This is Henry’s 3-year-old portrait, and I’m so, so, so happy with it. It’s from JCPenney. Studios vary so much depending on the photographers, but ours has at least three photographers who are EXCELLENT. Like, there’s this fleeting half-second smile in the middle of a tantrum, and they CATCH it.
(Which is not to imply that THIS picture involved such a catch.)
(It totally did.)
I don’t think you’d need to be a parent to figure out that it’s a good idea to bring the child’s portrait shirt with you to put on at the last minute, or that it’s a bad idea to go for a ketchuppy lunch right before the photo. But something it’s taken me awhile to learn is DO THE PORTRAIT FIRST. The appointment is often at an awkward time, like 10:30 in the morning, and so I think to myself, “Oh! I will go earlier and I will spend the time before the appointment browsing in Target!” No. Whatever time the appointment is, it is best to arrive for the appointment and not try to do anything beforehand. I have an anecdote to illustrate one of the reasons for the wisdom of this policy.
Yesterday my mom and I brought Henry to the mall to have his portrait done, and like the pros we are we did the photo session FIRST. It was a grueling session: Henry was PERFECT for the first photo (the standing one, above), but then he burst into tears and yelled “I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!” and continued yelling it, pausing only to say “NO!” to anything the photographer suggested. He wouldn’t stay put in the photo area and kept flinging himself into my lap. When he DID stay in the photo area, he wouldn’t show his face. I felt so sorry for the photographer, and I had no idea what to do about Henry.
Afterward we went for a ketchuppy lunch, which was delicious. And at the end of it, Henry started crying and saying he needed to use the potty, and it turned out it was Too Late. And furthermore, it was the kind of Too Late that necessitated throwing his underpants in the trash can and putting his pants in a plastic bag. (Best thing in my diaper bag: empty Target bags. I have used them for all sorts of mishaps.) (It wouldn’t have to be a Target one, of course. That’s the kind I happen to have the most of. Plus, they’re sturdier than some other kinds. Sturdy is good for mishaps.)
I got him cleaned up and put a too-small diaper on him because I didn’t have any replacement undies for him (I haven’t needed diapers in the diaper bag for so long I was lucky to have the two too-small ones), and then I wrapped his lower half in his blankie for modesty and warmth. We went to Target and I looked at the clearance racks for a pair of pants for him. There was a cute pair on clearance for $5, and even though he’s still in 2T pants (like me, he’s tall but has short legs) I bought the 3T ones so I could feel like it was a wise purchase for future wearing, accident or no accident. I went through the line, then sat on the bench right there and took off the tags and put the pants on him, and they were really cute pants. I will confess that I felt pretty awesome, like I had totally handled a tricky problem in a way that was happy for everyone. And do you remember what goeth before a fall? Yes.
We continued shopping, and Henry was in his stroller. It is a brand-new stroller, because the stroller I bought for toddler Rob ten years ago finally broke unfixably, and even though I felt dim buying a stroller at THIS point in the child-rearing process, I really did get my money’s worth out of that first one, and I DID need one still, and so there it is. In short: he was in his new stroller, and this was the third time we’d used it, and I was still feeling happy about how fun it was to have NEW baby equipment, looking NEW!
And he started crying and saying he needed to go potty. And I looked down and it was Too Late. Here is the kind of Too Late it was: 20 minutes later, I emerged sweaty and dazed from the crowded Target bathroom with a child who was wearing only a too-small diaper, shoes, and socks, and who was sitting on several layers of paper towels in a wet stroller I’d cleaned the best I could. I was out of wipes, and I had with me a knotted Target bag containing unthinkable laundry for later.
At these times it is useful to think to oneself, “No one REALLY CARES what anyone else is doing.” As I strolled my enormous, diaper-and-shoes-and-nothing-else-wearing 3-year-old through the baby clothes department, we attracted some Looks but I thought to myself, “No one REALLY CARES. Try to act nonchalant.”
I remembered that we had the shirt he’d been wearing before I changed him into his Portrait Shirt, so we only needed pants. I looked for the 2T pants I hadn’t chosen earlier, but they were gone, and there were no more 3T pants either. Finally I chose some orange shorts, which was a little disheartening because he has so many handmedown shorts I already need to get rid of some. But at least he didn’t yet have any cute orange ones. I also got a package of wipes. I found my mom, got my purse, put the t-shirt on him (the t-shirt had been stuffed in my purse), went through the checkout and bought the shorts and wipes, and this time I felt less Awesome than I’d felt the first time.
Isn’t it nice we did the portraits FIRST?
OMG Swistle. What a day! I’m glad you did the portraits first too. That first photo is perfection!
HOLY. COW.
I, too, had a crazy-stressful, In-Target diaper change that necessitated a change into just-purchased clothing. It was my infant son, naked on the changing table while I frantically ripped off tags and went through a bag of wipes.
