This morning I made four phone calls that have been on my to-do list for…um, a long time. These weren’t even SCARY phone calls like calling about a denied claim or a statement error or a lost payment, these were absolutely standard, non-scary, making-normal-appointment calls.
One call had only been waiting two weeks for me to make it. That’s the one where I need to schedule an evaluation for Rob with the orthodontist to see if he’s ready now for braces. They sent me a little reminder card and it’s been sitting on the counter for two weeks.
I couldn’t make the orthodontist call until I’d made Rob an appointment with the dentist. We discovered that his “brushing his own teeth” was NOT GOING WELL. The school does dental screenings and sent a note home, and I took a look for myself and was APPALLED. And this brought up my Dentist Anxiety, which is that dentists seem to charge me until I run out of money, so I don’t like to go see them unless there is pain. Anyway, we discovered the tooth situation 9 months ago, so that’s how long that second call has been waiting. I could have GROWN AN ENTIRE BABY in that amount of time.
The third call is an eye exam for myself. My current glasses are so covered in teensy scratches it’s like they’re foggy. I can’t really say how long this call has been waiting for me to make it, but the last time I had an eye exam and new glasses, third-grade William was still in an infant carrier so that’ll give you a general idea.
The fourth call I made because I was on a roll: it’s so much easier to make calls when I am already making calls, so I made the cat her vet appointment for next month.
I made these calls about 2 hours ago and my legs are still jittery and my underarms are still damp.
I have been trying to think of ways to conquer this phone problem, since it negatively affects my life. The nickel-psychology is that you’re supposed to Face Your Fear and then you will stop being scared, but I’ve been making phone calls for more than a quarter-century and I’m still scared. I even worked as a RECEPTIONIST, and if that doesn’t thoroughly explore the Extinction Through Exposure method I don’t know what does.
In thinking about it, I realized that one of my MAIN stressors is not being able to hear very well on the phone. It’s partly the inevitable household noises, partly the connection, partly a silly reluctance to say “What?” (and a near-inability to say it more than once), and partly anxiety levels that make it even harder to process what I’m hearing. Our phone is already cranked up as high as it will go, volume-wise, but surely there are phones made for, like, older people, and surely those phones can be turned up to “thinks young people are always MUMBLING” levels.
In fact, a minute’s research on Amazon told me what to search for: “amplified telephone.” Here’s a likely-looking fellow: Clarity Amplified Phone, for mild to moderate hearing loss. It says the volume can be turned up to 18 decibels; it would be helpful to know the decibel level of a regular phone for comparison. There’s another one that’s more than twice the price but goes up to 43 decibels, so perhaps 18 decibels is for sissies. Or I could get the cordless one (30 decibels) for a price in between the other two.
Another idea: hire a receptionist.
Swistle! A new phone is an excellent idea! Wouldn’t it be such a simple step to take that may actually give you some relief?
PS- I don’t enjoy talking to people on the phone either and I hate the dentist, too. I wouldn’t call it a phobia (yet) but I get it, I totally get it.
Good for you for making those calls! Don’t you feel like a giant weight has been lifted?
I don’t like talking on the phone either. It’s not a phobia, I just don’t like it. Unfortunately, my job demands that I call people all the livelong day.
I also hate giving presentations (I’m not afraid to speak in public; I just don’t prefer to – big difference) and yet I am giving TWO this month. Ugh. I cannot wait until April.
There needs to be some kind of reward system for doing things we hate, right?
OMG I have an entire group of friends who also have phone-phobia. We joke that we can’t call each other because “GAH THE PHONE”! I have yet to find a cure. I will happily call/receive calls from my Mother and my husband. Everyone else can just email me. This also extends to voicemail. I do not check voicemail unless I KNOW some very important message is left.
I even mentioned it here:
http://4molnars.blogspot.com/search?q=phobia
Anyway, love to you. We’ll never talk by phone, but we’ve got email and blogs!
