have higher teen pregnancy rates so clearly they are having sex and thus risking STDs.
I will also tell my children that they are getting a shot, they have never before asked what the shot was FOR, just whined that there is a needle involved and then promptly got over it because it wasn’t that big of a deal.
I click click clicked some links to get back to here and 18 months later would like to report that both of my children (boy and girl) got the 3 shots last year. They had no reaction to them. We did end up discussing exactly what the shot was for and why but I doubt either of them would remember now.
Excellent argument. I was raised Baptist, and what you are saying is right on…at least half the kids I knew were sexually active. Not to mention, studies generally show that roughly the same amount of kids that receive abstinence only training and kids that receive comprehensive sex ed are sexually active. The difference is that the ones who know about birth control and safe sex have far fewer teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted illnesses. My three daughters will definitely be getting the vaccine.
Fantastic post. I have strong feelings about both vaccines and sexual education/health so this was right up my alley. I wanted to point out, though, that I think you’re missing #7?
Lisa- Ha ha! Thanks! THAT’S embarrassing in a list of ten reasons! I’ll go fix it!
Swistle, you are so smart. Your intro to all of your very fine points was fantastic–as something of a conflict-avoider myself I love your comment about only having enough gin to get through one heated argument!
You rock my friend. ROCK! I say.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I have had this exact argument with several of my Christian parent friends (whom I love dearly, but in this instance they are WRONG) and you stated it so much more clearly than I ever did. “(T)hey are not golums into whom I can put a magical slip of paper giving them instructions that will be absolutely followed” is the best description of the teen years I’ve ever heard.
very good and through analysis! and for those of us who do NOT teach our children that sex is forbidden before marriage, I think the vaccine is another in a long line of opportunities to talk about how we DO feel about sexual relationships.
And THIS is a perfect example of why Temerity Jane/Kelly got it EXACTLY RIGHT with her post about you!!! Love this one so, so, so much–not just your logic and intelligence, but also the way you use words. In particular:
“The virus remains unaffected by the information that the other person in the marriage was a virgin.”
and…
“The virus shrugs its virusy shoulders at this and goes right on being a virus.”
and…
” I didn’t explain to him that this did NOT mean I was condoning the drinking of fecal-matter-tainted water; I just signed the paperwork and he got the shot.”
I saw on the Today show that HPV also leads to oral cancers. Which would effect men and those who don’t “go all the way”.
And I don’t get the controversy. I have never explained each vaccine to my children before. We’ve never discussed how you contract mumps etc when they get their shots…”Well kids, feel free to lick the kid with the swollen cheeks…you’re protected!!!” I don’t know why I would suddenly lay it all out for them now. I’ll just say it is a shot to protect them against HPV.
Another point – HPV can be transmitted through, ahem, other sexual activity than p-in-v “premarital sex”. So even teenagers who think they are virtuously protecting their virginity by doing “everything/anything-but” are at risk.
I am still a devout Christian and I plan to teach my children that abstinence is God’s plan until marriage, but as much as I want that for them, I CANNOT CONTROL THEIR LIVES. I know what *I* did as a teenager and as a young adult, and while it came with a large amount of guilt, it never stopped me from doing a little experimenting and pushing limits.
My husband, also a Christian, went through the same things I did, at a Christian college. SO! You are right, Swistle. AS USUAL. This post is dead on.
I will vaccinate both of my children. Period.
I am all for the vaccine. Good points.
Thank you Swistle,great job on this post. I haven’t commented in forever, but this one made me de-lurk!
Well said.
It’s like parents who teach their children to ‘respect the gun’. How ’bout you lock those up anyway. Just in case.
Oh also I just read the nonfiction book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks … The woman whose cells were reproduced (and still are) in labs to help cure cancer, polio… She died if horrendous cervical cancer caused by lots of strains of HPV. She was Christian and faithful to he pr husband. Her husband was not faithful.
I am a strong believer in this vaccine so when we had a yearly physical last year with my 14 year old, I asked for it. The nurse then said to me, “Just so you are completely aware, the shot is $700.00 and many insurance companies do NOT cover it for boys. Do you want to check your benefits before we give it to him?”
I’m so glad she told me that because our insurance doesn’t cover the vaccine (boo!!!) so now I can be better prepared for that medical bill rather than shocked and indignant when it arrives in the mail.
