My hair is finally long enough to technically fit into a runty little 2-inch ponytail, with about half the hair gradually falling out of the ponytail during the day because it’s not quite long enough to be held firmly! Rejoice with me!
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Elizabeth needs her tonsils out. I’d been pre-fretting that it was going to be one of those Huge Stressful Hassle Money Referral Phone Call Situations where I would first have a huge stressful hassle of referral forms and insurance stuff and phone calls, then drive far away to see the specialist and pay a $35 copay, only to have him say, “Hm, why don’t we first have her come back in three months so I can look again, and then I’ll start a bunch of tests and trials that will require referrals and long drives and childcare arrangements and copays and phone calls and surprise after-bills from your insurance company but that in the end will give us no conclusive answers?”
So it was kind of good that he took one look and said, “Oh. Yeah. Those should come out. I mean, I get a lot of referrals where it could go either way, and so I have people come back in 3 months or try a bunch of other things first, but these are filling her whole throat.” And then he just launched into instructions for post-surgical care, including details about HORRIBLE PAIN and WET SCABS that…I mean, I was standing there with hands clenched in front of me in Classic Anxiety Pose, and he’s telling me that if I can’t force her to take fluids afterward I’ll need to check her back into the hospital for an IV drip. His frankness was both alarming and reassuring: evidently these horrors are completely routine.
I DO know this is a pretty routine procedure, and if one of you were worried about it I would be empathizing with your anxiety and telling reassuring stories of my own childhood tonsil-removal: “I mean, I didn’t want the greatly-anticipated ice cream and popsicles afterward because I felt too crummy, but other than that it was fine.” I wouldn’t be promising it would be fine with your child too because what am I claiming, that I can see the future? that by speaking the words with the tone of a prophet, I can make them true? BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO SOME PEOPLE, even when other people state confidently that they won’t. But I COULD say that it would LIKELY be fine—because it WOULD likely be fine. Statistically, bad things AREN’T likely to happen.
So I’m thinking all those things for myself, too, and also feeling glad that it’s apparently a clear-cut case and I don’t have to struggle much with the decision, but I’m also thinking that SHE COULD DIE ON THE OPERATING TABLE. Or they could make a mistake and she could end up losing her voice permanently. Or it could turn out later on that the key to longevity, cancer avoidance, and avoiding anxiety disorders is held in our tonsils. And also she will CRY and maybe be SCARED. And I will cry because I will see my tiny girl in a tiny hospital johnny going into the operating room, and it will feel like an episode of a medical drama and that sort of thing always makes me immediately burst into tears—but I will need to NOT cry because if I cry that will alarm her.
And anyway, I am a little stressed, even though I know it will likely be fine and that nothing on that list is likely to happen except the parts with the crying, and while she’s in surgery the medical staff will shoo Paul and me to the hospital cafeteria and I love cafeterias. And Elizabeth is greatly looking forward to the ice cream and popsicles, just as I was as a child…UNTIL I WOKE UP.
NOTHING.
Anyway, this and another couple of stresses (glimpse of future with teenagers; second glimpse of future with teenagers; fretting about Edward’s SHRIEKING FLAILING SOBBING during swimming lessons; cat coughing up hairballs which I thought was summer shedding but now I see several large almost-bald patches; over a month late now to have Henry’s 4-year photos taken) were threatening to send me into A Grim Mood. There was a twinge here and a twinge there, and then more twinges, and it’s kind of like wondering if you’re coming down with something or not: “Is that just a sneeze, or is it the first of many? Is my throat a little sore because I slept with my mouth open, or am I getting a cold? Is that little flash of ‘what’s the point of any of this, really?’ just a little thought in the thought soup, or is it a portent of mood to come?”
When I realized a Spiral of Grim was indeed forming, I tried to nip it in the bud. Coffee seemed called for, but SPECIAL coffee. I had espresso discs for the Tassimo, but I didn’t want one of the creamer discs. So I microwaved a cup of milk, then brewed the espresso into THAT. Meanwhile, I put in some toast, because I wanted to eat some Nutella. Then I realized I’d forgotten to sweeten/flavor the coffee milk, so I sprinkled cinnamon sugar on top—if “sprinkled” means “kept shaking until I couldn’t see milk.”
