So! I take a birth control pill called Ocella. Ocella is the generic for Yasmin. And if I understand it correctly, Yasmin and Yaz are the pills that have been in the news recently because of a bunch of problematic side effects including symptoms such as DEATH. Which concerns me, but not a lot, because I read prescription inserts, and ALL versions of the pill have little pamphlets that come with them that basically say, “You understand that by taking the pill you are specifically requesting to die, right?” And if THOSE seem scary, I read the pamphlet that comes with a mere TAMPON and that puts it in perspective.
But! My cousin is in the hospital because she was on Yasmin and got a blood clot in her lung. And while a brief hospital stay is in my repertoire of parenting fantasies (another is solitary confinement in prison), I get that this is not actually a vacation. (She’s expected to make a full recovery and is impatient to get out of there.)
There are few reactions less sensible and more human than deciding to go off a medication after someone I KNOW has a problem—as opposed to after a bunch of people I DON’T know have problems. My cousin having a blood clot in her lung means exactly ZERO for my likelihood of having trouble with a medication, or for the statistical dangers of the medication, or for how the medication compares in danger to other medications. And I tell you this with a self-deprecating shrug, because NEVERTHELESS. I’ll finish out this packet and then that’s it.
So isn’t this fun? We’re back to the birth control problem, and MY GOODNESS does this ever go around and around and around again. My favorite birth control ever was the Fertility Awareness Method, which made me feel SUPAH SMAHT, but Paul’s not willing to do that one now: it was perfect when an unexpected pregnancy would have been fine and even welcome, but that was then and this is now.
Every time I bring up this topic, lots of people suggest the IUD. On paper, this would be the best option for me right now: it doesn’t have the hormones that cause problems, and it’s long-term but it wouldn’t be hard to remove if there was a change in the no-more-babies decision. But the IUD works by allowing conception to take place but then not allowing the zygote to take hold, and that makes me feel uncomfortable, so for now this method is out of the running. (The pill, too, works by making the uterine lining unreceptive to a zygote—but because it first attempts to prevent ovulation altogether, this is more okay with me. The hormone IUD works more like the pill, but in that case I’d rather just take the pill.)
All barrier methods seem practically MEDIEVAL, and they require a level of responsibility more consistent with people for whom an unplanned pregnancy would be fine.
I’ve tried Depo-Provera—but again, if I’m going to use hormones, I’d just as soon use the pill. I don’t have any trouble remembering to take the pill regularly, so going in for a shot every few months is actually MORE of a hassle for me.
Soooooo, we’re back around to the pill, but a different formula. Or…well…
Well, it could be Time for The Snip. I have been verrrrrrry reluctant to make a permanent decision about this, but the other night I said to Paul that if he was REALLY SURE, then it was TIME TO STOP MAKING ME RUIN MY LIFE WITH HORMONES. It was partly a tantrum and partly serious. I’d probably have another baby if he changed his mind, because hey, free baby, but as my youngest finishes potty-training and my second-youngests go to kindergarten this fall I do also feel more ready to say “Fine. Done. I guess that was it.”
This makes me so, well, sad. It seems so final, and there is something I can’t put my finger on.
(Please check that the non-hormonal IUD doen’t actually prevent fertilization as well. It thought it irritated the atmosphere enough to make fertilization almost impossible. But I could be wrong.)
I can’t hardly even think about this concept. I don’t want to move past having babies and young children, ever. This, of course, is coming from a 27 year old who cried at Toy Story 3.
I used to take Yaz, as well, but I was concerned about all the dangerous possible side effects that I was hearing about, so my doctor switched me to Loestrin, which apparently has a lower dose of hormones. The only problem is that the sole reason I’m on birth control is that I am freakishly prone to hormone-related acne, and a lower dose of hormones means more zits on my face!
Good luck with the decision. It really seems like women don’t have any “good” options when it comes to birth control.
And most importantly, I wish for a speedy recovery for your cousin!
Artemesia- ME TOO. I’m not sure we’ll actually make things permanent.