I hate making those kind of calls. I always feel like a total doofus who is going to say the wrong thing or sound like a moron, which pretty much ensures I end up forgetting my own name. I even hate ordering pizza on the phone which is why I love me the internet!
Many people may not understand a phone phobia but if one has any kind of REAL phobia, one understands! My phobia is emetaphobia (fear of throw up) and it’s REAL. Like, really real. It’s not just the normal aversion most people have towards it. ANYWAY, super impressed you faced your fears and took care of business this morning. I feel your jittery legs and damp armpits, sister. Good for you. And, thank the gods for the internet, huh?!
I also dislike talking on the phone. I put off about eight calls to make appointments until last month then made them all on the same day. Consequently, February was chock full of appointments. It would have been better to spread them out a little more.
My phone phobia got better after I had a couple of jobs fact checking where basically all I did was call people and ask them questions that they were not really prepared to answer. But I’ve been away from that for a while and the phobia is creeping back.
For me, I think it’s the unexpectedness of it all. Like, when the phone rings, who is it? And what do they want? And if I’m calling someone, then I’m going to have to make on-the-spot decisions: when do I want to make the appointment. Calling someone to “just chat” is enough to freak me out for the whole day. There’s only a couple of people I can do that with.
I avoid phone calls like the plague and will even avoid listening to my voicemail. There’s just so much opportunity for awkwardness!
I don’t love phone calls either, mostly because the little stuff like this always seems to take inordinate amounts of time. But I agree, if the problem is you’re concerned about hearing-related awkwardness, I agree that it’s time to invest in an amplified phone. Do it!
I bought a $15 headset for my home phone. Clip the phone on my jeans and wash dishes, etc., while I make those calls. Part of my aversion is sitting mindlessly while someone stumbles through helping someone else, etc.
Also, do not be afraid to say up front “I’m having some difficulty hearing you, so can you speak up?” I even called some places my mother needs to talk to about certain matters and asked them to put a note in her file that she has a hearing loss, so they would know that when she called.
But bottom line; me too! My sister thinks I am antisocial and antifamily because I don’t call every week just to chat–to me, that’s torture.
I have horrible phone anxiety. Horrible.
I have phone phobia too. Bad. I need to call a guy about a potential septic tank problem (read: kinda a big deal!) and I’m putting it off until tomorrow. My fear is not about not hearing, it is about just talking to strangers. I even get panicky talking to my in-laws. It is horrible.
So… according to SoundBytes (http://www.soundbytes.com/page/SB/CTGY/decibel-levels), 18 decibels is slightly quieter than the sound of a mosquito, and 43 decibels is a little bit louder than a refrigerator. So I’m guessing maybe they really mean that they INCREASE the volume by those amounts? In which case this site (http://www.deafness-and-hearingaids.net/2007/03/07/how-loud-is-too-loud-decibel-levels-of-common-sounds/) indicates that an increase of 10 decibels doubles the apparent volume and 20 decibels quadruples it. So it seems like the 18 decibel increase would be plenty for most people…
I can so relate as I sit here right now with roots of gray for no other reason except I can’t pick up the phone to make an appt. with my super nice hairdresser who I have been going to for over 6 years! If only I could e-mail in my appt…
Ha, ha, ha, Rini: those descriptions are not helpful to me AT ALL. I mean, is the mosquito right in my ear? Or across the room? Or flying an arm’s reach away? And what kind of noise does a fridge make? To me, a mosquito in my ear is MUCH LOUDER than any noise I’ve heard a fridge made… unless I’m supposed to be pressing my ear to the fridge motor??? Anyway, I know they are not *your* descriptions, but they still made me laugh.
Also, Swistle, I think trying out a louder phone is definitely worth it. Adding the fear/dread of not being able to hear well cannot be helping the situation AT ALL.
