I paid $3.50 for a tube of Kids’ After-Bite bug-bite cream on a friend’s recommendation, and neglected to examine the ingredients. I now see the only active ingredient is…baking soda. This could have been less expensive.
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I vote for “proud to be an American” to be changed to “glad to be an American.” Applicable to all citizenships, of course. I would say that the word “proud” implies accomplishment, and works in situations where the accomplishment could be placed in either a “I’m proud that I ____” sentence OR an “I’m proud of you for ___” sentence. Math medal works: “I’m proud that I got that math medal” and “I’m proud of you for getting a math medal.” Grades work: “I’m proud that I got an A on that test” and “I’m proud of you for getting an A on that test.” Heroism works: “I’m proud that I helped put out that fire” and “I’m proud of you for helping put out that fire.” Military service works: “I’m proud of my military service” and “I’m proud of your military service.”
Things we’re born with do not: “I’m proud of having brown eyes” and “I’m proud of you for having brown eyes.” Citizenship does not: “I’m proud to be an American” and “I’m proud of you for being an American.” It totally works to be proud OF MY COUNTRY and all it has gone through to become and remain a country—but it doesn’t work to be proud OF MYSELF that I managed to be born here. It’s inappropriate to pat myself on the back for that, even if I pat my country on the back all the day long. (This is of course a different story for people who had to work hard and jump through a lot of hoops to become an American; I’m talking only about those of us who accomplished it via being born to or adopted by American parents—which, as some of us reminded our parents frequently during our teen years, we had no choice regarding.)
(Even “glad” has its problems, implying as it does a gladness NOT to be citizens of other countries—even though those countries might be very nice places indeed and we wouldn’t want to imply otherwise! Certainly not! But my guess is that other citizens of other countries would know what we meant, as long as they were likewise glad to be citizens of their own countries. “Liking home” is a sympathetic feeling.)
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There were a bunch of kids hanging out in the library parking lot being stupid in exactly the way kids hang out in parking lots being stupid. Characteristic example: one of them lit up a cigarette (which, they looked pretty young for that, but I remember there were freshmen in my high school who already smoked, so) and another one went SHRIEKING across the parking lot without looking to see if she’d get flattened, saying in a baby voice “GIMME ONE GIMME ONE GIMME ONE!!” and then when the other kid said, “You JUST had one” she did massive flouncy pout and said, “NUH UH NUH UH NUH UH!!” and then started screaming that she was “F**KING PISSED!!” and flouncing back across the parking lot, and everyone involved was talking way too loud and with high awareness of putting on a performance. Stuff like that. Plus: skinny jeans and silly hair.
And anyway, after witnessing that, I find I now feel depressed-in-advance about my children’s teenage years—and really about EVERYONE’S teenage years. This mood took a huge additional swoop downward when I came out of the library and Ms. Screamy Flouncy Baby said “HEY ROB!!” to Rob, and it emerged that she JUST FINISHED SIXTH GRADE, WITH ROB. She is smoking, and screaming obscenities in parking lots, and she is the same age as my firstborn. I was fretting about this to Paul, and Rob called out in a bored tone of voice from the living room where he was reading a book on the recliner (sprawled as if he’d been dropped there from above), “Think of it this way: I wasn’t one of them.” Well, yes. Not YET. It’s just that the Krazy has not yet infected his brain. I’ve told him over the years that the teenage years are dangerous because teenagers are temporarily insane but THINK they’re COMING INTO sanity. A few escape, but not many.
Oh, that song drives me bonks. I don’t mind the word proud, though. I am proud of my kids in a way that doesn’t imply that I did anything – I just can feel my heart swelling when they do anything, even if it’s so inconsequential. So I guess I was thinking of that kind of pride – maybe a mix of love and luck. But I still hate that song. I was just waving my two year old’s flag holding hand around today and making fun of it, singing ‘hillbilly’ for all the lyrics. :)
Oh gawd. I’ve been scared of the teenage years since BEFORE I HAD KIDS, so this description of barely-teenagers is scaring me.
