This morning I was trying to proofread my Milk & Cookies post (I’m giving ideas and also looking for more ideas for birthday party gift ideas for a 10-year-old girl) (the site format is a little wonky right now—it doesn’t usually look all smashed together like that), and the children were being interruptive as usual. I have sometimes wondered if, when I’m trying to write, I over-accuse the children of interrupting: that is, maybe a full fifteen minutes went by between this interruption and the last one, but it felt to me like it was practically CONSTANT.
So today I wrote down the time of each interruption. I counted only deliberate ones: that is, if a child made a loud sound in another room and it distracted me, or if children were bickering and I interfered, or if they had a loud conversation right next to me and I couldn’t concentrate, I didn’t count those; I only counted it if a child approached me (or yelled to me from another room *clenching teeth*) to tell me something, complain about something, or ask for something. I ended up having to make tick-marks to indicate more than one interruption in the same minute:
8:46 – 3 interruptions
8:47 – 1 interruption
8:48 – 3
8:49 – 0
8:50 – 1
8:51 – 2
8:52 – 2
8:53 – 0
8:54 – 2
8:55 – 0
8:56 – 1
8:57 – 1
8:58 – 2
8:59 – 3
9:00 – 1
9:01 – 2
9:02 – 2
9:03 – 1
9:04 – 1
9:05 – 0
9:06 – 1
That’s where I stopped keeping track. In 20 minutes, there were 29 interruptions, and that’s if I did the math right—a child was trying to talk to me while I was adding them up just now.
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I loved this post from The Brunettes Blog, about who is being spoken to when something controversial is said in a Facebook status or Twitter remark. She makes a neat point about how in person, we would know if we could politely/firmly disagree depending on context (in her example, we wouldn’t run across the room to confront a stranger at a party, but we could certainly respond to someone in our conversation group), but when someone posts something we consider objectionable on Facebook in an “of course everyone agrees with this” tone, it’s hard (and very conflicting) to know how to respond—and to feel right about not responding.
I also liked this post by Miss Zoot, especially the part about our responsibility to moderate our comments sections. A couple years back I had a post where the comments section got wayyyyy out of hand—and I had no idea what to do. Looking back on it, I could see how I could have nipped the whole thing in the bud about two comments into it—and although that would have been very difficult (because it would have involved moderating someone I considered a friend, and because I’ve had unpleasant experiences with anonymous commenters retaliating viciously when moderated), it probably would have been the right thing to do. Freedom of speech has never, ever, ever meant that we have to give people part of our own space in which to express their vicious and hurtful remarks. I try to keep that in mind now, though it can still be hard to know when/how to apply it.
But she also takes it further, discussing how such issues can help guide us in teaching our children things we didn’t have to be taught by our parents (and therefore might not realize we need to teach): we need to teach them the responsible use of anonymity; and we need to teach them the responsible management of what other people say in public spaces they control, such as their Facebook pages.
I hate that certain commenters and those certain mean anon commenters have made it so that I feel like I can never disagree with what a blogger or FBer says. I always feel like such a twat if I have a different opinion and usually don’t even share my different opinion just because you know everyone is taking everything defensively because other commenters have ruined the ability and right to disagree.
Well said Swistle, and thanks for pointing out those other posts, very interesting.
I agree that this is important. In addition, the advice, “Don’t feed the trolls” is only sometimes good advice. Sometimes, though, it equates to “Ignore the bully — who cares what he/she is saying?”, which I, as a parent, would never tell my child in a physical or verbal situation.
About the interruptions, I couldn’t handle it. I don’t fault you at all for sometimes snapping. Of course I don’t have kids, but would it possibly work to put the older boy in charge when you need 15 minutes. Maybe help him feel more grown up (less surly?) and help keep the little ones out of your hair for just a few minutes. And I’m sure you’ve already tried bribing the kids not to bother you so I’m all out of suggestions. :)
Give you a gold medal, hon, because WOW is that a lot of interruptions or WHAT? I am kind of shocked you are able to get anything done. Of course, I have always known you are SuperSwistle, but to see hard data…really opens one’s eyes. ;)
I am with Misty — you are downright heroic for getting anything done!