Okay, this is not about phone calls, or dentists, and will probably sound like an infomercial BUT. Don’t get your glasses at the optometrist (unless you have awesome insurance). Once you get your prescription you can buy them online a lot cheaper. My favorite places are Goggles 4 U and Zenni Optical, but there are others. You can get glasses for (no joke) $15 a pair including the lenses. It can be a bit risky because you can’t try them on first, but if you know your face shape and what looks good, as well as a few measurements (just measure your current glasses), and you can get awesome glasses for cheap. I got three pairs last spring and one didn’t work so I donated it, but the other two are great and give me more options. Plus, if one gets damaged, I already have a second pair!
Ok. I totally use one specific pizza delivery place based on the mere fact that they have ONLINE ORDERING. I hate talking on the phone. Hate it.
i don’t even have such a good excuse as you for phonebia…i just hate making phone calls and put it off at every opportunity. my kids are always late for dr’s appts because i simply don’t want to make the phone call to make the appointment. i have to do it like you did: gear myself up (after weeks/months of putting off) and then make all my calls at once.
Wow….who knew phone phobia was so prevalent? I thought I was one of very few. I have been known to walk a 5 mile round trip (to the vets etc) to make an appointment in person rather than pick up the phone!
I so have this problem too! I blame it on my dad always making me answer the phone at home when I was a kid- he was a pastor and got lots of random phone calls, and on a terrible summer working as a telemarketer. I hate making phone calls and make them as seldom as possible. I even order pizza online!
My dad always says that he does the thing that he least wants to do first thing in the morning. This is a fine way of doing things, unless you’re me and by waiting to do anything else until you’ve accomplished X, then absolutely nothing else will get done. This is precisely why my sink is overflowing with dishes and I still haven’t called about a check we should have received weeks ago.
Phonebia. That’s me! Thank you, I thought I was alone, and really weird.
I hate the telephone. I don’t mind talking to my mom or some of my girlfriends most of the time, but otherwise, no. I’d rather e-mail or even talk face to face.
And no one seems to understand. I’ll be talking with my dad about some problem or another, and he’ll just nonchalantly say, “Just call so and so…” He totally doesn’t get why that makes me cringe or why I won’t do it (at least not without a lot of prodding and no other way out). Even my husband asks me to make phone calls for him – for business having nothing to do with me – and is only just beginning to understand that such a request is like asking someone else to undergo a dental exam for him.
And you are so right. Once you get on a roll, it’s easier to get a whole mess of calls done. That’s probably why I let them pile up.
Swistle, when I suddenly went deaf in 2008 I seriously was a little HAPPY about the fact that I had a legitimate reason not use the phone. LOL I totally understand that fear, especially if it’s hard for you to hear on the phone to begin with.
I was always hearing impaired so I grew up using amplified phones. Clarity is good brand (I’ve had a couple of their phones).
Now I have a CapTel phone, which captions what’s being said. I can hear a few words here and there on the phone since I got my cochlear implants, but nowhere near well enough to feel comfortable using the phone. I use the CapTel to dial into our voicemail and “read” messages; otherwise I make my poor also-hearing-impaired-but-not-totally-deaf husband make all the phone calls! ;-)
~ Wendi
Or, schedule your first hearing test. Maybe you can find an audiologist who will allow you to schedule online. You can hope.
Barbara
It’s a little freaky to me how JUST LIKE YOU I am when it comes to the phone. And a little relieved to know I’m not the only one.
Seriously. The Same.
I just made my husband read this and the subsequent comments so he’ll get the fact that this is A Big Deal for me. Thank you!
Also, I use (and have always been very happy with) America’s Best Contacts and Eyeglasses for my eyecare just because they offer online scheduling and appointments and they have offices everywhere (we’ve moved a lot).
I think everyone should offer online scheduling and/or email options!!
I too suffer from Phonebia (or Phonaphobia, as I call it). I could have written this post myself. I will procrastinate as long as possible, then one more day, then make the calls. I agree that once I make a few I am on a roll and proceed to knock them all out. Sigh. WTH is wrong with me?
