MY, haven’t I been a lovely mother this morning! Some highlights:
1. When child asked a routine question, clutched sides of head and said “URRRRRRG!!! EVERYONE! STOP! ASKING! ME! QUESTIONS!”
2. At peak of busyness/frustration, when older two boys presented boring old million-times-repeated bicker (“He called me stupid” “Well he hit me!”), said “Shut up, both of you.” Nice language. Nice diplomacy.
3. Claimed would throw away anything found on the floor, since floor-residence clearly meant no one wanted it. Nice irrational bluff.
4. Made general declaration of martyred righteousness, along the lines of “Why do I have to do all the work around here?” Nice adolescent example.
5. In the middle of busy before-school routine, couldn’t tolerate mildew-speckled shower ceiling one! more! second! and started scrubbing at it with bleach wipes, then got frustrated with children for needing before-school assistance when I was clearly! busy! Nice priorities.
6. Asked series of questions I already knew the answers to, starting with “So you lost your lunch box,” passing through “Your BRAND-NEW lunch box,” and ending with “Less than a week after you got it.” Nice shaming.
Well! Cleaning report: shower ceiling, which has had speckles of mildew for years as I’ve whined “But I can’t REACH it,” has a significantly reduced mildew population. I used a—wait for it—STEP STOOL. I know! I too was amazed that such a product could be applied to this situation!
Send MIL a check for her plane ticket and cancel the visit. Cleaning problem SOLVED.
Sorry your day is off to a craptastic start.
This is my house every day.
#3 and #4 are on a continuous loop at my house.
If any of my ceilings ever develop mildew, I am just going to paint over it or SELL MY HOUSE. That sounds like a chore I would put off until the 12th of NEVER.
It must be contagious. I’m having a morning like that and it’s only 8AM. How to turn it around!?
Oh dear. Hang in there! Frustration always takes a few days to release it’s ugly grip on a person. (And we all know you have plenty of reason to be frustrated right now.)
UGH! I hate starting my day like that, but we all do it on occasion. At least you cleaned the mold!
I hate it when I’m that sort of shining example. Your post doesn’t make me any less ashamed of myself, but it does give a sort of solidarity feel.
I’ve had to apologize to my children frequently in the past few days for going berserk about lost items that, it turns out, *I* lost.
Swistle,
Maybe you could implement some of these shiners to your repertoire, courtesy of my mom:
1 – Sing your martyred feelings. Bust out into a song about how you have to pick up these socks, shoes, etc. AGAIN. Sometimes to a well known tune, like, “I’ve been working on the railroad” or an unknown, madeup one. Be creative.
2 – Leave a delightful note to your child. I got one around age 10. It was by an article of clothing left on my bedroom floor. It said something about how she asks me to do one thing, like pick up after myself, and I can’t even do that ONE thing for her. It’s a treasure they can keep FOREVER!
We laugh about the singing thing now, my 4 brothers and I. And I cringe when I start sounding “Just like my mother” to my 5 kids. Haha.
Once I went on a vacation solo, and thought that when I got back I’d have gotten a break from the kids and would be able to handle all the “fun” that comes with kids so much better…and no, it didn’t happen. Still shining examples of motherhood at my house, mine match up with yours.
Thanks for keeping it real and sharing your life with us. :) The good, the bad, and the honest.
Next you can use my MIL’s favorite: “We’re just going to cancel Christmas this year!”
What????
Sounds eerily similar to my morning, minus the cleaning mildewed tile thing. Not because I don’t HAVE mildewed tile, mind you, just that it didn’t bother me to the point of cleaning it this morning.
I sometimes go into No-No Momma mode when everything I say to the kiddo is NO! or DON’T or NOT NOW.
I have boughts of #1 often, but for my 32 year old boyfriend. He asks questions of me like it’s his paid profession. Point in case? We had spaghetti two nights ago and before he sprinkled parm onto his plate he turned and asked me if he could use the cheese. Some days I just get so sick of answering pointless questions, so I can only imagine yours times 5 (well, 6 if you count Paul!). Hang in there! :)
Oh the things that come out of my mouth. And I never, ever think of the lesson or what it is doing to my kids until much later, at night. You sound much nicer than I am, anyways.
