My mom took the little kids for a couple of hours this morning, and after I dropped them off at her house I drove from there to have my bloodwork and peework done, which I realize is not the MOST exciting way to spend some child-free time, but on the other hand it is super nice not to have children knocking into trays of sterile tubes/needles.
Anyway, so this is just to explain why I was driving past my own house, and when I DID drive past my own house I saw a Suspicious White Van parked across the street, with some guy Taking Notes while looking at my house, so I got all anxious—until I saw it was a van for a home security company, and the guy was in uniform, and he wasn’t looking at my house, he had just responsibly pulled over to take a cell phone call. But this gave me such a good marketing idea for home security companies: sit around in unmarked vans looking Suspicious. Better yet, since you’re sitting there pretending to track people’s schedules for robbery purposes, you could use that time to actually track their schedules; then, break in when no one’s home: don’t take anything, just dump out a bunch of drawers and sweep the mail pile off the counter and make a scary mess. They’d call for an alarm system right away! Well, and I guess they might not call YOUR company, but perhaps some sort of arrangement could be made with other home security companies and the calls would even out.
Or possibly that’s a terrible idea. It was FASTING bloodwork and then I got a large coffee afterward.
For some reason, perhaps because of the words “terrible idea,” this reminds me of the children and how they’re in difficult stages right now. You know how there’s that time when you have a newborn, and the newborn goes to sleep at your bedtime or even AFTER your bedtime so you feel like you just never, ever, EVER have any time that you’re not feeding or holding or comforting a baby, and after you finally put the baby down it’s only to climb into bed and you know you’ll be awakened to immediately pick up the baby again, and the cycle of your days seems endless and exhausting? And then the newborn starts gradually going to bed earlier and earlier so that FIRST you actually have some time to brush and floss without having to hand the baby to someone else, and THEN it starts being you have a good half hour to refill your water cup for the next day or to open a baby gift, and THEN it’s like a full hour and you start to feel like WHEEE SOME FREE TIME, and then the baby starts going to bed at 7:00 and you think “OMG I HAVE MY LIFE BACK”?
Well, it is going in the opposite direction now, is my point. Our two oldest are staying up later and later, and unfortunately they are not yet to the stage of life where we’re so lame they can hardly stand to be in the same house with us unless they have headphones to block us out, so instead they are yammering yammering yammering at us all evening. And we DO appreciate this time with them, but we would ALSO appreciate some time to look at a computer or television or book or magazine WITHOUT having our attention jerked away EVERY TEN SECONDS JUST LIKE THE ENTIRE REST OF THE DAY.
I get up at about 5:40 a.m., and there is ALWAYS at least one child up before 6:00, and more often three. So at 8:00 that night, fourTEEN hours later, I am really really really really DONE with dealing with children. And yet it’s still half an hour until the two big kids go to bed. And by the time we’re done with “Did you brush your teeth?” “Oh yeah, I forgot” and tucking in and so forth, it’s more like 8:45. And we go to bed at 10:00, so that means it’s one hour until it’s time to floss. Oh, sure, one hour is nice! I mean, that’s the WHEEEE SOME FREE TIME marker when there’s a newborn. But because we’re going the other direction, it feels like the walls are closing in rather than finally giving way a bit, and I’m starting to GET BACK some of that “My life is an endless cycle of drudgery and exhaustion” feeling that can happen at bedtime when a person is tired and cranky and didn’t get to read her book.
Some of this can/could be solved by the very solutions that are springing to your mind as you read this. We could make them start getting ready for bed a little earlier so that we are DONE tucking them in at 8:30. We could consider earlier bedtimes, and maybe they could read in bed instead of being up with us—but they are 10 and 12 now, and they already read in bed after 8:30, and 8:30 seems like a reasonable bedtime. I suppose we could tell them they could only stay upstairs if they were perfectly silent and talked neither to us nor to each other nor to the cats. The main issue here is not that things need to be changed, it’s that we have children in an awkward stage as far as our free time is concerned—a stage that, as with those early newborn weeks, I hope will naturally adjust until we have a more pleasing quantity of free time again.
With the long train of children we have, this may take some time: just as the older two start wanting to spend their time wearing earphones and/or mooning around in their rooms instead of talking with their parents and getting all giddy and unpleasant, the younger three will be needing later bedtimes than their current 7:00. Already Elizabeth would be ready for a later bedtime: she’s always awake until after 8:30, reading in her room because we can’t think of any fair way to give her a later bedtime without giving the same to Edward—Edward who has dark undereye circles at about 5:00 in the afternoon and who falls asleep by 7:01. (We’ve thought of doing it all sneaky-like by waiting until he falls asleep and then letting her stay up, but that doesn’t work for us: the other kids can’t be trusted not to spill it.)