I have developed a Phone Persona. I don’t go so far as to actually tell the person on the other end of the phone that I’m being my own secretary, but that’s basically the concept. I imagine myself setting appointments/making queries for myself-as-movie-star (or CEO or spa-hopping heiress, or whatever), which gives me the remove to feel less awkward on the phone. Perhaps this makes me crazy but it does work.
My boyfriend has phonebia and it bugs the crap out of me! At least yours are understandable b/c these ppl will all potentially take money away from you. My bf put off calling the insurance company (AFTER ALREADY RECEIVING THE QUOTE) to make the final switch for one full entire year. The most annoying and ridiculous part?! It saved $400 a year to switch and he put it off. When he finally made the call it took 30 minutes. I told him in the end that wasn’t so bad, and I hope now he realizes that was the most expensive 30 minutes of his life since he put it off so long it cost him $400.
I’m a phone-phobic too! When I first started working, I had to answer phones a lot, and I will confess that sometimes (when I wasn’t feeling particularly feisty), I’d let the phone go to voicemail. But then that’d put me in the position of having to call someone back and we were at square one again.
I second glasses online. Start with this guy’s blog – lots of info and he always has coupons: http://glassyeyes.blogspot.com/
I’m so grateful for the Internet for this very reason. Email beats phones hands down. You are not alone in your phonephobia, Swistle!
Me too! I hate calling anyone, family, friends, anyone except my husband or VERY close friends. Appointments aren’t quite so bad, social calls are way worse. I worry that I will interrupt people, that they won’t want to talk to me, that I will sound stupid, etc. Makes it very difficult to make new friends. My husband doesn’t understand why I just don’t call so-and-so to set up a lunch date or shopping…I don’t understand why he won’t do it for me if it’s so easy!!! Email and facebook rocks.
I used to be terrified to use the phone, and, in fact, I still have trouble calling some places and people. Please don’t consider this my advice on how to “cure” your phobia, but here’s what happened to me: I was out of work after taking the bar exam and looking for a job. My aunt’s neighbor needed someone to handle accounts receivable for his very small company, which meant calling dozens of people every day AND DEMANDING THEY PAY US MONEY. Well, after that, and all the stammering and blushing and sweating and gray hair that accompanied it, calling to order a pizza doesn’t feel as bad. And making doctors’ appointments? P’shaw.
Yeah, obviously, everyone should run out and get jobs making collections calls and just accept the thirty or so years it ages you.
I hate calling people too. I don’t have a problem talking to people in person, or even answering calls! I think it’s the fact that when I make a call I have to initiate contact and I’m so uncomfortable doing that. My cat was due for her annual appointment in December and I still haven’t had the balls to call yet because I plan on changing vets and I would have to explain that and I’m just so freaked out about it.
Do we bloggers have personal contact issues, or what? Seriously, though, I am glad to see that I’m not the only one with phonebia. Your post inspired me to call and double-check the time of an appointment I wasn’t sure about!
I hate – HATE – making phone calls. Even to close personal friends, or my next-door neighbors. Our garbage disposal broke about a month and a half ago, and hasn’t been fixed yet because I haven’t wanted to pick up the phone to make the call to have it come get repaired (and we don’t pay for the repairs, so it’s not a money issue). *Sigh*
i used to have SUCH bad phonebia. i’ve mostly gotten over it for “official calls” like scheduling stuff or official business or whatever, but still have issues with PERSONAL calls. especially if i don’t know the person SUPER INTIMATELY. what if i’m bothering them?? what if they roll their eyes before picking it up? what if there are awkward pauses AAUUGH i’ll just text them.
O dear. At least we’re not alone. lol
I have needed to make an eye appointment for myself for a year now. My last pair of contacts are starting to feel like sand in my eyes. I guess I will call soon.
I pawn as many phone calls off on dh as I can, but I am generally in charge of my dr’s and all 4 kids sooo… that’s still a lot of phone calls.
