Christy writes:
I have a decluttering/wedding dress question. I’m in the midst of a huge declutter, and I can’t decide what to do with my wedding dress. I’ve been married for 11 years and haven’t once looked at my dress until I embarked on operation get rid of stuff. I need opinions. Keep or donate? I can’t decide! What did you and your readers do?
Oh, neat question! My first wedding dress I intended to keep, and I wondered about maybe dyeing it a different color so I could wear it again. It wasn’t a wedding dress per se, just a white lacy dress bought off a clearance rack in the Better Dresses department—on clearance because it looked wayyyyy too much like a wedding dress for anyone else to buy it, is my guess. And dyeing it would not have worked, I don’t think, but it didn’t matter because the marriage ended Embarrassingly Soon, and I donated the dress to Goodwill, or maybe I threw it away, I can’t remember. Anyway I got rid of it.
My second wedding dress was even LESS weddingish: Paul and I got married with a justice of the peace and no guests, and our goal was to wear clothes we could then wear to other people’s weddings, so he wore nice khaki pants and a white oxford and a tie, and I wore a dark green dress with a floral pattern. We did in fact wear those outfits to a couple of weddings, which was fun and sentimental. I still have the dress even though it’s too small for me now. (This is the problem with losing weight for a wedding.)
But neither of these was a Big White Dress situation. I think that if I’d had a BWD, I would have gotten rid of it during one of our moves. They take up so much space, and have so little use. I think I’d do what the decluttering books advise and “Keep the pictures, not the item”: that is, since there are lots of photos to remind you of the dress, no need to keep the dress itself.
On the other hand, I am the one holding onto a dress that no longer fits me.
What have you guys done with your wedding dresses, those of you who had wedding dresses?
If my mother had taken care of her wedding dress, I would have liked to wear it to my own wedding. She kept it, but kept it stuffed into a trash bag, without cleaning it first. So, I vote, keep it. I still have mine.
My mom had mine cleaned and stored so I think it’s in a box under her bed. I’ll keep it just in case one of the kids wants it.
Keep it, and when you have a baby, make a Christening dress, 1st Christmas dress, etc. out of it. Or, keep it for your kids or grandkids.
My mom kept her pageant dresses, and I STILL get use out of them! (By using them for halloween costumes… 70s pageant dresses rocked.) My own daughter now likes to play in those dresses of my moms, and one day, I’ll let her decide what to do with my wedding dress.
If you like it, I say clean it and get it preserved. Then keep it at your mom’s house if she’ll let you! =) You can pull it out when your kids get married and they might get a kick out of it. Or maybe someone in the family could get it tailored, redesigned and use it again… you never know.
I’m getting married in December. (And going dress shopping in nine days, yay). I think I will keep my dress. If my daughter want to use it, that’s great. My mom kept her dress, but it was in horrible shape. I would love to use part of it…
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
I still have my wedding dress. I don’t expect that it will ever fit me again–not because I lost weight for the wedding (I certainly didn’t deliberately, though I did have the flu right before it so the dress was actually a little loose) but because after two babies I don’t think my body will ever be quite the same shape. I’m keeping it 1) just in case I do fit into it again (I would dye it), 2) in case Grace wants it, and 3) because it doesn’t take up a lot of room and I am extremely attached to material reminders of things.
If you don’t have (or want) kids — or already have boys etc… I’ve seen some really interesting craft projects people have done with their wedding dresses…
You can take detailed parts of it to embellish a wedding / family scrapbook. You can make a few pretty pillows from it — or use it as the background for wedding / family photos.
I have the same de-cluttering tendencies — I’d probably take lots of pictures — keep samples of the fabric and get rid of the rest of the dress — that way, if you have a daughter who would like to wear “your” dress, you can have one made that is very similar, but is also hers. You could even incorporate the samples into her new dress so that it is both ‘something old’ and ‘something new’.
If your child marries a woman your daughter-in-law could then incorporate elements of her own mother’s dress — and your dress into her own dress. Heck, if you keep swatches of your dress, your son could make a pocket square from the fabric and, in essence, wear your dress without disturbing the congregation.
ps — I just realized that you could have many daughters — and each of them could use the same information to create her own dress — which would prevent a lot of sibling rivalry.