I am glad you’re switching birth control methods. One of my best friends also had a clot in her lung due to yaz. But yes, the decision of what to use now is terrible. I have the Mirena. Not my favorite as sometimes I feel sort of claustrophobic about it if I think too much, like, “Gah! There’s something in my body that I can’t get out!” I’m also with you about not being ready to make it permanent. We only have two kids, but my husband said he feels done. I would love one more, so I’m going to wait many many years on the permanent solution.
My husband just did the snip in December and ohmygosh, the “doneness” of it all just kinda broke my heart even though we KNEW we only wanted two and we had our two and they were great and we KNEW three was a place we couldn’t handle…but….what if, what if, what if? My husband was SO SURE, so we ultimately had it done, and the longer it’s been, the happier I am….and man OH man, do I love being birth control free! Good luck with the decision :)
Have you considered the NuvaRing? It has its share of “Warning: _______ is a risk of using this birth control”, like any other method. But it’s convenient, comfortable, and you only need to worry about it once a month. Plus I’ve never noticed any hormone-y side effects. I love it.
My husband had the snip. It made me sad, for a while, but not as sad as the premature babies made me (which is why we said we were done in the first place. I can’t seem to do the breeding thing correctly.).
That said, Baby Three is nicknamed Fussy McFussypants and is a high-speed toddler. With a crankpot like this, I’m finally able to say I’m GLAD to be done. I’m ready to move onto other things. It took some time (and a demanding toddler), but I’m definitely there.
I don’t know if it will help you, but it helped me to know there’s a term for what you may be feeling. It’s called Intrapsychic loss. It’s the emotional loss of something that is important to our vision of our future, that dream of what “might have been”. Learning this term helped me to articulate what it was that I was grieving over–the elusive fourth child, the healthy pregnancy, the healthy labor and delivery. It gave it validity and meaning.
My husband got The Snip when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with our second because I’m 40, sick of taking hormones, we are done with the babies, and it was about damned time for him to do something about birth control (other than wearing a condom, which just stinks). Like Belly Girl, the farther I get away from The Snip (over a year now) the better it is. No worries about hormones or accidents or that stuff. If Paul is willing, I highly recommend it.
I am going through the same thing. I have issues with every form of bc out there, so we are using Fertility Awareness Method. Which was how our third child was accidentally conceived. Ahem.
I’ve been reluctant to do anything permanent just yet. I’ve finally made the decision that I want one more, probably in the next year or two….then the Mister is going to get the snip. I’m done with the hormones, done with it being all my responsibility.
Well, Bud was done, done, D-U-N done after the third, so we went with the snip. It is nice not worrying about birth control and I lost weight without being on the pill. BUT, my periods are hellish nightmares, which reminds me why I went on the pill, long before I needed birth control.
Also, free baby, heeee. I would love to stumble on one of them. Sigh
I second what Ashley mentions … consider the NuvaRing. I’ve used it for years with no problems.
FYI, if you don’t smoke or have CV problems or a family history (as in siblings, parents, grandparents) of CV problems, you most likely will not have a problem with clotting and hormonal birth control.
I had a copper iud and HATED it. I had horrible heavy periods, and an inexplicable pain in my side which only resolved when it was pulled.
I’m getting my tubes tied soon. I’d love a third, but having been hospitalized for pre-eclampsia and having to deliver 5 weeks early, i’m totally gunshy. Good luck, i hate all birth control options!
I know this is a statistical longshot, and that the Mirena is 99% “effective”, but I got pregnant with a Mirena in after 2.5 years. After having sex ONCE during that cycle. The protocol is to have the thing yanked (which hurt FAR less than having it put in, fwiw) as soon as you have a positive pregnancy test and then to wait and see if you miscarry. 90% of cases miscarry. In this regard I was in the statistical majority.
The miscarriage was heartbreaking and awful, as they almost always are. Before the birth of my son, I was happy with my cervical cap but their efficacy apparently drops to 40% after childbirth. Bah.
It does seem like one bad choice after another doesn’t it? Good luck in deciding…
“Hey, free baby.”
Eeeeeeheeeheeee heeeeee heeheee heeeeee heeeeeeeee.
(That is a direct and exact laughter quote, which is way better than just saying LOL.)