All excellent points. Especially for those who are devout Christians and expect their kids to be as well.
But one other point I don’t think anyone has actually brought up: Your kids may decide not to be Christian. I know you may not want to believe it is possible but it IS. It is entirely possible and I would hope that most (even devoutly Christian) parents would not prefer their kids get STDs just because they’ve chosen a different path in life.
Anonymous 10:25- ACK! Our nurse/pediatrician didn’t mention this, so I’m glad you did! I’ll report back here if we get a bill too!
How annoying and short sighted that the vaccine often isn’t covered for boys?!? Um, hello? They are a part of this whole virus transmission!
And the “virus would just shrug its virus-y shoulders” = my favorite part.
No, wait, I also love the point you make about telling kids what your rules are AND giving them LIFE SAVING instructions for what to do in the event they do not follow those rules. My mom counsels pregnant teens at Planned Parenthood and says most of the teens she sees are told by their parents not to have sex PERIOD. Then the teens get caught up in their own impulsive hormonal lives and they have NO INFORMATION and figure WHY NOT KEEP GOING AND DO EVEN CRAZIER THINGS and can’t talk to anyone.
I will vaccinate my girls, without hesitation, as soon as they are old enough.
I didn’t explain to him that this did NOT mean I was condoning the drinking of fecal-matter-tainted water…bahahaha! And actually a fabulous example of why we do the HPV vaccine EVEN IF we don’t condone premarital sex. Same with the alcohol example. Well done, Swistle.
right on, I also went to private school, and I would say your numbers fit pretty accurately with what I experienced. I am secretly glad that my kids are still too young for the shot, so we have more years of study under our belt, but I fully expect to vaccinate them when its time.
“…that’s not what we’re talking about here, and I would hate to get half a dozen heated discussions going when I have only stocked up on enough gin to handle one.” This made me laugh and laugh.
Also, I went to a private, Christian school and YES to what you said about that. Furthermore, yes to the other points, too. I wish I’d had the chance to get the vaccine.
I so wish we lived in the same town. I would just love, love, LOVE to sit down to a good cup of coffee and chat. Every day.
Can you help me articulate what I think are reasonable arguments? Because I always just sound like a jackass. You, however, don’t. You sound thoughtful! And intelligent!
I honestly did not know boys could/should/would get the HPV vaccine. Interesting! Makes total sense.
I went to a conservative Christian college with many, many, many church-going non-virgins.
It’s so unfortunate to me that facts often seem so irrelevant in broader discussions in this country. And, frankly, the fact is that your kids are probably going to have sex before they get married. I did. I attended Catholic schools up through high school and I know of no person who waited until marriage to have sex. And honestly, of all the people I know with whom I’ve had any kind of discussions on this subject, I only know of one person ever who ever waited until marriage. It is what it is. Like it or not.
Just because in your mind your sweet son or daughter isn’t having sex simply does not make it so. If what I thought in my head became my reality, I’d never have to diet or exercise.
Another good reason for boys to get the HPV vaccine: the same strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer can cause throat cancer in men (and in women, but it’s being seen primarily in men, for reasons that make sense if you think about modes of transmission.) It’s a growing problem and once they’ve done the studies to prove the connection definitively, I’m expecting them to advise that all boys get the vaccine for their own protection.
Love this post. It’s fantastic.
I’m here only to add that those “friends” (of the FB variety) who seem most against this shot are the very same ones who were VERY sexually active in high school despite coming from a pretty strong christian household. Of course, they have all “found God” again so it will be different for their kids. Yep, sure … I believe that coming from the girl who used to keep ponytail holders in her car so she could pull her hair back when she gave BJs to her boyfriend while he was driving.
As someone who has been with the same person for 12 years, where sex is free, easily available, sometimes a chore, familiar, and about love just as much as sex, I think it is all too easy to flat out forget what it is like to be young and discovering sex for the first time. And as someone who had plenty of premarital sex, both with others and the person I ended up marrying, I have no illusions about how powerful the desire to have sex can be. I am actually having a good time remembering how all-consuming sex was when I was younger. (And I mean everything from hand-holding to kissing and so on.) Nowadays my hands are holding sticky little clammy hands, and while it is still wonderful, it just isn’t the same thrill that it was when my 9th grade crush held my hand. Ok, it was still clammy though.