My favorite parts = “Plus: skinny jeans and silly hair.” and “Think of it this way: I wasn’t one of them.”
I dislike teenage scenes like that. Even though I’m an adult, it still makes me very nervous. Like I’m some nerd kid that won’t fit in their crowd. Or, that they’ll all pounce me and beat me up or something. Must be some leftover traumatic feelings from middle school.
My husband is always making comments like “I’ll be so glad when the kids are older,” not realizing that while they are at that exhausting phase now, they will eventually be FAR more annoying than they are at the moment AND out of our sight, therefore able to get into all kinds of high-jinks and trouble and embarrassing us while we aren’t even around. As sucky as age 3 is, I will take it because they can still be terribly sweet. Teenagers…..not so much.
How funny – it’s in the library parking lot that we always encounter those same stupid teenagers and I always have those same thoughts. I wish they could see themselves from the outside – what they think is badass is actually so dull and predictable.
HAH, I love Rob stories. The fact that someday I will have teenage girls terrifies me, but this story gives me hope that my kiddos won’t be “one of them” (the insane ones). Good luck :)
I can only hope my daughter acts as a teenager the way I did. A few mistakes but no acting out and nothing tragic.
I think if I had to pick glad to be or proud to be id pick proud to be. I’m not always glad to be apart of this country and it s antics but I am definitely always proud when I think about all this country has been through and how it, more times than not, comes out shining. Just my thoughts though.
I would have freaked too. And my daughter just turned 2.
But Rob wasn’t one of them and that is good and I thought from his tone (although how would I have heard his tone when I read it) that he was glad and knew it was good he wasn’t one of them.
Hopefully?
yeah. yikes. my kid is still in utero and i’m terrified of the teenage years. i was a fairly good teenager, considering, so i hope it’s genetic?
I think the most annoying thing about teenagers in a group, which you captured perfectly, is the talking loudly and putting on a show for everyone nearby. Part of the narcissism of youth.
I teach high school juniors, and I didn’t notice a lot of showing off of bad behavior (last year was my first with high school). I worry that they might be doing dangerous things but have just gotten smarter about hiding it.
Pride is an emotion that doesn’t require action to me. Much like one can be happy or sad without action, the feeling of pride can bubble up without action.
As for those annoying teenagers. Oh my god. Have they no shame?
That’s so funny you say that about the teenagers bc tonight at the fireworks celebration, I was equally disgusted/ scared… I saw many examples of cattiness and gossiping and name calling and jealousy over boys. Also, if these girls’ shorts get any shorter, they would be called “underwear.” I guess I am officially old.
I think it comes down to parenting and the kids themselves. There are still innocent teenagers out thete. Not many, but there are. I will admit that I was smoking at the end of grade 6. (Trying to fit in with my peers and find place to belong) but I didn’t turn out to be a bad teenager or person amnd didn’t give my dad too many grey hairs.
Hell’s bells, that scares me something chronic, too. My elder daughter just finished 4th grade (I think – she’s 9.5) and I’m already starting to get worried about the imminence of middle school (one more year of primary, that’s it). She’s already “into” Katy Perry and Gaga (some of those videos are seriously unsuitable for a 9 year old, I can tell you; glad I got “parental control” figured out). So far, all’s well, she remains my sweet girl but still. Scary.
The scariest part is that I was a shockingly unrebellious teenager whilst her father WENT TOTALLY OFF THE RAILS. GAH.
L- I agree, I can feel a sudden well of pride—but in those cases I’m feeling pride for the country and not in myself for having been born here. Is that the same sort of way your pride feels, or is it something different?
Nik-Nak- To me, that sounds like being proud of the country, and not of yourself for having been born here. Is that how it feels to you, too, or is it something different?