Good call.
Did you have to add toast to your Nutella? That totally ruins it.
I understand your being worried about Elizabeth. If that were my child I’d be worried to death too, no matter what anyone said. I was interested to hear a coworker say that her daughter had had years of unexplainable fevers and mystery “viruses”. She finally got the recommendation to get hher tonsils out and she hasn’t been sick since. Amazing little things those tonsils.
We found out yesterday that Miss L has to have surgery too (hernia) so I can completely empathize with your worries. in fact, I’m glad you wrote this because I was going on and ON about how she would probably cry and omg-what-if-something-happens?! to D last night and he clearly just doesn’t worry like I do. I felt like Cindy Lou Who in The Grinch, where he pats her head and sends her to bed.
Anyway. I hope the surgery goes well, as it very likely will!!
Also – nutella! Yum!
I barely remember getting my tonsils and adenoids out as a child. (2nd grade) I do know that I was “sickly” until that time and after that was “healthy as a horse!” My life is a case of cliches! And I did want ice cream, too!
My youngest daughter had a hernia repair when she was only 4.5 years old…I was scared for her, but it was fine. She brought her big Pretty Pony in with her and they put a bandage on it in the same place! She thought that was so cool!
Being a Mom is one of the most rewarding, but also the most difficult job in the world. Your heart is always ready to burst from worry or joy! You just have to have Faith that all will be well.
Kids grow up despite us…. and we survive it somehow. Breathe and enjoy this time in your life cause it goes by so quickly! Love you!!
Wet + Scab should never be in the same sentence. Blech!
When I hear of tonsil removal, I always think of the Brady Bunch ep when Cindy and Mrs Brady get theirs out at the same time. I am lame.
I hope it all goes swimmingly and you’ll laugh over how much you fretted and how quickly Elizabeth recovered.
well, it’s official. i think we are the same people.
3/4 of my children had tonsillectomies/adenoidectomies before age 6. 2 hardly missed a meal, 1 languished for what seemed like days. 0 had any serious complications. Our ENT, who I never minded going to see because he was just so pretty to look at, encouraged real food ASAP, in fact said if they want to stop at McDonald’s on the way home, do it.
Oh, above all else, avoid ice cream. all that milky mucousy stuff in the throat with dairy doesn’t help anything AT ALL. learned that the hard way myself.
I hope for E’s sake that her day surgery place puts out the popsicles, because we never saw one despite me telling the first one there would be a plethora of them. stock the freezer at home to compensate.
i have raised 4 girls to adulthood with nary a bump in the road, but am now staring the teen years with a boy down, alternating between complete panic and telling myself I’ve done teens 4 times before NO WORRIES…but of late, squirting him in the face with a spray bottle is sounding more and more enticing.
“pre-fretting”…love it! (but hate it when I do it) Glad you were able to self soothe with yummyness. Prayers for baby girl et al. Have a happy 4th!
Of course you’re worried. Anyone would be. Look at her. She is so lovely in her skirts framed by those pink walls and covered in kitties.
Crossing my fingers and sending healing thoughts for you guys.
Augg, the surgery is so scary, but so is the “fills her whole throat” thing! GAH! That sounds…NOT IDEAL.
I am in the same place with my 5 year old! He has needed his tonsils adenoids out FOREVER but we’ve moved a number of times and now that we’ve been in the same place for 2 years I’ve been hounding the specialist to take them out – except because he hasn’t been seeing my son his whole life he didn’t want to rush into anything, even though the previous specialist said he’d need them out pronto. He stops breathing at night. How is that not urgent? So we’ve waited 2 years and are finally going to get it done in the next few weeks and OF COURSE it is interfering with our summer holidays plans and OF COURSE the specialist didn’t want to just straight out say “yes, he needs this surgery” because it is elective and apparently in his mind elective=unnecessary or something? I have been pretty frustrated with the whole thing and now I am frustrated and a little tiny bit terrified because, like you, I had my tonsils out and remember it more or less non-traumatically. But when faced with the list of possible complications and chance of death in reference to my precious boy I suddenly feel so unsure of myself and more than a little terrified for all the reasons you mentioned. Sigh! Just so you know…you’re not alone. :)
Oh, this is such a horrible feeling. My son had tubes when he was 1 1/2 and he was only away from me for 10 minutes and was back to daycare the next day, but ANY time your child has to have a procedure, big or small, no matter how “safe” it is, is horrible. Good luck!!