So, to sum up, I will be getting the vaccine for my daughter and future children, and very much like the point that I can choose to use it to talk about sex, or just to say, here’s a shot and a lollipop. Better to be prepared.
HPV not only causes cervical cancer, it is also linked to several head & neck cancers. The vaccine is certainly not just for girls, and I’m surprised to hear insurance companies will not cover the shot for boys. That’s ridiculous.
This is an awesome post. So terrific. Thank you for posting it.
My son is getting the HPV vaccine at his 11-year check-up next month. Along with the tetanus shot and D-TAP (if he needs it, I can’t remember if he already is covered on that one).
And here’s a post I wrote when Muffin Man was nine after a conversation with his pediatrician about the vaccine
Hey! Could I hire you to talk to my sister (who, by the way, refused both the Hep B & HPV vaccines for her children)? Pretty please? I’ll pay you and perhaps throw in some cookies? Candy (See’s is just down the road from me!)?
But seriously…we were raised and are still Christians and I understand where she is coming from, but I feel like she is so stubborn and won’t listen to me as I’m just her little sister. Blergh. She DID wait until she was married to have sex, as did I, but our husbands did not. Hers was raised as the same religion we are, mine was not. Life happens. Crappy things happen to good people. Let’s protect our children in every way possible.
As a gal who got cervical cancer from HPV, thank you. Males rarely show any symptoms of the virus so they won’t generally know if they’re Johnny Appleseeding it everywhere they …erm… rest their heads.
I think it’s important to vaccinate all kiddos; I do wish there were more advocacy for male vaccination. I also wish I could have gotten the vaccine as well, but I was deemed “too old” by the time the FDA approved it. Hmph.
To sum up: You = Awesome
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am the Christian who waited til marriage for sex and I wasn’t sure why I would bother to get this vaccine for my kids. Thank you for sharing your reasons – I’m convinced.
You think things through so clearly, and explain them so well–this is why I love reading your blog. I am a pastor’s wife who went to private Christian schools all my life, and I agree with you 1000%.
Of the nine kids in my Sunday school class growing up, three of them had babies before we got out of high school and one boy had two kids by different girls before the age of 20. Clearly, that abstinence-only education we had really paid off.
As someone whose sister (who went to a Christian high school and was raised with the same strong abstinence only message I was) got HPV, thank you. She ended up with pre-cancerous lesions, and at age twenty six now has a cervix that is almost ruined from cone biopsies and other treatments. She has been told that it will be very difficult to impossible for her to ever carry a pregnancy to term thanks to her weakened cervix and scar tissue. All of this from HPV. People don’t always wait, even if you think they should. With kids, as with most things in life, my opinion is that you should hope for the best but prepare for the worst, too.
Wow! I loved reading every single word of this post. I’m a Catholic mama who is raising three little Catholic ladies. Honestly, I was very much against the vaccine until I read your argument for it. You’ve convinced me and helped me prepare for those hormonal adolescent years ahead.
Holy smokes Swistle. Not only do we all agree with you, but you have changed some minds, too. I am so happy to see that.
My daughter is 20 now, but I got into many heated discussions with other mothers who were SCANDALIZED that I allowed her to be vaccinated. I will vaccinate my three boys, too, once they are old enough.
HPV is like any other virus/disease/etc. – it happens to Christians, non-Christians, etc. If we can equip our kids and educate them all at once, why wouldn’t we?
Anyhow, I love your readers and now think you should host a Swistle Summit. You would speak to all of us, we’d all nod our head in agreement, then at the end of the day we could all have the adult bevs of our choice (gin for you, wine for me, and so forth).
P.S. I am freaking the eff OUT, though, at the commenter who said the shot isn’t covered universally by insurance for BOYS? SAY WHAT? Now there’s another post. Makes me want to break something if that is true.
~Jenny in MD
As of Mom of three girls, two of whom are on the verge of puberty, I’m scared by years coming up. I have, however, decided that my daughters WILL be getting the HPV vaccine. I am not against pre-marital sex. I certainly didn’t wait until I was married. I don’t know anyone who did. I want my kids to make good, educated choices. The best way to do that is to prepare them as much as possible. If a simple shot will offer protection from the possibility of cancer, they will get that shot.
My kids will all get the vaccine because if there is a vaccine that is effective and can prevent cancer, well it’s just sorta dumb not to give it to them.
Let me just say that I most love the comment about the virus shaking its virusy shoulders. Do you think you can somehow create a digital avatar of this? Brilliant!