I have a BWD, but I have thought about cutting it into a cocktail dress to get more use out of it (it would be perfect for that, and I thought that even when I bought it), and possibly dyeing it. However. My Mom had a BWD, which she made herself, and which she also chucked out during one of her infamous Cleaning Sprees (during these sprees she tends to throw away things that are important and/or do not belong to her). I kind of have not let her live it down, as I was alive when she chucked it, and always thought it would have been nice to have the option to incorporate it into my wedding dress or day somehow. I realize that sometimes it’s just a matter of space/cleaning/etc BUT…I really wish I’d had the option. (I realize that part of my feelings on this are also related to frustration over said infamous cleaning sprees AND YET).
So, my two cents. If you have a daughter or think you might someday have one, please keep in mind that someday it may mean something to her, too.
I have been wondering this myself. My wedding dress was enormous, and my sister stepped on the train during the reception and ripped in such a way that it cannot be fixed without replacing the entire top layer of the skirt. Regardless, I paid a ridiculous amount of money to have it cleaned, and it now sits in a (VERY LARGE) box taking up alot of space in my closet. I can’t see myself wearing it again (it was quite enormous, and, its ripped.) But yet I can’t bring myself to throw it out, and I am quite good at throwing things away.
I had mine cleaned and preserved and it’s in my closet. I can’t get rid of it, I figure maybe my girls will want it, or part of it, someday. It doesn’t take up too much room. I will say it took me a *long* time to get it cleaned. I had my first baby about 11 months after I got married and it wasn’t cleaned by then, and then I was super busy with the baby and … I think it was like 2.5 years until I got it cleaned.
I had mine cleaned and preserved and it’s in a box in my closet. My grandmother still had hers and if I had smaller shoulders I could have fit into it, which I would have LOVED. So I would like to give my daughter that opportunity with my dress… no pressure, but if she wants it. I wish I would have had a family dress to wear, both for sentimental and monetary reasons. Wedding dresses are expensive!!!
1st marriage: I gave it away to be used as a Halloween costume.
2nd Marriage: hanging in my closet where I see it occasionally and think “Awwwww….” followed closely by “I’ll never fit in that again.”
So yeah, I’m no help.
I took all the lace off of my dress (which I had kept in the closet for 41 years ;-) and then used some of that lace for the hem of my granddaughter’s christening gown. The left over lace I am making using to trim handmade handkerchiefs which I will give to my granddaughters’ to carry on their wedding day. That makes me feel really good about descicrating it.
No BWD here. When we had our commitment ceremony I either wanted both of us in dresses or both in pants and my partner chose pants so I wore blank pants, a white button down shirt and a colorful vest. The shirt and pants are long gone but I kept the vest and wear it now and then on festive occasions (unbuttoned) because it’s too small to button now.
I cut swathes of fabric off so that I could make a handkerchief for each child, with some extra for any children unborn. The rest went in the trash. It was ten years after the event, it was yellowing and there was a grass stain on it anyways. And there is no way a healthy me would ever fit back into that dress anyways.
I personally would keep it, as I have mine. It was cleaned and then stored in a box, which is rather large but I think future generations might want it, possibly. If they don’t, no big deal. Then again mine was handmade by my mother and grandmother of a design the three of us came up with so it is a little more special to me than a purchased dress would be.
Plus at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, I wore my grandmother’s dress for her, which was really neat (though I distinctly remember telling myself at the time it was just for my grandmother’s happiness but looking back it was a neat thing that I was the same size she was when she married).
I’ve kept mine. Now that I have a girl, I plan on taking her pictures in it on her birthdays. I’ve seen others do it and it’s Soooo cute. I’ll probably never get rid of it.
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My mom has had hers preserved every ten years or so, and I’m so glad. It’s gorgeous and I recently tried it on, and it fits. I can’t wait to wear it in my own wedding. . . . Now I just need a groom.
I’m going to get my ass kicked for this, but I wore a gorgeous Vera Wang and during a massive declutter before a cross-country move we cut some pretty bits of the silk out of it so that my daughter can wear some of it on her wedding day and .. threw it away.
I REGRET IT. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.