When is it supposed to happen? Hopefully sooner, or, if you are like me, the fretting may get monumental—
I love that she has at least one cat with her in all photos!
My oldest had his tonsils/adenoids out at (I want to say…?) five? (He is also the child who had to have hernia surgery at 14 months. WAH.) Anyway, it was pretty bad. I just want to say, yes, be prepared. It was pretty bad. We had to hover and force and cajole and bribe him to drink ANYTHING for about a week, and all that involved screaming and crying and looks of being cornered in a death situation and trying to crawl up walls. We couldn’t get his pain med in him either because he wouldn’t drink it. We put it in his drinks, but he drank about 1/1,000 of an ounce every hour, so we (a) had no idea how much he was getting and (b) wasn’t getting enough. And then he could TASTE it, and that made him refuse even more. He did not, however, die, and the discomfort was relatively short (7-10 days). There were several worrying events where I wondered whether we should call the surgeon/take him to the hospital for possible dehydration. Maybe we should have. We didn’t, though, and he recovered and is now JUST FINE. Pretty sure my daughter (7) and maybe another of my sons (3) and ME (35) need our tonsils out too, though. WAH. I will not do it until they are a little older, after the oldest child experience. I think my 7-year-old would maybe be able to handle it, but we will wait for the other little.
Every medical thing that happens to your kid is a big deal, even if it a minor procedure. I’m not talking about YOU specifically, but EVERY mama. It feels like a big, big deal when it’s your baby going through it. Get well soon, Elizabeth!
She is the sweetest little thing! Thinking good thoughts for her and you. There was much to love about this post, but I especially loved the “am i getting a cold” analogy and the phrase “thought soup.”
I know how scary it is. My son had surgery (different body part he might not appreciate my sharing with the internet…) a year ago. I fretted much beforehand. Once we were in the hospital I was so focused on mom mode that I didn’t actually even think much about the scary stuff, just focused on keeping him comfortable. And he did great. Popsicle right after (again, different body part), spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. We basically had to keep him out of school the full suggested time to keep him from popping a stitch, rather than because he was miserable. And the best part is a year later, I am surprised when I see the tiny scar, because in the scheme of all that has happened to him in 5 years, that part is a not-very-memorable blur.
So, all the things you said — it will be scary but she is likely to be just fine. And hopefully much happier for it in the end.
And lots of yummy stuff while you wait!
Best wishes on a relatively easy surgery and fast recovery. She’s such a lovely girl.
Hotch Potchery- They said someone from the hospital would call to schedule the surgery. I hope they call today so I can budget the fretting accordingly (and so I don’t have to fret all weekend about about when they will call and when the surgery will be).
Yeah, when it’s YOUR kid, it’s totally different. I truly wish, and especially for you right now, that things never had to feel grim. And I am hoping that you have cause to feel differently very, very soon. Wishes and prayers for health, and good recovery, and other happy things.
I will just keep fingers and toes crossed that everything falls into place in every sense of that thought :) I also hate to have something that is a legit cause of anxiety hit when I am ALREADY in a generally anxious state- it sends me right over the edge. In fact, I had a dream about my daughter the other night- a nightmare really- and it has put me in anxiety mode even though it was ONLY a dream. This has nothing to do with your situation except that mine was only a dream and it STILL has me stressed out. I like that the doc seems on top of things and upfront with you…I’d rather that than someone who is vague and uninformative. Praying for the best possible outcome :)
So I realize you are probably more concerned with Elizabeth than the cat, but I only have a useful idea about the cat…
It might have fleas. Is it an outdoor cat or are any of the cats outdoor cats? Our outdoor cat gave the indoor cat fleas and he scratched a big bloody bald spot on is neck. Once he was treated the scabs healed and the fur started to grow back pretty quickly.