But the point about drinking fecal-contaminated water is right up there too.
Swistle, this is brilliant. You are the smartest lady on all the internet. :-)
Seriously though – awesomely valid points, especially re: Christian abstinence. I grew up in that kind of environment myself and yeah – just telling teenagers not to have premarital sex is not ANY kind of guarantee that they’ll listen.
I have two friends who developed cervical cancer from HPV. One was homeless for several years as a teenager and paid for food/housing by having sex with people. It kept her alive, barely. The other married her high school sweetheart, the only person she’s ever had sex with. He, however, had an active sex life before her. An HPV vaccine would most likely have prevented a lot of physical and emotional pain for both of them.
Men can develop cancer from HPV as well– penile, anal, and throat cancer.
Thanks, Swistle – on this frigidly cold January day, both you and your commenters have suffused me with the radiant glow of observing human non-assishness.
Sign me up for that Swistle Summit. I am nodding in agreement as always. I feel so frustrated with people who are against this vaccine, but I could never put it as succinctly as you have. Maybe I should just print this and hand it out.
I love your posts….there, I said it.
I was contemplating whether or not Man-Child should get it when the decision was made for me. I asked Hubby to take him for a “Well-Child” visit (how can you call it Well-Child, when said “child” is 16?)because I couldn’t and they asked Hubby if he wanted MC to receive it. He said sure. I’m positive he had no idea what he was saying sure to but in the end I was okay with it. And now? After reading this post, and all the comments, I’m especially glad he did.
You are awesome. From “I didn’t explain to him that this did NOT mean I was condoning the drinking of fecal-matter-tainted water” to the gentle, yet firm admonition to us about not delving into other topics, lest we tax the Swistle House Gin Supply, it’s all awesome.
Being the living-in-sin heathen that I am, I sometimes feel like I can’t effectively talk to more conservative members of my family about certain topics. I’m grateful we get along and CAN talk about them, but I know that hearing these messages from people who are closer to their moral and spiritual tenets has a stronger impact than just hearing it from me.
I love you, Swistle.
Yes x 9.
I grew up in a Christian household which preached abstinence as the only way and while I BARELY managed to make it to marriage, I do not expect and, in fact, hope that my children do not do the same (how’s THAT for controversial–I actually WANT my children to have premarital sex). I even reached these conclusions long before becoming non-religious. I, too, will not explain to my kids why they are getting yet another round of shots. They will get them, we will get ice cream afterwards and it will be done. I also believe my daughter will start taking a small vitamin at exactly the same time every day as soon as she gets her period. For her health. BTW, that’s a good one. Please tell me when you plan on discussing the pill with Elizabeth.
g~- That IS a good one. I am not sure. I have this vague idea of talking about it with the pediatrician in front of her at the appointment after she gets her period. Sort of a “Let’s all get this on our radar” talk. And also sometime between now and then, having another talk about it with her, like when we talk again about periods. (We talked about it once, but it’s been awhile so this reminds me it’s probably time to do it again soon.)
This needs to go viral.
And while I’m not generally in favour of fear-mongering, I’ve always thought that the ends justify the means if “conscientious objectors” could be swayed by the sexual assault and infidelity arguments.
My daughter is 15, and I have been avoiding the shot. Not because I’m particularly Christian, not because I think she’ll never have pre-marital sex, but because I have heard some bad stories about this shot, and because she’s not having pre-marital sex NOW. At her last physical, the nurse practitioner yelled at me and told me I was being foolish, so we got it for her. And I was glad before I read this. Now I’m even gladder. I never even thought about number two. I think you’ve done a real service today.
Swistle, this is perfection. I want your post to go viral. Everyone should understand this as you explain it. Also glad someone above gave a shout out to Henrietta Lacks. None of this would have been possible w/o her.
I always wonder about the argument about “well, if I get them the shot, they’ll think it’s okay to have sex…” What? Who tells their kids what the vaccines are for? I certainly do not remember my parents explaining things like MMR to me.
My comment sounds judgy to me. I guess I mean that as a kid, I didn’t care. I was all “oh no, a shot!” and that is as far as it went.
Outstanding piece. Well argued and beautifully written, especially the “shrugs its virusy shoulders” line.
I’ve tweeted a link to your blog post, because I think everyone should read it. And I’m an atheist.