I love the discussions in person vs. on Facebook point. I am imagining myself BARRELLING across a crowded room to tell someone they were totally wrong about something they just said in a conversation with someone else. Mostly I try to stay out of FB fights, but a few times I have not been able to stop myself, and it hasn’t ended well. So that’s a great analogy to keep in mind!
That is a lot of interruptions! It’s so hard to concentrate in the midst of that.
Make them give you a quarter for every time they interrupt you when 911 doesn’t need to be called?
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I was wondering if with 5 kids, interruptions wouldn’t be expected to be numerous, but 29! Holy hell. Throw some Bailey’s in that coffee :)
Re: commenting: I sort of started an argument over a link I posted on my FB page, and, while I knew I was opening a can of worms, I did it anyway, because I wanted to have a healthy argument. For the most part, it stayed healthy, but I found myself feeling very nervous about how the commenters would respond to each other. Eventually, I just wanted to remove the entire post, comments & all, but since there were so many, I left it. Gosh.
Also, I am now waxing philosophical on Miss Zoot’s idea of the “responsibility of anonymity.” I like it.
P.S. My mom used to “take breaks” when she was stay-at-home with my brother & sister & me. She would go in her room & lock the door (for 10-15 minutes) & basically tell us not to burn down the house. We were to knock politely on the door if there were something *really* important we needed. To. This. DAY. She still tells the story of one of us nearly knocking the door down to ask “Can I have a cookie, Mommy?”
(In fact, she told it the other day, in her most disapproving tone. I am 33 years old. Sigh)
Whoa. I have no idea how you get ANYTHING done–29 interruptions? You deserve some kind of award, or at least a lot of booze. I have a lot of trouble re: negative commenting. I don’t like to disagree on blogs, but I also feel like people SHOULD be able to disagree, but the theory never works out very well. The Internet is going to implode into a wormhole one day under the weight of negative comments.
How on earth do you maintain 3 blogs, Swistle? I am in awe.
I work (very part-time, mainly on non-time sensitive projects) from home with 2 kids, and if I ever have an actual deadline when school is out I hire a babysitter for the younger one (5) and leave the older one (10) to his own devices. If I close the study door, he will stay out.
I have been known to tell my children that if they aren’t bleeding, vomiting, or on fire, they are to handle things themselves.
One of those children once informed me, “But you’re not working, Mommy! You’re just staring at a screen!” Sweetie, that is Mommy’s job.
At school we say…if you’re not red, white or blue, then you don’t interrupt the reading groups. Red= bleeding White=ready to faint or vomit (in which case you do not come to tell the teacher, you go stand by the trashcan and inform the teacher from there!)
blue= not breathing
Good Luck Swistle! Kids just really love to share all the time, don’t they. There is another trick we use…a work hat. When I am wearing my work hat, I can not be interrupted!! They may find that they want a work hat, too!
Oh Lord how I needed to read this tonight.
My 3-year-old didn’t take a nap, and my 7-year-old had a friend over in the afternoon, which was SUPPOSED to be when the 3-year-old was napping. (He didn’t get the memo.) And then after the 1-year-old woke up, I was having to entertain him and wrestle the 3-year-old to keep him from bugging the crap out of the 7-year-old and her friend.
By 5;17 I was drinking wine on an empty stomach. And yet they still kept hollering “MOM, I need,” and “MOM, can you?” and “Eeeeek” (squealing of the baby when the 3-year-old was terrorizing him.)
I’m not being very original here, but seriously, Swistle, it amazes me that you ever get anything done, let alone three blogs with long, well-thought out (and researched) posts…
I work from home too, but only have two girls (aged 9 and 7) and even that is driving me mad right now: school’s been out for 4 weeks, and there are another 5.5 to go (thankfully I’ll be on holiday for 2 of those, but still).
I have no solution, other than alcoholic beverages and comfort food once the kids are all in bed (if yours are anything like mine, comfort food would otherwise have to be shared and you don’t want THAT – it wouldn’t be COMFORT any more, just more plates to wash/crumbs to clean up/stains to get off clothes…).
Courage!