Me and my mother sewed my wedding dress together. It’s wedding-ish, but not BWD wedding-ish, so really it could be worn again as is or dyed. It’s a very simple design that is kind of timeless so it wouldn’t even look old fashioned as a gown for like a prom or formal event. So I’m keeping mine. I can still fit it from time to time. (my weight fluctuates)
I’m the Christy that asked the question. Thanks Swistle! The dress is a really pretty Vera Wang, and I do have three daughters…However, I like the idea of using the fabric to make something else, like handkerchiefs or pillows for each of my girls (and me). I’ve never seen my mother’s dress…she thinks she might have gotten rid of it during a move. My first step should probably be to get rid of my prom dress, see how that feels, then move on to the wedding dress :)
There is a charity where you ship your dress to them, they clean it and sell it. Proceeds go to breast cancer fund. That’s where dress #2 went (my only BWD)
Okay, sorry about this, but welcome to linkville. I wrote about this in a three-part series that included a reader poll:
http://thejunkpyramid.blogspot.com/2008/04/question-for-you.html
http://thejunkpyramid.blogspot.com/2008/05/are-you-on-edge-of-your-chair.html
http://www.stimeyland.com/2008/05/dcmm-always-bridal-gown-never-clutter.html
That third link includes information on places to donate dresses.
I saved my BWD… I have no illusions of any of my daughters wearing it, but I thought perhaps the material could be re-used someday. Like, for a veil for one of their weddings. Or for making a baptismal gown or something for one of my future grandchildren…
I have kept my wedding dress.
A few years after I had it cleaned and boxed, I saw an expose where cleaners were filling the sealed boxes with newspaper and old beer cans, and since then, I have not been able to open my box and look at my dress because I’m somehow convinced that I’m going to find I’ve been hosed and have carried around the LA times shredded in a box for ten years.
So, instead, I keep it and don’t look at it. Stupid! But possibly better than knowing I was hosed for sure.
I pulled mine out recently and decided that I’m going to do a trash the dress photo shoot at some point.
http://www.flickr.com/groups/trashthedress/
If I don’t get around to that I’ll give it to my daughter to play with.
I love my wedding dress, and it’s hanging in a special dress bag in our guest room closet. I plan to keep it. I need to get it cleaned (it’s only been a year and a half…), but I’m not sure about getting it preserved. I like to look at it every now and then just because it’s so pretty. Will have to do more research.
Also, I have the opposite problem from most people… the dress is now way too big. Of course it has a corset back so maybe if the laces were tightened all the way it could still work (not that it matters). Also for that reason, I bet it’s much more flattering now than it was on my wedding day. Huh. Should find occasion to take photos in it, or something.
I had mine cleaned after two years and got one of those dress sized space bags to preserve it in. It takes up about an inch of closet space, and then if I can pass it on, I will
If you have a good marriage and happy memories, I’d say keep it. You never know how you might feel once it is gone.
Mine is not a traditional dress, so it doesn’t take up much room … but it never actually occurred to me to get rid of it! That’s a decision for my daughter. It’s not even cleaned, though (after 6 years and 2 kids) so I dont’ know what kind of shape it will be in by the time she’s interested in it … oh well!
We did have my dressed cleaned and it is in a special box (you can see through the front to the bodice of the dress). I don’t know what I imagine will happen to it one day, but I can’t fathom getting rid of it. However we do have lots of basement storage. I might feel differently if it were taking up precious closet space.
Yes, actually, I just decided what I’m going to do with mine. It’s been preserved (whatever that really means) and is in a pretty box with a cellophane window so when I dig it out from the back of my closet—when I’m searching for a lost shoe, say, or doing my Yearly Cleaning Bender—I can open the little door and see the upper third of the dress through the little window.
What I’ve decided is a three part process. First, I need to become fabulously wealthy. Then, I’ll designate a small bedroom (if I don’t have a bedroom-sized walk-in closet off the master suite) as a dressing room. And then I’ll have the dress put in a huge shadow box and hang it on one of my dressing room walls. So I can see it every day, and remember looking fabulous. I have a feeling it’ll change my style ethic.
I wore my grandmother’s wedding dress, which was actually not a wedding dress at all but a short, cream-colored formal from 1953. PERFECT. When she let me wear it, I kinda thought, you know, it was MINE. But when we left the house where we had our reception, I left the dress in a closet for my mom to take, and NOPE. Grandma repossessed that shit. I assume it will be mine if I outlive her. But who knows.