So really this is like when you complain to a guy, and he starts trying to solve it and you say “No, no, don’t try to fix it, I just wanted to tell you about it and complain a little.” Which is not to say a “Here’s how we solved it!” would be unwelcome, if you DID solve it and if it doesn’t involve moving to a different house where everyone gets his or her own room.
I have a few observations about my own life that this post prompted.
*Uh, umm, duoh, You mean at some point in my child’s life she is going to be awake the ENTIRE time I’m awake. Go to bed when I go to bed? Wake up when I wake up? So that I NEVER have free time? We cannot have this!
*This works for me, but my child is very easy with the sleep thing. It may not work for picky sleepers. I can manipulate my kid’s bedtime to suit my needs. Sounds horrible, huh? She always sleeps 11 hours no matter what. So if I want me time before I go to bed but have to have her at the babysitter before 8 the next morning I just lay her down at 8. She’s up at 7 and I have two free hours to myself at night.
If I want to sleep in the next morning and don’t care as much about me time, I lay her down at 9:30 and she’s up at 8:30. It’s marvelous I tell you. I do know alot of my friend’s kids have to be on strict sleep schedule or they can’t function properly but this is a lifesaver for us.
Oh and good idea on home security systems. Maybe they could contract out an agency to go in and scare the jibbies out of people so that they come begging for their alarm system but then it wasn’t them that did the scaring.
We are having this sort of problem too, with the 2 older boys, and they share a room and as they get older I’m sure it’s not going to go away.
I don’t want to move either, even if it WAS possible and likely.
I have no solution, but I would like to say that I’m very much terrified of this stage of life because at 7:00pm I am DONE. I mean, hopefully at that stage of life, I’ll be getting some sort of regular break while my kids are in school, but then my husband will probably expect me to get a JOB or do something productive during those hours, so there goes my break. Nope, not looking forward to the later bedtime stage at ALL.
{{{Hugs}}}
We allow the oldest extra time up but he has to do the sneaky hide in your room from your sister until she falls asleep thing. She needs more sleep than he does but would comment on the UNFAIRNESS of it all.
Good lord. Add this to the list of things I am NOT looking forward to. I NEED those two solid hours between Z’s bedtime (8 pm) and ours (10 pm).
Can you brainstorm with them? I mean, if you were to say that you and Paul are setting aside time for yourselves from 8-9 and they need to take of anything they need help with before then, would that work?
I think the squirt gun could play a fine role here.
Like when the kids get too close to you and start talkingtalkingtalking, you just squirt ’em so they back off.
Two things:
1) With the long train of children, I think you’re right that it will be awhile before the evening issue resolves itself, BUT I would be quite hopeful that it will NOT be long before the issue of “1-3 children waking up before 6 a.m.” resolves itself. So maybe that will help somewhat?
2) All I could think while reading this was, “So it IS possible to have kids AND free time. Even if you have FIVE kids, compared to my ONE.” And then I felt a huge overwhelming wave of relief.
Oh I so agree with the needing free time. Mine has been getting up somewhere between 6 and 7 and doesn’t go to bed until 7:30 and I’m about spent after 10 hours so the last two hours just end up being horrible. But I fear putting him down earlier will just mean he gets up even earlier. He doesn’t nap anymore, mostly because it takes a battle to get him to but also because he started to go to bed so late, I had no free time. So yeah, I don’t have any solutions for you because older kids, you can’t really do things like skip naps, etc.
We have this too – more with our 5-year-old, who needs less sleep than either my 7 or 10-year-old. I get very cranky if my free time is disturbed by a child after 9 PM. I cherish my mornings between 5:30 and 6:30, but that’s more about getting things done uninterrupted than chilling out uninterrupted.
WORD to the WORD. I have only one 2.5 year old but I also have a husband who does not understand that letting the boy stay up late because DADDY wants to spend more time with him means that MOMMY loses precious, precious chunks of her own time to do things in the evening, dammit. *ahem* And said boy is deeply into a Mommy phase now so even if my husband tries to deal with him solo, kiddo ain’t having it.
Good luck. I hope you get your time back soon.
