We have sent our first email to my sister-in-law, suggesting she keep the house (and the car, which it turns out she and Paul already arranged for her to keep) as her share of the inheritance and we keep the cash/stocks as our share. WE SHALL SEE. I did manage to talk Paul out of fixing the roof for her, but he is still being family-weirdness about the whole thing. I was reduced to saying that it is NORMAL for a grown adult to have to pay for housing, and so if she has to get a home equity loan (i.e., a MORTGAGE) to pay for repairs on her house, that will be part of a NORMAL LIFE that includes paying either rent or mortgage, and her mortgage payment will be VASTLY lower than OURS—and he STILL was acting weird about it, like maybe she shouldn’t have to make either housing payments or car payments or ANYTHING? I don’t know.
And if she declines the house, the next step is to say, “Okay, then, let’s sell it.” Maybe some contractor will buy it and do that thing where they fix it up fast with odds and ends of tile and flooring and cover everything with a thick coat of paint in Rental Cream. But I hope it doesn’t come to this, because the thought of trying to EXTRICATE the sister-in-law from the house gives me a headache.
Oh, you will have to let us know how the email thing goes! Fingers crossed!!
I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.
Is Paul planning on having the children live rent-free in your house when they become adults? Give them houses? Or is it only his sister who shouldn’t ever have to take responsibility for her basic needs?
Does Paul understand how crazy he is driving your friends in the computer?
Family battles always suck. Looks like you guys are suggesting totally reasonable options. I hope it goes well for you.
Glad to hear you are taking steps toward extricating yourselves from this financial pickle. But OMG this is so aggravating!
Does Paul feel SORRY for his sister or something? Like, does he feel like ‘oh here I am with my wife and my 5 kids and a house full of love poor ol’ sis doesn’t have that’? In other words: why is it okay in his eyes for her not to have to worry about her adult responsibilities?
Whoever it was that suggested that this is your MIL sticking it to you from beyond the grave was spot on.
Oh, that is good news. I mean it sucks that things aren’t settled, but I’m happy that things are at least moving in the right direction.
I like Slim’s comment. =)
I don’t quite understand how she and Paul “arranged” for her to keep the car already. What was the “arrangement”? That sister keeps the car for free while you and Paul send regular checks for new tires, oil changes, and the occasional transmission replacement?
Superjules- I think that’s exactly it. His sister has a bit of a “failure to launch” thing (no boyfriends ever, and she’s in her mid-thirties and still lived with her mom and hasn’t been able to use her college degree for anything), and he does seem to feel sorry for her. Many of his arguments seem to boil down to “We have a good life and she doesn’t.” Which, um, I’m glad he’s a COMPASSIONATE guy and isn’t all, “I wonder if we can totally rip her off since she’s vulnerable?,” but GEEZ.
Jess- Ha ha! I love this. And also, I should use it when explaining my point of view to Paul about giving her the house: just as we don’t pay her car insurance, we don’t FIX THE DAMN ROOF.
Hey, way to go on making a decision and moving forward! You are a good wife, accepting and making the best of a crap situation, and your husband is lucky to have you (and vice versa I’m sure).
I feel like I just sighed a bit of relief for you. That seems like a perfectly reasonable approach and here’s to hoping the SIL sees it that way too.
Oh I am crossing my fingers and hoping this works and you can be FREE (of the house at least…)
This whole housing thing makes my stomach go into knots when I visit your blog. WTF is going on? AND how old is this blasted woman? Like – ferreals girl, you gotta pay rent, mortgage, or repairs. Pick one – it’s called life. Doesn’t work without at least one, but most ppl have to face all 3. So just STFU and deal ok? B/c Swistle needs to go back to blogging about adorbs twin outfits and poptart I Love You’s for my sanity.
Major dislike to the argument that “we have a good life and she doesn’t.” You guys EARNED your good life through hard work. If she wants what you’ve got, she’s gotta pay the price. Life cannot be handed to you! Survival skillz need to be instilled in this woman – STAT.
I don’t know about being so angry at her. As you said, there are some issues — and someday you’d want your sons to by kind to your daughter if the situation was similar. We all spend a lot of time getting our kids to be kind to one another, we encourage them to take care of each other, and respect each other despite differences (which could be seen as weaknesses in some cases). You wouldn’t want that to just end when they turn 18, right?
I am assuming she is “normal”…not developmentally disabled, right?
I am struggling with my 21 year old right now…she seems to want to do whatever she wishes with us paying all her bills…and now that we are putting our foot down, it is like we are trying to prevent her from FOOD and AIR.
Anne- Dude, obviously. But I think there is a line between “being kind” and “being extremely taken advantage of,” don’t you? I would of COURSE want my sons to be kind to my daughter, but I seriously would NOT want them to take out a second mortgage for her if she asked them to when there was no reason for her to do so (i.e., when she could afford it herself, and there was no other circumstance that would mean she shouldn’t have to). And I would be mad at my daughter if she asked, because it shows such a huge lack of kindness and respect from HER to THEM.
Hotch- Right–she’s normal and capable and etc.