I love the idea that teenagers are going to make a decision about sex based on a vaccination. Bwahahahaha.
My aunt had a hysterectomy at 23 thanks to her lying cheater of a husband who brought home HPV and it led to full-blown cervical cancer that wasn’t caught until too late. Both my daughters and my son have gotten two out of three of their HPV shots already; they’ll get the third this summer. It wasn’t even a debate in my mind.
I, and all the other girls in my grade 9 year, were given the German Measles Shot (in capitals because we were all freaking out about it for weeks before-hand A SHOT!! Given to 100 14 year old girls back to back! Oh, the hysteria and fainting that went on).
Anyway, it (I guess it was a booster) was given to girls only, and we knew it was because girls can get pregnant, and German Measles can harm the baby.
End of story. No controversy. No judgement.
Even though I don’t consider myself a Christian and yet did not have sex before marriage, this really resonated with me. Number 7 is the one that I was nodding most vigorously at. I ended up getting the vaccine when it first became available because even though my husband and I were each other’s only sexual partners ever, my OBGYN made the excellent point that at 23, there was no guarantee I wouldn’t have another partner somewhere later in life. And God forbid that happen, but she was right. You just never know, so why take the chance?
I live in the Bible Belt, and many people here don’t get even their girls vaccinated against HPV. I was planning to get my girl vaccinated, but when I was visiting my OB/GYN (the doctor who delivered my daughter), I casually asked her how she felt about the vaccine and she IMMEDIATELY said, “Give it to her!” She said the virus doesn’t just cause cervical cancer, but it can also make girls sterile, and make routine exams difficult (genital warts, I suppose) AND pointed out that although my daughter might not have premarital sex, the shots would also protect her against her future husband, who might have experimented a little (and she added, “Most of them do”).
Oh, and another time, I heard a (different) doctor say parents often turn the vaccine down when she suggests it, saying it will just encourage their daughter to have sex, and she says to them, “Believe me, if I never see another pregnant 14-year-old, I will be THRILLED!” but that there are compelling reasons for the shots.
My kid would have no idea what Gardasil was for if other kids hadn’t told her it kills the girls who have it, etc. I just told her the Pediatric Association would not recommend it if they didn’t think it was a good idea (or killed kids).
I got HPV from a cheating now ex-husband thirty years ago.
One other thing: it seems delusional to me to think that the fear of possibly developing cervical cancer when they’re in their 30s or 40s is the only thing that will keep girls from having premarital sex. When I was a teenager, I’d never even heard of cervical cancer, nor was I even aware I possessed a cervix, for that matter. Let’s hope the parents have better reasons for waiting than that.
Nice post Swistle! The only fact missing is that is does not guarantee-100% protection from cancer. Kind of like how non-smokers get lung cancer. But, giving the impression that you are safe from cancer is ridiculous too. I have three young adult daughters and they did not get the shot and prob won’t. And the reason the insurance companies don’t insure boys? It’s not really a proven vaccine. You know, women need more protection and help blah,blah,blah. So if your pro vaccinating, get it. Just remember, it doesn’t protect you from cancer, it just makes you feel safer! Paula
Paula, no vaccine is 100% effective. It might be helpful if you you could explain what you mean by “proven vaccine.” It’s been through clinical trials, data were presented, and FDA approved it.
http://www.fda.gov/downloads/BiologicsBloodVaccines/Vaccines/ApprovedProducts/UCM190978.pdf
I love this post. It is so intelligent and also careful. THANK YOU for writing it. I am (now) a Christian, was raised in a moral home that preached NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, but you’d better believe I lost my virginity at 16. I regret it, for sure, but it also has made me realize that my children will maybe also stumble on their journey. THANK YOU. It is SO HARD for me to not share this on fb, where a bunch of bungholes who claim to be Christians need to wake up. Thumbs up.
I usually read your blog in my feed, but actually went to the post to read the sure fire crazy comments. How disappointing to see nothing but sane, rational people! Where is the drama!?
I’m pro-vaccine, but didn’t really consider that boys need them too. Interesting post with compelling arguments. I <3 Swistle.
G is just a tiny little guy but he will definitely be getting the HPV vaccine when he’s old enough. I love this post, Swistle. You’re just so … reasonable.
I wonder if people panicked thinking people would suddenly drive more dangerously when seat belts were made mandatory. Great post. I wanted to get the vaccine a few years but it was only free for younger girls. Wish I had now.