I’m pretty sure the security-company idea is really bad, but sure would be effective. Until said company gets ratted out.
Our 9- and 8-year-olds go to bed at 10:30. But we send them to the playroom at 9:30 with strict instructions NOT TO COME BACK AND TALK TO US. (At 9 and 8, they still like playing together.) If we’re really tired or really, you know, friendly with each other, we’ll pray with them and set the timer and then go back to our bedroom. They take themselves to bed when the timer goes off.
All that to say that I GET the late-night chatty kid thing, and this is how we’ve managed it so far. Also, sympathy sympathy.
— Mairzy.
Oh I SO feel this post. I only have two kids but they are 6.5 years apart, so my son is 8 and my daughter is 18 months. My son now stays up until 8:00 reading with us and then until 8:30 reading to himself. Meanwhile my daughter rises at 6:00 am (or today at 5:15 am). I feel like I’m getting the squeeze on my free time something fierce. I work full time outside the home, so the time I have in my house without needing to do something for one kid or another has dwindled to about an hour a day because I’m totally worn out by 9:30. The fact that my son is getting older and will only be staying up later bums me out so badly I need to avert my brain and not think about it. I love my kids so much, but I also love sweet, sweet, adult quiet time. It could be a rough next few years…
OMG, YES. It is really weird how often I agitate over stuff and then you write about something incredibly similar the next day.
Mine are 5, 3 and 20 months, and while the 5 and 3 yr old go to bed at 7:30, the 20 month old REFUSES to go to bed on any sort of schedule (believe me, I own every single book on getting your kid to sleep. All of them. Read them multiple times. This kid is sleep kryptonite.) Sometimes she passes out at 8 if I’m lucky, and if I’m not she’ll be screaming her lungs out at 11:30, even though I’ve been in bed for an hour. Having a break between 8 and 10 pm is essential to my sanity, but I’m not getting much of it lately. My husband’s hours have been terrible lately and he’s getting home around 9 pm most nights, so we can’t even trade off entertaining her.
This too shall pass. Soon, I hope.
I think Frondly’s idea of a squirt gun is the most practical solution. Plus, it could double as bath time, so you know, multi-tasking! The parenting book practically writes itself.
I’ve only got the one kid, and yet I totally know where you’re coming from. On those evenings where she gets up 16 times between her bedtime and mine (not too often luckily) I feel like I haven’t had an evening at all. And on weekend afternoons where I just need a bit of mental space, sometimes we manage to have “quiet time” in our respective bedrooms, but yeah, I’m sort of looking forward to the whole teenage not wanting to be around your parents thing.
I’m really curious about the whole Elizabeth/Edward thing – can you not have child specific bedtimes and just explain to Edward that he needs more sleep than Elizabeth because his body is different – and so she gets to stay up later? Or would that just totally backfire and you would wind up with him staying up all night just to prove a point? Oh the problems I avoid by only having one child…and the joys I’m missing out on I’m sure :)
I have some excellent advice for you, because clearly you asked for it:
In the evening after 7pm, walk around the house clothed only in your panties, carrying a very large knife and randomly shrieking naughty words. The Big Kids will leave you alone.
Sell any child that gets up too early into slavery overseas. Make sure they write pitiful letters home. You might only have to get rid of one or two before the others realize you mean business.
By implementing both strategies, your children will go to be early and be too terrified to get up in the morning. You’re welcome.
I recommend the spray bottle instead of the squirt gun; the spray bottle holds a LOT MORE and doesn’t have to be refilled as often. I think some of the bottles squirt farther too =). Also, I finally made a rule at our house that if a small child comes out of their room and talks to me after I have said goodnight, or a large child comes and talks to me when they are supposed to be doing something quietly before it is time to go to their room, what they are really saying is, “Mom! I’m not tired enough, so I really need to do a chore to use up some energy before I go back to bed!!” (putting away dishes, sweeping the floor, folding laundry, etc…) I could hardly BELIEVE how quickly that cut down on the number of times someone interrupted me at night!
OMG. This is why I have an away-from-home job. (And yet, I am STILL DONE with the questions etc. by 9:00.)
Re: the security system business – there’s a movie called “Now You Know,” which is not all that great, but hilarious in parts if you have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy. Two of the characters regularly break into this house and re-arrange the furniture for a buddy with a security company who wants the man’s business. It’s such a brilliant idea, assuming you don’t get caught, I wonder how often disreputable security companies actually screw with people to get them to want to install a security system.