I’ll have to try the step stool thing. So far the “asking 6’4″ husband” thing hasn’t worked on our ceiling. :-)
Seriously. Sometimes it’s one of those days where we all just need a do-over. Or we should just skip to tomorrow, because today is a lost cause. Although of course yours isn’t, because: mildew cleaned! Go you!
& here I thought my child was the only one who was extra annoying while I had even less patience than usual.
Sometimes I hear the things that come out of my mouth and wonder who just said that.
The funny part? Even in my never-ending, total obsessive WANT to be a mother, I already can envision doing/saying everything on this list. I guess it’s because I already have so much practice with the husband.
I hope things started improving with the removal of the mildew and continue to get better for the rest of the day.
I don’t just threaten to throw it away, I say I will get a garbabe bag right! this! minute!
But what makes me feel really good about my parenting skills is when I shout my daughter’s name at the top of my lungs, which always makes her cry. Because I am awesome.
Please know that we all have these moments. We just don’t all have the guts to share them! Oh – and well done you for tackling another cleaning task. Silver linings everywhere!
The one I used to get when i was a kid was that if I didn’t pipe down I was going to be dropped off to the “bad boys and girls” boarding school nearby. We would even get driven by it now and then just for good measure.
I haven’t used it on mine yet…saving that one.
Maybe I’m whacked in the head, but I laughed really hard at #6.
Hey. Quit stealing my lines. ;)
I read this thing by Sandra Cisneros once where she wrote about the fact that you are ALL the ages you have ever been–so, sometimes you feel like a 2-year-old, a 13-year-old, and so on.
It’s OK. Your kids still love you, and so do your readers. :)
you know, #2 could be a strategy. They want your attention, you refuse to be drawn in or take sides. *poof* their goal is taken away.
plus, never underestimate a little bit of shaming.
I love you for posting this. I’ve had the same days several times since being thrust into stay at home motherhood. I hate myself after saying something unkind or snapping at him/them. My facebook status today: “I am *that* mom today: *that* mom who is yelling at her kid to pull his head out in the parking lot. *that* mom with the hysterical child. *that* mom who had to walk away from the food counter to go gather up the crying taekwondo boy and tell him to get his act together. *that* mom with the stroller that’s clunking into everything and trying to sit down while wrestling with a toddler and a large drink making a spectacle of myself.
…and other such events…”
thanks for posting the real deal swistle. really.
may thursday be miraculous!!
Oh, I do the shaming thing. Sorry for the rough go this morning.
Thank you for posting. It’ll save me the trouble. I can just link to it and write: Wanna know about my day? Go read about it at Swistle, she writes better than I do any way.
I hope your day improved.
As for the “shut up” thing. I have learned from highschool teaching, that “Just (pause) Stop (pause)” is almost as satisfying as shut up, more acceptable, and more effective.
On my way to school this morning, the crossing guard told me that this is the best time of my life. She didn’t believe it when people said it to her, but now that her kids are grown she knows it’s REALLY TRUE. I wanted to say, “So, your life sucks now?” but of course I would never have the guts. Anyway, of course this made me think of your post on the same topic. Oy.
About shower ceiling mildew: I’m one step lazier then you– I figured out how to put Clorox in a spray bottle and spritz the ceiling! Just leave it, and soon the mildew fades on its own.
I so would be all, “EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS ONE LESS BIRTHDAY. SO CHOOSE CAREFULLY.”
http://www.booshy.wordpress.com
At least its not just me!
Um… you mean you’re not supposed to do 1-6?!
Ditto MadMad. I say you’re PMSing or overloaded from the impending DOOM on MIL visit.
I’ve been wanting a label maker for as long as I can remember, but I just can’t seem to justify the tiny purchase. If my MIL were ever to ask what I wanted for __, that would be my answer, not lotions that smell like old ladies or sweaters that don’t fit. Just saying. Sheesh, I’m pretty ungrateful.
Shoot – wrong one!
um, are you me?