I’ve been off BC for several months now, after realizing that my horrible mood swings and uber-quick temper were a side-effect. I was on Seasonique at the time, and as far as BC was concerned it was AWESOME only have a period once every 3 months. But seriously, I was a different person. It freaks me out to think about it now. I haven’t been taking anything since and my period & cramps haven’t been unbearable, plus it’s saving me some money, so I’m hesitant to start again. However, this was all during a rather bleak dry-spell in the bedroom (thanks to the moodswings/personality shift), and now that things are looking a little brighter… I’ll deal with condoms for the time being, but I’m interested to hear the opinions & what you learn. I used to take Mircette which didn’t cause any problems for me, so I may go back to that.
Oh and ALSO, I like the sponge, for many reasons such as no hormones, no immediate need to roll out of bed a “deal” with it, and also that it allows for more than one “episode” as well as, ahem, “advance preparation.”
Uncomfortable birth control euphemisms from your friendly neighborhood prude!
Well, if your issue with the hormonal IUD (ie Mirena) is that if you are going to take hormones you might as well take the pill, here is something to think about: studies show that with the Mirena, the (very small) quantity of hormone remains fairly localized to your uterus, rather than coursing willy nilly through your bloodstream as with the pill. I had all sorts of issues with hormonal birth control, and have had none of these with the Mirena. I love mine, and wouldn’t even know it was there except that I do notice the lovely lack of cramps and the brevity of my Lady Time (as in, it usually lasts for a day. A DAY!) To get into the technical side of things, Mirena does not just prevent implantation, but does work to prevent fertilization from taking place at all.
I agree that the lack of good options is really frustrating. We’ve been doing Natural Family Planning with condoms as backup between pregnancies (I’m currently pregnant with #3), and I think after #4 my husband will do The Snip. We’re open to more after 4, but we both think that foster care or adoption is more in our future at that point. Regardless, I do look forward to the day when birth control is no longer an issue in my mind.
HOW I WISH I had Googled more than just the manufacturer’s site when I tried Mirena!! I got one, went cuh-raaaay-zay. Googled it and … lo and behold! Not recommended for women with tendencies toward anxiety or depression! Swistle, I am but a lone voice in the wilderness, but I am not the only one I know who has had that sucker yanked as fast as possible. My a$$vice? RUN AWAY from the Mirena.
We ended up with the snip as well. I vacillate about it … not really ready for more kids, but a little sad there won’t ever be an “oopsie”. And BOY HOWDY is it nice not to have to fuss with any equipment. But my periods are now HELLACIOUS, as they never were before children. I take a lot of ibuprofen and Evening Primrose Oil and that seems to take the edge off.
My husband got snipped when my youngest was 7 months old. We knew, for sure, beyond any doubt, that we were done. I was so sure that I stayed on the birth control pill for months after, even after he had gotten the go-ahead, your swimmers are no more.
My best friend’s husband got snipped after her second. Then they decided they were NOT done, after all, he had it reversed, and then they (luckily) had two more.
Personally, I like the vasectomy as birth control because I have bad circulation and varicose veins and was worried about blood clots, and also I was so sure I was done.
I know you’re not asking for advice, but I would say make SURE you’re SURE. You know what I mean?
I had the Mirena for about two years and it worked great, I especially loved the part that I had NO MORE PERIODS. At all.
Did your cousin just start that pill or had she been on it for awhile? I always figure with stuff like that ‘if something bad is going to happen it will happen in the first xx months.” And then I always figure Im in the clear after xx months. Maybe thats a bit cavalier. Good luck with the decision. Birth control options suck. I just wish there were an OFF mode on the baby maker.
Lisa- I think that way too! And I’d thought thought she had just gone on it, but unfortunately it’s been well over a year.
just want to add my $0.02… try the nuvaring. like PP said, the hormones are absorbed thru your skin and because they don’t have to be processed thru the liver, require a MUCH lower dose. all hormonal pills make me crazy but I loved the nuvaring! plus you only have to worry about it once a month.
My hubby was snipped on April 30th. He is one of those freakish types who is STILL having discomfort issues related to his gonads.
A part of me thinks, whenever he mentions the discomfort, that maybe I should have just gotten my tubes tied this last go-round, even though I didn’t want to.
Or I should do the Essure thing, even though I can’t even wear earrings without having an allergic reaction so permanently sticking a piece of something with a little nickel in it in my fallopian tubes sounds like a terrific idea.