I relate to the big kids staying up late and whittling away your free time problem, but I’m wondering what it would have been like if mine had ever gone to bed at 7 p.m. My oldest napped until he was 4.5 and the younger one is 5 and still naps, so they’ve never had bedtimes earlier than 8:30. I’m not complaining since the mid-day break is most appreciated. Plus my partner’s not even home yet by 7:00 many weeknights so if they went to bed early she’d never see them.
The almost-ten year old and the five year old both go to bed at the same time, officially 8:45, but more like 9:00 some nights. Both kids are up between 6 & 7 but the older one is usually up first and he doesn’t sleep in if he stays up later so his bedtime was 8:30 from the time he was 4.5 until he was 9, when we pushed it back fifteen minutes. He’s lobbying for another change, which we will probably grant him when he turns ten, but I’m dreading losing even 15 minutes of evening time, as I also go to bed at 10.
My 8 month old and 2 year old both go to bed at 7 (and nap for a couple of hours during the day). My 3 year old would still nap for a couple of hours, but then he’ll stay up until midnight. I am not kidding. We will put him to bed at a reasonable time, but he’ll be wide awake and totally unable to sleep for hours. We finally took away his afternoon nap, and now he goes to sleep perfectly well at 7. It was really hard for me to give up that nap, but it is worth it for the night time adult time.
I’m sorry you’ve lost your happy time and your happiness. I am afraid I have no advice, at least nothing that won’t make you want to smack the living crap out of me. I personally thing 8:30 is too early to go to bed for a 12 year old. I would have been completely embarassed to tell my friends that was my bedtime. Or that I even HAD a bedtime. But I was the only child at the time and it was easier for my mom to just say ‘in your room by 10pm.’
Also, there was a tv show that already had your idea. Two former thieves case and break into a house (with owners permission), steal stuff, film it and show the owners afterward. then they upgrade the house with new security stuff. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Takes_a_Thief_(2005_TV_series)
My 5 (13, 11, 8, 7 & 2) demand my attention from the time my eyes open until they close as well. I just had rare weekend away (with girlfriends) and am feeling re-energized. However, I am certain that will be relatively short lived and I will be back to my ‘tired, grouchy mom’ self in short order. I have no advice to offer… only my sympathy.
I have no words of advice. I guess it isn’t too late to ship them off to Timbuktu, but I imagine the older ones have already got all the vital information to get them back to your house, and so my one terrible suggestion wouldn’t even work.
Mostly I’m impressed that the 12 year old will even go to bed at 8:30. Ah well, soon he will be 13 and want little to do with his family, if me at 13 is any indicator.
Good luck until then!
I am going to do what I wish my husband would do when I am feeling hopeless and complainy:
That sucks. Really – I’m sorry you are going through with that. Now here is a cheesecake and some wine for you to enjoy while I rub your feet.
I suspect my “technique” (ha! ha! ha!) isn’t going to be of much use to you…
I live in France where bedtimes and stuff happen much later (school doesn’t finish till 5, both my girls (one is 9, the other almost, almost 7) have activities twice a week till 6 (Tuesdays) and 8 (Fridays). Even on a non-activity night I can’t get them to bed earlier than about 9, often later. But they don’t get up till 8 so I guess it works out.
But right now? The “going to bed and staying there” just isn’t happening. One or other (usually one then the other, actually) gets up at least once, often more, till about 11.
So my solution? It’s pure genius, I tell you: I STAY UP REALLY, REALLY LATE and then still get up at 7.30. Did I mention that this is genius? Not only do I get a lot of “me time” (say, between 11 pm and 3 am) but I also get to be a TOTAL ZOMBIE with LOW TOLERANCE LEVELS just about ALL THE TIME.
I swear, I slept more when the girls were newborns…
Yup, I’m thinking of patenting this hugely successful technique…
I said something brilliant – BRILLIANT – but Blogger ate my comment.
I sympathize.
Isn’t it crazy how the “men want to solve the problem, women just want to vent” issue is so universal, yet it still is total news to men that we don’t always want our problem solved?
The scary thing is, I have THOUGHT about this being a potential problem many times (usually times when I am collapsing in exhaustion on the couch with some wine and cheddar and a new episode of 30 Rock or what have you.) But then I quickly dismiss it, thinking, “Eh, by the time they can stay up later they won’t want to talk to ME!”