My cousin is donating hers to someone she knows who’s taking wedding dresses to Haiti. I’m not sure WHY s/he is taking wedding dresses to Haiti, but hey, better than letting it rot in a box in the garage.
I would have worn my mom’s, which was custom made for her by a seamstress aunt in 1961, and she cleaned it and saved it despite numerous cross country moves. But she wouldn’t let me. So.
My first dress was an off the rack dress that looked like a dress Emily in OUR TOWN ought to wear. Somehow, I still have it, even though the marriage ended in 1989. I think I always vaguely figured I’d give it to a school drama dept, but then one of my daughter’s wanted it and it’s still in my house though she now has her own.
My second wedding, we went jointly shopping the morning before our appontment with the justice of the peace. We’d bought new clothes for my daughters, a new tie for my husband to be, and were eating lunch & lamenting that I’d not found something both weddingy and useful in future. People at the next table said: our store opens tomorrow, come look! Be our first customer! We’ll give you a big store opening/wedding 25% discount! It was the first White House store in our area, and everything was white. I bought a long white cowl neck sweater and white stirrup pants (it was 1991) and DID wear the outfit, to parties and church and work a couple dozen times before I had to admit stirrup pants were no longer fashionable. I have no idea if I still have that outfit. I don’t remember anyone wanting it when we were clearing the house before our overseas move.
My daughter very particulalry planned to sell her dress, but I think hasn’t.
My husband and I got married in September 2008, and I wore a $200 wedding dress that my mom picked out for me (after I mentioned liking a similar one – actually the exact one) on the David’s Bridal website. I kept it through one move, and then I wondered why. I have my photos, and more importantly, my husband, and I just wasn’t sure what to do with the dress. I worked as a librarian at a public library and one of the homeless patrons was getting married. I offered her my dress, and brought it into the library one day for her to try on. It didn’t fit her, and I was a little sad. Before we moved again, I took the dress to Goodwill, along with a lamp and a TV. I thought I’d feel a little pang of sadness, but I really didn’t. I don’t have space to store something that could make some other lady very happy.
I say turn it into something else…pillows a quilt, a christening outfit.
After my wedding I plan to wait a few months and then do a “trash the dress” photo session where you wear it again and have another set of fun, creative photos taken in it. Then I’ll get rid of it.
I like the idea of trash the dress, but I just could ‘t bring myself to ruin so much material! My plan is to make a baptism dress for my girls when they are older, sort of as an heirloom thing. Maybe incorporate the leftovers into a quilt….
I had my dress made into two baptismal dresses for my twin daughters. I found a seamstress who did it for about the same cost of two new baptismal dresses AND two baptismal dresses are way easier to store than a big huge dress with layers and layers of crinoline. (I stored the layers of crinoline that the seamstress gave me back and when I found them I made them into tutus for my girls.)
If I hadn’t had two daughters then I would have made one baptismal outfit and used the scraps to cover a wedding photo album. And if I hadn’t had any kids then I would have donated my dress for the good deed and tax write off.
A friend of mine first went to the beach and took gorgeous rolling-around-in-the-sand-and-surf pictures in her wedding dress, then had someone cut it up and her mom made it into a pillow that their toddler daughter now uses. I like the idea of cutting it up and reusing the scraps to make something you would want/use around the house.
I’m all about keeping the memory, not the thing, with some exceptions. The wedding dress is one of my exceptions. I spent an obscene amount of money on my dress. I LOVED my dress, had to have it. I would love for my daughter to wear my dress, or at the very least sew a piece of it on the inside of her own dress. I won’t have a problem if she hates the dress, I refuse to be that mom, but I do want it to be around and in good condition when the day comes. I had it restored and it’s taking up a ton of space in my closet, but I’ll keep it forever.
I got married in a non-traditional (yellow) dress, which cost all of about $400, wasn’t a wedding dress, and which I absolutely loved. I figured I’d wear it again, but I spilled red wine on it during the reception and ruined it. I tried to get the stain out, professionally and otherwise, but no luck. I keep thinking I should just get it dyed navy blue or something, so I can wear it again, because it would be a perfect dress to wear to other people’s summer weddings. It’s silk chiffon, though, so maybe not very easy to dye. Still…I guess that’s still the plan in the back of my head.