So it’s like I’m saying it’s ok for me to be miserable forever just so his balls don’t hurt a little.
Have I mentioned I’m nursing an 8-month-old who just cut his top-2 chompers? Like I’m not in some discomfort at least 6 times a day….
ARGHHHHHHH!!!
Yet another Nuvaring advocate here. I’ve been on what seems like every single type of BC pill (although really there are so many that I’m sure I haven’t even made a dent in the options) with varying results in the Crazy department.
I also have some complicating factors in that I have some serious issues with migraines and get them horribly when I get my period (whether on the pill or not) so it is important to me to be able to skip periods and only get them a few times a year. So, if you are finding that your hormonal issues with the pill are mainly limited to period-week, skipping periods could be something to look into.
Anyway, I’ve only been on Nuvaring for ~6 months, but I’ve definitely noticed a decrease in Crazy since switching. So, recommend.
On a side note, can I mention how much I hate it when doctors dismiss concerns about BC side effects? Like, if you weren’t such a hussy who only wants tons and tons of S-E-X, we wouldn’t have to deal with this now would we?
While pregnant with SUPRISE baby, our third live birth and my 7th pregnancy, we had the SNIP. We were sure we were done, had decided on the husband going in but guess what? DECIDING is not the same as doing it and voila, baby. And post-baby, post-snip? HOTNESS at our house. There is seriously nothing sexier than knowing that what I’m about to do with my husband requires no preparation on my part or no stopping to get condoms- just whenever wherever and HE CAN NOT GET ME PREGNANT.
If you are on the fence about it- I think you want that free baby you mentioned.
I have had a Mirena for seven years, and love it. I have the same concerns you do about preventing the fertilized egg from implanting, so we combined it with the Fertility Awareness. We weren’t willing to rely on FA alone, but using it with Mirena works for us.
I haven’t read the comments…but I was considering Essure – unti I read that it’s not for people with nickel allergies…like me. I talked to my doctor about it at my six week post partum visit a couple weeks ago and he suggested something called Adiana – which I am now considering if hubby doesn’t get the sniparoo. It’s permanent contraception…hormone free. And, pretty painless from the sound of it.
We have used only condoms for the last 10 years. We have a fairly active bedroom life (overshare, sorry) so we’ve spent a lot of money on them!! Never had an “oops” but had one or two scares. Hubby was going to get snipped after #3 arrived (she’s almost 3) but hasn’t yet. Hormones make me crazy and un-sexy and I hate them so I have not taken any since before #1 was conceived. I hope you find something that works for you Swistle :)
If the snip would be the best of your options from a logical perspective, but you want to know that if you hypothetically changed your mind you still COULD have a baby, I would in your place have your husband freeze some sperm at a fertility clinic before undergoing the snip. Thus, you would have hormone-free permanent birth control, but if there was a sudden change of heart (or you just wanted to contemplate the possibility of #6), you could. Freezing sperm costs a few hundred dollars, and the yearly storage for subsequent years after the first isn’t terrible… and might be worth the peace of mind knowing that you haven’t completely nailed the door shut, just closed it. It does, however, permanently close the door to an “oops” pregnancy occurring!
I thought that, too, about the copper IUD, but my friend has one and she was told by her midwife that the copper (or whatever makes it effective) actually creates a “hostile environment” for a zygote to even form… this same friend is in school to be a midwife herself so she’s researched it some and seems to be confident that this is true. I think- though I could be remembering this wrong- that it has a LESSER chance of a zygote forming than the other IUD.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s worth looking into further.
I’m going to stay Anon here, because the general public doesn’t need to know what kind of birth control I use, but let me say that I’ve had an IUD for going on ten years; I’m on my second Mirena, and will get my third next year.
I haven’t had a period in those years. Seriously. I don’t have a tampon or pad in my house. I don’t get PMS or cramps. And all that? Is TEH AWESOME. (Oh, and I’m about to turn 40. No periods since I was about 31. Yeah.)
As far as I understand it, the IUD causes an irritation that doesn’t allow implantation, as your first commenter mentioned.
So that’s my two anonymous cents.
-A
OMG I guess I’m in the minority here but I HATED the nuvaring. The very DAY I started using it I started feeling off kilter and it ended up being so miserable that I took it out after 3 days. Fortunately, the CRAZY and discomfort went away after I removed it.