It seems I am wrong. Shoot. Maybe the solution is to be a less likable/approachable parent so that they tire of you sooner?
OH GEEZ. I wrote you a giant novel and Blogger ate it!
Perhaps I can summarize. Our kids = similar to yours (five total; ages 3-13).
EVERYONE in bed at 8. Oldest has own room; can read until ???. Youngest can go to bed undisturbed at any time, has own room. Three middle girls don’t wake up cranky at 6am.
Adult time starts at 8pm. Period. No kids. (This is important as Daddy wakes up at 3:30am omg).
This won’t work forever, of course, but that’s what we do now…
I just got a glimpse of the next decade of my life.
We currently only get an hour between the boys being in their room (not sleeping, and still needing a referee every 5 minutes) and when we usually can’t function with both eyes open anymore.
When I project out for more than a few months, I feel panicky. My solution is to really really try not to think about it. Doesn’t work very well.
Swistle, you write SO well; I had pretty much forgotten (blocked out) that feeling of never having a moment to so much as complete a thought, and this brought the memories all crashing back. My boys are now both in their teens, and stay up as late or later than I, but can occupy themselves perfectly well without the every-two-minutes interruptions. Perhaps by the time the younger ones are staying up later, you can delegate the tending of needs to their older brothers?
I like the idea of the older ones keeping the younger ones busy by the time they are bugging you. It’s hopeful, anyway. Mine are all in bed by 7:30ish these days but my son is usually awake until like 10:00 or 11:00 (he has autism and a hard time falling asleep) and then my three year old is up with the freaking birds, around 6:00 or 6:30 and it doesn’t feel like much of a window that they’re not PRESENT, so I know what you mean. There’s also not much to do about it, but I say vent! and talk! and commiserate! That’s what I like to do anyways.
I LOVE “Doing my best”‘s idea! Wish I’d thought of that when my kids were young.
oops, that last comment from “Eli” was from me, cindykay. I didn’t realize my son was logged in to Google instead of me!
Well. MY unsolicited advice is this: drink. Suddenly the kids staying up are fun! entertaining! hilarious!
I don’t have kids yet (getting married this year, will start trying after wedding madness is over) but this post totally spoke to all my anxieties about becoming a mother. Ideally, fiance and I would like to have 3 kids, but we’re both a bit uneasy about it cause both grew up in families of 2 and feel as though that is our default and 3 is stretching it for us.
When I think about having babies and small children, I’m all “Oh yeah, I can totally handle 3. It’ll be hectic and hard, but it’ll be so worth it and we can do it” (sidenote: feel free to throw this in my face in a few years when I have a blog about how insane I was to have 3 close together) HOWEVER, it’s when I think about having 3 CHILDREN that I get all panicky and frazzled. Babies grow up!?! And they become REAL people!?! With rights and desires and preferences!?! And they get completely involved in your life in a freaky much more equal way, and you can no longer send them for a nap when you need a break from them!?! I’m totally fine with having 3 babies/small children, but I don’t want to have 3 CHILDREN!! Ack!!!
So ummm…. 2 or 3!? *wide-eyed, terrified look*
Ah yes, I’m fairly recently into the “YAY both my kids go to bed at 7 so I get some free time!” stage, but it has crossed my mind once or twice that this is temporary and I will eventually have to deal with them later than 7 pm. (I write this at 8 pm listening to my almost 3 year old who is STILL awake in there. I’m blaming the good nap.)
Friends of mine (many sets actually) use a timer in the bedroom. The light flicks on at whatever time you set it (7am for them) and that is when the children are allowed to come out in the morning. Light is something the children all understood by 3 years old, and they all had enough toys and books to entertain themselves if they woke sometime between 6 and 7am. It might give you a few minutes in the morning to yourself.
Hmmm. I have not thought this far ahead. I assumed that when my kids were in this staying up later/still like Mom and Dad phase they would be finishing basketball practice or doing homework or reading (like I always wanted to be doing). Maybe sometimes we would watch a family friendly 8/8:30 show together and have a Life Discussion about drugs or teen pregnancy.
I’m distressed to learn this might not be the case. I will have to 2nd the drinking suggestion.
It seems like most people “solve” this by staying up LATER AND LATER themselves, which is really no solution at all when you have to get up at 5:40.
I know one mom who goes “off duty” at 8pm; i.e. if any child needs anything or wants to chit chat they need to take care of it before that time, when she reads or watches tv or does whatever SHE wants.
