After being canceled twice (once because the doctor’s mother-in-law died the night before, and once because the doctor had to take his first sick day in ten years), Paul’s Snip Appointment finally went through.
The next day I asked how he felt, and he said “tender.” He says he keeps feeling as if he should move carefully so it doesn’t suddenly zap him, but that so far it hasn’t zapped him. He says he feels overall a bit sore, but not IN PAIN. Also, I’d angrily fantasized that the urologist would prescribe him a huge bottle of narcotics even though after my c-section my OB sent me home with 1.5 days’ worth—but he got no narcotics at all, which I found grimly satisfying even though it robbed me of indignation, not to mention of the leftover narcotics.
For those of you whose menfolk might want to know what the experience is like, Paul says during the procedure it felt like the non-painful sensation immediately following a strong impact to That Area, where nothing hurts yet but it is obvious there will soon be a great deal of pain—but then without the pain ever arriving.
Which is also how the experience feels to me: right now it’s the non-painful sensation immediately following a strong impact. I think it might be that, just as with the surgery, the pain won’t ever arrive. The baby I wanted was the baby we could have decided to have two years ago; it’s too late to have that baby. I don’t have the same feeling about having another baby NOW, when my youngest is about to turn four and I’m in the second half of my thirties.
I come up with all sorts of angry fantasies about potential unfair treatment, and sometimes I’m shamefully disapointed when they don’t happen.
Oh so well written.
Oh honey.
(Hugs)
I, too, just want to give you a big hug. **HUG**
Beautifully put.
PS I am annoyed on your behalf about the narcotics.
Exactly.
We are discussion permanent birth control options, and I feel the same way. I want the baby I would have had then, not the baby I’d have now or in the future.
I don’t like the young newborn stage, I like everything else.
It’s not a sharp pain, I’m waiting for the dull ache to set in.
Wow. So well written.
Thinking of you.
I’m glad you’re not in sharp pain right now, but I’m still sorry for the pain you were in back then. I guess we all have a few doors we will always regret not opening, so to speak, but it’s certainly a more acute regret when it’s a door we WOULD have opened if we’d been allowed to.
You write everything with just the right words.
Treat yourself well. We’re all thinking of you.
I was wondering if the snip had happened after all. ((hug))
Oh this was so… wistful and well written, is all I’m coming up with. But it hit me a little, like a stubbed toe.
Hugs to you.
My dh was snipped two weeks ago and I was not exactly nice about it. There was scoffing and much “just try having a c-section and still having to get up to feed the baby”ing. I found it hard to dig up a little sympathy, mean wife that I am.
Overall the procedure was MUCH easier than he thought and he readily admitted that the worst part was the anxiety beforehand. I AM glad that it wasn’t horrible for him while also scoffing that “of COURSE it wasn’t that bad! Men are such babies!”.
My son listens to sports radio and I happened to be in his room with him the other day when they played a urologist’s commercial promoting “March madness vasectomies”. The basic idea is come have your procedure and then go home and sit on the couch for a few weeks and watch basketball while you recover. I had a (long) moment of indignation after that one.
Oh, honey. I’m partly relieved for you, partly sick about it all. I feel like I understand this whole circumstance TOO well, like I’m too “in it” to have any perspective.
I hear you…
I’ll be thinking of you, hoping the pain never shows up.
And OMG Betsy – they have those Vas Madness billboards here in Ohio! The dudes get a free pizza if they get snipped. I almost drove off the road the first time I saw it, thinking it HAD to be a joke.
I’m so sorry! No Crappy Day present IN THE WORLD could cover this one =(! But if it would, I would send one!
It’s so, so complicated. You really have summed it up beautifully. I hope healing happens quickly for both of you.
Just… wow. You said this so well (even though everyone above me has said this already). Missing the baby you could have had… I can’t think of a better way of putting it, even though I’m not in this same exact place right now. I understand from the place of the plan I had for my children two years apart, which has obviously not happened.
I’m sending hugs, because that dull ache is tough just the same as the impact. (And now I’m babbling because there is nothing I can say that is as perfect as what you already did).
You captured the sentiment perfectly. Big hugs.
My male counterpart had the surgery 12/8. He still has not returned for the activity involving the instruction, “Evacuate into a cup.” (Truly. This was the instruction.)
I strangely have no real pangs of… anything. I never thought I’d get here. But yes, four children, light at the end of the tunnel, and the second half of my 30s (almost… 2 months away) will do it, I guess.
What Lawyerish said.
And no leftover narcotics? Talk about adding insult to injury.
Betsy, the March Madness vasectomy is exactly what my husband had! I was 6 months pregnant with my second and the timing was perfect. It really wasn’t a big deal physically for him and since I was (finally) pregnant with our second child it was an excellent time for me mentally as well.
I think he did get narcotics, but I seem to get them handed out to me much more often now as well. Perhaps I just had to pass some invisible “seriousness” barrier at the doctor by entering my late 30s? When I was 28 I had a root canal and got NO narcotics, now they seem to pass the Vicodin to me at the slightest provocation. Why? Am not complaining though.
I keep trying to comment and all I can muster is a slow exhale after a heavy sigh.
You wrote this beautifully and clearly.
One day of narcotics? Whattt? He must have been male.
I love the term – “2nd half of my 30’s” so much better than late 30’s.
So . . . I have heard rumors that the menfolk don’t start, ah, shooting blanks for six months after the procedure. Can you confirm?
Frondly- According to Dr. Personals, after 20, um, EVENTS, they do a CHECK of certain FLUIDS, and then they say yea or nay.
Ah ha! I learned something today! Thanks.
Thinking of you, lady.
I feel like I want to comment just to let you know I read this and I’m thinking about you – even though I really don’t have anything to say beyond I read this and I’m thinking about you…
The boat has already left the dock on this, but so what if your youngest is almost four? So is mine and that doesn’t stop me one iota from thinking (every day) about another one, and gosh, next month, I’ll be in my 40’s! What’s stopping me, is my husband and his conviction that he doesn’t want to be 64 when his youngest graduates from college.
OKAY. There’s a point here. I’m sure Paul will be going back to be checked out, right? On several separate occasions? Just to make sure he doesn’t have any die-hards that are trying to bust through?
Definitely important that he goes back and gets checked out, if indeed you guys are DONE because I know more people than I can count one one hand, that have had a little surprise arrive AFTER the snip.
In one case, hahahaha, my girl friend had two children – four and two years old. Both boys, bouncing off the walls and she had decided, “We’re DONE.” Husband went in. Few months later, she found out she was on the nest. A few weeks after that, whilst in for an ultrasound… they spotted the baby. And then another. AND THEN ANOTHER. A few months after that, her identical triplet girls were born.
I suppose it’s a good thing she was laying down on the ultrasound table when they told gave her the news she’d be having three more. Also, because they look JUST LIKE THEIR FATHER, there’s absolutely no chance they’re the mailman’s.
True Story and one of the funniest I’ve ever heard. Probably because it wasn’t ME.
Amazing Trips- I think “on the nest” is my favorite term EVER.