So. The Kite-Runner. Kind of a downer, huh? And I only read the graphic novel version. But it certainly helped put the issue with Paul’s sister into perspective, so…score one for a soul-debilitating glance how unthinkably awful life can be!
Christmas went well. It was really loud, and there was a lot of crowd-management involved. I was inclined to glaze off, thinking of the quiet Christmases of the household where I grew up, wondering idly what my adult life would be like now with two or three children instead of five, not-that-I’d-want-to-give-any-of-them-up, wait-which-would-you-be-willing-to-take-ha-ha.
Actually, I can tell you exactly what it would be like: I’d be sitting here writing about how Christmas went well, but how I’d been inclined to glaze off wondering what my adult life would be like now if we’d had those other children I’d wanted. There would probably be some mooning and some age-speculation (“Maybe one would have been 6 this year, and another would have been 4…”).
One of my gifts from my parents was Million Little Mistakes by Jennifer McElhatton. I’d read Pretty Little Mistakes a couple of years ago, and although I had many little complaints about it, I got so into it that after reading through a dozen or so adventures, I ended up reading it methodically—making sure I followed every single choose-your-own-adventure path possible in the whole book. I’ve seen what happens if I go to college and then become a drug dealer; now let’s go back to the beginning and see what happens if I get married and then become a waitress!
Hey, did you already figure out where I was going with this, you smarty? I do wish I could do my life like a choose-your-own adventure book. Not to SWITCH to something else, but just to see how things would have gone and then come back to my real life. I’d like to see what it really would be like to have two or three children; I’d also like to see what it would be like to have the half-dozen I’d had in mind. (Or no, I guess I wouldn’t, since then I’d miss that baby when I went back to my real life.) (Well, maybe as long as we’re counter-reality fantasizing, we could add a thing where we wouldn’t be affected by that. It would be fun to just SEE other possible children and relationships, but without the heart-hurt afterward.) I’d like to go back and see what would have happened if I’d gotten a different degree: accounting or elementary ed or secondary ed or nursing instead of business. I’d like to see how things could have gone if I’d done more extracurriculars in high school, or made different friends. Maybe I’d want to see what would have happened if I’d stayed with my first marriage. I’d even try the path where I didn’t go to college but instead got a real estate license and married my high school boyfriend, just for interest’s sake.
If life was a choose-your-own-adventure book, which path would you re-do first? I think I’d start with the different degree, since “What will I do when all the kids are in school?” is currently heavy on my mind. But the “different guy” paths are perhaps more INTERESTING.
Ooh! Such a good question! I think I would go different degree first, also. I think my “different guy” paths would all be fairly bleak.
You always ask great questions to commenters. I will be poring over these later.
My big difference was college: I wanted to go to Berkeley, but when I got in, I PANICKED, because OMG, far away! I can’t do it! And so I went to my state school, which is a good school and all, but wasn’t my dream. I always wonder what would have happened if I was bold enough to do that, especially considering I met my husband and some of my best friends at the state school.
HMMMM. (I suspect I would not be married and have no children, but be more successful monetarily, and perhaps more outgoing, since I would have known no one as opposed to half my high school going to my college.)
Good question! I’d go to a cheaper, state school. I loved my private college, but now I’m 50k+ in debt and it suuuucks
If you haven’t read “Replay” by Ken Grimwood, you must. He puts this idea into an excellent book!
Lori- Thanks! I put it on my library list!
Man, I LOVED those books when I was younger.
I think I would like to go down the different (or no) guy path first, the no children path second, and maybe the different degree/education path, too, just for funsies.
I think the first different choice I’d make would be not going to those musical tryouts. Not only would I have not gotten that knee injury, but I would not now have an incurable disease that put me on disability. I would like to have chosen a different major–to have chosen English from the beginning rather than stumbling into it….
I kind of always wanted to have one of those this-is-how-your-life-could-have-been experiences like in Mr. Destiny, except that those seem reserved (in fictional stories, of course) for people who are either on the wrong path or supremely unappreciative of their blessings, so I’m also kind of glad no Clarence has visited me.
Like Shalini, my first other path would involve college. I also was accepted into a college far away from home, but chose to commute to a school near my home. If I had gone away, I’d probably not have stayed with my boyfriend, who is now my husband and father to my two children. I probably would have graduated with much more debt, but less work experience in my field, and with more experience in dating and meeting people. I might have ended up with the kind of guy I thought I’d end up with and not the kind I actually ended up with. I wonder if I could have been as happy as I am?