On the crazy teenager front… my older son is 15 and, while he is certainly a pod person (cuz they all are) he’s a VERY good kid. Yes, he does swear when mama bear isn’t around (he knows I know, I know he knows I know, but we both just pretend I don’t know) but he has no interest in smoking, drinking, or partying. Our biggest problem is that Mine Craft ate his brain. LOL! He’s into boy scouts, loves and is active in our church, is on the robotics team at school, and is generally a very cool person. I realize I got VERY lucky with this kid, and while there is still time for the meltdown thing, I think he’ll be fine.
So. There really is a good possibility that your kids will be mellow teens as well. I’m not saying we don’t have our problems, because we do, but if you have a good relationship with them, and continue to work at it rather than dismissing them as “just teenagers” (which, sadly, too many parents do), they’ll be fine.
Although I do think it takes a lot of luck too. I didn’t do anything special with my son… he’s just a naturally good kid. Thank God!!
How dare Ms. Screamy Flouncy Baby break my fantasy that these teenagers are somehow COMPLETELY unrelated to any children I know anywhere.
I do love Rob’s response. So reasonable. And true.
And your last bit- about teenagers being temporarily insane but they think they are coming INTO sanity is just plain terrifyingly true.
Oh and I too see “proud” as meaning “worthy of praise due to effort”. I feel fortunate to be an American, most of the time, but that doesn’t really roll off the tongue. I do think many people say they feel “proud of being an American” to convey a feeling of ownership, or possession.
Swistle – yes you’re right, it is a different kind of pride, and we would hope that people can differentiate between the kind that is from one’s own efforts or the lucky kind that is from someone elses.
@Farrell-What is with the “underwear shorts”? It is just TMI, have a little respect. Yeah, they make me feel like a crabby old lady.
Oh my god, that scene you describe strikes fear in my heart. I know my kid will be one of those dramatic annoying teens. Is there a vaccine against that?
Glad to be an American, PROUD to be Kansas Jayhawk!! ;-)
Oh, dear Lord…I have a 2 year old and 4 year old and I am terrified of the Teen Years already. Your description of the parking lot gang only reinforces that! I have boys, so maybe they won’t be quite so, um…”screamy” at least??? *sheesh*
-Lisa
Oh, dear Lord…I have a 2 year old and 4 year old and I am terrified of the Teen Years already. Your description of the parking lot gang only reinforces that! I have boys, so maybe they won’t be quite so, um…”screamy” at least??? *sheesh*
Man, I love Rob. He’s an old soul. I hope he stays above all that teenage crap.
As the mother to two teenage boys and one who is 12 but I insist is already a teen I say HELP! The two actual teens are good boys with typical teenage faults and really, not very bright most of the time. (Yes, they are in honors and AP classes but they are DUMB most of the time.) On the other hand, My 12 year old is a nightmare a good portion of the time. Sometimes he is sweet and thoughtful but he also just failed THREE CLASSES in 7th grade and starts summer school next week. Why? Because he never did his homework. He passed most of his tests with B’s. Also, he is the only one who “hangs out” in public places. As much as we try to stop it, well he is oppositionally defiant and will take off on his bike to hang out with friends in town. His older brothers hang out at our house with friends. I’m just hoping we all survive the teenage years (have another one who is 11). Also hoping they all manage to graduate from high school. Oh, and no jail. My how my hopes for my children have changed.
I think I know exactly what you mean about the use of the word “proud.” There’s a song on Signing Time that I absolutely love — I don’t know the name of it but the lyrics are “I’m a girl (or boy)! I’m a girl (or boy)! I’m proud to be a girl (or boy!)” — and when I’m singing it with my grandchildren I change the words to “I’m glad to be a girl (or boy)!” because while (speaking for myself) I’m delighted to be girl and in fact enjoy singing about it, I don’t feel PROUD to be a girl. I had nothing to do with it — in fact, I didn’t even come up with the idea of girlness. I’m GLAD, not proud. Also, when I sing “proud” it makes me feel a little adversarial with the boys, whereas it seems perfectly great for us both to feel glad about being what we are. (Speaking for my husband, he’s both glad to be a boy AND glad I’m a girl!)
