After reading Frustration (about something my eldest son Rob did to make me cry with the frustration of not being able to hit him with a stick), Mar commented:
Seems like my N has a very similar personality when he’s at his most…challenging. I’m always sad when people ONLY see this..challenging side.
Quick ! write something to redeem Rob in the eyes of your readers!
GOOD THOUGHT. I know that EVEN THOUGH I understand that someone might only blog about a spouse when the spouse is being awful, or about life when they need to vent, I NEVERTHELESS sometimes get the impression that someone is married to a total pinehole or having a rotten life. And Rob, while he has his pinehole/rotten moments like any other human being, is not ALL BAD.
Rob was 5 when I found out I was having twins, and his response was a sarcastic “Great. TWO of them.” He was not particularly fond of his 2-years-younger brother William, so the prospect of EVEN MORE younger siblings failed to please. But then as soon as the twins were born he was affectionate and sweet with them, and started saying things like, “When do you think we can have ANOTHER baby?” He was very happy when I was expecting Henry, and wanted to talk a lot about what did we think the new baby would be LIKE, and he’s been affectionate and sweet with Henry too, as with the twins. He’ll say, “Hey, Henry, do you want to go PLAY OUTSIDE with me?” and then they’ll go racing out together, a 12-year-old and a 3-year-old. Periodically he’ll mention that he thinks we should have another baby in our family.
Oh, I just remembered a Rob-related story. After the twins were born, Paul and I weren’t planning to have any more children. So when Rob asked when we could have another baby, I said no, there wouldn’t be any more babies. I’d have to look up exactly what he said, but he was dumbstruck and indignant, saying something like what about the fifth one, the boy? He said it EXACTLY as if it had been a long-standing, much-discussed plan—as if for years we’d been saying that our family would be boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, and now we were suddenly saying we wouldn’t have that last baby after all. So then it was neat when we DID have an unexpected fifth child, a boy.
Anyway, back to the Rob Praise. He’s a good talker. He asks questions of the sort a person WANTS to answer, and then he listens, and then he asks more questions of the “Is it like….?” variety that keep the conversation going and show he’s been listening. And I don’t have to worry as much that he’ll be upset about something and won’t tell me about it—like William, who will suppress it and cry privately over something COMPLETELY FIXABLE, with me not even knowing he was unhappy about a decision I’d made casually.
He says hello when he comes into a room, and says things like “Goodbye, I’m going to the bus now, have a good day, see you later, bye!” when he leaves in the morning. And when he comes home he’ll say “How was your day?” or “Did you have a good day?”
He’s naturally helpful, in that he will start pitching in without being asked. If it’s a task he doesn’t know how to just pitch in with, he’ll ask if he can help. If I come home from errands and start bringing in bags, he’ll put his shoes on and come out to help without anyone saying anything. And this isn’t because we’ve trained him to do it, which is why I used the word “naturally”: it’s the sort of thing that, after he started doing it on his own, I thought, “Hey, we SHOULD HAVE been training him to do this. And we should train WILLIAM to do this TOO.”
He also says “thank you” a lot. We did train that one, but we also trained the other kids and it’s Rob who does it without being prompted or reminded. I’ll come home with something even kind of boring, like a new plain shirt I got him on clearance, and he’ll say, “Hey, thanks!” with enthusiasm. Or if he’s out of some food item he likes, and I go to the grocery store and come home with it, he’ll say, “Yay, string cheese! Thanks!”
He opens doors for me, and for strangers.
We passed one of his teachers at the grocery store and didn’t recognize her at first because she was out of context, and as soon as he realized who it was, he asked if he could go say hi—and then he bounded over to her, greeted her nicely, pointed me out so the teacher and I could exchange a wave, and then said bye and bounded back. Polite and friendly, but without inundating her with child-interaction during her school-free hours.
He likes to go shopping with me, and is a pleasant companion: chatty and helpful.
He doesn’t notice much or care much if other people don’t like him. This is a trait I unsuccessfully work on acquiring, and so I’m glad he has it.
Also, he’s tall and he has lots of eyelashes.
So. Even though I feel like he will drive me LITERALLY MAD with the arguing and the firstborn justice issues and the ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS HAS TO BE RIGHT, he does have his good points too.
Beautiful post!
And he’s a fantastic, creative knitter!
Your post leads me to think it would be a good idea to do this kind of reflection about all the people close to us, so we have something to give the bad moments some balance. He sounds like a wonderful young man.
He sounds perfectly adorable (even with his faults)!
At first I was all commiserating with you because he’s just. like. my. daughter. but now I want him to come live with me! hehe. My daughter is just like that too btw. Such a nice kid but when you hit the bad side, whoa, watch out. And she will argue anything to the death. I loved this post, he sounds so sweet.
I loved reading this! I am like you in that I logically know that people post when they are upset/annoyed and so I am reading a one-sided story, but this was just so refreshing and pleasant! And I love how you are so observant as to be aware of all his wonderful traits.
He sounds both lovely and infuriating — as any well-rounded human should be! :)
And, also in the plus category, all these lovely things will remain his whole life. Whereas the frustrating stuff will be tempered by age, wisdom, learning to keep one’s mouth shut, and so on.
as far as I am concerned, this:
He’s naturally helpful, in that he will start pitching in without being asked. If it’s a task he doesn’t know how to just pitch in with, he’ll ask if he can help. If I come home from errands and start bringing in bags, he’ll put his shoes on and come out to help without anyone saying anything.
makes him the best human being of all time.
He’s witty, too! I’m often surprised at the funny/clever things he says at family gatherings, which I’d expect from someone older.