~ d e v a n
Oh, I am so glad to read that I am not the only person with this issue. My husband is great about making calls, accomplishing things, etc. but I will put it off for ages. I hate making appointments, contacting offices for information, etc. And if I have to call to dispute a charge or find out what insurance will cover, I might as well take Xanax just beforehand. I email or text whenever possible, I avoid listening to my voicemail like the plague, and I only answer the phone reliably for family members.
I currently need to make multiple appointments for myself, as well as for my kids, and who knows when it will happen.
I also hate hate HATE talking on the phone and I also worked as a receptionist for years and years! I think my hang-up (har) is that I am limited to communicating with my voice, and I so often fumble over what I want to say and therefore sound like an idiot, whereas if I’m person, even if I fumble what I’m saying, I can still use my face and body language to…oh, I don’t know, not seem quite so idiotic?
I too am a procrastinator of telephone calls – and when you are on a roll, you’re on a roll. Your new glasses will be so exciting = you know you deserve it!
SWISTLE! This is craaazy, but I have the same phone issues and I made 4 calls today as well. I also used to be a receptionist and hated actually TAKING calls as well. I have no helpful advice, but I did feel quite elated after those calls today :^)But I still can’t deal with calling one on my list, 4 was my limit.
My armpits are wet just reading about YOU making phone calls. Absolutely.hate.calling.people!
Tina G- OMG, do you still JUMP when you hear a phone ring, like when you’re in a store or something, and then feel TREMENDOUS RELIEF that not only are you not REQUIRED to answer the store’s telephone, you’re not even ALLOWED to?
I hear just fine and I HATE calling to make appointments, but I think it more about the appointments. But, I HATE to call to order pizza and I LOVE the pizza.
I have a friend I need to call, and I don’t even want to call her, I would rather IM on Facebook.
i just can not believe how many people hate the phone!! i know i NEVER answer the phone without checking the caller id and if it isn’t someone i know or want to talk to than it does not get answered. as for making appts… oh i can wait forever sometimes… not good if there are doctor appts that need to be made.. oh well, at least i am not alone!
YES YES YES. I have total phone anxiety. TOTALLY. But I find it interesting because I don’t have the hearing problem you are describing. I have no reason AT ALL to hate phone calls and yet….I hate them. So, I’m not trying to pop your bubble, but getting a loud phone may not help (*ducking my head while you throw something at me*)
In fact, I am a highly social person. If you saw me in a group of people I’d be BLABBING like crazy. But the phone? GOD HELP ME. I made my To-Do list today and I swear to God about 2/3 of the list is of phone calls I need to make: dermatologist appt, gyn appointment, credit card question, etc. Why the HELL am I writing all these down instead of just CALLING someone? I really wish I could get to the bottom of this.
Yes, some of it is definitely that the kids will be all loud and annoying. But again, I had this phone anxiety long before I had kids. So that can’t be the whole answer. We need a professional to analyze this.
I’m sure someone else has sent this link before but I had to do it just in case: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/phone
And I’m right there with you – I’d much rather find another way to communicate if possible
I like to give myself a little reward after making Anxiety Phone Calls. Like a hot shower or something good to eat.
Oooh, get the new glasses. There is really little out there than can compete with new glasses. I’d rank the purchase and subsequent enjoyment of them somewhere higher than a good night’s sleep but very slightly lower than meeting your newborn. New glasses are THAT GOOD.
I am so right there with you. I HATE the phone. The most mundane phone call makes me break out in a sweat. If the caller ID can’t tell me who it is I definitely am not answering. Oh well, even when it DOES tell me who it is I don’t answer!
Isn’t it funny that I’m a pr person by trade but can’t stand to pick up the phone, ah ha! Boy do I have people fooled!
Nowadays though, with email, text, instant messaging etc etc I rarely have to call anyone. My blackberry gets more use as a web interface than an actual telephone!
I have the worst phone phobia ever. It got a lot better when I had to make and answer lots of calls for work, but now it’s back to being terrible.
It’s right up there with my hatred of having people come do work in my house – first you have to call, and then they come INVADE YOUR SPACE. Nightmare.