I have no idea if someone has already suggested this, but if you want to give it away, but aren’t sure what to do with it, you might consider giving it to the Mary Madeline project (marymadelineproject.org). They take donated wedding dresses and make them into christening and burial gowns for babies who died in utero or soon after birth. You are also entitled to a tax deduction for the donation, but that’s not really why I sent mine in.
Another idea to recycle is to use part of the dress as the “mat” behind a wedding photo, like btwn 2 of the floating glass panes. Even if it disinigrates, it’ll look like pretty dust and you’ll know what it is. Works for other fancy dresses, like first communion.
That being said, I have both my wedding and communion dresses. Actually, my mom has them. If space was an issue, ah… ? I’d re-read this blog psot again before making a decision.
Also? funny how this isn’t a discussion among men about their groom clothes…
I definitely had a BWD, and as I am Hugely Sentimental and also A World-Class Pack Rat, I had the dress cleaned and “preserved” in a box. The box does not bother me one bit as it is instead cluttering up my mother’s house. But I imagine once I have a house of my own, I’ll dutifully store it and take it out once or twice a year to reminisce and wonder at how I ever fit into it.
I never got why people would keep a dress when they could just re-sell it not long after the wedding while it’s still in style.
I got married in 2003. GUESS WHAT’S HANGING IN A BAG IN MY CLOSET RIGHT NOW?
In my defence, it’s an A-line in a luxurious peau-de-soie fabric, without a lot of embellishment, and has spaghetti straps, so I could easily see my daughter using it by either wearing it or using the fabric.
Oh and I’d like to take a moment to brag (since the opportunities to do so are few and far between with my wedding long in the past now) that I got a RIDICULOUS deal on that dress. I got it at a Justina McCaffery trunk sale for $150. I checked out their website shortly after and that model would have cost me almost ten times (10X!) that to have made specifically for me. Woot!
I bought my dress at a wedding dress consignment shop at a great deal, and after the wedding, sold it back to the shop for half my money back. Woot! As someone else said above, it’s the photos that save the memories.
Hmmm…this is an intertesting topic. I still have both of my wedding dresses.
Dress #1 is in its box in our garage, probably chewed to pieces by the mice by now. (It should be tossed, or donated if it’s still in decent shape.)
Dress #2 is in its box in my closet. I need to put on the white gloves and fluff it up a bit like I was instructed to do but forgot. Oops.
I wore the BWD. Still have it. I get it out every five years to make sure it still fits (just did that for our 25th last month) and back into the bag it goes. The year I can’t zip the bitch might be the year it goes away.
I kept both of mine. The first was a long-sleeved, floor-length princessy wedding gown, and the second, a chiffon sheath with spaghetti straps and plunging neckline. I don’t know if my daughter will ever fit into or want to wear them (she’s built bigger than I am), but I keep them just in case. I can always give them away.
I was all set to consign mine, but my mother got it cleaned and preserved and now it sits in my (massively decluttered) closet, where I assume it is hoping, in its inanimate way, that one of my sons will marry someone who wants to wear it. Or that one of my sons will have a sex change and want to wear it.
The funny thing is that the women who so carefully preserved it has two daughters and neither of them wore her dress. What have we learned here, Mom? Anything?
Wedding 1: Sold it on eBay (long grey evening dress – wore it 1 time after the wedding) when the marriage went south!
Wedding 2: In my closet (black fun dress, also have worn it 1 time after the wedding, will wear again I’m sure).
I attempted to sell my wedding dress on ebay for about two weeks (I bought it in 2000 for $500 from David’s Bridal). I was divorced so I really didn’t want to keep it for any reason.
Nobody took my deal so I ended up giving it to Goodwill along with a bunch of my ex’s stuff he left behind.
I’m very late to this party, but I kept my wedding dress and am not sure what I’ll eventually do with it, if anything. My mom made my dress, so there’s a lot of mom-daughter time invested in that dress–choosing the fabrics & lace, putting together elements from a couple of different patterns to get what I wanted, the fittings, etc.
I have a son, so no daughter to give it to–but perhaps someday my son’s fiancee will want some part of it. I’ll hang on to it for now, just in case.