Ah man the pre-teen and teen years are just so exhausting to even think about. It’s exhausting for me to remember my teen years, it’s exhausting to watch teenagers now, and it’s exhausting and terrifying to think about my two going through the teen years. My only hope is that my kids realize fairly early like I did that it seems as though the kids making the most noise are generally also the least bright, so they basically spend most of the day announcing their general idiocy to the world.
Come to think of it that rule still seems to apply far too often in the adult world too. Sigh.
As a friend once told me years ago, “the only people who really like teenagers are the people who actually know some.” and I totally agree with this. When you see them out and about, you can see some bad behavior but when you know teenagers, you see the whole package, good and bad. I am probably not explaining myself well, but my daughter is 17 and awesome and so are her friends. They are all smart, kind, considerate and lots of fun to have around.
I was laughing at the shorty shorts comments, because I felt the same way. UNTIL I looked back at some old pics of my sisters and myself (from the 70’s) and holy heck our shorts were miniscule! I never felt they were that short when I was wearing them, I certainly never felt like I was showing off my body, that is just what everyone wore. Shoot, even basketball players used to wear those tiny shorts.
Not to nitpick, but the Signing Time song lyrics are “proud to be me, yeah”. I think that’s a little different, because whether you’re a girl or a boy, it’s good to be proud you’re you, right? I mean, I am proud and glad to be me, because I did have something to do with it. Also, by typing this I may be proving that I have watched a LITTLE too much Signing Time over the last six years of my life. :)
It’s been awhile since we watched it, but is it “I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m proud to be me”? Which makes it like the “me” is the sex of the child. It’s not “I’m good at math, I’m bad at swimming, I’m proud to be me.”
aaackkkkkk it makes me SO CRINGEY to see those wretched kinds of teenagers. like, i’m so embarrassed FOR them it’s almost physically painful. gaaah.
I think that a song with lyrics like “I’m good at math, I’m bad at swimming, I’m proud to be me” is HILARIOUS. But here are the lyrics to that song – they’re somewhat typical of ST songs, which are meant to be empowering to kids with all kinds of differences, which is how I read them, and I don’t think the pride the singer takes is in their gender OR sex. I feel like some kind of ST addict now, ha! I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m proud to be me, yeah! I’m a boy, I’m a boy, I’m proud to be me, yeah!
There are so many things that you can be You might be short, you might be tall Different colored eyes, different colored hair, But underneath it all, I’m proud to be me, Doesn’t matter what you look like, The things you can and cannot do, Just be a boy or be a girl
Feel proud that you are you!
I know so many teenagers who act like assholes in public, in part because they are expected to/feel they are expected to, and then are lovely, lovely people a great deal of the time.
Also? Teenagers don;t yet have a sense, really, of their own madness. They will. And Swistle, while it is true that not many avoid The Madness, most of them do come out on the other side.
Also, I’m not a fan of pride OR glad. I have such mixed feelings about the whole thing.
I SO get what you are saying about “proud”. I love what one of the commenters said about feeling “fortunate” instead. That makes better sense though I think you still have to watch that sort of language because it makes it sound like living elsewhere would suck. IDK, you’ve written something for me to chew on I suppose. Of course, I don’t like nationalism and avoid the pledge and so forth so I’m basically a communist anyway!
My dad was a giant hell raiser as a teen/even in his early twenties. I was about as mild and well-behaved as they come (which isn’t to say I didn’t drive my parents crazy, because I did). I’m very, VERY concerned that the hell raising thing skips a generation…
You know what the VERY BEST bug bite itch stopper is? Anbesol. Hands down. A tiny dab works for a long time.