I can’t relate, as I love the damned phone, but I love it less since I’ve had all these kids, constantly making noise. My favorite place to talk on the phone now is my car, when the buggers are strapped in and can’t get to me, but now Oprah has ruined that with her damned pledge. I am recommending getting the cordless amplified phone so that you can hide in the bathroom to make your calls.
Oh, I have the same problem with hearing clarity! I’m okay with one “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” during a conversation, but any more than that and I just bite my tongue and make up my best guess. I’m so grateful for text messaging, so that at least I don’t have to deal with this in social situations as much.
I think the whole “face your fears” thing is badly over-preached. There’s an article I really really love about a different approach; here it is if you’re interested in reading: http://www.fluentself.com/blog/habits/talking-truth-to-fear/ The basic idea is to recognize that your fears are there for a reason, and maybe instead of fighting them down you should work with them to figure out what they’re really trying to protect you from. And stuff. It’s a good article.
Virginia Ruth- I clicked through—and I LOVE HER. I read about ten more articles before coming back here and I’m going to go read more after this.
I don’t like making phone calls either. Appointments, friends, family, I never call. Not sure why; people can call me and I’ll talk to them happily, but if I have to dial I just don’t. It’s probably going to get worse as I get older so I should probably work on it now. Phone Arghh!!!
I absolutely HATE making phone calls and will put them off for weeks. My fear is that the person on the other end won’t understand me. I won’t even order food, I’ll starve until my husband comes home to do it for me.
Weirdly, I don’t mind answering the phone…
I have been thinking and thinking about this since yesterday. I am trying to analyze my reasons for Phone Hatred. For me it has nothing to do with social awkwardness. It has nothing to do with hearing. So, what? What the hell is it? I think it is a general fear that I’m going to be stuck on the phone for long periods of time. It is like an invasion of sorts. A prison. I will be stuck on the phone, frantically digging through papers trying to find whatever information the person needs from me. I will lose an hour of my life. Hate.
I read this from my phone so I couldn’t comment but here I am on my computer so! I advocate anti-anxiety meds for this one. I know that phone calls are much easier for me when I am adequately medicated. Which is not right now due to the bewbies and their keeping my kid happy and well-fed. So I totally understand and I have a list of phone calls and it makes me crazy. I have found that if I can go in person to a place it is easier than over the phone, even if it is a pain in the ass logistically.
Swistle – Yay! I thought you might. I do too.
I have a difficult time on the phone sometimes, too, and wonder if it’s my hearing or a sensory integration problem. I lean toward sensory integration, because it happens whenever I’m talking to someone – in person, or on the phone.
It’s like a poor cell connection, when only snippets make it through.
Word verification: Entible
So is that a big tree that can be made into an Ent?
I have a cure for the fear of making Dr’s appointments over the phone…make the next appointment while you are at the office already. Cures procrastination also, which I suffer greatly from. Of course this only works for appointments you know you already have to make but it’s better than nothing.
Phonebia is common with severe social anxiety (“social phobia,” actually). You are not alone (obviously)!
I hate it now that my oldest kids have gotten old enough to understand what a phone ringing means and, even worse, to ANSWER it. When I don’t answer it, I feel so guilty, like I have to explain myself to them!
Catching up on Swistle and need to chime in here! I also avoid phone calls as much as humanly possible, and feel anxious before/during/after the unavoidable ones. I actually have hearing loss (unexplained, onset in my late 20s) and I wear hearing aids, and that is definitely part of the issue for me. I have tried some of the amplifying phones and they sucked. If you have better luck I’d like to know about it! The best thing I’ve found is just to buy a more expensive, high quality phone. They have better sound and clarity.
I also am frank about not being able to hear ppl on the phone and asking them if there is a way they can be clearer. Often someone just needs to adjust their headset and that helps a lot.
(I have semi-urgent dentist appts to make too, that I’ve been putting off b/c of the phone issue. I feel so silly about it.)
“…It’s so much easier to make calls when I am already making calls.” Yes. I hate using the phone.