I did high school in three accelerated years, so my first choice would be to do it in four years. Maybe then I would have been more prepared for college, and done better, and not dropped out. My next choice would be to not have pursued the guy that became my daughter’s father. Not that it’s gleeful to contemplate a life without my kiddo, just, you know…to see.
I…am having a hard time with this. I don’t want to imagine a different husband or a life without my kids. I get clenchy feelings in the gut that are not at all pleasant. Still, I want to play…
All my relationships before Honey would have ended in disastrous messes, as would my retaining my religious affiliation of choice. If I would have stuck with nursing in college, life would have certainly turned out differently.
Hm, this needs more thought.
I would like to see the what if I had gone to grad school version of life.
Ooooh how FUN! My mind goes IMMEDIATELY to the different guy paths, just because I dated such wildly different guys. (Different from one another and different from my husband.) I see them on Facebook and wonder, if we’d stay together, would I be the elementary teacher while my husband pursued his film career? Would I have those two little blonde boys? Would I be living a deeply intellectual existence on a college campus somewhere?
But more practically, I’d be interested to know what life would be like if I hadn’t been an English major. Or if I hadn’t gotten a job right out of grad school. Would I still be teaching (and hating life)? Or if I had chosen the other college on my top-two list.
Ive thought about this a lot, mostly because I get bored and my mind goes off on its own.
I have always wanted to know what would have happened if my mother hadn’t remarried when I was 12. I want to know how different life would have been if we stayed in San Antonio where I wasn’t particularly liked, was poised to be an FFA buckle bunny cheerleader, as opposed to the theater loner alternative girl.
I also would love to know what would have happened if I did finish college. I got burned out on school and decided I liked the idea of having a quiet stable life with my (then) boyfriend (now husband). I would love to know what my life would be like if I had finished the degree and gone into theater as a profession.
There is only one guy I ever wonder about. I am fairly certain I know exactly how that would have ended knowing what he is like, but I still would like to go back and see what would have happened if a particular night had ended differently.
I like to think though that eventually I would have ended up right where I am, just with some different memories in the back of my mind.
I would have been absolutely wild in high school OR I would have begged my parents to send me to boarding school. Also I’m curious to know what school would have been like at a big state school instead of a private Catholic school. insert disclaimer here about not changing a thing/being so thankful for what I have wahh/wahh/wahh. (but this was fun, and something i think about and wonder what my husband thinks about too. :) )
I would like to see the I never started drinking version.
I have a business degree, too, and I don’t even know why. I started off pre-med and it’s painful to discuss why I changed course(not grades). I wonder all the time, “What if?” Unfortunately, I am quite sure that path doesn’t include my children.
I also wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t dated my first boyfriend for five years. FIVE YEARS. Thirteen through eighteen. What a mess.
Oh… I love this! These thoughts go through my mind all the time. Like when I realize if a move I planned had not been cancelled, I would have never met my husband and had my 3 wonderful kids. And what if I finished college at the first university I attended, rather than dropping out after the first year. And majors… oh my. I changed those so often. Each one would have taken me on a much different path.
I honestly wouldn’t do much of my life differently. I can’t imagine my life without my husband or my kids. I know I am exactly where God wants me, so I rejoice in that.
Yeah, the Kite Runner IS a bit of a downer. Halfway through it I seriously thought “I can’t take it anymore! How many more little boys are going to get it up the ass?” and then I would sob. I did finish it because I had to know how it ended, but then I was totally depressed about it. This is not unlike when I read Of Mice and Men when I was 19 and was depressed for weeks after.
Anyhoo…choose your own adventure. I think about that a lot – what would have happened if I went abroad to school, or travelled more, or went in a totall different field, or did my Ph.D, then I get all chilled and like “But then I wouldn’t have my CHILDREN” and I have to stop.
Hey, my word verification is hippl!
I would not have dated one particular boy in HS. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but one of the popular girls liked him and basically ruined my last two years of HS over this guy I only dated a few times. Would love to have bypassed that mess.
I also would never have dated my college boyfriend for as long as I did because I knew it wasn’t right for at least a year before I told him and I broke his heart. I still feel shitty about that (20 years later).
I would also choose a path in which I went into accounting in college instead of years later. That last one would, however, likely mean I would never have met my husband and had my kids, so it’s much less appealing…
Without a doubt, my first choice is to live single until I’m finished with my 20’s. I got married at 23 and had the first of 3 children at 25. My single life would include finishing college with a degree (Ionly have an AA right now) and a year of traveling through Europe (the closest I’ve been is reading Europe on a Shoestring). Of course, I love my life as it is, but one always wonders…great post.