But still, even having a child CONSCIOUS in the same room is not the same as relaxing, at least to me. So, yeah.
I have no advice to give…just stopped by to commiserate. I have a 9 year old who just got his bedtime bumped from 7:30 to 8:00 and I have a 12 year old who has had an 8:30 bedtime for a couple years now. I REALLY miss my quiet time!!!
We also have a problem with the 12 year old reappearing and claiming she isn’t tired yet. I am SO adopting the “you must need to do chores” idea!
I have teens/young adults and the fact that they are even AWAKE at night (eating, walking around, listening to music, skype-ing, asking me random questions) past MY bedtime bothers me (however, on weekends, they sleep till lunch so I guess I should shut up)—When the olderkids are home from college, they are awake ALL NIGHT (or not coming home until late and I have to wait up for them and then get up early the next morning and they do not) and it drives me insane. I want everyone asleep (or in their room, not making a peep) but I am mean that way.
I guess I won’t get what I want until they all move out but then…I’ll probably miss it. Or maybe not. Right now, not so much.
Boarding school? Maybe at the 11 yr mark, It will be like the Big Birthday Party but, you know, not actually fun for them.
ugh…I am SO not looking forward to that stage. My 4 year old is in that stage where she is slowly giving up her nap…she probably naps 3 days a week not. On those days she doesn’t go to sleep at night until 9PM!!! We usually get her into her room and in bed by 8:15, but she sings and talks and we can hear her on the monitor and then she calls to us over and over. I end up staying up until midnight just to get my free time. I NEED my free time, even if it costs me some sleep.
I love this post because it gives me the opportunity to gripe about my own sleep related issues. Bud and Liv need significantly less sleep than Lucy…really less than anyone else in this entire house. Bud, at 7, yammers through all of his waking hours. Liv at 2.5 at least still takes a nap, but is horrible to go to bed and still wakes up 2-3 times a night. Thankfully though, they are all relatively late risers—7:30/8:00 am.
As much as it pains me, it also fascinates me to see that they, in their non-babyhood are the same as when they were babies. Bud was always very alert and very awake during the day, Lucy always napped regularly and went to bed early, sleeping 4 hours at a time at night, and Liv slept in spurts, never for longer than a few hours. I’m sure there’s research and all that jazz, but my own hands on research tells me that these things are hardwired—which means I have no end in sight!
I have been trying so so hard to start with your wizened way of thinking (really? it’s with a z? I thought it was like wise, not like wizard. REGARDLESS) with the whole Things will get better in time, let’s think of this logically and have some chocolate while we wait for the head splitting annoyance to end, but damn it is hard to think as smart as you do. But, again, you do have the whole 12 years of experience thing.
I guess I just wanted to say I look up to you as a parent.
And also many times I envy the deaf. If someone could invent deafness on demand they’d be RICH, because earplugs don’t WORK.
I HEAR YOU.
That is all.
I deeply and profoundly feel your pain…our daughter is only 4 but has always hated sleeping. (Please don’t think we’re terrible parents, but) she stays awake until we go to bed at 10 or 10:30. Then we do books, prayers, etc. I figure she sleeps from 11 p.m. to 8 a.m., or 9 hours. Plus she gets a 2+ hour nap at preschool/daycare.
But my husband and I are NEVER alone, and it’s exhausting. We actually have to schedule “nooners” in order to have happy naked time. I feel like such a wimpy parent, but how do you force a child to go to sleep??
My daughters are 8 and 4. I just whined about needing my ‘me time’ yesterday. My eight year old still wants me to lay down with her. I don’t wanna because it cuts into my me-time. My four year old wakes up when I do no matter what time I get up (which is usually at 5:30) she sits in the bathroom in front of a space heater while I shower, get dressed, put on makeup. I NEVER get to be in the bathroom alone, no matter what I’m doing.
Someday? I’m reading your comments hoping someone, anyone has a solution that works.
I did not read all the comments but when I was in grade school(yes, seriously through the 8th grade), unless there was a very specific reason for needing my parents, I had to go to my room at 8. I could read or sometimes talk on the phone until my “light’s out” time, but I just wasn’t allowed in the living room after 8. My mother’s reasons were twofold:
1) Things on TV after 8 p.m. were not on TV for children (and grade schoolers are still children).
2) She and my dad needed time to themselves. End of story.
I guess because it was just always like that I never really fought it. I plan on a similar set up for my kids because I NEED some time to myself or I become completely unbearable.