This sucks. Sucks. I can only tell you what’s worked for me which means nothing about how it will work for you. I take a progesterone only pill (errin) and it’s the only thing that hasn’t made me super moody and rageful. The ring also worked because of its slow release method of hormones instead of daily spikes, but I HATED the IUD, even though I didn’t have a period for almost three years, I hated yasmin, I hated every other pill I took. This one has kept me pretty level though.
I just…don’t think it’s time for the snip. I don’t think you’re done. I don’t. I FEEL that there’s another one, waiting. I worry that you’ll mourn for that baby after the possibility is taken away and I just don’t want that for you. It doesn’t matter what some internet person says, but it just feels like it’s not time, ya know?
The hormone-iud (Mirena) is better than the pill as has no blood clotting risks. Also (if you are super-lucky) no periods after a while – or at least very light ones. Also, obviously, its reversible if anyone changes their minds!
Good luck with this decision. I’m not a BC’er, but I do know the feeling of kids getting older and it getting easier. I hope something becomes really clear for you!
(the snip is easily reversible, isn’t it?) consider nuvaring. very low hormone dosage. very light periods. you won’t feel it, he won’t feel it. can’t recommend it enough.
I hated the nuva Ring– HATED it!! Tried it for about 3 days when Liv was a baby, and it made me a bit loony.
I had sworn off birth control because of the way it made me feel, but in a coversation with my GYN about how my period brings on horific migraines she recommended Seasonique, which is the one you take for 3 months straight and then get your period. She thinks that keeping my hormone level steady will have a huge impact on my migraines–and so far it has. Even on the week of your period, the pack comes with an estrogen pill to take every day to avoid the hormone fluctuation. I feel better in this pill than I ever have while being on the pill.
I know, I know, hormones. Totally not what you were looking for, but I share anyway.
I do hope that you figure it out though and find something that you and Paul can both agree on.
I think the snip is what makes sense. In your situation, I’d pretty much insist on it for the reason you’ve named — “you’re the one who’s said no more kids, why am I the one messing with my biology?”
Also, as I have a brother and sister born after my dad’s vasectomy (and reversal), it doesn’t seem all that final to me.
I’m struggling with this same thing, although we know we are not done. My doctor said the same thing about the copper IUD’s that you did when I asked him about them, basically that they set up a hostile environment and caused implantation not to occur, but he didn’t see how it would prevent fertilization. He said the Mirena supposedly thickened the cervical mucous enough that it was supposed to prevent fertilization, and set up the same hostile environment to prevent implantation. However, you should go to Rebecca Woolf’s site and read about her and her reader’s experiences with the Mirena. The follow-up is here: http://www.girlsgonechild.net/2010/04/mirenafterward.html As bad as artificial hormones screw with me already, I just wasn’t willing to chance that. Which leaves us with condoms or natural fertility awareness method. And I can’t afford daycare for another one until the oldest is in school which is 2 more years. So….do let me know what the perfect solution is when you find it please.
I don’t usually comment here, but if you had the shot and didn’t mind it (other than the schedule) you might want to consider having implanon. The implant goes in your arm, rather than your uterus (I know, I know) so there isn’t any risk of (ew, gross) falling out. Plus it’s good for something like four years, so you can be TOTALLY SURE you are done before deciding on the snip.
My husband had a vasectomy because we both decided that we’re done having kids and he didn’t want me having to go through a hysterectomy.
Afterwards, I found out about this: http://www.essure.com/
and decided to have something done as well just for extra assurance. I didn’t want to do the pill because OMG the hormone imbalances. Also, see: possible death or other not-so-good side effects.
Didn’t want to do shots (needles! And remembering to go in and get it done).
So this was the best option for ME. I don’t have to remember to take anything or put anything in or get anything done.
It’s permanent, so you only do this if you are absolutely sure you’re done having kids.
I’ve always assumed that once we had had kids, and decided that we were done having kids, Torsten would get a vasectomy. I said something about this to a French friend of mine and she was incredulous. Like, why would you do that? Why not just use any other form of birth control and not make it so permanent? And then all the other French people in the room joined in the conversation, and agreed with her.