Also, he knit a little caterpillar for his cousin for her 2 year birthday! Aw!
I love this post.
This was the sweetest post. He sounds like a wonderful kid (especially that grocery putting away–he needs to go on a national road trip teaching kids how to do stuff like that!).
I think he sounds like a really great kid! And this post is a good reminder, sometimes when I complain on my blog it might give the wrong impression of my family life. You’ve inspired me!
oh, this hit a nerve. This was a good post. I should write a post like this. I refrain from writing about my oldest most of the time, because much of our interaction seems VERY FRUSTRATING and I do not want my blog to be a written record of complaints about my kid, but he really is the sweetest kid, and I should focus on that more. Putting it on my to do list.
Ooooooh… you should do this for all the kids! I get a much clearer picture of Rob now, an he sounds like a doll.
I agree. The grocery thing is the best. My husband is one of three boys (and a girl, but this is a boy thing) and once, when we were all at his parent’s house, his mom came home with groceries. Without even thinking about it, all three sons put on their shoes and went to go get the groceries out of the car. I found the sight of these three grown men carrying groceries in for their wee little mother to be the most unexplainably sweet thing ever. And now I have a son and I cannot wait until he is old enough to help with groceries.
I hope he just does it naturally, like Rob.
And he’s really smart, but doesn’t brag or show off — at least not to me! For example, he’s expert at Rubic’s Cubes of all types, and he spent probably a half hour patiently showing me how to solve one side of one of them, without the smallest hint of an eye roll!
Awww. Rob sounds awesome.
Sounds like the best big brother any kid could ask for….kind and considerate and very self-assured with the knowledge at such a young age that not everyone has to like him…I’m still working on that!
Aww he sounds like a great big brother! I agree – I want to read posts like this about ALL the children!
I love this post so so very much. (Although I read the “Frustration” post and OH HOW FRUSTRATING.)
Rob sounds lovely. Just a sweet wonderful person.
He sounds really, really wonderful. I love so much that his aunt and grandma chimed in with sweet things.
I totally support your need to vent in the earlier post, but I think it was lovely that you wrote this one as well. He sounds like a WONDERFUL boy (does he read this, or will you show it to him? I’m sure he’d love to see such nice things written about himself!)
warms my heart!
I am now in love, both with your son and Phancy’s comment.
I loved hearing about your son, he sounds great, which I’am sure he is. I don’t think you had to redeem yourself though, it’s called kids and keeping it real :)
I am coming back to say that now I am super curious about your other kids’ Good Points.
Of course, it may be much easier to do one person’s Good Points than to do FIVE people’s Good Points all in a row. And maybe it’s better in some ways to do it after a That Person Related Gripe, for purposes of cosmic balance or whatever.
But anyway, I loved this so much I found myself thinking about what other wonderful personality quirks your other children have.
That was an excellent idea for a post – and an excellent post. Your son has so many great qualities – I am positive that I would like him if I met him in person. =)
You probably already do this, but I hope you tell him all of these things you told us. Maybe not the “frustration” story, but the good things. Hearing good things from one’s parents…well, there’s nothing else like it! ;)
I also love this post! I spend so much time being frustrated by my 4.5 yo (his latest argument is that the exclaimation points on his pjs are “letters, Mama!! They are not explanation points!”)that I let myself forget when he tells me he loves me “because you are so nice to cuddle with.” I will try and think of the good things as I take deep breaths and count to 10 during our next arguement.
He sounds like a freaking fantastic kid, even with the frustrating moments. You’re lucky! I would like a “helper” in my house.
I loved the last post, and I love this one, too.
My older brother is a wonderful person, but when we were kids, and especially when he was a teenager, he had a MAJOR case of the Always Has to Be Rights. I remember him and my parents having HUGE fights because of his inability to let things go without having the last word. We all laugh about it now, but OH, how frustrating it was for them at the time.
What a nice guy! and nice post. Also really like this comment from up top: “all these lovely things will remain his whole life. Whereas the frustrating stuff will be tempered by age, wisdom, learning to keep one’s mouth shut, and so on.”
What a great post- this made me smile!
I think it’s a good reminder that when we’re in the thick of what’s so hard about a kid/relationship, it’s a good idea to list the good stuff too, to keep it all in perspective.
I think you have done a good job showing the different sides of Rob over the years – I was already under the impression that he is a great kid! I loved reading this anyway, and would also love to hear Good Points of the other kiddos.
I already knew that Rob was a good guy, but you make it as fun to read his good points as it was to read the Math Episode. “Hey, you want to play outside with me?” makes me smile every time.
Good job to a mother who can write about her kids’ good sides in a way that the reading public can enjoy. :)
Mairzy
“If I come home from errands and start bringing in bags, he’ll put his shoes on and come out to help without anyone saying anything.”
You probably realize with 4 other kids how rare and wonderful this is, but HOLY COW WOW. That’s awesome.
I also like the idea of compiling a list like this for people in our lives. What a nice reminder of why we love them.
Rob sounds like an awesome kid. Can you send him to my house for a little while because I can’t get my kids to do a single thing around the house (including playing together for FIVE STINKING MINUTES) without them screaming and carrying on. Also, I suspect that Rob’s awesome is the result of his parent’s awesome.
I love this! I also love how some of the family members joined in leaving more good points in the comments. :-)
Reading through your archives as I’m also getting your current posts in my RSS reader, it’s pretty fun knowing that kind/thoughtful/frustrating twelve-year-old Rob will be writing a fugue for a girl four years later. He seems like such a cool person!