I have the exact same almost-ponytail and it is VERY exciting. And just imagine how long your hair will be by the time Elizabeth has had her surgery and recovered. You might be able to keep most of it in the rubber band all day!
Oh poor Elizabeth! Does she snore too? My son (3.5) had his adenoids and tonsils out in early April and I have to say, even though the procedure is routine, the recovery was, for us, very difficult. Just like Alicia above, we had lots of problems getting the pain meds down him (maybe because Elizabeth is older she might be able to handle a pill?) and he was basically a barfy whiny lethargic lump for two entire weeks.
On a brighter note, though, he has had a sum total of ONE very minor cold since his surgery when before that he was constantly sick with something. He also used to snore like a drunk trucker and let me tell you, it is WEIRD to suddenly have a silent sleeper! I always used to be able to tell if he was asleep and even what sleep cycle he was in by the quality of his snoring and now I feel like I need a baby monitor for the first time in his life.
The surgery itself was hard, but you’re a great mom and you just get through it. It was very difficult to see my baby struggle against the anesthesia, but we had the procedure done at our Children’s Hospital and so I knew that he would be just fine, as all his surgical team did all day long was tonsil-/adenoidectomies.
one of the (adult) teachers at my studio just had her tonsils removed! must be tonsilectomy-season. i will be thinking extremely positive thoughts for a speedy recovery for elizabeth (along with a big-girl willingness to take the pain meds, oh my goodness)
Hi Swistle,
Do it now. She will be so much better for it, even if it is tough for a few weeks. I missed an entire quarter of school before tonislectomy and hardly missed afterwards. As an adult I hardly ever get sore throats etc. My husband has never had tonsils out and since his bout with mono years ago when they got inflamed he has colds and sore throats. Much harder on an adult to have them out than a child (my Mom did as adult, yuck!)
StephLove- I’m wondering if it might be a reaction to a flea treatment: we’d been using one kind, and then our vet gave us a different kind (same brand, but is a “plus” version that includes other stuff for…I forget—heartworms? anyway) and it’s been since then that she’s been losing hair. So maybe a reaction to one of the new elements? or maybe the new version isn’t handling flea maintenance successfully? The skin underneath looks good, like not irritated or scabby—but it might be early days on that.
Sarah- YES, she’s a snorer! The ENT dr also asked some questions about the types of snoring, and says it sounds like she has sleep apnea? I was very ALARMED by that, but he was all casual.
Sleep apnea–check. Snorer–check. Tonsils removed–check. Mother fretting about all of the scary possibilities–check. So I can identify.
The best part of the whole ordeal is when they give her the medicine to “calm her down” when, in reality, what you are seeing is your child highly buzzed = awesome. Talk to her a lot then because her drunk, amusing answers and slurred speech really help take your mind off the upcoming surgery.
You/she will probably be amazed at how she feels after she has healed. Anxiety beforehand, yes, but there are children’s books about having tonsils out, possibly at your public library. (Amazon lists “Goodbye, Tonsils,” but I have not read it.) Or your doctor might recommend one or even have one.
Ice cream afterwards? Definitely wanted it, ate it. i don’t remember crying or feeling compromised in any way, except I napped a good bit for about a week.
Sending you good wishes and positive thoughts about her surgery. They did not warn us about the coughing afterward, and I found it VERY ALARMING. She coughed and coughed and COUGHED, so hard, until I thought she’d throw up. And the doctor just stood there all casual, while I’m thinking oh my GOD is this normal? Is she dying?
It was normal. Hopefully you can be more prepared than I was. For the coughing, that is. There’s really no way to prepare/feel okay with your child being in surgery. So, best wishes to you guys.
Ohhh! My only little niece in a hospital johnny! I feel your fret, to the aunt-th degree (much worse than someone’s child to whom I am not related, not as bad as parent-fret because nothing can rival that).