I am so thrilled with where I am now, but there are things I’d love to try differently! What would have happened if I’d gone to a different school for middle school? What if I’d gone to a co-ed high school instead of all-girls? After college I wonder what would have happened if I’d joined the foreign service or something similar instead of staying in my city to be with my boyfriend (now husband). Fun stuff!
Sometimes I think I would go to grad school if I could Choose-Your-Own-Adventure my life, but then I don’t know…if I had, would I have had Nico by now? Would I have had a different kid at a different time? I can’t imagine life without him, no matter how cool grad school might’ve been, and I’m generally really happy. But I do sometimes wonder how things would be different if I had continued with school instead of burning out and going to work.
I would try going to a different university, which would entail taking a gap year in which I could travel and work. I wouldn’t have met my friends or boyfriend, but it’d be interesting to see who I would have met.
I heard Katy Perry’s new song on the radio this morning and it reminded me of this post! I think it’s called The One that Got Away? That’s the gist of it, anyway.
Totally agree, Kite Runner is BLEAK.
My first adventure would totally be the alternate college degree (music). And my second would be a “different guy” path. There was definitely one that I let get away and I’m SO curious how that might have turned out.
Oh, man…so much to think about. In high school, I always said I wanted to spend a year in London and that I was going to college somewhere far away from my hometown. I did neither of those things, and attended college and grad school within an hour of home. I would love to see how my life would have turned out if I had done the things I was too afraid to do.
Also, I would try the path without the high school boys. So much of my early adult life was a reaction to those relationships, and I just wonder how different I would be without them.
Would I have…waited and dated the other guy (and married him, because I liked him that much) and had a totally different life closer to my parents? Would I still have suffered through infertility? How would this have affected the other guy’s life? Would we have made similar decisions like the ones I’ve made with my now husband?
I would have liked to take a year off between my AA and BS degrees and traveled the world. I would have liked to work at the summer camp again right before I got married instead of mucking around.
Regrets can be messy…
I’m on the FUN side of choose-your-own-adventure life here (and also ignoring bleak kite runner book. can only take one of those types evry month or 2…)
I would love to have ditched education training and instead picked up a computer minor AND studied abroad for a semester in college. OR (and?!) seen how I turned out after 4 yrs in a southern women’s college. AND (or?) what if I had stayed in PA after college graduation? AND OR what if we had stayed in the Tampa area after that year of service?
the first two would have drastic impacts on my self-image/ development.. and would affect the meeting of the future hub. the last two would impact more my career / extracurricular / friend part of life (keeping the same current hub).
interesting indeed… would any of this affect our calendar choice tendencies though?!
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a strong tendency towards dreamy thoughts. I would have had a whole post for this answer at that time! A few things that come to mind now: I wish I had spent a summer or 2 living/working at the beach. Also, I would have chosen a slightly different program in grad school that would have meant more job flexibility now. Imagining life with another husband (or single!) is interesting but I find myself not wanting to change my children. Thoughts like “what about one more child?” frequently catch my interest. Like you said, if only we could just get a peek at that life…
Hmm… I think I’d choose the path that had me marrying later, having kids later and living a little more FUN before settling down. Normally, this is not a path that interests me, but sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out.
Ooh! I didn’t realize this had come out! I loved PLM and just went to order MLM on Amazon! Thanks!
On the serious side – I would like to know how life would have turned out if I hadn’t married my high school sweetheart (but only without the heart-hurt of not having my two beautiful children with him!). Who else might I have dated? Would I even have married anyone? I also wish I had traveled more and just generally been more adventurous in my 20s. At least the travel part can be rectified in the future!
PS LOVING my Little Critters calendar!
PS again – I also read PLM methodically to make sure I covered all the possibilities! I did that with the kids’ Choose Your Own Adventure books too – I marked all the pages with paper clips so I knew where to go back to.
I would like to see how different my life would be if I had not majored in nursing right out of the gate. The curriculum pretty much dictates that you only have classes with other nursing majors, you have to be up so early that there’s no real staying out late, well, ever, and just overall, you miss out on a lot of the typical college experience. I would’ve liked to have a few more adventures before I went down that road.
I think I might like the Choose Your Own Adventure thing in LIFE only if I could see how the OTHER choices would have led me down paths that weren’t as good as the one I actually did choose. If I’m a happy, rich, successful, charismatic mother if six in one of my Other lives I’ll be very sad indeed to return to Regular Life.