I did just as you say and thought, ‘NO one cares what I’m doing right now.’ (except, perhaps for the Target employee who possibly thought I was shoplifting in the MOST BRAZEN STYLE ever.)
omgomgomg.
Portraits first. Got it.
Wait, so did the too-small diaper not do it’s job the second time? Or am I confused?
Been there. SO SO much fun. The portrait looks great.
Oh good grief. If those pics aren’t the perfect illustration of the good/bad of motherhood, I don’t know what is.
oh man. Sympathy slash empathy is pouring from me after reading this. I HATE when stuff like that happens. This is how we came to own a Bass Pro Shop onesie…
WAIT….so the “toddlers resisting portrait taking” gets WORSE?!?!?!!!!
My 13 month old was not too happy about having her’s taken this weekend too. We got one good one (the first one) and the rest involved wailing and tears. Luckily there was a magical Miss Jen who came and made her smile for the “generations” one my mom wanted (my mom, sister, daughter and I).
Additionally, I don’t think I could have continued browsing Target after 2 (!) accidents. You are superwoman for keeping it together.
Parenting is definitely a 2-person job.
Great photos!
You rock in emergency mothering skills.
Ahh crap…this is what I have to look forward to?
Kate- Right—I’m not sure even a right-size diaper could have contained this mishap!
Aww, poor Henry. And poor Swistle! On the plus side, the photos are freaking adorable. Worth it?
Oh wow what a day! Glad you survived!
Oh my. That’s just, wow.
Poor you. And poor Henry. Sounds like he was under major stress.
Which reminds me…I need to put an extra outfit in Elodie’s diaper bag. I’ve been too lucky but I know a day like that is going to hit!
So cute and funny, although it probably didn’t feel like it to you at the time! Henry is a cutie, that’s for sure.
You are a trooper. I wish there was a way to know whether the child will have one of those days before you leave the house or make plans.
I hang onto Target bags because they really are the best. They are so much thicker and sturdier than other stores’ bags – perfect for those kinds of accidents and lugging borrowed items back to their owners. I’ve been known to knowingly leave my reusable shopping bags in the car when my Target bag stash gets low.
*i* would have been crying my eyes out by the end of that day, my goodness. despite the fact that i don’t have kids and am not planning on getting pregnant any time soon, i can GUARANTEE YOU i will remember this portrait rule for ALL OF ETERNITY :-)
I love the pictures, and while I certainly don’t wish you and your family stress, I love the story, too. It is comforting to know that even a pro like Swistle occasionally gets caught up in a perfect errand/diaper/tantrum storm…maybe this singleton mom needs to be a bit easier on herself. >;) Thx for the laugh and for sharing the adorable pictures.
When my son was a toddler, he went through a stage where we couldn’t even ATTEMPT the portrait session. I don’t remember which birthday it was but we went back to JCP THREE times and he had a spectacular meltdown each time. That’s when I realized we were down with portrait studios for a while. I dressed him in his picture outfit, plopped him on our couch and took a snapshot. Had wallets made at Target and handed those out. It was a couple years before I worked up the nerve to go back to the portrait studio. (The couple times I strayed from JCP – the pictures were awful. They’re definitely the best for small kids.)
And now I’m offering up a prayer of gratitude that I never had a strip-the-kid-down-in-a-dept-store potty incident!
Holy, um, crap. I don’t think I would have survived that!
OMG that is an awesome story. That last picture is a heartbreaker. We need to do pictures around here, Ellie has never had professional pictures. I really love the pictures, but can’t handle the stress. You are my hero.
I am constantly being caught off guard by having too small clothes or diapers in the diaper bag. We go so long without needing it that by the time we do need the supplies in there, they are all too small. So, we replace them and then go months and forget about it and BAM. Sigh. Was so glad when oldest finished with diapers for good. Am looking at at least two more years before I am free again though. Sigh (again).
I’m simultaneously sorry that you went through this but grateful that you shared it with the rest of us! My first (2.5) has been potty trained for just about a month, and has been doing great, but during a weekend visit to the grandparents’ house had one nasty yucky accident after another. I know he was over tired and having too much fun to stop and use the potty, but I kept wondering what the heck we were doing wrong!
as moms, i think we should come up with our own merit-badge system. i would totally send you one for the Dreaded Bouble Blowout and another for Holding It Together…maybe that last one would be extra big too.
henry’s three year portrait is AWESOME though, and i’m not just saying that because of the sweater vest…but OMG the sweater vest!
This might just ensure that my potty-training resisting and never professionally photographed 4 year old daughter will remain that way for quite some time.