Is she too old for the Madeleine (sp?) book? Seems like kind of a soothing book, making it all seem happily commonplace.
You articulate your (and my) thought processes so well. I hope it all goes smoothly for Elizabeth! I remember as a little girl thinking that having tonsils out would be exciting and reading about it in some books (Madeline? Maybe also the Berenstein Bears?).
I made toast just to eat Nutella the other day too! Sometimes I have to resort to a spoon though…
Oh, my heart goes out to you about the surgery. This is precisely why I don’t think I could survive being a parent.
I am sure everyting will go well for Elizabeth and she will surprise you with her spunk and ability to be a little trouper.
I will be thinking of you all, regardless.
Also, “Is that little flash of ‘what’s the point of any of this, really?’ just a little thought in the thought soup, or is it a portent of mood to come?”
This precise twinge sets me into a spiral every. single. time.
Take care of yourself, my dear!
Also, also: Why the toast? I just dip a (clean) spoon into the Nutella jar and enjoy without apology.
So, so fret-worthy, but I’ll echo an earlier commenter and say that by doing this when she is quite young, you are doing her a huge, huge favor. Both my sister and I had to have our tonsils/adenoids out as near-adults, and we were REPEATEDLY told “oh, you should have done this when you were small! It’s SO MUCH EASIER then!” Not easy, of course, but easiER.
Oh, the fretting – I understand. My youngest had surgery last November, when he had just turned five and I kept thinking “Oh, it’s fine, it’s routine” then I would panic and panic and PANIC. But you know, he’s fine, it was fine – not fun, of course, but FINE. Hope it all goes smoothly and quickly and soon so you don’t have to fret for too long. Do you know when it will be?
Nicole- Not yet—I was hoping the hospital would call today to schedule it so I wouldn’t have to fidget about it all weekend, but they haven’t yet.
I don’t know about the rest but I do know that they usually shunt you into the surgical waiting room, while you’re, you know, waiting for the surgicalness to be over. Most boring place EVER. Seriously. I was just there a few months ago waiting for my husband to get out of his emergency appendectomy. SUCK.
ALSO, I can assure you that tonsils do NOT ward off anxiety. I freaking wish. Mine are large enough for 3 people.. BOOOO!
Gah, the fretting. Hopefully it will be scheduled soon, to reduce the length of fretting time.
delurking briefly to say that i had my tonsils out at the age of 23 and it was a horrific experience (apparently there is some nerve in that region that matures when you’re a teenager and makes an tonsillectomy afterwords absolutely terrible) but that everyone i have spoken to who had them out as a child says it was no big deal at all. also of note- my ENT was able to prescribe numbing lollipops from a compound pharmacy. that might be helpful if elizabeth is bad at taking medicine! good luck!
Don’t they make liquid painkillers? I’m pretty sure they do. Also, it’s very possible that your kitty might be reacting to the flea stuff. My fluffball one pulled out most of the hair on her stomach last summer after we gave her flea medicine. When the flea medicine wore off, she stopped. But in her case, it was actually GOOD, because she is old and cranky and wouldn’t let me shave it to get the matted parts out. So I’d say, wait till the end of the flea-medicine effectiveness, and see if she stops. Unless she starts getting all rashy or scabby, then I’d ask the vet.
Anyway. I have no wisdom on the tonsil thing, but I hope that her surgery goes well.
Sorry, I’m all over the place, it’s been a long day.
First I will tell you that one of my brothers and I got strep all the time, including scarlet fever. It was awful. I had my tonsils out, and have never had strep again, more than 40 years later. That brother didn’t have his out and still gets it once or twice a year. When they need to come out they need to come out.
I will also tell you that handing a child over to the anesthesiologist is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. But you know what? They took him away, and I cried really hard for about two minutes, and then I went to the elevator to go to the waiting room, and when I got there, the phone was ringing to tell me he was done. It went so fast. I know you’ll fret, it’s what we do, but it’s going to be okay. Hang in there.