So I guess it’s not a Thing, there. And for a minute my mind totally flipped and I couldn’t remember why it was something that we ARE vaguely planning for. I was like, “Of COURSE! You’re RIGHT! Why WOULD we ever do something so permanent?” Now I remember, of course, but it was definitely an eye-opening moment.
Please ignore this advice if it is unwanted:
Perhaps you would want to look into the matchstick implant? I went in to get an IUD, but they couldn’t get it in because my uterus is too small (and can I just say HOLYGODOWOWOWOW), so I got Implanon. It’s good for three years and while it’s like the pill in that it *can* increase the risk of clotting, it’s similar to a low-risk pill formula. Yaz is, from what I understand, the worst for this particular risk. So this would allow you to make a long-term but not permanent decision.
Oh god. BIRTH CONTROL. It makes me want to TEAR OUT MY HAIR, strand-by-strand. There are NO good options. NONE. ZERO. WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.
However. FREE BABY. Hehehehe. That significantly improved my mood. Awesome.
NuvaRing! You only have to remember to put it in and take it out once a month. And it’s low hormone so I didn’t have side effects from that.
Read most of the comments and can’t believe that no one has mentioned the diaphragm! I use one and I love it — will probably never use anything else. I know you said that you’re against barrier methods, but maybe you haven’t thought seriously about the diaphragm. What’s not to love? No hormones, no side effects, no pregnancy, and you’re in control of it all!
Oh, and the diaphragm is probably the cheapest method (except for FAM)!
Firstly, wow. I hope your cousin is okay. Scary.
I’m in exactly the same boat as you. (Hi! See me over here? I’m hanging over the side with the seasickness.) I won’t even use a tampon for very long – and not two in succession, ever – because of the TSS risk. So, birth control is a real issue.
I am totally with you on TCOYF and FAM. LOVED it! Had my trusty BBT and even used a Persona monitor. But I have reached my own personal threshold for children (four lovely, lovely children who regularly make me want to extinguish myself). Plus, I think now is a natural stopping point, as I would be “advanced maternal age” if I had another. I never once had an “oops” baby with FAM – six pregnancies planned with military precision over about 8ish years of using FAM – but Paul is right that FAM is best for when an unplanned pregnancy would be welcome.
When my last baby was born a year ago, I got the Paragard IUD. I went for it because I didn’t want the hormones you get with Mirena (and like you said, if I were going to do hormones, I’d just take the pill). It was great until my period started back up two months ago. Longest, heaviest periods of my life. Seriously. Today is Day 13. I’m on my period half the time now. (I do think it inhibits embryo formation, though, as others have said, because I feel weird about that too, so am pretty sure I was convinced that wasn’t an issue a year ago when I decided on the IUD.)
I’m going Monday for my annual and am going to ask about having it removed. I’m thinking of getting the Essure procedure. I don’t know, though. It’s such a hack. I’m to the point of wanting to make it permanent, and this is the first time I’ve felt that way. But if we’re going to do something permanent, maybe the V is the way to go. They’re both hacks, though… screwing with your body – cutting the vas or creating scar tissue – just to prevent babies. It just seems ridiculous, and unnatural, and not particularly smart. I just feel weird about it. Husband feels the same (and this has nothing to do with the stereotypical male response to vasectomies).
SIGH.
Oh, another thing about IUDs. You can’t use the Diva Cup. This was seriously the thing that almost kept me from getting one in the first place. I’ve never used a Diva Cup, but I WANT to (see tampon TSS fears above).
My sil swears by the Nuva Ring. If I was going to try something hormonal, I would try that.
I have known 3 people personally who have had to have their IUD surgically removed and I just couldn’t stomach using it after that!!!!
However, my dh has had the snip and I have been OHSOHAPPY with it! Highly recommended once both of your mental states reach the point of “no more!”
This is an incredibly difficult decision. We went for the snip when our last was 2; it was a mutual decision, suggested by the snippee. I hope you’ll take care of yourself and stay in touch with your doctor no matter what.
HA! “Because hey, free baby!”
I forget where the line came from now, but I know in high school my friends and I used to walk around saying, “Because hey, free dummy!” all the time. Fun times, fun times.
Good luck making a decision, btw!