Wow, way to handle it, Swistle! Poor Henry, that must have been an uncomfortable morning for both of you. Brought back memories of a time when we were on a way to a special (dress-up) occasion with our infant daughter when she had a full, out-the-legs, out-the-top blowout on the interstate 40 miles from anywhere! Just threw away that lovely little pink dress without a a thought, it was so bad. Washed her by holding her over the sink in a rest stop, and held her bare little butt under the hand dryer. Makes a good story now; then, it was awful.
Ugh.. so been there! We’ve bought diapers, wipes, clothes, cups, bottles, all sorts of things in emergency situations like that. And pictures?! SO STRESSFUL. My girl is 5 and it is still nearly impossible to get her to look at the camera or not do that wierd awkward clenched teeth smile.
I love all of these photos but I think I love the last one the best, in its way.
Wow. Portraits first. Got it!
I am SWEATING from reading this post.
Notes to self:
Portraits first.
Extra Target bags.
Extra pants.
Lots and lots and lots of calm-and-collected Swistle-sense.
Ah ha ha ha ha HA. Oh my GOOD GRIEF have I been there with you recently. Eli is sort of miraculously potty training himself in the last week (it actually happens! some kids just wake up and decide to wear underpants!) but hoo boy is he taking awhile to get the “underwear is not for pooping” part down. Peeing like a champ, though, so I can’t complain too much, but oh! the laundry. Oh! the public humiliation and need for plastic bags and extra pants at all times!
And also? These sort of incidents are exactly why I never feel like I am the “lucky” one in our particular work/stay at home arrangement. Sure sometimes i get to take naps or sit around and read, and I can choose to ignore the housework if I want. But I am always ON DUTY until Jim gets home, and when this crap happens, guess who’s almost always the one there to clean it up?
This post made me anxious and panicky. I can’t imagine the “incidents” that will happen once my daughter is FINALLY potty trained.
Oh ugh. What a day! Potty accidents are the worst, but the worst worst are the ones that happen away from home.
Despite their cost I was actually feeling very happy the other day that Michael is still in diapers. I figure this is our last summer of car trips before we go through the potty training phase where everything is an emergency and accidents are frequent!
It sounds like you handled the day like a champion and the pictures are awesome. Who could look at that first picture and imagine what was in store for you?
I am glad for you that you have good JCPenny photographers. The last time we were there the photographer practically yelled in frustration at a six-month-old Harper and I haven’t been back since!
I thought my 3 year old was the only difficult one when getting professional pictures! Seriously, I thought that. She has only had professional pictures done 3 times and the first two times she was much much younger and cooperative. When I took her right after her third birthday it was a nightmare and I was a sweaty mess. I thought the photographers maybe thought something was wrong with her-like she should have a diagnosis of some sort. She was like a different child. SO happy to know I am not alone in this. I’m sorry about all of that poop. I haven’t yet had that happen, knock on wood!
I think I would pay money to see a professional portrait of the AFTER of this outing.
But, OMG, how adorable is that first photo?!
“I emerged sweaty and dazed…” HAHAHAHA!!
This is why I have shirts, pants, diapers, wet wipes, rolls of paper towels, and wads and WADS of Target bags balled up and stuffed into all kinds of crazy places…I can’t just keep that kind of stuff in the diaper bag because blow outs and other assorted accidents will ALWAYS happen when I forgot the diaper bag or took a different car, or forgot the stroller or whatever…so yeah…I’ve got all those things stuffed ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Devan’s comment made me guffaw, too-“this is how we came to own a Bass Pro Shop onesie…”
I shuddered at the first incident and threw up in my mouth a little at the second.
Saintly.
So many lessons in what could have been such an uneventful day.
Props to you for toughing it out…I totally would have headed to the car at the first incident. Thanks for the laugh!
Ouch! Just, Ouch!
OMG…my two are both middle-schoolers, so I’ve left these days SO FAR BEHIND, and I actually was wiping tears from laughing so hard! I had those days regularly–my two are 15-months apart. Imagine your day x2–oh wait, you have 4 MORE, INCLUDING A SET OF TWINS. Swistle FTW in mothering! :D
I would have pulled my hair out by the end of that trip, but great photo!
Such a cute li’l nephew! MINE MINE MINE!
(Uh, except for the diapers. All yours.)
Oh Swistle! He is heartbreaking! The sweater vest! That SMILE! I think I lost my capacity to put together an actual sentence.
Swistle, I must say, if your 3 yr old can still wear 2t, but you buy 3t anyway, he is not big. My 3 yr and 3 week old is wearing 5’s. and some of them are snug.
But yours tells you he needs to go potty. Even if it’s Too Late. That is big. *sigh*
Target let me down by not selling gigantic size 5 cloth training pants. I had to order them specially from an expensive on-line potty training specialty on-line store. *sigh*
But, yes, Target bags are the best. I’ve finally gotten in the habit of carrying reusuable bags to other stores. But not Target. I need their bags for all sorts of things I don’t want to buy bags for!