Tess of True(ish) Story recommended a book to me: Mistakes Were Made (But Not By ME): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts, by Carol Travis and Elliot Aronson. If you like books about why people act the way they do, you will eat this up.
I found it both stress-relieving and stress-inducing. On one hand, it explains in a way that makes perfect sense why someone will defend an illogical position and will continue to do so as if they can’t even hear the good arguments against it, and this may relieve some of your frustration and bewilderment. On the other hand, it points out that you do the same kind of thing.
On one hand, it explains why your friend talked about how awesome her marriage was until the day she changed her tune and talked only about how much it has always sucked and was never right. On the other hand, it points out that you do the same kind of thing.
On one hand, it explains why politicians will make COLOSSAL errors and NEVER admit it. On the other hand, it points out that you do the same kind of thing.
I appreciated the kind and understanding tone of the book. It’s not saying “You idiots!,” it’s saying that what people do is absolutely natural and understandable. It even defends people who seem to be lying, saying they’re NOT lying—they actually believe what they’re saying to be true.
The problem is that once you understand the authors’ idea, you will wonder how to make OTHER PEOPLE see the situation. And as the authors point out, there isn’t any way to do that. The best you can do is try to reduce your OWN tendencies to justify your wrong actions/arguments, and that is a little unsatisfying when you’ve just been led to see how wrong the actions/arguments of OTHERS are. Perhaps you could buy them all a copy of this book for Christmas.
That part about learning all of this, but not being able to help the people in your life that need to learn it the most learn it… well, that would frustrate the living shit out of me.
Hey! Maybe you could have a session at BlogHer? Wouldn’t help with the OTHER, non-blogging people in our lives, but at least all of US would see the light. =)
I think I would like it, but I think it would make my head hurt.
what?!? moi?!?! yeh, okay, i think i better read the book. :)
I would never do that and if anyone said I did they would be so wrong ;)
I read a sample of that book on my Kindle but haven’t made the leap to getting the whole thing… it seemed quite interesting and your review will tip me over into getting it. It’s always amazing those aspects we see in others that we just cannot abide, and yet when we look in the mirror… hmm… good stuff to ponder.
Ohhh boy, do I think I need this book right now. Obviously I make mistakes myself and I’m often truly baffled by (what I see) as completely illogical behaviour and stances from other people – in particular when beliefs actually hurt another person. I always say “I’ll NEVER understand how (so and so) could do that when they HAD TO KNOW it would hurt (other person/group)” Maybe this book will help me understand a little more? Thanks for the review.
A few years back I read “Influence” which is all about the psychological reasons we tend to make the choices we do and the mistakes we do. Fascinating. Also provided a lot of insight into why advertisers do what they do and similar. Since reading it, I can at least be more aware of when I’m doing the things pointed out in the book and take steps to change my behavior (sometimes this works, sometimes not…) I recommend it.
Maggie
An excellent synopsis – and don’t try to tell me otherwise! Now I don’t even need to buy the book! ;)
Barbara
I just added it to my library list.
Yeah, I felt The Same.
I have noticed, though, that the book made me sort of “practice” the uncomfortable sensation of cognitive dissonance a little more (i.e. be more honest with myself) and that doing so has made it a little less painful to change my mind/hear other perspectives/admit I was wrong.
But, I honestly felt that I was above-average at that to begin with. So, yeah. Obviously I just read the book to confirm my bias of how UN-biased I am? Dunno.
Still, one of the most thought-provoking things I’ve read in a while.