Sugar Babies

This is the correct way to eat Sugar Babies:

1. Put one Sugar Baby in mouth. Chew until integrity of jellybean-like exterior/interior is lost, and the graininess has become prominent—roughly 10-15 chews.

2. Introduce a second Sugar Baby. It will take fewer chews for the mixture to be predominantly grainy again. Chew until the feeling is less “chewing on yummy grainy candy” and more “can’t get a grip with teeth and will need to swallow it soon”—roughly 25-30 additional chews. Add another Sugar Baby.

3. Continue in this manner until either the jaw or the palate desires a break, at which point cease adding Sugar Babies and swallow when natural to do so.

4. Rest. Use tongue to discover and remove small Sugar Baby deposits from teeth.

5. When ready, resume with step 1.

17 thoughts on “Sugar Babies

  1. Elizabeth

    This post cracked me up. I had a discussion with my husband on the way to the beach a few weeks ago about the correct way to eat a Combo (my snack of choice for long car rides).

    1. Position Combo longways between your back teeth.
    2. Bite down, just hard enough to crack the outer part but not hard enough to go through the cheesy center.
    3. Rotate the Combo one quarter turn and crack the outside part again.
    4. Commence full chomping.

    Reply
  2. Maria

    You are a candy Goddess.

    I’m actually a little perplexed there are people who don’t know what Sugar Babies are. What a cruel world in which they live.

    Reply

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