Such a great post and comments. I have one more. It’s possible to get the virus and not know you have it for YEARS. It doesn’t always show up on routine PAP smears. Someone I know did not have premarital sex, her husband had a single previous experience with a single previous partner, and, as far as she knows, never cheated. And yet she discovered years after having her kids and everything that she had HPV. Nothing bad happened in her case, but why take the chance?
HAHAHA, that final paragraph just kills me, you are TOO FUNNY! :)
Excellent reasoning. This is really well-written. We have not reached the age yet, and will likely not get the vaccine, but not for this reason. I do appreciate you taking time to write this though–it forces people to think about what they are saying. And I didn’t even think about the aspect of not really specifying what the vaccine is for, to the child. Duh.
Thanks for doing the thinking on this. Now I don’t have to!
The thing is, I’m morally opposed to people sneezing on other people, but that doesn’t mean I’ll protest by not getting my kids the flu shot. A gross oversimplification, but still.
Good, so so so good! I love how well you laid this out. I have three daughters, my oldest will be ten this year so I’m assuming we’ll be looking at this decision soon. “She won’t have sex” would never even occur to us as a reason to not get the shot.
I also grew up in a very conservative, Christian family. There was private schools and homeschooling and Bible colleges. Me and both my sisters all had premarital sex. Sooooo…
I tried to get the shot when they were really getting the word out around 5 years ago. At that time (not sure if it still is), it was a 3-dose shot. After the first dose my face puffed up like whoa and I almost went into anaphylactic shock. SO STRANGE! So that is the only reason I would be a little nervous to give it to my girls, but I will most likely try, since the benefits outweigh the small risk that they may be allergic to the vaccine as well. Also, it is possible that I was only allergic to Gardisil and I am not sure if that is the only vaccine available for HPV or not…
A FREAKING MEN, Swistle! Although I do have to say that the sign in my doctor’s office that says people ages 9-26 or whatever should get it terrifies me, because Adriana will be 9 in 6 years. NINE YEARS OLD. NINE YEAR OLDS HAVING SEX IN NON-ABUSE SITUATIONS IS A THING. I can’t even.
Love this. Truly. My son is nearly 11 and will be getting the vaccine the minute he turns 14. I talked to my pediatrician about the vaccine at his 10-year appointment and she had some interesting advice that I thought I would share. Although the vaccine is (or, at least was last year) approved for boys as young as 11, she does not recommend it until 14. Her reasoning went like this: to remain effective, the vaccine has to be boosted after 10 years. If it is given at 11 the child is protected between the ages of 11 and 14, when sexual activity is certainly possible but not terribly common. However, vaccinating him at 11 would mean he needed a booster at 21. My ped said she was more willing to wager that a 24-year-old could be counted on to get that booster, while a 21-year-old might be less likely to be quite so careful with himself. I thought this was excellent logic.
Stefanie- Oh, interesting! Although I’d come to the opposite conclusion: for a 21-year-old, I might still have some role in his appointments (if he were in college and home for the summer, for example), whereas a 24-year-old is totally on his own for that, and might have poorer insurance than if he were under his parents’ plan. So I’d be inclined to do it earlier, so I’d have a better chance of getting the booster in on my watch!
I don’t really have much to add-great post!
My doctor said 9 was a better time to give the shots than 11 merely because younger kids give stronger immune responses (i.e. they’ll make more antibodies at 9 than even at 11). So, it might not be that they think 9-year-olds are likely to be having sex. Also, younger kids aren’t as dramatic as tweens, so they’re less likely to faint, etc.
Great post, Swistle- mainly because of you how you addressed the issues and how thoroughly you thought everything out.
Very late to the discussion, but something another commenter on this thread said got me thinking and I think I’ve come up with a 10th reason, which is this: as has been noted, scrapes (haha) with HPV can lead to procedures that can weaken the cervix which, ahem, plays an important role in pregnancy health. So anyone is in favor of limiting the risk that a developing baby might undergo premature birth or death — in favor, say, minimizing the risk that one’s developing grandchild might experience those horrible things (and of course that one’s child might experience parenting a premature child or losing an infant rather than bringing home a full-term baby) — should, you know, be in favor of the vaccine. Because no one — no one — should lose a wanted pregnancy or have a child born prematurely when that could easily and safely have been prevented.