You know, Swistle, your posts usually go the way of making me think (or muse, really), but today you made me tear up. I can’t quote the part because I am a very tense crier and I don’t want to risk breaking a tooth to repeat your words back to you.
Soooo….. Ruffle Skirt! Huzzah!
Also, toast is the prime nutella delivery device: slightly burned, if I have anything to say about it.
Ohhh she’s just the cutest little pixie thing. Just THINKING about your tiny girl in a tiny hospital gown makes me almost well up. NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO HER.
I just love the way you write, it feels like I’m in your brain and I like to be there, even though I imagine you might wish to escape it sometimes.
I think irene’s suggestion of numbing lollipops sounds pretty great to me!
Also, I always go to books for kids when faced with scary things. Is there a book out there for kids who get their tonsils out and DRINK LOTS OF WATER EVEN THOUGH IT KIND OF HURTS?
Oh wait. You didn’t say SHE’S anxious. Are there books out there for moms who survive such things??
:-)
My son has had four surgeries in his 9 month existence, one at 3 days old, one at 4 months, one at 6 months, another just a couple weeks ago at 9 months. The hospital calls me a veteran “surgery mom” now and each and every time I’ve thought all the “what ifs” and spent plenty of time staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night fretting so know you’re not alone in that. I’ve found what helps me is that I try to think about how much easier things will be after the surgery or what I know for sure is going to be a positive. For example Elizabeth is going to feel so much better after the surgery when the tonsils aren’t bothering her anymore and the surgery is in the summer so at least you aren’t having to mess around with missing school and making up homework.
Handing your tiny person, wearing a tiny hospital gown to the anesthesiologist is possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever do and it’ll feel like your heart is going down that hallway with them, but by the time you get settled in the waiting room (or it just seems like you’ve gotten settled) they will probably be calling to tell you that the surgery is over and you can go to the recovery room in just a couple of minutes. I’m not sure how this works at every hospital, but the hospital our son goes to gives the kids some medicine to help them relax (and make them super goofy) before surgery so they aren’t scared as they leave the pre-op room and they give them anti-nausea medication after surgery to help prevent the upset tummy which seems to help everyone.
Also, as an adult who still has her tonsils and gets epic cases of sore/strep throat multiple times a year I say yay for getting rid of them before they cause more problems.
My daughter had her tonsils removed this past Monday, the 27th, and she is doing really well. Like freakishly well. Stopped taking her prescription pain medicine yesterday. She’s been eating scrambled eggs and mac & cheese almost nonstop since Monday evening.
She feels tired but otherwise only minimal pain.
The worst thing has been being housebound for days on end with the 2 little boys.
I haven’t yet read the many many comments on this thread but wanted to tell you that my son had his freakishly large tonsils out the fall of his First Grade.
His surgery went very well. Totally uneventful. Recovery was equally uneventful. He ate tons of ice cream. He refused to take the pain meds. He didn’t speak much. The next week he went back to school and fell asleep at his desk several times. Apparently the anesthesia can do a number on a little body for a week or TWO. That was I.T.
I wish the same for you and Elizabeth!
It’s worrisome, but I hereby declare she will be just fine. I would much appreciate a ‘she’ll be just fine’ in return for my own 10 year old who is having spine surgery in August, because she too, will be just fine.
Let’s exchange good thoughts!
J
J– Yes, YES! It is SO LIKELY that they will both be JUST FINE!
I know I am a) late to comment and b) working backward, but I find it oddly reassuring that E’s tonsils fell into the category that they absolutely have to come out – saves a lot of hemming and hawing and you can feel confident that it is the thing to do.
This from a woman who has had strep maybe once or twice (only!) since having tonsils removed 27 years ago…
I loved your blog. My little 7yr old is having her tonsils out in 2 weeks. I am so glad tha I may be a normal parent! Yes I will cry… NO I will not, I will stay strong for her. but, what if… All these emotions. How did your little ones surgery turn out?
Jenny- Still upcoming: it’s scheduled for Aug 15. Hey, our kids are going to be going through it almost exactly at the same time!